Chapter 3:
The Urge To Herbal
Lupin and Snape seemed to be on the verge of a fist fight (seeing how Lupin had unnoticeably dropped Romulus on the floor and was now waving a clenched fist about 3 inches away from Snape's face) but before any blood was shed, Dumbledore (as though he had seen this argument in a crystal ball, or something) came silently walking down the corridor and right behind Snape and stood over his shoulder. As he stood there, a sour sort of look came over his face. Then one of his eyes started twitching a bit as he sniffed the air around Snape. His eyes widened and eyebrows rose.
Now coughing from the stench "Gentlemen, *cough* what seems to be the *cough* problem here?"
"Snape's hygiene! That's the problem!" yelled Lupin enraged.
"Yes.." Said Dumbledore in an amused voice "That's true, his hygiene does seem to be a bit...*sniff*...disrepute." Snape shot Dumbledore a questioning look.
"His grease-mop of a head caused my brother to pass out!" Lupin continued indicating to his brother who was lying on the floor, where he had dropped him.
Snape gave Lupin a dirty look "Well if he didn't try to eat it--"
"Well if you actually took a shower, my brothers heart rate would still be stable!"
Dumbledore's eyes were wide once more "He tried to... (he now looked a bit concerned) eat it? Oh, poor boy."
"Albus!" Snape exclaimed.
"It's alright Severus, (Dumbledore patted him on the shoulder, trying to avoid contact with his hair) I've got an extra bottle of Herbal Essence in my office, you're more than welcome to it."
"No Albus! Nooo!" cried Snape.
"Yes Severus I strongly insist you...shower and...wash you hair."
"No! I wont do it! You can't make me! You can't make me!!! You can't make me!!!!!" Snape looked nervous. Ron Snorted at this.
"Severus, we can do this the easy way...or the hard way, the choice is yours and yours alone."
"NO I WILL NOT!"
"Very well then, I guess we'll just have to use some force. You know Severus, Madam Pomfrey has a new, young intern..." Dumbledore smiled "I know she would be more than willing to...help us out *giggle* I'm sure she's given a sponge bath or two--
"NO!" Snape made to run, but before he could Dumbledore had seized him by the back of his robes. He began fighting to get free.
"Remus, will you care to give a hand? I believe Severus needs an escort to the hospital wing" *chuckle*
"Sure, Albus!" With a broad smile, seeing Snape panicking like this made Lupin very pleased. "But Professor, wot about my brother? We can't just leave him here."
"Of course not. I suppose these three could bring him up to the hospital wing for us." Gesturing to Harry, Ron and Hemione.He then conjured up a stretcher with his wand and winked at Harry.
"Er...sure Professor." said Harry. They all headed for the hospital wing. Harry, Hermione and Ron stayed a little way behind Professor Lupin, Dumbledore and the still struggling Snape, so they would be able to talk. They were walking behind Romulus' stretcher, their wands raised, keeping it in the air, as they laughed. "Look at that crazy git! He's afraid of water!" Ron chortled.
"If I've known that, I'd have brought a water gun to all our potions classes." said Harry with a snort.
"Water gun?" asked Ron .
By the time Harry and Hemione had finshed explaining the mechanics of a water gun they were at the hospital wing. Lupin and Dumbledore had to practically throw Snape through the door. When they had all entered the room, they saw an unfamiliar woman scrubbing a bedside table. Ron's mouth fell open at the sight of her. She looked up at them all.
"Why hello there Albus." She straightened up. She was a young woman and very pretty with a nice shape. Harry noticed her bright green eyes, they looked much like his. She had long,shiny,brown, curly hair, tied in a pony tail that lay over her shoulder. Apart from her eyes, another stunning feature were her almost perfect looking full lips.
"Hello Octavia." Dumbledore said with a smile.
"What can I do for you?"
"Oh, it's not what you can do for me,my dear; it's what you can do for Severus here."
She looked at Snape who was now attempting to hid behind a curtain, and laughed. "What's wrong with him?"
"Well...he needs...a bath."
She raised an eyebrow "A bath?" laughing "You are kidding?"
"No, I'm afraid not, see Severus has a bit of a hygiene problem."
