Perrin and the Three Whitecloaks
Disclaimer: I do not own the Wheel of Time or any related characters. This is purely for the twisted fun of it. :)
Ready for this? I'm not. Call me when it's over. Sorry it took so long to post. My brother just got a X-Box and I've been playing that, well, watching DVD's and such. Like the Lord of the Rings, over and over and over. Love my Legolas! That and I'm lazy. And I've played through the Legend of Dragoon another coupla times (GOD THAT GAME ROCKS.) And I don't own any related LoD characters that wander in....errr.....chained to me.
And there will be some OOC. Like you didn't know that already. Psh, I am the SUPREME GODDESS OF OOC. Like the title?
--------Where the Whitecloaks are-------
Dain Bornhald was bored. (Note: I would be too if all I had to do was pick names out of the air and declared them Darkfriends, the dumb@$$.)
So bored in fact that he decided to hang some Darkfriends from trees and such all the while pretending to be such a man seeking the truth ( or whatever) and seeking Darkfriends to keep them out of polite society.
The only problem was, he had hung all the Darkfriends they had gathered.
So he paced, thought, paced some more, thought (by then his brain was starting to hurt. Note I don't like him.) So he thought one more time before sitting down in his just and holy resting Lazy-Boy-which was white with golden sunbursts-and finally after three days, he came up with a wonderful idea.
A wonderful, evil-in-a-just-and-right-idea.
He would go FIND more Darkfriends.
But all that thinking wore him out, and since he was so wonderfully important to the Whitecloaks...errr.....Children of the Light,-
~cue Holy Music~
-he had to find some poor saps......errr......Whitecloaks.....I mean.....Children of the Light-
~cue Holy Music~
-to go and find the one that had eluded his grasp for so long...the little....
~THWAP!!!~
Dain rubbed his head and looked up suspisciosly. "What the....??"
(Pop Weasel whistles innocently, hiding a tire iron behind her back)
...jerk.
Meaning that Perrin Aybara of Emond's Field was going to be getting a visit.
But, due to the budget cuts, they only had a few Children of the Light-
~cue Holy Music~
--to spare.
So he put out a call and not so long after ward, three men in white cloaks came bumbling into his tent.
He gave them instructions. Told them not to fail. And to bring him some of those new Arby's double buffalo dipping wings on the way back.
"Aye aye sir!" said Chedder. (I like cheese, hehehe)
"Count on me sir." saluted Dill. (as in PICKLE! Muhahahahahhaa)
"Bluebells and cheese!" cheered Ima Pansy. (Do I REALLY need a reason anymore?)
And they all rushed out in a flapping of Whitecloaks.........er.....Children of the Light-
~cue Holy Music~
-cloaks. The damned cloaks were white! What more do you want me to say!
-------Two Rivers-----
Perrin was lounging in his Lazy-Boy that he had stolen from the Forsaken Demandred with nothing to do but order the Three Gray Men around and watch the game on the big screen he had also stolen from Demandred.
RING RING RING
Sighing, the hottie...err......Lord of Two Rivers...Perrin.....hmmmmmmm...answered the phone.
"Ohhhhhhh Perrin.........you never returned the messages I left you......"
A sharp golden eyed glance and the answering machine: 89 messages.
Sigh.
"The restraining order still means no phone calls Berelain..."
Faile marched in, grabbed the phone, blew a air horn into the mouthpiece, screamed "AND YOU STAY AWAY FROM HIM! YOU HEAR!!!!" and slammed the phone back down. Smoothed her dress, adjusted his shirt, put a stray strand of hair into place, turned back into the kitchen.
Fastwind raised her head from her paws in question.
Perrin shrugged. "She can sew." he said in explaination. Fastwind cocked her head, went back to sleep.
The White Tower Warders were kicking the ass of the Bore Bulldogs by the second quarter. And he kept getting calls from someone named Moridin begging him to place a bet.
He was getting his number changed, AGAIN.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Faile screamed at him to get the door, so he rose slowly, ambled to the door. Opened it.
"Hello, you would be Perrin Aybara of Emond's Field?"
Three men dressed in white cloaks stood at his back door, one holding a thick coil of rope in his hands.
"Who are you?" he asked while yawning. (see how many of you yawn when Perrin does, muahahaha)
The one holding the rope gave him a insane smile. "Dill Pickle, at your service."
Perrin stared at him for a long moment.
"Chedder Wheel." said the tallest.
"Bluebells and cheese." bobbed Ima Pansy.
