Chapter 4: Love Revisited
Victoria stared at the closed door, waited and then walked through it herself without regard for Dumbledore. Severus was already gone down the stairs and out the hallway, but her intention was not to catch up with him. His words had been biting and callus, but most importantly she was convinced they were a lie. No doubt, Severus had pined over her all those years in hopes she would awaken. There was a bond between them that not even loyalty to the Death Eaters could break; a bond that only twins share. However, now she was awake and Voldemort was back. He was free to leave, free to continue his previous lifestyle and free to betray them again. His words had been calculated and she knew it deep in her heart.
And what about Sirius? The love of her life had been a coconspirator with her spawn of Satan brother this morning. Leaving the castle without informing her of their intention to smuggle Harry out of his relatives home. Surely Sirius was aware of Severus' true nature now. The other prisoners in Azkaban must have mentioned his Death Eater participation. He must know, as she did, what Severus was capable of. And speaking of Sirius, he was sitting in his canine form in front of her hidden door when she arrived. His posture was unfamiliar to her. Never had she seen him so somber and tense.
Padfoot, as his friends so lovingly called him, had always let his sense of humor show in his Animagus form. He would roll playfully on the floor when he greeted her or he would transform and then lay his head in her lap affectionately when she was in a bad mood. Now, he sat straight up and the pain he felt showed in his dark eyes. His tail didn't wag and his ears were perked up as if to listen for snooping individuals. Victoria acknowledged his presence with a simple nod of her head and let him follow her into the quiet of her quarters.
When she had locked the door sufficiently she turned to see him standing before her in his human form. The look in his eyes hadn't changed and he seemed overall a bit sheepish, as if expecting her to admonish him. She would let him speak first, and stood there waiting for his quivering lips to spill the words he was no doubt pondering now.
"We had no choice," Sirius said timidly.
That wasn't a thorough enough of an explanation. Victoria raised her eyebrows at him, hoping he would continue on.
"You would have never agreed to let us go without you, and there was no way we could ask you not to tell Harry you're his godmother," he finally said.
"I suppose Dumbledore put you up to this," she responded.
"Actually Snape did, but only because he couldn't think of a way to do it himself."
The revelation shocked Victoria. Was Severus afraid to approach her now or did he just realize the futility of it?
"I had wanted to explain things to Harry, to share with him, to help him understand why all of this is happening Sirius. And now I have to wait for who knows how long. He deserves to know!"
"I know," he said softly as he let his head drop guiltily. "I don't agree with, nor do I understand what is going on."
"And with my brother! My Death Eater brother Sirius! Honestly!" Victoria shouted. Her shouts brought on an unreadable expression on Sirius' face.
"Did you know?" he asked.
"Did I know what?"
"That he was a Death Eater. I mean before you went into the coma."
It was Victoria's turn to dip her head guiltily. She waited several minutes before responding.
"I've known since my first week at the Ministry."
"WHAT?" Sirius exclaimed. His voice showed both his shock and his fury.
Victoria sighed heavily. She hadn't shared the experience with anyone for fear she would be let go from her position as an Auror. Couple that with the shame it would have brought to her family, and the possibility she would lose her brother to the Dementors at Azkaban. The words didn't come any easier now than they would have then. She sat hastily in a chair and dropped her head into her hands.
Moments later she felt Sirius' fingers on her shoulders and his warmth encouraging her to speak.
"Do you remember me talking about my first week at the Ministry? The first raid I went on alone?" she asked him as tears formed in her eyes.
"Yes. It was a Muggle family was it not?"
"Yes. Just one Death Eater. I remember being so excited. The report had come in from a Wizarding family nearby and I had Apparated instantly without waiting for my partner to come back from dinner.
"He was so cruel Sirius. I could hear his wicked laugh, distorted by some spell and the mask he was wearing. The older woman was screaming in pain as her limbs were stretched to the point of breaking off. There was a young girl in the room watching it all but he paid her no attention. The husband was already dead in a pool of his own blood." Victoria paused. The recollection was almost too painful and the tears were flowing freely now.
Sirius brought his hands down and rested them on her knees as he knelt down in front of her.
"I disarmed him and bound him tightly. He resisted of course - throwing some fairly nasty hexes at me. One caught my arm, another singed some of my hair."
"I remember the creative haircut well," Sirius said playfully. Victoria raised her head and shot him a small smile.
"But once he saw my face, he froze. I figured it was someone I had gone to school with. But when I lifted the mask..."