"Oh? One of those, eh? Right then..."
"I suggest Herbal Essence." He said brightly, running his hands through his hair, "It always makes my hair soft and shiny."
"Yes, of course, theres a bottle in the shower." She turned to Snape and pulled back the curtain "Ready, are you? Come on then." She grabbed his wrist and jerked him out from behind the curtain. Snape pulled back. "Listen buddy I don't have time for your bullshit! Now get your ass in that bathroom! Unless, of course, you'd like Madam Pomfrey to sponge you down, instead." Snape's eyes widened and he took off toward the bathroom like a bat out of hell. "Works every time." She said to Dumbledore with a smile as she followed Snape into the bathroom.
"Wonderful, isn't she?" said Dumbledore staring after her.
"Yes, indeed." Said Lupin. A bit amused by the love-struck like look on Dumbledore's face.
A minute later they heard "Take off your damn robes!" a pause "There you go, now in the tub." a loud slapping noise. Ron's eyes widened, Hermione looked at her shoes in embarrassment, and Harry stared open mouthed at the closed bathroom door. "Now do you know how to use this?" they heard Octavia say.
"No" said Snape sounding a bit insulted.
"I was only joking! How could you not know how to use shampoo?!" Octavia sighed. Then came a squirting noise and the wonderful smell of magically enhanced Herbal Essence filled the room.
They heard Snape's nervous voice "What are you doing with th-- Ohhhhhhh yessss!" Hermione made a choking noise. Dumbledore turned around. "Oh I didn't realize you three were still here." They expected him to send them off, but instead he just turned back to the door. "Marvelous, that Herbal Essence, gives you the most splendid sensation..." Then they heard music and singing "I want to herbal in the shower for another half an hour! (Natural botanicals)" They heard Snape again; he seemed to be louder this time. "YESSSSSSSSS! YESSSSSSSSSS! Oooooh Ohhhhh!"
"I gotta get me some of that!" said Ron. All of a sudden the bathroom door burst open, Snape came striding out wearing a pink bathrobe, flipping his, astonishingly shiny, volumed, clean hair. "Man, I feel like a women!" *gasp*
The Urge To Herbal
Lupin and Snape seemed to be on the verge of a fist fight (seeing how Lupin had unnoticeably dropped Romulus on the floor and was now waving a clenched fist about 3 inches away from Snape's face) but before any blood was shed, Dumbledore (as though he had seen this argument in a crystal ball, or something) came silently walking down the corridor and right behind Snape and stood over his shoulder. As he stood there, a sour sort of look came over his face. Then one of his eyes started twitching a bit as he sniffed the air around Snape. His eyes widened and eyebrows rose.
Now coughing from the stench "Gentlemen, *cough* what seems to be the *cough* problem here?"
"Snape's hygiene! That's the problem!" yelled Lupin enraged.
"Yes.." Said Dumbledore in an amused voice "That's true, his hygiene does seem to be a bit...*sniff*...disrepute." Snape shot Dumbledore a questioning look.
"His grease-mop of a head caused my brother to pass out!" Lupin continued indicating to his brother who was lying on the floor, where he had dropped him.
Snape gave Lupin a dirty look "Well if he didn't try to eat it--"
"Well if you actually took a shower, my brothers heart rate would still be stable!"
Dumbledore's eyes were wide once more "He tried to... (he now looked a bit concerned) eat it? Oh, poor boy."
"Albus!" Snape exclaimed.
"It's alright Severus, (Dumbledore patted him on the shoulder, trying to avoid contact with his hair) I've got an extra bottle of Herbal Essence in my office, you're more than welcome to it."
"No Albus! Nooo!" cried Snape.
"Yes Severus I strongly insist you...shower and...wash you hair."
"No! I wont do it! You can't make me! You can't make me!!! You can't make me!!!!!" Snape looked nervous. Ron Snorted at this.
"Severus, we can do this the easy way...or the hard way, the choice is yours and yours alone."
"NO I WILL NOT!"
"Very well then, I guess we'll just have to use some force. You know Severus, Madam Pomfrey has a new, young intern..." Dumbledore smiled "I know she would be more than willing to...help us out *giggle* I'm sure she's given a sponge bath or two--
"NO!" Snape made to run, but before he could Dumbledore had seized him by the back of his robes. He began fighting to get free.
