AUTHOR'S NOTE: Be warned: this chapter is kind of strange. I don't know, I
just wanted to keep this story up and running. Honestly, you guys, I
probably would've stopped a long time ago if it hadn't been for you guys
encouraging me. I want to thank BSBnACcHiCk and SodasGurl for reviewing
the last chapter. This chapter sounds like I'm on the verge of suicide or
something; I'm not, it's just when I wrote this I was listening to all
these slow songs on the Internet and school's starting and, well, I took it
out on my work! I like Pony's scene a lot in this story. Oh, does anyone
mind if I borrow two greaser girls for the next chapter? I wanted to add
some continuity (i.e. too lazy to create new characters) so I wanted to
borrow just two. Yeah, thanks, anyway, here's Chapter 7.
CHAPTER SEVEN
PONY
Today was really the first day of summer vacation. Typically, since Two- Bit and I were the only ones who didn't work, we'd mostly stop by and hang at the DX or stop by his mom's diner for some free food or something. But we had Kat and Cloud with us, so we figured we shouldn't do too much walking since Kat was carrying Cloud on her waist.
Kat was trying to cover whatever bruises or signs of injury she had by wearing a long sleeved blouse, sunglasses and heavy make-up. Cloud had refused to wear any sort of cover-up, and Kat had given up. Frankly, I was rather nosy in wondering what had happened.
Kat practically read my mind, "You're probably wondering why you're stuck with me, huh?"
"If you make as mean as pancakes as you made this morning, I don't particularly care," replied Two-Bit, stealing a "Student Crossing" sign and slipping it in his members only jacket.
Kat laughed, "Cloud's father came back and gave us a little trouble." Her voice grew quiet.
"That's awful, Kat," I told her.
Kat shrugged, "Could've been worse." She was being incredibly optimistic, and mostly in denial. We stopped into a convenience store to buy some Dapper Dan's, cigarettes and chocolate milk.
"I'm going to head back home," Kat told me and Two-Bit. Cloud didn't look too healthy; she was real pale and tired looking.
"Are you sure the kid's all right?" asked Two-Bit.
Kat looked to Cloud, "I don't know, she looks a little pale. I'm going to take her home, do you guys have a thermometer?"
"Yeah, here, we'll take you home," I said. Two-Bit was a bit reluctant, especially since he had just ran into Tallulah Beckett. So I escorted Kat and Cloud back to our house.
"Hey Ponyboy, you and Darry are okay, right?" asked Kat.
I shrugged, "I guess."
"Pretty lucky to have a brother that cares for you," sighed Kat.
"Why?" I asked. "What's your deal?"
"My dad owns a gas station in Albuquerque, my mom can't stand me and won't acknowledge my daughter, my older brother, Paul, lives in New York as a businessman and has a family of his own, and my other brother, Crick, just took off to Harlem. You?"
"Fold," I said. Why was Kat talking to me about Darry? I hardly knew her, but she didn't seem to be the type of person who had things come easily to her.
"Just be easy on him, okay?" Kat said, walking up the stairs to the house. "Just know that he loves you, okay?"
Normally, I would've bitten the head off of anyone who had just moved in and who was preaching to me about this kind of topic, but Kat seemed to have this openness, this simple honesty, that it was hard to yell at her. So I just nodded, and said, "Sure, Kat. I'll try."
She smiled, "Thanks, Ponyboy." And then she opened the door and stepped in. Now that both of my companions had drifted off, I now had no place to really go. I was too bored to stay home, but was tired of stopping by at the DX. I figured downtown was the smartest place to go, so I started to stroll down there. I bumped into Curly Shepard, Tim's kid brother and hood- in-training. He was on some hallucinogen and asked if I wanted some. I shook my head and kept walking. I don't know why I did though. Curly was a cool guy, but I just wasn't in the mood to sit around smoking hallucinogenic drugs.
I hopped a bus and decided to spend some time occupying a seat, watching the people that stopped by. One young woman was staring at a picture of a young man around her age, dressed in a military uniform. Tears stained her olive skin. A businessman was scuttling to work, his left eye twitching. The bus driver, a large black woman, was chatting with an elderly couple that was coming to visit their grandson. They mentioned the name "Randy". I knew a Randy. He was just a guy, a Soc really. Marcia's boyfriend, last time I checked. I shrugged. Was I supposed to care?
