T. K.: *her green eyes are puffy but dry* People have their ways of drowning their sorrows, mine is to write. As anyone who has read my last couple of stories that I just posted knows, I just lost my great-grandmum, Ruby Harris. *Pauses and takes a deep breath* Mamaw Ruby knew her time on earth was growing short, I thought she would out live me. She departed from this world at 4:47 on Wednesday, September 18, 2002.

On the anniversary 9/11 I had to work, every ten minutes I would hear a siren. I would jump and look at the TV across from me hanging from the ceiling; it was showing the destruction of the Twin Towers. I thought myself lucky that no one I knew had been in there. Mamaw was in the hospital at the time but the doctors were pessimistic that she would recover. I was sure she could recover, she had had a minor stroke a few years before and recovered fully and since her stroke she had two heart attacks. At the hospital, Mamaw would respond to lights, sounds, and people. She knew we were there, even if she didn't quite remember our names.

I was told Mamaw had had an aneurysm. I wasn't quite sure what it was but I knew that it could be drained off and the doctors had been trying since they found out what it was. But the damned thing was putting out as much fluid as they were removing. I was also told they could do surgery, but there was a chance she could go into a vegetative state.

Finally, my family decided she would go home and that was where she stayed until she died. Mamaw's hospital bed was set up in the dining room (the only room that was big enough for all the hospital equipment). I felt like I was all alone in the world when I saw her. My only real confidant, except my cousin, White Wolf, and my muses, was leaving me. I refused to cry in front of my family when I saw her; I'm the strong one in my family. God, I'm turning into Chang Wufei of Draco Malfoy. I suppose that is why my other cousins call me the 'Ice Queen' behind my back when they think I can't hear them.

My cousin, White Wolf, came to Mamaw's later that day and we escaped to the back bedroom and lost ourselves in the world of Resident Evils and Final Fantasies. I could hear everyone in the dining room and then finally I heard the breathing machine cut off. Mamaw breathed on her own for ten minutes, my Papaw Lonnie, her husband and my great-granddad, encouraged her to come back and not leave him. But even Papaw knew her time had come and finally Mamaw past away. The nurse announced her time of death and the undertakers came, I couldn't watch her taken away so I left and went to the store for cigarettes and dinner.

My best friend was the first person I called, telling her the details such as the time of the viewing and the funeral home and the burial time. She went with me, held my hand and gave me tissues as I cried for the first time in forever in front of my family. My Aunt Pat's husband, Uncle Terry, delivered the final blow to my weakened dam built around my tears and emotions with the eulogy. "Everyone Ruby liked felt as if they were one of her children. Not a Sunday went by when her kitchen wasn't filled with family and Sunday Dinner. Ruby Harris is sitting at God's feet, rocking Baby Eli, as she did all her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Dear God, please deliver this message, 'Mamaw Ruby, we miss you'." *Pauses to wipe her eyes*

My Mamaw was 81-years-old; she had seven children, six of which I am glad to call my great-aunts and great-uncles and one of which I am ashamed to call my own grandmother. She had thirteen grand-children ten of them I am proud to call cousins, one I love as my aunt and the other is a Welfare mom I am forced to call another aunt and one I praise as my own mother. She also had eight great-grandchildren, one who has yet to be born, four who I love as cousins be they first or third, one whom I can't stand who came from the Welfare mom, and one who I call sister and would not trade for anyone.

Mamaw was my support system, always there to listen, to feed me when I had nothing in my house, to buy me cigarettes when I was broke from paying rent and bills, to let me stay at her house when I was afraid in my own. Mamaw Ruby was always there for her family and those she considered family. I feel lucky to have know that pillar of strength. But...

Mamaw Ruby, I miss you with every fiber of my being.