Disclaimer: These aren't my characters, this isn't my story, I'm just
telling parts of it someone else forgot. JJ, ABC, and Bad Robot own them
all and when I'm done playing with them I promise to put them away.
Chapter 6: Redemption
Bright, quiet, sleek, modern: those are the best words to describe the private jet we are traveling to Geneva in, but they also paint the perfect picture of Sydney Bristow. It suddenly occurs to me that I haven't studied her this closely since she was a child. The voice in the back of my head begins to make excuses as a tide of shame rushes over me, but I push it away. I deserve to feel the guilt my thoughts incur.
She is so close but I can't think of a way to bring our worlds together without them crushing one another. I know that she tried to turn me in; her letter feels like something burning deep down inside.
***
"I thought you deserved a second chance to think things over. Here's your letter."
"How'd you get that?"
"I spent a decade with this woman. Then another twenty years analyzing how she could have deceived me for so long. Trust me when I tell you, I am protecting you."
I knew that she wouldn't take my words for their full value, but I never believed that she could think that I saw her as my greatest mistake. In fact, she was the best part of my life. Over the years I had been gone, in and out of her life for months at a time, and never home more than a week or so between assignments. I knew she didn't think of me as anything but a static character in her hectic teenage life. I had always believed that she saw my absence as indifference, now though, it seemed that all along she had taken it as a passive way to distance myself from my own feelings of fault and loss. Nothing could be further from the truth; if there was one thing that Laura's "death" hadn't done, it was lessen the love and pride that I had in Sydney.
I didn't underestimate her current resentment but I did misjudge the strength of the walls she had created over the years and how quickly she could rebuild them. Hopefully my actions would speak louder than my words because she was deaf to any apology or verbal recompense I could come up with.
As I stood and walked away I promised myself that the next time the opportunity presented itself, I would make whatever sacrifice I had to in order to reestablish Sydney's trust.
***
After seeing first hand exactly what her mother could put another human being through, I hope Sydney is beginning to understand the corruption of Irina Derevko. Her transgressions have not been mild nor few and far between. This woman is a monster; she is capable of inflicting more pain than even Sydney herself has endured. The mission was a success. We got the blood sample and are back in L.A. unscathed. My worst fears have already begun unfolding as we speak, however. Just after I returned, I reported back to the CIA, when I arrived, I was informed of the very likely possibility that my daughter had the disease we had just been sent to get more information on. There is still no word on whether or not Sydney or Vaughn have contracted the virus, but this chance may be my last. ***
My hearing is just minutes away. Senator Douglas is like many others of his profession, stubborn and intolerant. He does not care who I am or what my intentions were, he knows only my actions and is ready to base his opinion on them alone. This hearing is no more than a formality; there is no doubt in my mind that I will be looking at a cell by the end of this day.
"Sydney Bristow, my daughter... has come to believe that when I look at her, I see the embodiment of all my flaws. And this afternoon when I learned that she may have been exposed to a life-threatening disease, I realized that she might die believing that. But nothing could be further from the truth."
I had absolutely no intention of telling this man or any other anything that might compel him to lighten my sentence based on sympathy or pity, but I suddenly felt I was obligated to tell someone exactly how I felt. If I was to be jailed while my daughter spent her last days in quarantine, suffering from an incurable and horrific disease, I would speak as loud and long as I had to, to convince the world that I was guilty only of protecting my daughter.
"When I look at her, when I look at the little girl who raised herself to become one of the most extraordinary human beings and one of the finest agents I've ever had the privilege of knowing, I see only the promise of my own redemption. Turning myself in was the only way I could think of to make that clear to her, to prove that despite... my limited abilities as a father, I love her more than I could ever say."
***
I should be shackled and chained. I should be shuffling through a massive containment center in a drab jumpsuit side by side with hundreds of other prisoners. My conviction should still be pending. However, I am at work, shuffling through new assignments, and shackled by my own shame. Irina Derevko is back in her cell, no longer awaiting her death sentence. And Sydney Bristow is one step closer to being the person that she so recently despised: me. My daughter lied, but through that lie she brought my redemption. It is not the salvation from the wrongs I've committed against this country that I value so dearly, but that which gives me shelter from those lies that betrayed the inherent trust of my child over so many years.