"It was your brother," Sirius said as he realized what she was going to say. She nodded.
"I can't begin to explain how I felt. I remember not being able to breath as our eyes met. The child was screaming but I didn't hear her. I can't explain it but the first thing I thought of was getting the hell out of there. With him. I don't really remember what happened next but I think I quickly healed the Muggle woman and then cleaned her house quickly with a spell. I Obliviated both her and the child. Then I Apparated with Severus and the dead man to some deserted moor."
"You didn't wait for the Ministry?" Sirius gasped.
"I couldn't. I didn't know why at the time, but I think I needed to hear it from him myself. I needed to do whatever it took to get him to say the words I wanted to hear. I wanted an apology, an explanation, anything that would ease my confusion.
"We were there, in the cold moor for nearly two days. I remember seeing two sunrises. I didn't let him eat or drink. I hurt him, Sirius. I tortured him. I wanted to know everything." Victoria raised a hand to wipe the tears from her eyes.
"I hadn't seen Severus cry since he was a baby, but he cried those two days. He wept and I believed he was sorry." She stopped.
"Did he tell you why he became a Death Eater?"
Victoria raised her head to look at her beloved Sirius. His eyes held so many questions and so much love for her even after all of these years. How could she say this? How could she tell him why Severus had done all of these things?
"He did. He..." her voice stopped.
"What is it Vic?" he said, using her shortened pet name.
"He said it was because of me; because I abandoned him. For you."
Sirius' eyebrows rose and a look of pure horror crossed his face.
"I don't understand," he said.
"I didn't either. But he told me, honestly, everything he felt. How we had been so close as children. We were inseparable when we were growing up and then we came to Hogwarts I didn't like his friends and I met Lily. It was at that point, I realize now, that we began to grow apart. But it wasn't just that I had different friends, Sirius. He was jealous of my closeness with you and James and Lily. He craved so desperately for my affection. And then in our fifth year when you and I got together he became so jealous of you he nearly went insane."
"Because I loved you?" he asked.
"No. Because I showed more love to you than I showed to him. Love he thought should be reserved for him."
"It's a different kind of love Victoria," Sirius said in a strangled voice.
"Yes, but I completely ignored him Sirius. We didn't speak and when we did we fought. We argued over you. He hated you long before we ever began dating. The four of you did awful things to him. You realize that don't you?"
"He followed us around trying to get us into trouble constantly Victoria. What did you expect?"
"The incident with Remus was too much. It pushed him over the edge. Event after it happened I practically refused to acknowledge he was alive, and with our mother very sick, he felt helpless, alone, and lost. And that's when he and his friends joined the Death Eaters. Apparently he had been approached several times. After he was nearly killed, and none of us except Remus seemed to care, he gave in."
Sirius dipped his head.
"How come you never told me?" he asked as he stared at the floor.
"I was afraid. Afraid you would kill him, or blame yourself or me. I was afraid I would lose my job, my reputation, and my friends."
"You let him go. You let a Death Eater go back to Voldemort unharmed."
"I left him there in the moor thinking he would change. He seemed so full of sorrow and regret. I had no idea he would return to Voldemort, Sirius. I thought he would turn himself in."
"But he didn't," Sirius said in a rough tone.
"No. He has tried to tell me numerous times that he turned on Voldemort as a spy. But I will never believe that. The Ministry would have locked him up in Azkaban before going along with it."
When she spoke these words, Sirius raised his head and look into her eyes. He had a look of comprehension and realization on his face. He knew something important. He knew more than she did.
"What is it?" she probed.
'I never knew Snape was a Death Eater. I didn't know until a few weeks ago actually when he showed his Dark Mark to the Minster of Magic in front of me."
"You never heard him mentioned in Azkaban?" she interrupted.
"No. Never once. I mean, I heard his name mentioned of course. Sometimes Emily Moravian would yell in her sleep. Apparently she had quite a crush on him at some point. It's really quite sick if you ask me. She's not exactly attractive, plus she's married to Lestrange now. Do you remember that one time when she asked me to the Yule Ball? I think I turned down the hall and ran screaming to James," he began to ramble.
"Sirius, get on with it." Victoria interrupted.
"Oh. Right. Well anyway, I think that's when Harry found out as well, although he may have known before. He didn't seem shocked at all when Snape lifted up his sleeve and showed some Dark Mark to the Minister. Everyone else in the room except Harry, two of his friends and Dumbledore seemed repulsed." He paused as if it were a natural break in the conversation.
