* Goodbye Harm. *
"Goodbye Renee'." Harm clicked off the phone and stared at it for a moment before he set it down on the table.
"It's over?" Mac asked with a sympathetic look.
"It's over." Harm stated with a look of relief. And raised his eyes to meet hers.
Mac looked back at him with equal gravity. Matching his apprehension, and relief. "Are you ok?" She asked, not knowing how she would feel if he was truly heartbroken over Renee'. She almost laughed at her own hypocrisy. Wasn't she weeping to Harm over Mic just a few days ago?
"I'm fine, Mac." Harm replied, maintaining eye contact. "I'm free."
Mac's lips parted, as the implications of his words sunk in. This was it. They were both free to love each other, and neither was running. Not yet anyway. She swallowed as she oscillated between wanting to run for her life, and wanting to throw herself into his arms. She opted to stay put, and literally sat on her hands, to keep from launching herself at him.
Harm smiled, and slid his hand under her thigh to pull her hand free. He was surprised when she let him take it easily. Tentatively, he brushed a kiss onto her knuckles, and gave her a small smile. He held her eyes gauging her expression. Mac smiled back and reached up to caress his face. Softly, slowly, lightly they touched, kissed, and caressed each other. Never venturing into areas too passionate or private, but nevertheless, reveling in the verity of their situation. They were now free to show their hearts, however gently and gradually.
Mac was the first one to pull away. Closing her eyes she placed her hands on the sides of his face, and rested her forehead against his. They stayed that way for a moment, as if, by osmosis, they could read each other's thoughts and feelings.
"Harm, I am really exhausted." She murmured.
"I know. So am I." He replied. "You go to bed, I'll call a cab."
Mac pulled back and looked him in the eye. Harm shifted uneasily, not sure what she needed him to do. He wanted to take it slow with her. To let her recover and gain some equilibrium in her life before they continued forward. By the same token, the last thing he wanted was to pull back too far when she needed him there.
"You don't have to call a cab Harm." She stated simply.
"Okay." Harm replied carefully. "What would you like me to do?"
"Stay."
"Alright, I'll just make up the couch." He said, trying to keep it light.
"No." Mac replied directly. "Sleep with me."
Harm's eyes widened. "Mac, I don't think__"
"I need you Harm." She stated. And then sighed, and looked away. "I want you to hold me." She told him quietly, studying a piece of lint on the carpet.
Harm walked up close to her, and lifted her chin so she could see his eyes. He leaned in and kissed her softly. "Okay." He answered with a smile, took her hand and led her into the bedroom.
Harm sat on the edge of the bed, as Mac got settled in for the night. His eyebrows raised in surprise when she began to strip her clothes off without reservation, and put them in the hamper. Wearing nothing but panties and T- shirt that stopped half why down her bottom. Mac casually walked into the bathroom, stealing a glance behind her to see Harm admiring her six. She smiled in satisfaction and caught his eye. He quickly looked away. Mac laughed and closed the bathroom door.
When she came out Harm was still sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing nothing but a pair of black silk boxers, and holding a small leather bag. She raised her eyebrows, and made no secret of giving him the once over. Smiling she said, "Nice."
"Thanks." He replied genuinely, and got up to get ready for bed. He didn't shut the bathroom door and Mac watched him from beneath the covers. He was quite possibly the sexiest piece of work she had ever seen. She watched him brush his teeth, and marveled at the way his back muscles rippled and flexed beneath his skin.
Mac's eyes widened slightly as she saw him pull out his electric shaver from the leather bag, and begin to shave the stubble from his face. She tried to quiet the butterflies in her stomach and told herself not to make too much of it. Still, she couldn't help but imagine his clean-shaven face soft against her skin. Mac closed her eyes and turned on her side trying to rid herself of that train of thought.
'How can I feel this way?' She thought to herself. 'Did I not love Mic at all?' Her expression was pained at the answer to that question. 'No.'
She shook her head slightly. 'What kind of person am I to keep hopping from one guy to the next? Not two weeks ago in this very bed, I had sex with Mic.' Mac's jaw tightened. 'Poor Harm, having to sleep in the exact place where I lay on top of another man, just a few weeks before.'
