Mac felt her heart quicken as she saw the SUV pull up next to her in the
parking lot. The panic that momentarily rose up into her throat, was
perhaps, the clearest
indication that after this, nothing would remain the same. For a
moment she almost stayed in the car, tempted by the security of her
heartache. A feeling she was well
acquainted with. A feeling she could trust.
She glanced out the window and saw Harm standing between the cars, looking at her expectantly. She briefly observed him, he stood a little unsteadily, oblivious to the torrent of rain pouring down on him. She could see tufts of air coming from his lips and realized that she was not the only one breathing rapidly in expectation.
Mac stepped from the car. Immediately she was thankful for the coolness of rain drops on her, flushed cheeks. She barely had time to close the car door before Harm was at her side. Taking her hand, he drew her to him and threw his arms around her.
"I'm so sorry, Sarah. I can't imagine what you're going through." He whispered in her ear.
Mac pulled back, "can't you?" She asked her eyes stinging with tears.
Harm regarded her for a moment. "Yeah, I guess I can," he replied. "When you walked back into that party I just knew there were no more chances for us." He paused, and sighed. Remembering their time limitations, he tried to speak quickly. "I'm stuck in so many ways here Mac. I have Renee' to think about." Harm felt her begin to pull back, and tightened his hold on her. "Wait Mac, please I'm not finished." He raised a hand and swiped at a stream of water falling down her cheek. "Like I was saying," Harm continued tenderly, "I have Renee' to deal with, and I have you. Who I love so much it scares the hell out of me. And I have Mic_" he trailed off.
"Mic?" She asked surprised.
"Yeah Mic, I keep going from wanting to grab that "bloke" and beat him to a pulp for hurting you, to wanting to kiss him senseless for giving me another chance."
Despite herself, Mac let out an absurd laugh. "I know what you mean, me too."
Harm gave her an appraising look. "It doesn't hurt that he left you?"
"It does." Mac admitted wiping a stray tear. She met his eyes, "but not nearly as bad as seeing you hold Renee' through that window." Her lip quivered and Harm pulled her strong against him as she wept.
"That's it let it out." He soothed. "I'm so sorry. She needs me because she's hurting Mac, and I'm going to be there for her because it's the right thing to do." He pulled back and looked her in the eye. "I don't love her Sarah. I love you." He declared slowly. "I have loved you for years."
Mac stared up at him, her red rimmed eyes wide with hope, and shadowed with sorrow. "If you've loved me for so long why were you going to let me marry Mic?"
"I thought that's what you wanted. Until I realized while I was out doing my Quals, what you were really asking me to do out on the porch that night." Harm shook his head and looked away, and idly wiped the water from his brow. "I was coming in for a pass over the carrier in my first round, and Skates asked me if you were still getting married. Not 'when', Mac, 'if'. I knew then that what you wanted was for me to tell you that I didn't want you to marry Mic." Harm stopped, searching for confirmation in her eyes. "When I begged permission to fly back, I was flaying back to stop the wedding." He stated.
Mac's lips parted slightly. She was speechless. Everything she had ever wanted was being handed to her on a platter. Sure the platter was tarnished, and scratched, and bore the scars of struggle from all sides. Still, it held all her dreams. She reached up and lightly caressed his cheek with the back of her hand. "I don't know what I should do now Harm." She said, looking away. Her voice held a note of distress. And then her brow furrowed thoughtfully. "What were you going to say to me if Renee' hadn't shown up?"
Harm smiled a little. "Well, I would have told you immediately that Renee' and I had just broken up." He paused, "unfortunately before I could pick up the phone to break it off, she called and told me about her father. I couldn't very well 'kick her when she was down'." He shrugged a little. "I didn't have anything particular in mind. We would have just talked. Like we're doing now."
"You were going to break up with her?"
Harm frowned, "of course I was Mac." His frown deepened. "What did you think?"
"I was trying not to think. I just hoped against hope that we would finally be able to work things out between us. I'm sorry. I should have known you would have Renee' out of your life before you would even consider anything happening with us." Mac shook her head, trying to clear the fog. "I'm sorry I'm babbling. I'm so drained."
Harm put his arm around her and said, "let's go in. We both look like drowned rats."
"Well, thank you very much." Mac said, her attempt at levity falling flat.
Harm smiled at her, at least she was trying. They moved to the deli area of the store and were pleased to find the it deserted. Sitting down, Harm took up the conversation promptly, knowing they were running out of time.
"What do you need me to do Mac? We both have a lot weighing on us right now. I know you're not ready for you and I to_" He paused, "what do you need me to do?"
"I honestly don't know Harm." She sighed wearily. "There's just so much_"
"I know." He said, reaching out and taking her hand. "I have to go to the funeral, I should be gone 3 or 4 days. Promise me you'll be here when I get back." He entreated.
"What's going to happen with you and Renee'?" Mac asked, still not ready to give herself over completely. One heart breaker was enough for her in one night.
"I will break up with her in a couple of weeks. I think that gives all of us enough time to reset ourselves, and move on to new things. But Mac, if you need more time_"
"No! Uh, no I don't need more time." Mac smiled. "I was ready to leave my own engagement party with you, if you had so chosen to sweep me off my feet." She teased, raising an eyebrow. "I think two weeks is enough time for me to, at the very least, figure out what I want to do with_"
Harm's brow creased slightly, "you don't know what you want?" He asked trying to keep it light.
Mac regarded him with perfect gravity. "I know, I want you. I love you Harm. I love Mic too, in some approximation I suppose." Mac swallowed, "and it hurts to be rejected." She paused, "but I'm not letting anything else stand in the way anymore. We're only fixing something that should have been done years ago." Mac sat up straighter in her seat. "I refuse to back away."
Harm smiled in relief, "so you'll be here when I get back?"
