STANDARD DISLAIMER: The character Seifer belongs to Squaresoft as well as the city Deling and the country Galbadia.
Simon: FF8 Style
Seifer
Well good day, my name is Simon.
And I like to do drawrings.
I like to draw, all day long.
So come and do drawerings with me.
Girl Voices: Come and do drawerings with me…
FADE IN
INTERIOR is a bathroom. View of bathtub.
SIMON
(cheerful)
Hello. My name is Simon. I like to do drawings. Today I have a Galbadian friend in the bath with me. I met him on my Christmas Vacation in Deling City. Do you want to meet him? Do you?
Positive shouts from the crowd.
SIMON
His name is Seify Almasy. He's ever so friendly.
SEIFER
(with gangster voice)
Yo, how you doing?
SIMON
His daddy works for a big Galbadian company, and my dad might be getting into business with his dad.
SEIFER
My old man's in construction.
SIMON
And just like me, Seify doesn't have a mommy. My mommy's with the angels.
SEIFER
My mommy's sleeping with the fishes. My daddy said she had a BIG mouth.
SIMON
Seify, didn't you think that Christmas in Deling City was ever so fun?
SEIFER
(shrugging)
It didn't suck.
SIMON
I had a great time. All Christmas day long I played the slots by myself, and every two hours a nice lady named Bambi would take me to the toilet.
SEIFER
(naughty look)
Speaking of toilets, while you were just talking I made.
SIMON
I thought it was getting warmer in here. Cheeky monkey. Anyway, I made another drawing while I was at the casino, do you want to see it? Do you? Were you looking at my bum? Were you? Bum lookers! Cheeky monkeys! This is a picture of my daddy at the roulette tables. Look, he's crying. He's shouting for people to give him more credit. 'Give me more credit!' he said. So I said, okay, you're a great daddy and I think this is the best Christmas ever! Evidently, that was not the kind of credit he needed, and he was whisked away to a darkened room. Seify, do you have any Christmas drawings?
SEIFER
Yes, I do. Were you looking at my ass? Don't look at my ass! Ass lookers! They was looking at my ass!
SIMON
Oh no! Oh no!
SEIFER
All right, this is a picture of Cid Kramer dressed up as Santa Claus. I asked daddy why Santa Claus was covered in blood, and he says, 'Sometimes, Santa needs ta get whacked.'
SIMON
Fair enough. Fair enough. This is a picture of one of my presents from my Auntie Molly. It's a year's membership in the chocolate bar of the month club. January is Cadbury's gooseberry crème month.
SEIFER
(holding up a picture of a B.B gun and a rabbit spewing blood)
Well, this is what I got. It's a B.B gun. I use it for shooting rabbit and small chocobo.
SIMON
I got another present. It was from my former nanny who's a hippie. It's a vest made out of macramay.
SEIFER
You mean macramé.
SIMON
All she does is eat taafu, all day long.
SEIFER
It's tofu!
SIMON
If you like. She even grows her own origahno.
SEIFER
It's oregano you limey freak!
SIMON
My daddy said English and Galbadian are separated by a common language.
SEIFER
All I know is that my dad could take your dad.
SIMON
That's probably true, because sadly my dad doesn't carry firearms. That's all the time we have for this week. My guest has been Seify. Happy New Year Seify.
SEIFER
Happy New Year, Happy New Year Simon.
SIMON
Did it just get warmer in here again?
SEIFER
Maybe…
SIMON
(waving)
All right you cheeky monkey. Bye bye! Bye!
SEIFER
(waving)
Bye.
FADE OUT
Well good day my name is Simon
And I like to do drawrings
A/N: This will be continued, but the next guest is unknown.