A wave of guilt stole over Mac, and she drew her knees up into a fetal position. Suddenly she felt dirty, unfaithful. She shook her head as she realized once again that she was not thinking of Mic, but of Harm. She felt like she had been cheating on Harm for the last two years. It was an odd feeling, to say the least. Mic was going to be her husband. 'Would I have lived my whole life with Mic feeling like I was betraying Harm?'
She closed her eyes as another realization came to her. 'There's no way I could have stayed married to Mic. There's no possible way it would ever have worked.' Strangely enough, this realization brought relief and comfort. 'That was a close one.'
Mac opened her eyes to see Harm eyeing her with a concerned expression. "You ok?" He asked.
"I think so." Mac replied weakly.
Harm tentatively sat down next to her on the bed. "Anything you want to talk about?"
"No." She replied.
Harm studied her for a moment, but didn't push the issue. He went around to the other side of the bed and climbed in next to her. Rolling to his side he moved closer to her and waited. Mac smiled and scooted back slightly. Harm took that as an affirmative, and put his arm around her abdomen, pulling her close to his body. Mac molded herself firmly against him, and sighed at the warmth that filled her.
After a moment she turned over to face him. Pulling back a little she said, "Harm, did you really call out my name when you kissed Renee'?"
Harm blushed with embarrassment. "Yes I did. Just once. It was after I hit my head." He paused. "Remember when I called you__"
"__Sweet thing." Mac finished, her eye twinkling. "How could I forget." She said with a chuckle.
"Anyway, Renee' leaned in to kiss me, and I thought it was you, so I called her 'Mac'."
"How did she react to that?"
Harm face took on a sardonic expression. "She was none too please."
"I bet."
"Yeah, I was in the dog house for a while."
After a moment of silence Mac said, "Harm?"
"Yeah."
"Did you have any weird visions about anyone else?"
"No. Only you." He replied.
Mac smiled, and said. "Good." And then turned back over.
Harm tightened his hold on her and placed a kiss underneath her ear. "Mac?"
"Hmm?"
"Do I get to ask you a question now?"
Mac turned back over. "Sure." She said, wary.
"Why did you have such a pained expression on your face when I came out of the bathroom?"
Mac sighed, and looked away. "I was thinking about __ everything."
Harm nodded. "Did you come to any conclusions?"
Mac pursed her lips and nodded. "Yeah." She said, wryly. "I concluded, that I almost married a man I never really loved. And I feel like a sleaze for taking advantage of him, for accepting his proposal, for sleeping with him__" Her voice trailed off. "When I was always in love with another man." Mac pulled back. "Now I know a marriage between Mic and me would never have worked."
"How do you know that?" Harm asked.
"Because there was never a time when I didn't want you. I wanted everything he gave me, but I didn't want it with him. I wanted it with you." Mac replied, her voice rising. "And I feel sick about it." She paused, and said quietly, "I feel so unfaithful."
Harm's brow furrowed. But he remained silent. She needed to get this out. Mac raised her head and saw the look on Harm's face. "You don't even get it do you?" A troubled laugh escaped her lips. "It's not Mic I feel unfaithful to. It's you."
Harm's face registered surprise. Mac nodded, "I know. Isn't that sad. I have felt so connected to you for so long, that the thought of me almost marrying another man, of taking him to my bed__" Mac halted and looked up at Harm. His face held no sign of discomfort, so she continued. "It feels like such a betrayal Harm. I just don't know how else to explain it." She shook her head, and studied her fingers.
Harm raised her face to look at him. "You did not betray me any more than I did you. And you don't have to justify anything to me, or even to yourself. We have both made mistakes and hurt each other. That's all in the past now. Yes we've hurt other people in the process, but we can't do anything about that now, so there's no use dwelling on it." Harm paused, and stroked Mac's cheek. "We have a chance to do things right this time. And I don't want to ruin it by bringing up past mistakes. Bitterness and self-recrimination will tear us both apart. I don't want to let that happen."
Mac nodded, her eyes brimmed with tears. "I don't either. Thank you Harm." She said softly.
Harm reached for Mac and took her in his arms. She rested on his chest with one leg thrown across his waist, and one arm draped over his torso. Harm sighed and planted a kiss in her hair.
"I've waited so long for this." Mac whispered.
"The waiting is over." Harm replied. And they both drifted into sleep.