"Hey kid, you gonna get off anytime soon?" It was the bus driver. I had drifted off to sleep for a few minutes. It was around five now, and I had an hour to kill before heading back home for dinner.
"Uh.yeah," I said. I needed an alibi, so I quickly responded, "Here."
"Here?" asked the bus driver. She shrugged, "Sure thing, kid," and stopped the bus. I hopped out of the bus and looked around. I was in a pretty Socy area, eerily the graveyard. Bad memories flowed to my head. Johnny and Dally were buried here. I remembered the service for Johnny. People who didn't even know Johnny showed up. Why? They had no right being there. They didn't know that Johnny thought of suicide, or that his mom did give a rat's ass about him, or that his dad was drunk, or that the furthest Johnny ever got out of town was a Dairy Queen in Windrixville. They moved not too long ago, to Las Vegas or something. Johnny was dead. It was like that "Beatles" record that if you play backwards you can hear "Paul is dead". Johnny is dead. Johnny is dead. Johnny is dead. If only I could play it forwards, maybe Johnny wouldn't be dead. Maybe it'd just be garbled words.
Dally didn't get a service. He wasn't good enough. No one mourned for the fact that an eighteen year old laid dead in the ground. We had to bury Dally ourselves, right next to Johnny where he wanted to be buried. Johnny was all Dally had left. And now they're both dead, rotting underground. Nothing was left except a fat folder in the police office that probably hung in a special little glass case that said "Jail Bird of the Century". In it's own little place of honor. Damn them. Police killed Dally. Police can go to hell for all I care. The mature side of me said that not all police were bad. True. But Tulsa's were the rankest of all of them, the Spikes and Bobs of policemen.
Thinking this, I hadn't realized I was now lying at the foot of Johnny's and Dally's tombstones. Johnny had an elaborate tombstone, with a wide- eyed cherub staring out at me, with "Jonathan Cade 1940-1955. Beloved Son and Friend". Bullshit. His parents didn't give a fuck about Johnny. And Dally's tombstone was nothing more then a slab of concrete with "Dallas Winston" barely scraped across it.
"Damn it, Johnny," I hissed beneath clenched teeth. "Damn it, Johnny, why is it you? Why not Spike or Kat's ex-boyfriend, or anyone else other then you!" I slammed my fist against the tombstone and yelled in agony. I felt hot tears burning my face. Burning, like what Johnny had to endure in the church. Everything friggin' reminded me of that church.
"Pony?" I didn't have to look up. I didn't want to know. It was Sarah. I could tell by her voice. My mind wasn't entirely connected to my body at that point. Sarah walked over and knelt beside me. She wrapped her arms around my head and held my head against her chest. Feeling her racing heartbeat, her tears fell on top of my hair. We found solace in one another's arms.
We must have sat there for an hour at least, probably more. At this point, I don't care how long I sat there. I needed Sarah's comfort. At that very moment, Sarah was the most beautiful thing in the entire world. Silence surrounded us like a comforting security blanket. I didn't want to shed the blanket, to come out from the sheets and face the cold, cruel world.
But all good things came to an end, and I spoke, crushing the moment innocently, "Thank you."
Sarah nodded, her white blonde tendrils covering her beautiful jade green eyes, "No, thank you, Pony." Something was different about Sarah. I wasn't quite sure at that time, and it would take me time to realize what it was. Her voice was quivering, and her arms shook painfully.
"What's your excuse?" I asked.
Sarah closed her eyes, and paused for a long time before speaking, "I was visiting my mother."
"Where is she?"
"Six feet underground."
"I'm sorry."
"I blame cancer," she whispered, her voice soft and dulcet. "My mother loved me very much. She left me when I was eleven. Sometimes I get nightmares about what could've gone differently. So much could've gone differently."
I squeezed my eyes shut, "Don't blame yourself, Sarah." Sarah didn't respond. We didn't need to say anything.
"I didn't know how close you were to Johnny," whispered Sarah, a caring mother watching over her loved one. I nodded. There were certain things I could tell Johnny. Things like sunsets and Southern gentlemen going off to certain death. Things that I normally couldn't tell Darry or Two-Bit or Steve or even Soda. Just Johnny. And Sarah. And possibly Cherry Valance.
"I have to go," murmured Sarah, beginning to stand up.
I clung to her protective arms, pleading, "Don't leave."
"I have to," she said, wiping tears descending down her elfish face. "Reality calls."
