STANDARD DISLAIMER: Characters not including Simon are © to Squaresoft.

Please leave suggestions. My friend at school told me to do Selphie, so I'm doing that. *realizes how 'do Selphie' sounds* Tee-hee! Like, write her in. If you don't tell me what to do, I won't write! Stares at Me's review. Lana… you are strange. But it was her idea to do Selphie! *runs around in circles like Lana does then gets dizzy and falls down* Oh, and I didn't spend much time on spelling in this chapter, but don't be afraid to tell me if I made any mistakes. It would actually be nice.

Simon: FF8 Style

Selphie

Well good day, my name is Simon.

And I like to do drawrings.

I like to draw, all day long.

So come and do drawerings with me.

Girl Voices: Come and do drawerings with me…

FADE IN

INTERIOR is a bathroom, only the bathtub and the wall behind it are visible.

SIMON

Hello. My name is Simon. I like to do drawings. Today my guest is Sefie… Sefie? Say hello. All right Sefie. That's enough. Please stop doing that Selphie…

SELPHIE

The white stuff tastes good…

SIMON

All right, now stop eating my sun tan lotion! Cheeky monkey!

SELPHIE

Cheeky monkey more! Tee-hee!

SQUALL

When my new daddy and I were out again, we saw Sefie with Irvy, and decided it would be a good idea for her to come to the tub, because we've already had Irvy on.

SELPHIE

Tee-hee! Irvy is my boyfriend! And Laguna is touching my bum!

LAGUNA pops up again.

LAGUNA

I like de bubbles…

SQUALL

(in the audience)

Are you touching her bum?

SIMON

Cheeky monkey!

SELPHIE

Bum toucher!

LAGUNA licks SELPHIE's ear.

SELPHIE

Tee-hee!

IRVINE

(in the audience)

Save some for me Sefie! Grrr… hello Mr. President…

IRVINE bats his eyelashes at LAGUNA, but then FUJIN runs out and kicks him. LAGUNA goes back under.

SELPHIE

Isn't she pregnant?

SIMON

Yes, with Seify.

SELPHIE

Cool! I drew this picture of Fujie eating gold fish with me. We got them right out of Edea's house pond!

SIMON

Like in Jungle2Jungle? That movie is ever so much fun!

SELPHIE

I have an idea! After the show, let's paint our faces like they do in the movie! OH! Let's scream like at the beginning!

SIMON AND SELPHIE

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

LAGUNA

(popping up)

Ow! Sound really travels in water.

SIMON AND SELPHIE

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

LAGUNA

(looking around)

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

SELPHIE

Woo… He is really hot when he screams… I wonder if…?

IRVINE

… Sefie!

SELPHIE

Sorry.

IRVINE

Just don't get into anything without me.

SELPHIE

Heh heh…

SIMON

Do you have any other pictures, Sefie?

SELPHIE

Yeah! This is my picture! It's me and the chipmunks!

SQUALL

(sighing)

The chipmunks and I.

Selphie holds up a really accurately drawn picture of her surrounded by chipmunks, their teeth covered in blood, including Selphie's…

SELPHIE

MUA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

SIMON

… Do you have any pets?

SELPHIE

Thousands!

SIMON

My new daddy talked to my old daddy and they're letting me get a dog. My new daddy has never had a dog and he said it would be a good experience for him as well. The only dog he ever got close to was Rinny's dog, but then she took her doggie away from him because it liked him better.

SIMON holds up a picture of ANGELO.

SELPHIE

Angelo is the doggie from hell! They ate a squirrel!

SIMON

They?

SELPHIE

All right! I don't know what gender it is! It's not my fault! Everybody picks on the one that got 0.5 on their IQ tests!

SIMON

Why ever are you looking at me like that? And what ever is that scythe for? And why can Laguna stay under the water so long?

SELPHIE

And why is he touching me there?

LAGUNA pops up, takes a breath, winks at Selphie, and goes back under.

SQUALL

God! WHY IS HE ALWAYS THERE?

SELPHIE

I have a picture of Laguna! It's not finished yet. See how his eyes are closed, his head tilted back… He's going to be…

SELPHIE's head drops down and she goes into a LAGUNA-ish fantasy world.

SIMON

Sefie? Sefie… Sefie… Sefie… I'm going to get prune hands. Sefie…

SELPHIE

Ah… *drool*

SIMON

Maybe we should leave Sefie alone… so goodbye. My guest has been Sefie. Goodbye Sefie.

SELPHIE

And HELLO Laguna's hand.

SIMON

This time, it's definitely getting warmer in here.

Fujin runs out and tries to kick Laguna but can't find him.

SEIFER

Fujie! You're going to fall and hurt the baby!

FUJIN stares at SEIFER like he's insane.

Well good day, my name is Simon.

And I like to do drawrings.