Perrin slammed the door and went back to his game, deciding to play his Playstation and popping in THE LEGEND OF DRAGOON.
(Pause: THEY WERE NOT HAPPY IN TAKING MY LAVITZ AWAY ONCE!!!!!!!! THE BASTARDS HAD TO DO IT TWICE!!!!! TWICE!!!!!!!!!!!!)
(Sorry, won't happen again. It was the Gremlins.)
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
He had just gotten to the trade city of Lohan on disk one and was royally p.o.ed. He stomped over to the door and demanded "WHAT!?"
There they were again, still holding that rope.
"Are you SURE you're not Perrin Aybara?"
"Bluebells and cheese."
"'cause if you are, we have orders to hang you from the nearest tree." said Dill Pickle.
One of Perrin's golden eyes bulged. "FAILE!!!!" and slammed the door.
"Wonder what that was about?" inquired Chedder Wheel.
Then a woman dropped down off the porch roof weilding a rolling pin and a air horn. "BURN DEVIL MONKEY!!!!!!!!"
WHAP THEMP CRUCK BBBBBAAALLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAA CRUNCH WHACK THUMP THUMP THUMP MUNCH CRUNCH WHAP WHAP
Faile dusted off her hands and calmly walked back outside.
Inside: Perrin sobbing openly at the death of Lavitz.
Outside: Three naked men were tied to a giant oak with their own white cloaks.
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Pop Weasel: I know it was short, but it was a beginning. Be happy, it took me a hour to write. This is pure, free thought insanity. No plans, no plot, no point. Love ya all! Toodles!
Lavitz: *yanks on chain that keeps him secured to Pop* Can I go home now?
Pop Weasel: Psh, it's Movie Night!
Lavitz: Watching reruns of Dragon Ball Z is NOT Movie Night!
Perrin: Hey! This is MY fic. Scoot!
Pop Weasel : *grins evilly*
Perrin: Oh no.
Lavitz: You did it to yourself.
Pop Weasel: *pounces*
Perrin: HOLY CREATOR!!! GET IT OFF!!!
Lavitz: Scream all you want. Nobody will hear you.
Pop Weasel: *waves to fellow fic readers/authors/everyone. Both Lavitz and Perrin are chained to her.* BYE BYE! See ya'll next chapter!
Perrin: SAVE ME!!!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Wheel of Time or any related characters. This is purely for the twisted fun of it. :)
Ready for this? I'm not. Call me when it's over. Sorry it took so long to post. My brother just got a X-Box and I've been playing that, well, watching DVD's and such. Like the Lord of the Rings, over and over and over. Love my Legolas! That and I'm lazy. And I've played through the Legend of Dragoon another coupla times (GOD THAT GAME ROCKS.) And I don't own any related LoD characters that wander in....errr.....chained to me.
And there will be some OOC. Like you didn't know that already. Psh, I am the SUPREME GODDESS OF OOC. Like the title?
--------Where the Whitecloaks are-------
Dain Bornhald was bored. (Note: I would be too if all I had to do was pick names out of the air and declared them Darkfriends, the dumb@$$.)
So bored in fact that he decided to hang some Darkfriends from trees and such all the while pretending to be such a man seeking the truth ( or whatever) and seeking Darkfriends to keep them out of polite society.
The only problem was, he had hung all the Darkfriends they had gathered.
So he paced, thought, paced some more, thought (by then his brain was starting to hurt. Note I don't like him.) So he thought one more time before sitting down in his just and holy resting Lazy-Boy-which was white with golden sunbursts-and finally after three days, he came up with a wonderful idea.
A wonderful, evil-in-a-just-and-right-idea.
He would go FIND more Darkfriends.
But all that thinking wore him out, and since he was so wonderfully important to the Whitecloaks...errr.....Children of the Light,-
~cue Holy Music~
-he had to find some poor saps......errr......Whitecloaks.....I mean.....Children of the Light-
~cue Holy Music~
-to go and find the one that had eluded his grasp for so long...the little....
~THWAP!!!~
Dain rubbed his head and looked up suspisciosly. "What the....??"
(Pop Weasel whistles innocently, hiding a tire iron behind her back)
...jerk.
Meaning that Perrin Aybara of Emond's Field was going to be getting a visit.
But, due to the budget cuts, they only had a few Children of the Light-
~cue Holy Music~
--to spare.
So he put out a call and not so long after ward, three men in white cloaks came bumbling into his tent.
He gave them instructions. Told them not to fail. And to bring him some of those new Arby's double buffalo dipping wings on the way back.