"I'll take you someplace then," I said quickly. I didn't care where I'd take her, just as long as it was with Sarah. My beautiful, deep Sarah.
Sarah shook her head, her white-blonde hair cascading down her small shoulders, "I can't. I have a date."
"Who?" I interrogated. Did I hear right? Earwax was clogging my ears, right? I knew my answer already, but I didn't want to admit it.
"Randy Adderson. He said he wanted to see me." She read the betrayal and pain in my eyes. "Don't speak. Please don't speak, Pony, it hurts me too much." I would've given my kidney to be Randy Adderson tonight.
Sarah sighed, "Pony, don't take it the wrong way. I am not dating Randy, it's just at graduation he was there and I was there and he asked and I didn't think I'd have anything to do." Right then I wanted to smile and nod, just to please Sarah. But I just couldn't, and my sadness clouded my face.
Sarah looked off at the sunset, "You're a lighthouse, Ponyboy, you know that? Never give that up." And then Sarah disappeared, as if she was nothing more then a mere specter of my imagination. Sarah was my life support. I was her lighthouse.
SODA
Work grew worse from then on. My heart wasn't set in my work, and the idea of marrying Anya dawned on me. How was I going to support her? Darry, Pony and me could barely survive on our own, and Darry and I worked full time. Anya was going to be another addition to the family, and that was going to be a tight squeeze. I needed to go somewhere.
By the time Steve and I trudged home, I was ready to crash on the couch. Too much reality for one day. Steve was still bitter over Evie, you could tell it in his face. He was my best friend, so I decided to cheer him up.
"Think of it this way, that's less dinners you have to pay for," I joked. Steve didn't take that well. I kicked open the door and tossed off my sneakers. Kat was sitting on the couch, folding laundry and wearing a handkerchief to hold back her flowing black hair. Cloud was sleeping next to her.
Kat smiled and whispered, "Hey Soda, Steve."
I nodded back at her, "Heya Kat, want me to put the kid in Darry's room."
"Would you?" asked Kat, brushing a tendril of her hair back and glancing at Cloud. I scooped the small girl up in my arms and carried her into Darry's room. I nestled her comfortably into Darry's bed and tucked the sheets in. Cloud was sucking her thumb and clutching a stained stuff monkey who was missing an eye and had several patches sewed in. Her tiny body felt uncomfortably warm. She looked so peaceful and calm, as if she wasn't a little girl that had been abused too many times and was merely surviving by her mother's hard earned money.
I sighed as I trudged back into the room. Steve was out on the porch, smoking like a maniac. Kat glanced up to see me and smiled again, "Thank you, Soda."
"No problem," I said curtly.
"Wait, Soda," she called. I turned back to hear what she had to say. Her bruises were healing, and her face had been cleaned up from this morning.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"Um, I'm sorry about coming in and invading your house. I feel really low and all."
"Don't worry about it," I said, brushing the whole topic aside. "Look, you needed a place to stay. It's good Darry's finally opening up to somebody."
Kat blushed, "Thank you."
I paused for a moment, "Oh, hey Kat."
"Yeah?"
"Do you really love Darry?"
Kat didn't even bat an eyelash, "My past history with relationships involves too many mistakes then I'd like to count. Darry's proved them wrong."
I nodded, "You're okay, Kat." Kat smiled and nodded quietly. I then turned and headed out to the porch. Steve was sitting there, cross-armed, leaning back in his chair. His cigarette butt was dangling from his mouth, and the small, fiery little embers danced. Pent up anger was clearly written across his brow.
"Evie, huh?" I asked.
Steve nodded, "Fucking bitch if you ask me." I knew he was taking this harder then he was showing. Evie was the only girl Steve dated that he actually cared about. Until today, I hadn't ever had a problem with Evie. Loud and rambunctious, Evie generally cared about Steve. She broke down in tears when he got hauled down to the station. I just think she broke under all the pressure Steve was putting on her.
"It ain't either of your faults, you know that," I told him. "Just wrong place, wrong time."
"Part of her was right," Steve said angrily, leaning forward. "I take out my problems on other people too much."
"She had no right to say what she said though," I countered.
Steve shrugged and took a long drag on his cigarette, "She was gonna at some point. I dunno, it was time to move on." Bullshit, I thought. I wouldn't say he loved Evie, frankly because I didn't know, but I knew he cared about her a lot. Not as much as he may have cared about his cousin, but I think he and Evie could've been a happy couple, provided situations were different.