"What's your point?" she asked.
"I'm not sure. But it's strange that no one even suspected him of being a Death Eater Victoria. Harry tells me that he was accused by people at the trials that followed Voldemort's disappearance, but Dumbledore stuck up for him at every possible moment. And now he's here. And there's something I can't help but correlate with the possibility he might have actually been a spy." He stopped again. Victoria could clearly see him thinking to himself.
"Well what is it?" she snapped.
"A few months before their deaths, someone very close to Voldemort told Dumbledore that the Potters were going to be killed. That's how the plan formed for me to become their Secret Keeper."
Victoria felt her face slacken at the insinuation that Sirius was making. Her pulse quickened and she began quietly gasping for breath. Was it possible that Severus had actually turned on Voldemort? No. Voldemort would have known. He always knew. He made it his first priority to know everything. Severus was clever, but he was not smarter than Tom Riddle. There was no way he could have ever hidden his spying activity from him.
"You don't believe it do you?" Sirius asked, noticing the disbelief that was written on her face.
"Voldemort would have known," she said. "I spent nearly four days with the bastard, and I cant think of a single moment when he didn't know exactly what I was thinking. He always knows, Sirius. Severus would have been dead the moment he approached Voldemort after seeing the Ministry."
"I don't think he went to the Ministry, Vic. I think he went to Dumbledore. You said it yourself, the Ministry would have never gone along with it."
"What does it matter who he went to? Voldemort would still know."
"Yes, that doesn't make sense. We obviously don't know everything," Sirius said as he sighed.
Victoria simply shook her head in disbelief. There was no way that Severus had really turned on Voldemort. It would have been a death sentence. And there were other things that made her doubt, things that didn't piece together properly.
"And then there's Harry, Victoria. Harry brought an end to Voldemort. If Snape was still working for Him, he would have killed Harry in his first year."
She felt her brow furrow and her face become tense. An enormous pounding began in her head and she felt weak.
"Granted, he hasn't exactly been his biggest fan, from what Harry tells me he's done some inexplicable things."
"Such as?"
"Trying to save his life in his first year and constantly trying to keep him out of trouble. Then there are the things Harry doesn't know about, like the scrapbooks and the documentation of his life. Although I cant imagine what he'd think if he knew the greasy git was writing his biography for him."
Victoria sniggered quietly.
"Is he happy, Sirius? Please tell me he's a normal boy."
"He's extremely well adjusted. I suppose that's why Dumbledore sent him away. He had no idea what happened to him or his parents until he came here. He's still adjusting to it and no one has ever told him the reason why Voldemort wanted him dead. He's very nice, keeps loyal friends and is a great Seeker. He's a wonderful person Vic. James would have been so proud," he said as he began choking up. The tears were swelling in his eyes. Victoria brought up a finger to wipe them away.
"It's going to kill me not being able to tell him, Sirius."
Sirius took a deep breath to calm himself.
"I know. Remus taught here for an entire year. It was the year I had escaped from Azkaban and he said it was the most difficult time he's ever faced. He wanted so desperately to talk to Harry about everything. The fact that he looks just like James doesn't help."
"He has her eyes. They're so vibrant."
"Guess what his Patronus is."
"He knows how to cast the Patronus charm?" she gasped in shock.
"Remus taught him. Guess!" he said playfully.
"Oh I don't know. A phoenix?" she replied.
"No. Good guess though. It's a stag. It looks just like Prongs," he said proudly.
Victoria sighed and dipped her head. The emotions were overwhelming. Just having begun to grieve her friend's deaths, she was clearly unprepared to face the future now. Having this James Potter replica to constantly remind her was going to be difficult. What would be more difficult would be her inclination to mother him, joke with him and give him advice about girls - just had she had with his father.
"What is this business about Professor Moira Lens?"
"Moira Lens my mother's maiden name," she replied.
"And the Professor bit?"
"Dumbledore offered me the job and I accepted."
"Oh," was all he said. Was he disappointed?
"I want you to stay here Sirius. Don't leave me. I'm going to need you."
"Impossible Victoria. Besides the fact that I'm a wanted man, your brother would kill me."
"Stay as my familiar. Hell, stay as Harry's. Just stay," she said in a near whisper. There was a look of desperation in her eyes.