"Aye aye sir!" said Chedder. (I like cheese, hehehe)
"Count on me sir." saluted Dill. (as in PICKLE! Muhahahahahhaa)
"Bluebells and cheese!" cheered Ima Pansy. (Do I REALLY need a reason anymore?)
And they all rushed out in a flapping of Whitecloaks.........er.....Children of the Light-
~cue Holy Music~
-cloaks. The damned cloaks were white! What more do you want me to say!
-------Two Rivers-----
Perrin was lounging in his Lazy-Boy that he had stolen from the Forsaken Demandred with nothing to do but order the Three Gray Men around and watch the game on the big screen he had also stolen from Demandred.
RING RING RING
Sighing, the hottie...err......Lord of Two Rivers...Perrin.....hmmmmmmm...answered the phone.
"Ohhhhhhh Perrin.........you never returned the messages I left you......"
A sharp golden eyed glance and the answering machine: 89 messages.
Sigh.
"The restraining order still means no phone calls Berelain..."
Faile marched in, grabbed the phone, blew a air horn into the mouthpiece, screamed "AND YOU STAY AWAY FROM HIM! YOU HEAR!!!!" and slammed the phone back down. Smoothed her dress, adjusted his shirt, put a stray strand of hair into place, turned back into the kitchen.
Fastwind raised her head from her paws in question.
Perrin shrugged. "She can sew." he said in explaination. Fastwind cocked her head, went back to sleep.
The White Tower Warders were kicking the ass of the Bore Bulldogs by the second quarter. And he kept getting calls from someone named Moridin begging him to place a bet.
He was getting his number changed, AGAIN.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Faile screamed at him to get the door, so he rose slowly, ambled to the door. Opened it.
"Hello, you would be Perrin Aybara of Emond's Field?"
Three men dressed in white cloaks stood at his back door, one holding a thick coil of rope in his hands.
"Who are you?" he asked while yawning. (see how many of you yawn when Perrin does, muahahaha)
The one holding the rope gave him a insane smile. "Dill Pickle, at your service."
Perrin stared at him for a long moment.
"Chedder Wheel." said the tallest.
"Bluebells and cheese." bobbed Ima Pansy.
Perrin slammed the door and went back to his game, deciding to play his Playstation and popping in THE LEGEND OF DRAGOON.
(Pause: THEY WERE NOT HAPPY IN TAKING MY LAVITZ AWAY ONCE!!!!!!!! THE BASTARDS HAD TO DO IT TWICE!!!!! TWICE!!!!!!!!!!!!)
(Sorry, won't happen again. It was the Gremlins.)
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
He had just gotten to the trade city of Lohan on disk one and was royally p.o.ed. He stomped over to the door and demanded "WHAT!?"
There they were again, still holding that rope.
"Are you SURE you're not Perrin Aybara?"
"Bluebells and cheese."
"'cause if you are, we have orders to hang you from the nearest tree." said Dill Pickle.
One of Perrin's golden eyes bulged. "FAILE!!!!" and slammed the door.
"Wonder what that was about?" inquired Chedder Wheel.
Then a woman dropped down off the porch roof weilding a rolling pin and a air horn. "BURN DEVIL MONKEY!!!!!!!!"
WHAP THEMP CRUCK BBBBBAAALLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAA CRUNCH WHACK THUMP THUMP THUMP MUNCH CRUNCH WHAP WHAP
Faile dusted off her hands and calmly walked back outside.
Inside: Perrin sobbing openly at the death of Lavitz.
Outside: Three naked men were tied to a giant oak with their own white cloaks.
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Pop Weasel: I know it was short, but it was a beginning. Be happy, it took me a hour to write. This is pure, free thought insanity. No plans, no plot, no point. Love ya all! Toodles!
Lavitz: *yanks on chain that keeps him secured to Pop* Can I go home now?
Pop Weasel: Psh, it's Movie Night!
Lavitz: Watching reruns of Dragon Ball Z is NOT Movie Night!
Perrin: Hey! This is MY fic. Scoot!
Pop Weasel : *grins evilly*
Perrin: Oh no.
Lavitz: You did it to yourself.
Pop Weasel: *pounces*
Perrin: HOLY CREATOR!!! GET IT OFF!!!
Lavitz: Scream all you want. Nobody will hear you.
Pop Weasel: *waves to fellow fic readers/authors/everyone. Both Lavitz and Perrin are chained to her.* BYE BYE! See ya'll next chapter!
Perrin: SAVE ME!!!