Steve chucked his cigarette off the porch just as Anya, dressed in a black leather trench coat, came running down the steps excitedly. She had that giddy glee in her eyes that I absolutely loved.
"Soda, look!" Clenched tightly in her hands were wads of crisp dollar bills. I took a good look at them. There had to be at least fifty dollars, possibly more. Steve was ecstatic, hugging Anya and yelling happily. Kat came out to see what was going on, and she gave Anya a warm hug as well.
"Where'd you get this?" I asked out of the blue.
Anya shrugged, "I got a summer job."
I shrugged. Steve replied, "Damn, that summer job pays well! What is it?"
"J-j-just a j-job," stuttered Anya. "It'll only be for a little while, it's to pay for our wedding and all." Anya took the money, stuffed it into her purse and asked, "Do you mind if I use the shower, Soda?"
"Not at all," I told her. Anya then hurried inside, her dark blonde hair masking her face. Steve just sat on the porch, shaking his head in awe.
"Little Anya got a job," he muttered, bemused. He saw me head down the stairs and called, "Where ya goin'?"
"To find a minister," I called. "We need to know how much more money we need."
DARRY
Work is evil. I know I'm supposed to be mature and tell my brothers work is necessary, and normally it is. But I pulled out about two muscles after roofing Mrs. Reynolds' house, who is the worst employer ever and I wish would seriously take an attitude adjustment.
I strolled into the house and sighed. No one was home but Kat, Steve, Soda and Anya. Soda and Anya were on the porch, cradling and holding one another lovingly. Steve was chain-smoking across from them on the porch, and Kat sat inside. Two-Bit and Pony were nowhere in sight. I was about to ask where Pony was and if he had any homework but I forgot that school was over. Glad that I didn't have to get in a fight with Pony, I stretched out on the armchair.
Kat smiled, "Heya. Work reek?"
"There isn't enough words in the English dictionary to tell you how much I hate working for Mrs. Reynolds," I sighed. We laughed briefly. "Hey, any luck with the job hunt?"
Kat shook her head, "I stopped by the unemployment office. They said they'd get back to me in a while."
I nodded, "That's good."
"I guess."
Silence followed in its wake. From the way Kat looked, she wasn't exactly what one would call hyper. I couldn't say I was up and about either.
"Any news about the social worker?"
"No," said Kat. "I think since I'm hiding out here she won't figure it out until a little while. That'll give me enough time to get back on my feet and look respectable."
"You look fine the way you are."
"No I don't. I look like a mobster's broad."
"Not to me," I murmured. Kat was looking real down, her head in hands, thinking about something. "Let's go for a walk."
Kat looked up to me, "Okay." I took her hand and led her outside. Soda was holding Anya in his lap, and called to me, "Where ya goin', Darry?"
"For a walk, can you keep an ear out for Cloud?"
"No problem, Darry." Soda went back to holding Anya while Kat and I walked down the street arm in arm. Kat wasn't wearing any sunglasses or heavy make-up to hide the bruises, and they looked better then they had been last night.
We kept walking until we reached my old elementary school, where we stopped. Kat sat on the tire swing and I pushed her around. I wanted to make her laugh, but the scars from last night were just scabs, except these went beyond physical scars. They cut straight to her heart and drove a stake right down the middle.
I sighed as I looked out at the harvest moon. I wanted everything to be better for all of us. When I was younger I never imagined I would be raising Soda and Pony on my own and working as a construction worker with minimum wage six days a week.
Kat stared out into the distance. She looked like she was crying on the inside. Why? Was it Cloud, her mother, Julio? I tried to cheer her up, "Don't cry, Kat."
Kat shook her wavy black hair, "Can't help it. I know I shouldn't be, it's just I'm worried about Cloud."
"You mean by your mother taking her away?" I asked. Kat nodded. She sighed, "She's always been like this. I don't understand why she married my father, no offense meant to him, but he wasn't exactly the Harvard graduate if you know what I mean. Then she had Paul, who only wanted to get the hell out of here to go off to someplace he liked. There's Crick, who drifts and has no direction. Then she had me, who got pregnant at eighteen and is barely surviving on a high school graduation."
"Don't talk like that, Kat," I told her, leaning against the tire swing. "I'm just a high school graduate working at roofing houses. I'm not exactly what one would call perfect either."