"I'll ask Dumbledore, but I can't promise he'll agree. In fact I doubt he would. Victoria you should know that Harry is going to figure it out. If he doesn't, his friend Hermione will. It's only a matter of time. Having me around, sleeping in your room, throwing puppy dog looks at you at mealtimes and watching you swim naked in the lake is only going to tip him off," he said with an all too familiar smile.
Victoria laughed. Those were the sorts of things they did when they were at Hogwarts as children.
"I have absolutely no intention of making an effort at keeping it a secret, Sirius. Dumbledore refused to tell me why I cant tell him, and therefore he's getting very little cooperation from me."
"You always were difficult."
"You mean difficult not to fall madly in love with."
"I've already done that," he said as he reached up and cupped her face in his hands. He kissed her softly, remembering their past together. She looked no different than the day he last saw her. It was as if he had lost no time at all. He pulled away gracefully.
"You know I thought you were dead," he told her.
"Dead? You mean when I was in the coma?"
"Yes."
"I'm guessing Severus never took the time to contact you," she said shaking her head.
"I wouldn't have listened to him anyway. I mourned you so awfully. Your parents were already dead. He arranged the funeral and didn't invite anyone, not even Lily. I've been to your grave several times in the past two years and wondered why he did such an awful job at having you buried. There isn't even a headstone. If it weren't for Remus's curiosity when he taught with Snape, we'd have no idea where it was." Victoria laughed.
"When Dumbledore showed up yesterday and dragged me out of bed by my tail and shoved the Portkey in my mouth I was naturally confused. But when we arrived in the hospital and Snape opened the door to your room I realized you were alive. I could smell you. You are still so familiar to me. I could sense you were alive and it was unreal. I still don't know what happened, but I'm so glad I'm here right now."
"It must have been awful to suffer like this in Azkaban."
"I'm actually glad I thought you were dead. If I had pined over you in there I wouldn't have survived. The Dementors would have gotten to me. As it was I'd lost all my friends and had no happy memories left. Wormtail was with Voldemort, Lily and James were dead and Remus thought I was a traitor."
"If I were alive, you would have never been in Azkaban, Sirius. I would have destroyed the gates and broken you out myself."
"My knight in shining armor," Sirius mused.
"Armor. Now there's something we haven't tried," Victoria replied as she raised her eyebrows suggestively.
"Take it easy on an old man. It's been a long time Vic," Sirius replied with a very amused look on his face.
"You're the one who was in prison for thirteen years. I believe those should be my lines," she said before leaning in to kiss him.
It was a passionate yet soft kiss. His hands wrapped around her waist and he pulled her to the floor with him. They sat opposite one another, kissing and touching intimately for the first time in many years. Victoria opened her eyes to see if Sirius had his closed. He did, and even the heavy lines that scarred his face couldn't hide the fact that he was thoroughly enjoying this. And then they both heard the tiny squeak coming from the direction of the fireplace.
"I is sorry to disturb you Ma'am, but the Headmaster is wanting me to remind you it's time for breakfast," said the tiny House Elf. Sirius grinned and buried his face in Victoria's shoulder. He was blushing like a schoolboy who had been caught snogging with his girlfriend in an empty classroom.
"Thanks. We'll be down in a moment." Victoria waited for the House Elf to disappear.
"I'm torn between my first meal with my godson and pleasing the man of my dreams for the first time in fifteen years. What is a girl to do?" she said playfully.
"Eat and then say you need a nap," he replied joyfully. "A very long nap."
She leaned in to kiss him and pull him by the shoulders closer to her. His lean body was still foreboding enough to make her feel safe and comfortable. The muscles on his back were well defined. Feeling his aged body made her quiver.
"We need to cut your hair," she said in between kisses.
"What's wrong with it?"
"The mop look went out long ago, Sirius. And I refuse to let a big hairy dog sleep in my bed."
"All dogs are hairy! And who says I WANT to sleep in your bed?" he mocked as he pushed her flat to the ground and leaned over to kiss her. Victoria reached up and wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him down on top of her. They kissed passionately. It was if time had never passed and they were back at Hogwarts in their seventh year, sneaking into deserted classrooms to find privacy.
"Sirius, we should go now or we'll never make it to breakfast," she said as she tickled him. He responded with a groan and stood up. He pulled her up from the floor and then accompanied her to breakfast as Padfoot.