Chapter 6: Redemption
Bright, quiet, sleek, modern: those are the best words to describe the private jet we are traveling to Geneva in, but they also paint the perfect picture of Sydney Bristow. It suddenly occurs to me that I haven't studied her this closely since she was a child. The voice in the back of my head begins to make excuses as a tide of shame rushes over me, but I push it away. I deserve to feel the guilt my thoughts incur.
She is so close but I can't think of a way to bring our worlds together without them crushing one another. I know that she tried to turn me in; her letter feels like something burning deep down inside.
***
"I thought you deserved a second chance to think things over. Here's your letter."
"How'd you get that?"
"I spent a decade with this woman. Then another twenty years analyzing how she could have deceived me for so long. Trust me when I tell you, I am protecting you."
I knew that she wouldn't take my words for their full value, but I never believed that she could think that I saw her as my greatest mistake. In fact, she was the best part of my life. Over the years I had been gone, in and out of her life for months at a time, and never home more than a week or so between assignments. I knew she didn't think of me as anything but a static character in her hectic teenage life. I had always believed that she saw my absence as indifference, now though, it seemed that all along she had taken it as a passive way to distance myself from my own feelings of fault and loss. Nothing could be further from the truth; if there was one thing that Laura's "death" hadn't done, it was lessen the love and pride that I had in Sydney.
I didn't underestimate her current resentment but I did misjudge the strength of the walls she had created over the years and how quickly she could rebuild them. Hopefully my actions would speak louder than my words because she was deaf to any apology or verbal recompense I could come up with.
As I stood and walked away I promised myself that the next time the opportunity presented itself, I would make whatever sacrifice I had to in order to reestablish Sydney's trust.
***
After seeing first hand exactly what her mother could put another human being through, I hope Sydney is beginning to understand the corruption of Irina Derevko. Her transgressions have not been mild nor few and far between. This woman is a monster; she is capable of inflicting more pain than even Sydney herself has endured. The mission was a success. We got the blood sample and are back in L.A. unscathed. My worst fears have already begun unfolding as we speak, however. Just after I returned, I reported back to the CIA, when I arrived, I was informed of the very likely possibility that my daughter had the disease we had just been sent to get more information on. There is still no word on whether or not Sydney or Vaughn have contracted the virus, but this chance may be my last. ***
My hearing is just minutes away. Senator Douglas is like many others of his profession, stubborn and intolerant. He does not care who I am or what my intentions were, he knows only my actions and is ready to base his opinion on them alone. This hearing is no more than a formality; there is no doubt in my mind that I will be looking at a cell by the end of this day.
"Sydney Bristow, my daughter... has come to believe that when I look at her, I see the embodiment of all my flaws. And this afternoon when I learned that she may have been exposed to a life-threatening disease, I realized that she might die believing that. But nothing could be further from the truth."
I had absolutely no intention of telling this man or any other anything that might compel him to lighten my sentence based on sympathy or pity, but I suddenly felt I was obligated to tell someone exactly how I felt. If I was to be jailed while my daughter spent her last days in quarantine, suffering from an incurable and horrific disease, I would speak as loud and long as I had to, to convince the world that I was guilty only of protecting my daughter.
"When I look at her, when I look at the little girl who raised herself to become one of the most extraordinary human beings and one of the finest agents I've ever had the privilege of knowing, I see only the promise of my own redemption. Turning myself in was the only way I could think of to make that clear to her, to prove that despite... my limited abilities as a father, I love her more than I could ever say."
***
I should be shackled and chained. I should be shuffling through a massive containment center in a drab jumpsuit side by side with hundreds of other prisoners. My conviction should still be pending. However, I am at work, shuffling through new assignments, and shackled by my own shame. Irina Derevko is back in her cell, no longer awaiting her death sentence. And Sydney Bristow is one step closer to being the person that she so recently despised: me. My daughter lied, but through that lie she brought my redemption. It is not the salvation from the wrongs I've committed against this country that I value so dearly, but that which gives me shelter from those lies that betrayed the inherent trust of my child over so many years.