Kat shook her head, gazing out at the abandoned playground, "No, but you're pretty damn close." I looked over at her. I wanted to gather her in my arms and hold her. I wanted to make her problems go away. I wanted too much. Sometimes this fantasy I daydream in kills me, because I know it'll never be that simple.
I leaned over and kissed her on the lips. It was like swimming in champagne, just calm and peace. I leaned back and sat on the tire swing beside her. We just kept swinging.
CHAPTER SEVEN
PONY
Today was really the first day of summer vacation. Typically, since Two- Bit and I were the only ones who didn't work, we'd mostly stop by and hang at the DX or stop by his mom's diner for some free food or something. But we had Kat and Cloud with us, so we figured we shouldn't do too much walking since Kat was carrying Cloud on her waist.
Kat was trying to cover whatever bruises or signs of injury she had by wearing a long sleeved blouse, sunglasses and heavy make-up. Cloud had refused to wear any sort of cover-up, and Kat had given up. Frankly, I was rather nosy in wondering what had happened.
Kat practically read my mind, "You're probably wondering why you're stuck with me, huh?"
"If you make as mean as pancakes as you made this morning, I don't particularly care," replied Two-Bit, stealing a "Student Crossing" sign and slipping it in his members only jacket.
Kat laughed, "Cloud's father came back and gave us a little trouble." Her voice grew quiet.
"That's awful, Kat," I told her.
Kat shrugged, "Could've been worse." She was being incredibly optimistic, and mostly in denial. We stopped into a convenience store to buy some Dapper Dan's, cigarettes and chocolate milk.
"I'm going to head back home," Kat told me and Two-Bit. Cloud didn't look too healthy; she was real pale and tired looking.
"Are you sure the kid's all right?" asked Two-Bit.
Kat looked to Cloud, "I don't know, she looks a little pale. I'm going to take her home, do you guys have a thermometer?"
"Yeah, here, we'll take you home," I said. Two-Bit was a bit reluctant, especially since he had just ran into Tallulah Beckett. So I escorted Kat and Cloud back to our house.
"Hey Ponyboy, you and Darry are okay, right?" asked Kat.
I shrugged, "I guess."
"Pretty lucky to have a brother that cares for you," sighed Kat.
"Why?" I asked. "What's your deal?"
"My dad owns a gas station in Albuquerque, my mom can't stand me and won't acknowledge my daughter, my older brother, Paul, lives in New York as a businessman and has a family of his own, and my other brother, Crick, just took off to Harlem. You?"
"Fold," I said. Why was Kat talking to me about Darry? I hardly knew her, but she didn't seem to be the type of person who had things come easily to her.
"Just be easy on him, okay?" Kat said, walking up the stairs to the house. "Just know that he loves you, okay?"
Normally, I would've bitten the head off of anyone who had just moved in and who was preaching to me about this kind of topic, but Kat seemed to have this openness, this simple honesty, that it was hard to yell at her. So I just nodded, and said, "Sure, Kat. I'll try."
She smiled, "Thanks, Ponyboy." And then she opened the door and stepped in. Now that both of my companions had drifted off, I now had no place to really go. I was too bored to stay home, but was tired of stopping by at the DX. I figured downtown was the smartest place to go, so I started to stroll down there. I bumped into Curly Shepard, Tim's kid brother and hood- in-training. He was on some hallucinogen and asked if I wanted some. I shook my head and kept walking. I don't know why I did though. Curly was a cool guy, but I just wasn't in the mood to sit around smoking hallucinogenic drugs.
I hopped a bus and decided to spend some time occupying a seat, watching the people that stopped by. One young woman was staring at a picture of a young man around her age, dressed in a military uniform. Tears stained her olive skin. A businessman was scuttling to work, his left eye twitching. The bus driver, a large black woman, was chatting with an elderly couple that was coming to visit their grandson. They mentioned the name "Randy". I knew a Randy. He was just a guy, a Soc really. Marcia's boyfriend, last time I checked. I shrugged. Was I supposed to care?
"Hey kid, you gonna get off anytime soon?" It was the bus driver. I had drifted off to sleep for a few minutes. It was around five now, and I had an hour to kill before heading back home for dinner.
"Uh.yeah," I said. I needed an alibi, so I quickly responded, "Here."
