STANDARD DISLAIMER: Characters not including Simon are © to Squaresoft.
If you leave a suggestion I'll probably take it. I'm going to do the ones that have been asked to be done in order from when they were asked to be done.
Simon: FF8 Style
Irvine
Well good day, my name is Simon.
And I like to do drawrings.
I like to draw, all day long.
So come and do drawerings with me.
Girl Voices: Come and do drawerings with me…
FADE IN
INTERIOR is a bathroom, only the bathtub and the wall behind it are visible.
SIMON
Hello. My name is Simon. I like to do drawings. Today, I've got a very special friend in the bath with me. His name is Irvy. I've known him since I was a baby, and he's quite friendly. Do you-
FUJIN
(in the audience)
AFFIRMATIVE! AFFIRMATIVE GODDAMNIT!
IRVINE
Yo.
SIMON
Irvy, why are you wearing your pants?
IRVINE
If I don't, it will be harder for the squirrels to move around. You would not believe how hard it is to find air masks in their size. Woo…
SIMON
And why do you have squirrels in your pants?
SQUIRREL #1
Ooo… nuts.
IRVINE
Uh! Uh… well, them squirrels need a warm place in the winter. *grunt* Oh… oh…
SIMON
Oh, is it cold where you live?
IRVINE
Yeah-ah! Oh squirrel… yes.
SQUIRREL #2
Is it just me or is it a little too warm in here?
SIMON
Well, anyway. Irvine and I were just out shopping. We went to a funny looking store. Unlike any one I've ever seen. There was a lot of rubber in there and long things Irvy calls-
IRVINE
SQUIRRELY!
SIMON
It just got warmer in here again.
FUJIN
AROUSED.
The whole audience turns to look at FUJIN.
SQUALL
Why can't she say that to me?!
SIMON
When Irvine and I were out shopping, we went to the Cinnabun. Weren't their foods ever so tasty?
IRVINE
So very tasty. What's that sound?
Voice
Uh, uh, uh… yes, yes Chip! Yes!
IRVINE
(slapping his pants)
Keep it down in there!
ZELL
FUJIN! THICKER SHIRT. ACQUIRE- IMMEDIATELY.
IRVINE
You know the author's been working on this for two hours?
SIMON
Author? Wha-
IRVINE
I think it's time to end the show.
SIMON
Right. Ta ta. I'll have another girl on my show next time. And I'll see you shortly.
IRVINE
Yup, the author says I'm harder to work with than anyone.
VOICE FROM EVERYWHERE
Well, you're so complicated.
SIMON
Well… b- Are you looking at my bum?
IRVINE
No! I'm not gay I tell you! I mean… I think they are… Bum lookers!
SIMON
Bum lookers! Cheeky monkeys! Good bye!
FADE OUT
Well good day my name is Simon
And I like to do drawrings