STANDARD DISLAIMER: Characters not including Simon are © to Squaresoft.
Feel free to leave suggestions for who goes next. There are very few reasons I wouldn't take them. I might even get two people in here at the same time if you ask. Mail me at dogz_rock_plenty@hotmail.com if you want to reach me right away.
Simon: FF8 Style
The Disciplinary Committee
Well good day, my name is Simon.
And I like to do drawrings.
I like to draw, all day long.
So come and do drawerings with me.
Girl Voices: Come and do drawerings with me…
FADE IN
INTERIOR is a bathroom, only the bathtub and the wall behind it are visible.
SIMON
Hello. My name is Simon. I like to do drawings. Today, I have two people here in the bath with me. They didn't want to come on the show, so I'm trying very hard to make them comfortable. Here are Fujie and Rajie.
RAIJIN
Hello, ya know!
SIMON
Fujie? Aren't you going to introduce yourself? Fujie? Where are you?
PAN TO FUJIN, mostly under the water, eyes just poking above like an alligator. A look of rage is on her face.
SIMON
Fujie, aren't you-?
FUJIN
RAGE! DIE!
RAIJIN
This is a huge moment in history! Fujin can't be suffering from permanent PMS!
PEOPLE ALL AROUND THE WORLD
Yeeeeey!
SIMON
Anyway, what have you been doing lately Rajie?
RAIJIN
Oh, I've been reading, and um, poking Fujin, and…
FUJIN
RAGE!
SIMON
Aw, Fujie. He's just poking you.
The audience goes silent at the realisation of Simon's lack of knowledge.
ZELL
Oh, the gods! Fujin, how could you?
FUJIN
MORON. WAS THERE. SHOCK- FAKE.
ZELL
But I'm a pretty ::bleep:: good actor aren't I?
SIMON
It's not her fault she got poked!
RAIJIN
And impregnated.
ZELL
WHAT?
RAIJIN
But that could be from anyone of us guys, ya know?
FUJIN performs a flying leap launch out of the tub and hits the floor covered in suds, then crawls off stage.
SIMON
Were you looking at her bum? Where you looking at her bum? Bum lookers!
RAIJIN & SIMON
Cheeky monkeys!
FUJIN
M*****F***ING ASSLOOKERS!
SQUALL
Why god? WHY? Why the suds? ::sob::
SIMON
Why not?
RAIJIN
I hope the baby's not mine. That gene combination is just wrong, ya know?
SIMON
Where do baby's come from?
RAIJIN
A guy has to poke a girl and if you do it right you get a baby.
SIMON
How?
RAIJIN
It works kind of like a candy dispenser.
FUJIN
RAGE!
SIMON
Hey! I've poked Fujie!
ZELL
Wha…? Are you really that sl-?
FUJIN
RAAAAAAAAAAGE!
SEIFER comes in and drags FUJIN away.
SEIFER
We're going to the doctors to find out whose baby it is.
SIMON
Oh dear, Seify pokes Fujie A LOT.
PEOPLE ALL AROUND THE WORLD
O_O
SIMON
Come to think of it, Seify sometimes pokes Fujie repeatedly.
PEOPLE ALL AROUND THE WORLD
O_O
SIMON
A few dozen times each day!
PEOPLE ALL AROUND THE WORLD
O_O
SIMON
Moving on… Today, Rajie and I went to the library. It was ever so much fun. He showed me some good books.
RAIJIN
Oh yea! Um, I think the author has to go work on her um… Seifuuy business.
SIMON
This episode has been ever so confusing, and I, I hope it doesn't give you complications. My daddy says confusing things often do. Speaking of my daddy, he is again out looking for a new mommy. Rajie's dad is going to help him. As well as Fujie's dad, and their other dad. Like the rest of my guests, Fujie and Raijie don't have a mommy.
RAIJIN
./` Nobody knows the trouble I see. Nobody knows my sorrow. Ya know! ./`
SIMON
But they do have three daddies.
RAIJIN
./` Oh happy days. Oh happy days. ./`
SIMON
Raijie, do you have any drawings?
RAIJIN
Fujie and I have many, ya know?
SIMON
No I don't.
RAIJIN holds up a drawing of a robin singing… with a dagger in its chest blood squirting out. It's set on a beautiful green grass, blue sky type background.
RAIJIN
Fujie drew the blood and the dagger, ya know. I drew everything else.
RAIJIN holds up a picture of a squirrel on top of another squirrel.
RAIJIN
Um, this is just Fujie's, ya know. I'm not sure what the squirrels are doing. Oh… maybe they're chipmunks. Well Irvine confuses me, ya know. He doesn't know the difference.
SIMON
I thought those noises in his pants sounded like chipmunks, not squirrels, ya know.
RAIJIN goes to pull out another picture then looks at it and puts it back.
SIMON
What was that may I ask?
RAIJIN
That's one of Fujie's, ya know. She scribbled it out when I tried to look at it. I think it's her and Seifer. They look kind of like the squirrels from what I can see.
SIMON
Interesting, well, we have to wrap up this episode. Next time we'll have Fujie and the daddy of the baby. Buh bye.
RAIJIN
Buh bye, ya know!
FADE OUT
Well good day my name is Simon
And I like to do drawrings