"Here?" asked the bus driver. She shrugged, "Sure thing, kid," and stopped the bus. I hopped out of the bus and looked around. I was in a pretty Socy area, eerily the graveyard. Bad memories flowed to my head. Johnny and Dally were buried here. I remembered the service for Johnny. People who didn't even know Johnny showed up. Why? They had no right being there. They didn't know that Johnny thought of suicide, or that his mom did give a rat's ass about him, or that his dad was drunk, or that the furthest Johnny ever got out of town was a Dairy Queen in Windrixville. They moved not too long ago, to Las Vegas or something. Johnny was dead. It was like that "Beatles" record that if you play backwards you can hear "Paul is dead". Johnny is dead. Johnny is dead. Johnny is dead. If only I could play it forwards, maybe Johnny wouldn't be dead. Maybe it'd just be garbled words.
Dally didn't get a service. He wasn't good enough. No one mourned for the fact that an eighteen year old laid dead in the ground. We had to bury Dally ourselves, right next to Johnny where he wanted to be buried. Johnny was all Dally had left. And now they're both dead, rotting underground. Nothing was left except a fat folder in the police office that probably hung in a special little glass case that said "Jail Bird of the Century". In it's own little place of honor. Damn them. Police killed Dally. Police can go to hell for all I care. The mature side of me said that not all police were bad. True. But Tulsa's were the rankest of all of them, the Spikes and Bobs of policemen.
Thinking this, I hadn't realized I was now lying at the foot of Johnny's and Dally's tombstones. Johnny had an elaborate tombstone, with a wide- eyed cherub staring out at me, with "Jonathan Cade 1940-1955. Beloved Son and Friend". Bullshit. His parents didn't give a fuck about Johnny. And Dally's tombstone was nothing more then a slab of concrete with "Dallas Winston" barely scraped across it.
"Damn it, Johnny," I hissed beneath clenched teeth. "Damn it, Johnny, why is it you? Why not Spike or Kat's ex-boyfriend, or anyone else other then you!" I slammed my fist against the tombstone and yelled in agony. I felt hot tears burning my face. Burning, like what Johnny had to endure in the church. Everything friggin' reminded me of that church.
"Pony?" I didn't have to look up. I didn't want to know. It was Sarah. I could tell by her voice. My mind wasn't entirely connected to my body at that point. Sarah walked over and knelt beside me. She wrapped her arms around my head and held my head against her chest. Feeling her racing heartbeat, her tears fell on top of my hair. We found solace in one another's arms.
We must have sat there for an hour at least, probably more. At this point, I don't care how long I sat there. I needed Sarah's comfort. At that very moment, Sarah was the most beautiful thing in the entire world. Silence surrounded us like a comforting security blanket. I didn't want to shed the blanket, to come out from the sheets and face the cold, cruel world.
But all good things came to an end, and I spoke, crushing the moment innocently, "Thank you."
Sarah nodded, her white blonde tendrils covering her beautiful jade green eyes, "No, thank you, Pony." Something was different about Sarah. I wasn't quite sure at that time, and it would take me time to realize what it was. Her voice was quivering, and her arms shook painfully.
"What's your excuse?" I asked.
Sarah closed her eyes, and paused for a long time before speaking, "I was visiting my mother."
"Where is she?"
"Six feet underground."
"I'm sorry."
"I blame cancer," she whispered, her voice soft and dulcet. "My mother loved me very much. She left me when I was eleven. Sometimes I get nightmares about what could've gone differently. So much could've gone differently."
I squeezed my eyes shut, "Don't blame yourself, Sarah." Sarah didn't respond. We didn't need to say anything.
"I didn't know how close you were to Johnny," whispered Sarah, a caring mother watching over her loved one. I nodded. There were certain things I could tell Johnny. Things like sunsets and Southern gentlemen going off to certain death. Things that I normally couldn't tell Darry or Two-Bit or Steve or even Soda. Just Johnny. And Sarah. And possibly Cherry Valance.
"I have to go," murmured Sarah, beginning to stand up.
I clung to her protective arms, pleading, "Don't leave."
"I have to," she said, wiping tears descending down her elfish face. "Reality calls."
"I'll take you someplace then," I said quickly. I didn't care where I'd take her, just as long as it was with Sarah. My beautiful, deep Sarah.
Sarah shook her head, her white-blonde hair cascading down her small shoulders, "I can't. I have a date."
"Who?" I interrogated. Did I hear right? Earwax was clogging my ears, right? I knew my answer already, but I didn't want to admit it.
