STANDARD DISLAIMER: The characters Squall, Fujin, Raijin, and their daddies belong to Squaresoft as well as the city Esthar.

A/N: We can only hope you've seen Simon, a show of Saturday Night Live. It features Mike Myers playing a young boy that has his show in the bath. Unfortunately, Simon is no longer on Saturday Night Live. Enjoy the story anyway! I do not recommend this format, all it does is give your story fewer words, but Simon is a show so I thought it would be neat. It is also a strainer on your spell check.

Simon: FF8 Style

Squall

Well good day, my name is Simon.

And I like to do drawrings.

I like to draw, all day long.

So come and do drawerings with me.

Girl Voices: Come and do drawerings with me…

FADE IN

INTERIOR is a bathroom, only the bathtub and the wall behind it are visible.

SIMON

(cheerful)

Hello everyone. My name is Simon. I like to do drawings. Don't look at my bum people. Don't look at my bum. I don't look at your bum. Bum lookers! Cheeky monkeys! Today, today I've got a friend in the bath with me. Do you want to meet him? Do you?

Cheers and positive shouts erupt from the crowd.

SIMON

His name is Squally. Squally, say hello to everyone.

SQUALL

(with his cowboy hat)

My name is Squally! I'm a cowboy!

SIMON

(beaming)

All right, you Irvine wannabe. Squally's dad works for the same big Estharian Company my daddy works for. Like me, Squally doesn't have a mommy, so his daddy takes him everywhere.

SQUALL

Simon… is it all bubbly in the bath because you farted?

SIMON

I didn't do it. You're the one who pooted. Cheeky, anyway, Squally likes to do drawings as well. Would you like to see his drawings? Would you?

Crowd applauds and cheers once more.

SQUALL

(holding up drawing)

This is a picture of a cowboy and a rich Indian. The cowboy just shot the rich Indian in the face. And look, he's got a sucking chest wound.

A lullaby like note plays as Squall'y' gives a bright smile that makes 'my' cheeks hurt.

SIMON

Maybe you aren't quite the Irvine wannabe. Squally, do you ever show your drawings to the psychologist?

SQUALL

I did once, and he wept openly.

SIMON

I'm not surprised. Both our dads are out looking for new mommies. Which is quite strange because my mommy's only been with the angels for a short time. But my daddy explained to me, sometimes daddies need mommies, or they lose their minds. Even if it means having a mommy for one lonely and degrading night.

SQUALL

Sometimes my daddy pays for his mommies.

RAIJIN

(running by)

Sometimes my daddy, ya know, pays for his daddies, ya know?

FUUJIN

(also running by)

MINE TOO.

SIMON

All right, one more drawing. Were you looking at my bum? Were you? Squally, were they looking at my bum?

SQUALL

NO, they were looking at my bum. Bum lookers!

SIMON

Cheeky monkeys, the lot of you. All right, this is a drawing Squally and I did of our bums.

Audience laughs, whoops, and claps.

SQUALL

(pointing to the smaller bum)

This is my bum.

SIMON

(pointing to the larger bum)

And this is my bum. My daddy fears I suffer from gigantism. Oh well, it's time to go. I'm starting to get prune hands. I can't do my drawings when I've got prune hands.

*plllt plllt plllt*

SQUALL

(relieved look on face)

Oh, I fa-a-a-rted.

FADE OUT as SIMON and SQUALL giggle themselves to hysteria.

Well good day my name is Simon

And I like to do drawrings

A/N: Next time… SEIFER! Next chapter coming tonight or tomorrow.