"Remus, will you care to give a hand? I believe Severus needs an escort to the hospital wing" *chuckle*
"Sure, Albus!" With a broad smile, seeing Snape panicking like this made Lupin very pleased. "But Professor, wot about my brother? We can't just leave him here."
"Of course not. I suppose these three could bring him up to the hospital wing for us." Gesturing to Harry, Ron and Hemione.He then conjured up a stretcher with his wand and winked at Harry.
"Er...sure Professor." said Harry. They all headed for the hospital wing. Harry, Hermione and Ron stayed a little way behind Professor Lupin, Dumbledore and the still struggling Snape, so they would be able to talk. They were walking behind Romulus' stretcher, their wands raised, keeping it in the air, as they laughed. "Look at that crazy git! He's afraid of water!" Ron chortled.
"If I've known that, I'd have brought a water gun to all our potions classes." said Harry with a snort.
"Water gun?" asked Ron .
By the time Harry and Hemione had finshed explaining the mechanics of a water gun they were at the hospital wing. Lupin and Dumbledore had to practically throw Snape through the door. When they had all entered the room, they saw an unfamiliar woman scrubbing a bedside table. Ron's mouth fell open at the sight of her. She looked up at them all.
"Why hello there Albus." She straightened up. She was a young woman and very pretty with a nice shape. Harry noticed her bright green eyes, they looked much like his. She had long,shiny,brown, curly hair, tied in a pony tail that lay over her shoulder. Apart from her eyes, another stunning feature were her almost perfect looking full lips.
"Hello Octavia." Dumbledore said with a smile.
"What can I do for you?"
"Oh, it's not what you can do for me,my dear; it's what you can do for Severus here."
She looked at Snape who was now attempting to hid behind a curtain, and laughed. "What's wrong with him?"
"Well...he needs...a bath."
She raised an eyebrow "A bath?" laughing "You are kidding?"
"No, I'm afraid not, see Severus has a bit of a hygiene problem."
"Oh? One of those, eh? Right then..."
"I suggest Herbal Essence." He said brightly, running his hands through his hair, "It always makes my hair soft and shiny."
"Yes, of course, theres a bottle in the shower." She turned to Snape and pulled back the curtain "Ready, are you? Come on then." She grabbed his wrist and jerked him out from behind the curtain. Snape pulled back. "Listen buddy I don't have time for your bullshit! Now get your ass in that bathroom! Unless, of course, you'd like Madam Pomfrey to sponge you down, instead." Snape's eyes widened and he took off toward the bathroom like a bat out of hell. "Works every time." She said to Dumbledore with a smile as she followed Snape into the bathroom.
"Wonderful, isn't she?" said Dumbledore staring after her.
"Yes, indeed." Said Lupin. A bit amused by the love-struck like look on Dumbledore's face.
A minute later they heard "Take off your damn robes!" a pause "There you go, now in the tub." a loud slapping noise. Ron's eyes widened, Hermione looked at her shoes in embarrassment, and Harry stared open mouthed at the closed bathroom door. "Now do you know how to use this?" they heard Octavia say.
"No" said Snape sounding a bit insulted.
"I was only joking! How could you not know how to use shampoo?!" Octavia sighed. Then came a squirting noise and the wonderful smell of magically enhanced Herbal Essence filled the room.
They heard Snape's nervous voice "What are you doing with th-- Ohhhhhhh yessss!" Hermione made a choking noise. Dumbledore turned around. "Oh I didn't realize you three were still here." They expected him to send them off, but instead he just turned back to the door. "Marvelous, that Herbal Essence, gives you the most splendid sensation..." Then they heard music and singing "I want to herbal in the shower for another half an hour! (Natural botanicals)" They heard Snape again; he seemed to be louder this time. "YESSSSSSSSS! YESSSSSSSSSS! Oooooh Ohhhhh!"
"I gotta get me some of that!" said Ron. All of a sudden the bathroom door burst open, Snape came striding out wearing a pink bathrobe, flipping his, astonishingly shiny, volumed, clean hair. "Man, I feel like a women!" *gasp*