"Randy Adderson. He said he wanted to see me." She read the betrayal and pain in my eyes. "Don't speak. Please don't speak, Pony, it hurts me too much." I would've given my kidney to be Randy Adderson tonight.
Sarah sighed, "Pony, don't take it the wrong way. I am not dating Randy, it's just at graduation he was there and I was there and he asked and I didn't think I'd have anything to do." Right then I wanted to smile and nod, just to please Sarah. But I just couldn't, and my sadness clouded my face.
Sarah looked off at the sunset, "You're a lighthouse, Ponyboy, you know that? Never give that up." And then Sarah disappeared, as if she was nothing more then a mere specter of my imagination. Sarah was my life support. I was her lighthouse.
SODA
Work grew worse from then on. My heart wasn't set in my work, and the idea of marrying Anya dawned on me. How was I going to support her? Darry, Pony and me could barely survive on our own, and Darry and I worked full time. Anya was going to be another addition to the family, and that was going to be a tight squeeze. I needed to go somewhere.
By the time Steve and I trudged home, I was ready to crash on the couch. Too much reality for one day. Steve was still bitter over Evie, you could tell it in his face. He was my best friend, so I decided to cheer him up.
"Think of it this way, that's less dinners you have to pay for," I joked. Steve didn't take that well. I kicked open the door and tossed off my sneakers. Kat was sitting on the couch, folding laundry and wearing a handkerchief to hold back her flowing black hair. Cloud was sleeping next to her.
Kat smiled and whispered, "Hey Soda, Steve."
I nodded back at her, "Heya Kat, want me to put the kid in Darry's room."
"Would you?" asked Kat, brushing a tendril of her hair back and glancing at Cloud. I scooped the small girl up in my arms and carried her into Darry's room. I nestled her comfortably into Darry's bed and tucked the sheets in. Cloud was sucking her thumb and clutching a stained stuff monkey who was missing an eye and had several patches sewed in. Her tiny body felt uncomfortably warm. She looked so peaceful and calm, as if she wasn't a little girl that had been abused too many times and was merely surviving by her mother's hard earned money.
I sighed as I trudged back into the room. Steve was out on the porch, smoking like a maniac. Kat glanced up to see me and smiled again, "Thank you, Soda."
"No problem," I said curtly.
"Wait, Soda," she called. I turned back to hear what she had to say. Her bruises were healing, and her face had been cleaned up from this morning.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"Um, I'm sorry about coming in and invading your house. I feel really low and all."
"Don't worry about it," I said, brushing the whole topic aside. "Look, you needed a place to stay. It's good Darry's finally opening up to somebody."
Kat blushed, "Thank you."
I paused for a moment, "Oh, hey Kat."
"Yeah?"
"Do you really love Darry?"
Kat didn't even bat an eyelash, "My past history with relationships involves too many mistakes then I'd like to count. Darry's proved them wrong."
I nodded, "You're okay, Kat." Kat smiled and nodded quietly. I then turned and headed out to the porch. Steve was sitting there, cross-armed, leaning back in his chair. His cigarette butt was dangling from his mouth, and the small, fiery little embers danced. Pent up anger was clearly written across his brow.
"Evie, huh?" I asked.
Steve nodded, "Fucking bitch if you ask me." I knew he was taking this harder then he was showing. Evie was the only girl Steve dated that he actually cared about. Until today, I hadn't ever had a problem with Evie. Loud and rambunctious, Evie generally cared about Steve. She broke down in tears when he got hauled down to the station. I just think she broke under all the pressure Steve was putting on her.
"It ain't either of your faults, you know that," I told him. "Just wrong place, wrong time."
"Part of her was right," Steve said angrily, leaning forward. "I take out my problems on other people too much."
"She had no right to say what she said though," I countered.
Steve shrugged and took a long drag on his cigarette, "She was gonna at some point. I dunno, it was time to move on." Bullshit, I thought. I wouldn't say he loved Evie, frankly because I didn't know, but I knew he cared about her a lot. Not as much as he may have cared about his cousin, but I think he and Evie could've been a happy couple, provided situations were different.
Steve chucked his cigarette off the porch just as Anya, dressed in a black leather trench coat, came running down the steps excitedly. She had that giddy glee in her eyes that I absolutely loved.
"Soda, look!" Clenched tightly in her hands were wads of crisp dollar bills. I took a good look at them. There had to be at least fifty dollars, possibly more. Steve was ecstatic, hugging Anya and yelling happily. Kat came out to see what was going on, and she gave Anya a warm hug as well.