"Goodbye Renee'." Harm clicked off the phone and stared at it for a moment before he set it down on the table.
"It's over?" Mac asked with a sympathetic look.
"It's over." Harm stated with a look of relief. And raised his eyes to meet hers.
Mac looked back at him with equal gravity. Matching his apprehension, and relief. "Are you ok?" She asked, not knowing how she would feel if he was truly heartbroken over Renee'. She almost laughed at her own hypocrisy. Wasn't she weeping to Harm over Mic just a few days ago?
"I'm fine, Mac." Harm replied, maintaining eye contact. "I'm free."
Mac's lips parted, as the implications of his words sunk in. This was it. They were both free to love each other, and neither was running. Not yet anyway. She swallowed as she oscillated between wanting to run for her life, and wanting to throw herself into his arms. She opted to stay put, and literally sat on her hands, to keep from launching herself at him.
Harm smiled, and slid his hand under her thigh to pull her hand free. He was surprised when she let him take it easily. Tentatively, he brushed a kiss onto her knuckles, and gave her a small smile. He held her eyes gauging her expression. Mac smiled back and reached up to caress his face. Softly, slowly, lightly they touched, kissed, and caressed each other. Never venturing into areas too passionate or private, but nevertheless, reveling in the verity of their situation. They were now free to show their hearts, however gently and gradually.
Mac was the first one to pull away. Closing her eyes she placed her hands on the sides of his face, and rested her forehead against his. They stayed that way for a moment, as if, by osmosis, they could read each other's thoughts and feelings.
"Harm, I am really exhausted." She murmured.
"I know. So am I." He replied. "You go to bed, I'll call a cab."
Mac pulled back and looked him in the eye. Harm shifted uneasily, not sure what she needed him to do. He wanted to take it slow with her. To let her recover and gain some equilibrium in her life before they continued forward. By the same token, the last thing he wanted was to pull back too far when she needed him there.
"You don't have to call a cab Harm." She stated simply.
"Okay." Harm replied carefully. "What would you like me to do?"
"Stay."
"Alright, I'll just make up the couch." He said, trying to keep it light.
"No." Mac replied directly. "Sleep with me."
Harm's eyes widened. "Mac, I don't think__"
"I need you Harm." She stated. And then sighed, and looked away. "I want you to hold me." She told him quietly, studying a piece of lint on the carpet.
Harm walked up close to her, and lifted her chin so she could see his eyes. He leaned in and kissed her softly. "Okay." He answered with a smile, took her hand and led her into the bedroom.
Harm sat on the edge of the bed, as Mac got settled in for the night. His eyebrows raised in surprise when she began to strip her clothes off without reservation, and put them in the hamper. Wearing nothing but panties and T- shirt that stopped half why down her bottom. Mac casually walked into the bathroom, stealing a glance behind her to see Harm admiring her six. She smiled in satisfaction and caught his eye. He quickly looked away. Mac laughed and closed the bathroom door.
When she came out Harm was still sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing nothing but a pair of black silk boxers, and holding a small leather bag. She raised her eyebrows, and made no secret of giving him the once over. Smiling she said, "Nice."
"Thanks." He replied genuinely, and got up to get ready for bed. He didn't shut the bathroom door and Mac watched him from beneath the covers. He was quite possibly the sexiest piece of work she had ever seen. She watched him brush his teeth, and marveled at the way his back muscles rippled and flexed beneath his skin.
Mac's eyes widened slightly as she saw him pull out his electric shaver from the leather bag, and begin to shave the stubble from his face. She tried to quiet the butterflies in her stomach and told herself not to make too much of it. Still, she couldn't help but imagine his clean-shaven face soft against her skin. Mac closed her eyes and turned on her side trying to rid herself of that train of thought.
'How can I feel this way?' She thought to herself. 'Did I not love Mic at all?' Her expression was pained at the answer to that question. 'No.'
She shook her head slightly. 'What kind of person am I to keep hopping from one guy to the next? Not two weeks ago in this very bed, I had sex with Mic.' Mac's jaw tightened. 'Poor Harm, having to sleep in the exact place where I lay on top of another man, just a few weeks before.'