"Yes."
"Thank You." He replied softly, rubbing his thumb over the soft skin of her hand.
TBC Good? Bad? Let me know.
She glanced out the window and saw Harm standing between the cars, looking at her expectantly. She briefly observed him, he stood a little unsteadily, oblivious to the torrent of rain pouring down on him. She could see tufts of air coming from his lips and realized that she was not the only one breathing rapidly in expectation.
Mac stepped from the car. Immediately she was thankful for the coolness of rain drops on her, flushed cheeks. She barely had time to close the car door before Harm was at her side. Taking her hand, he drew her to him and threw his arms around her.
"I'm so sorry, Sarah. I can't imagine what you're going through." He whispered in her ear.
Mac pulled back, "can't you?" She asked her eyes stinging with tears.
Harm regarded her for a moment. "Yeah, I guess I can," he replied. "When you walked back into that party I just knew there were no more chances for us." He paused, and sighed. Remembering their time limitations, he tried to speak quickly. "I'm stuck in so many ways here Mac. I have Renee' to think about." Harm felt her begin to pull back, and tightened his hold on her. "Wait Mac, please I'm not finished." He raised a hand and swiped at a stream of water falling down her cheek. "Like I was saying," Harm continued tenderly, "I have Renee' to deal with, and I have you. Who I love so much it scares the hell out of me. And I have Mic_" he trailed off.
"Mic?" She asked surprised.
"Yeah Mic, I keep going from wanting to grab that "bloke" and beat him to a pulp for hurting you, to wanting to kiss him senseless for giving me another chance."
Despite herself, Mac let out an absurd laugh. "I know what you mean, me too."
Harm gave her an appraising look. "It doesn't hurt that he left you?"
"It does." Mac admitted wiping a stray tear. She met his eyes, "but not nearly as bad as seeing you hold Renee' through that window." Her lip quivered and Harm pulled her strong against him as she wept.
"That's it let it out." He soothed. "I'm so sorry. She needs me because she's hurting Mac, and I'm going to be there for her because it's the right thing to do." He pulled back and looked her in the eye. "I don't love her Sarah. I love you." He declared slowly. "I have loved you for years."
Mac stared up at him, her red rimmed eyes wide with hope, and shadowed with sorrow. "If you've loved me for so long why were you going to let me marry Mic?"
"I thought that's what you wanted. Until I realized while I was out doing my Quals, what you were really asking me to do out on the porch that night." Harm shook his head and looked away, and idly wiped the water from his brow. "I was coming in for a pass over the carrier in my first round, and Skates asked me if you were still getting married. Not 'when', Mac, 'if'. I knew then that what you wanted was for me to tell you that I didn't want you to marry Mic." Harm stopped, searching for confirmation in her eyes. "When I begged permission to fly back, I was flaying back to stop the wedding." He stated.
Mac's lips parted slightly. She was speechless. Everything she had ever wanted was being handed to her on a platter. Sure the platter was tarnished, and scratched, and bore the scars of struggle from all sides. Still, it held all her dreams. She reached up and lightly caressed his cheek with the back of her hand. "I don't know what I should do now Harm." She said, looking away. Her voice held a note of distress. And then her brow furrowed thoughtfully. "What were you going to say to me if Renee' hadn't shown up?"
Harm smiled a little. "Well, I would have told you immediately that Renee' and I had just broken up." He paused, "unfortunately before I could pick up the phone to break it off, she called and told me about her father. I couldn't very well 'kick her when she was down'." He shrugged a little. "I didn't have anything particular in mind. We would have just talked. Like we're doing now."
"You were going to break up with her?"
Harm frowned, "of course I was Mac." His frown deepened. "What did you think?"
"I was trying not to think. I just hoped against hope that we would finally be able to work things out between us. I'm sorry. I should have known you would have Renee' out of your life before you would even consider anything happening with us." Mac shook her head, trying to clear the fog. "I'm sorry I'm babbling. I'm so drained."
Harm put his arm around her and said, "let's go in. We both look like drowned rats."
"Well, thank you very much." Mac said, her attempt at levity falling flat.
Harm smiled at her, at least she was trying. They moved to the deli area of the store and were pleased to find the it deserted. Sitting down, Harm took up the conversation promptly, knowing they were running out of time.
"What do you need me to do Mac? We both have a lot weighing on us right now. I know you're not ready for you and I to_" He paused, "what do you need me to do?"
"I honestly don't know Harm." She sighed wearily. "There's just so much_"
"I know." He said, reaching out and taking her hand. "I have to go to the funeral, I should be gone 3 or 4 days. Promise me you'll be here when I get back." He entreated.
"What's going to happen with you and Renee'?" Mac asked, still not ready to give herself over completely. One heart breaker was enough for her in one night.
"I will break up with her in a couple of weeks. I think that gives all of us enough time to reset ourselves, and move on to new things. But Mac, if you need more time_"
"No! Uh, no I don't need more time." Mac smiled. "I was ready to leave my own engagement party with you, if you had so chosen to sweep me off my feet." She teased, raising an eyebrow. "I think two weeks is enough time for me to, at the very least, figure out what I want to do with_"
Harm's brow creased slightly, "you don't know what you want?" He asked trying to keep it light.
Mac regarded him with perfect gravity. "I know, I want you. I love you Harm. I love Mic too, in some approximation I suppose." Mac swallowed, "and it hurts to be rejected." She paused, "but I'm not letting anything else stand in the way anymore. We're only fixing something that should have been done years ago." Mac sat up straighter in her seat. "I refuse to back away."
Harm smiled in relief, "so you'll be here when I get back?"
"Yes."
"Thank You." He replied softly, rubbing his thumb over the soft skin of her hand.
TBC Good? Bad? Let me know.