"Where'd you get this?" I asked out of the blue.
Anya shrugged, "I got a summer job."
I shrugged. Steve replied, "Damn, that summer job pays well! What is it?"
"J-j-just a j-job," stuttered Anya. "It'll only be for a little while, it's to pay for our wedding and all." Anya took the money, stuffed it into her purse and asked, "Do you mind if I use the shower, Soda?"
"Not at all," I told her. Anya then hurried inside, her dark blonde hair masking her face. Steve just sat on the porch, shaking his head in awe.
"Little Anya got a job," he muttered, bemused. He saw me head down the stairs and called, "Where ya goin'?"
"To find a minister," I called. "We need to know how much more money we need."
DARRY
Work is evil. I know I'm supposed to be mature and tell my brothers work is necessary, and normally it is. But I pulled out about two muscles after roofing Mrs. Reynolds' house, who is the worst employer ever and I wish would seriously take an attitude adjustment.
I strolled into the house and sighed. No one was home but Kat, Steve, Soda and Anya. Soda and Anya were on the porch, cradling and holding one another lovingly. Steve was chain-smoking across from them on the porch, and Kat sat inside. Two-Bit and Pony were nowhere in sight. I was about to ask where Pony was and if he had any homework but I forgot that school was over. Glad that I didn't have to get in a fight with Pony, I stretched out on the armchair.
Kat smiled, "Heya. Work reek?"
"There isn't enough words in the English dictionary to tell you how much I hate working for Mrs. Reynolds," I sighed. We laughed briefly. "Hey, any luck with the job hunt?"
Kat shook her head, "I stopped by the unemployment office. They said they'd get back to me in a while."
I nodded, "That's good."
"I guess."
Silence followed in its wake. From the way Kat looked, she wasn't exactly what one would call hyper. I couldn't say I was up and about either.
"Any news about the social worker?"
"No," said Kat. "I think since I'm hiding out here she won't figure it out until a little while. That'll give me enough time to get back on my feet and look respectable."
"You look fine the way you are."
"No I don't. I look like a mobster's broad."
"Not to me," I murmured. Kat was looking real down, her head in hands, thinking about something. "Let's go for a walk."
Kat looked up to me, "Okay." I took her hand and led her outside. Soda was holding Anya in his lap, and called to me, "Where ya goin', Darry?"
"For a walk, can you keep an ear out for Cloud?"
"No problem, Darry." Soda went back to holding Anya while Kat and I walked down the street arm in arm. Kat wasn't wearing any sunglasses or heavy make-up to hide the bruises, and they looked better then they had been last night.
We kept walking until we reached my old elementary school, where we stopped. Kat sat on the tire swing and I pushed her around. I wanted to make her laugh, but the scars from last night were just scabs, except these went beyond physical scars. They cut straight to her heart and drove a stake right down the middle.
I sighed as I looked out at the harvest moon. I wanted everything to be better for all of us. When I was younger I never imagined I would be raising Soda and Pony on my own and working as a construction worker with minimum wage six days a week.
Kat stared out into the distance. She looked like she was crying on the inside. Why? Was it Cloud, her mother, Julio? I tried to cheer her up, "Don't cry, Kat."
Kat shook her wavy black hair, "Can't help it. I know I shouldn't be, it's just I'm worried about Cloud."
"You mean by your mother taking her away?" I asked. Kat nodded. She sighed, "She's always been like this. I don't understand why she married my father, no offense meant to him, but he wasn't exactly the Harvard graduate if you know what I mean. Then she had Paul, who only wanted to get the hell out of here to go off to someplace he liked. There's Crick, who drifts and has no direction. Then she had me, who got pregnant at eighteen and is barely surviving on a high school graduation."
"Don't talk like that, Kat," I told her, leaning against the tire swing. "I'm just a high school graduate working at roofing houses. I'm not exactly what one would call perfect either."
Kat shook her head, gazing out at the abandoned playground, "No, but you're pretty damn close." I looked over at her. I wanted to gather her in my arms and hold her. I wanted to make her problems go away. I wanted too much. Sometimes this fantasy I daydream in kills me, because I know it'll never be that simple.
I leaned over and kissed her on the lips. It was like swimming in champagne, just calm and peace. I leaned back and sat on the tire swing beside her. We just kept swinging.