A wave of guilt stole over Mac, and she drew her knees up into a fetal position. Suddenly she felt dirty, unfaithful. She shook her head as she realized once again that she was not thinking of Mic, but of Harm. She felt like she had been cheating on Harm for the last two years. It was an odd feeling, to say the least. Mic was going to be her husband. 'Would I have lived my whole life with Mic feeling like I was betraying Harm?'
She closed her eyes as another realization came to her. 'There's no way I could have stayed married to Mic. There's no possible way it would ever have worked.' Strangely enough, this realization brought relief and comfort. 'That was a close one.'
Mac opened her eyes to see Harm eyeing her with a concerned expression. "You ok?" He asked.
"I think so." Mac replied weakly.
Harm tentatively sat down next to her on the bed. "Anything you want to talk about?"
"No." She replied.
Harm studied her for a moment, but didn't push the issue. He went around to the other side of the bed and climbed in next to her. Rolling to his side he moved closer to her and waited. Mac smiled and scooted back slightly. Harm took that as an affirmative, and put his arm around her abdomen, pulling her close to his body. Mac molded herself firmly against him, and sighed at the warmth that filled her.
After a moment she turned over to face him. Pulling back a little she said, "Harm, did you really call out my name when you kissed Renee'?"
Harm blushed with embarrassment. "Yes I did. Just once. It was after I hit my head." He paused. "Remember when I called you__"
"__Sweet thing." Mac finished, her eye twinkling. "How could I forget." She said with a chuckle.
"Anyway, Renee' leaned in to kiss me, and I thought it was you, so I called her 'Mac'."
"How did she react to that?"
Harm face took on a sardonic expression. "She was none too please."
"I bet."
"Yeah, I was in the dog house for a while."
After a moment of silence Mac said, "Harm?"
"Yeah."
"Did you have any weird visions about anyone else?"
"No. Only you." He replied.
Mac smiled, and said. "Good." And then turned back over.
Harm tightened his hold on her and placed a kiss underneath her ear. "Mac?"
"Hmm?"
"Do I get to ask you a question now?"
Mac turned back over. "Sure." She said, wary.
"Why did you have such a pained expression on your face when I came out of the bathroom?"
Mac sighed, and looked away. "I was thinking about __ everything."
Harm nodded. "Did you come to any conclusions?"
Mac pursed her lips and nodded. "Yeah." She said, wryly. "I concluded, that I almost married a man I never really loved. And I feel like a sleaze for taking advantage of him, for accepting his proposal, for sleeping with him__" Her voice trailed off. "When I was always in love with another man." Mac pulled back. "Now I know a marriage between Mic and me would never have worked."
"How do you know that?" Harm asked.
"Because there was never a time when I didn't want you. I wanted everything he gave me, but I didn't want it with him. I wanted it with you." Mac replied, her voice rising. "And I feel sick about it." She paused, and said quietly, "I feel so unfaithful."
Harm's brow furrowed. But he remained silent. She needed to get this out. Mac raised her head and saw the look on Harm's face. "You don't even get it do you?" A troubled laugh escaped her lips. "It's not Mic I feel unfaithful to. It's you."
Harm's face registered surprise. Mac nodded, "I know. Isn't that sad. I have felt so connected to you for so long, that the thought of me almost marrying another man, of taking him to my bed__" Mac halted and looked up at Harm. His face held no sign of discomfort, so she continued. "It feels like such a betrayal Harm. I just don't know how else to explain it." She shook her head, and studied her fingers.
Harm raised her face to look at him. "You did not betray me any more than I did you. And you don't have to justify anything to me, or even to yourself. We have both made mistakes and hurt each other. That's all in the past now. Yes we've hurt other people in the process, but we can't do anything about that now, so there's no use dwelling on it." Harm paused, and stroked Mac's cheek. "We have a chance to do things right this time. And I don't want to ruin it by bringing up past mistakes. Bitterness and self-recrimination will tear us both apart. I don't want to let that happen."
Mac nodded, her eyes brimmed with tears. "I don't either. Thank you Harm." She said softly.
Harm reached for Mac and took her in his arms. She rested on his chest with one leg thrown across his waist, and one arm draped over his torso. Harm sighed and planted a kiss in her hair.
"I've waited so long for this." Mac whispered.
"The waiting is over." Harm replied. And they both drifted into sleep.