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Updated: 11/16/02
Now that the CoS movie is out, I can finally get on with writing. =)
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Victoria stared at the closed door, waited and then walked through it herself without regard for Dumbledore. Severus was already gone down the stairs and out the hallway, but her intention was not to catch up with him. His words had been biting and callus, but most importantly she was convinced they were a lie. No doubt, Severus had pined over her all those years in hopes she would awaken. There was a bond between them that not even loyalty to the Death Eaters could break; a bond that only twins share. However, now she was awake and Voldemort was back. He was free to leave, free to continue his previous lifestyle and free to betray them again. His words had been calculated and she knew it deep in her heart.
And what about Sirius? The love of her life had been a coconspirator with her spawn of Satan brother this morning. Leaving the castle without informing her of their intention to smuggle Harry out of his relatives home. Surely Sirius was aware of Severus' true nature now. The other prisoners in Azkaban must have mentioned his Death Eater participation. He must know, as she did, what Severus was capable of. And speaking of Sirius, he was sitting in his canine form in front of her hidden door when she arrived. His posture was unfamiliar to her. Never had she seen him so somber and tense.
Padfoot, as his friends so lovingly called him, had always let his sense of humor show in his Animagus form. He would roll playfully on the floor when he greeted her or he would transform and then lay his head in her lap affectionately when she was in a bad mood. Now, he sat straight up and the pain he felt showed in his dark eyes. His tail didn't wag and his ears were perked up as if to listen for snooping individuals. Victoria acknowledged his presence with a simple nod of her head and let him follow her into the quiet of her quarters.
When she had locked the door sufficiently she turned to see him standing before her in his human form. The look in his eyes hadn't changed and he seemed overall a bit sheepish, as if expecting her to admonish him. She would let him speak first, and stood there waiting for his quivering lips to spill the words he was no doubt pondering now.
"We had no choice," Sirius said timidly.
That wasn't a thorough enough of an explanation. Victoria raised her eyebrows at him, hoping he would continue on.
"You would have never agreed to let us go without you, and there was no way we could ask you not to tell Harry you're his godmother," he finally said.
"I suppose Dumbledore put you up to this," she responded.
"Actually Snape did, but only because he couldn't think of a way to do it himself."
The revelation shocked Victoria. Was Severus afraid to approach her now or did he just realize the futility of it?
"I had wanted to explain things to Harry, to share with him, to help him understand why all of this is happening Sirius. And now I have to wait for who knows how long. He deserves to know!"
"I know," he said softly as he let his head drop guiltily. "I don't agree with, nor do I understand what is going on."
"And with my brother! My Death Eater brother Sirius! Honestly!" Victoria shouted. Her shouts brought on an unreadable expression on Sirius' face.
"Did you know?" he asked.
"Did I know what?"
"That he was a Death Eater. I mean before you went into the coma."
It was Victoria's turn to dip her head guiltily. She waited several minutes before responding.
"I've known since my first week at the Ministry."
"WHAT?" Sirius exclaimed. His voice showed both his shock and his fury.
Victoria sighed heavily. She hadn't shared the experience with anyone for fear she would be let go from her position as an Auror. Couple that with the shame it would have brought to her family, and the possibility she would lose her brother to the Dementors at Azkaban. The words didn't come any easier now than they would have then. She sat hastily in a chair and dropped her head into her hands.
Moments later she felt Sirius' fingers on her shoulders and his warmth encouraging her to speak.
"Do you remember me talking about my first week at the Ministry? The first raid I went on alone?" she asked him as tears formed in her eyes.
"Yes. It was a Muggle family was it not?"
"Yes. Just one Death Eater. I remember being so excited. The report had come in from a Wizarding family nearby and I had Apparated instantly without waiting for my partner to come back from dinner.
"He was so cruel Sirius. I could hear his wicked laugh, distorted by some spell and the mask he was wearing. The older woman was screaming in pain as her limbs were stretched to the point of breaking off. There was a young girl in the room watching it all but he paid her no attention. The husband was already dead in a pool of his own blood." Victoria paused. The recollection was almost too painful and the tears were flowing freely now.
Sirius brought his hands down and rested them on her knees as he knelt down in front of her.
"I disarmed him and bound him tightly. He resisted of course - throwing some fairly nasty hexes at me. One caught my arm, another singed some of my hair."
"I remember the creative haircut well," Sirius said playfully. Victoria raised her head and shot him a small smile.
"But once he saw my face, he froze. I figured it was someone I had gone to school with. But when I lifted the mask..."
"It was your brother," Sirius said as he realized what she was going to say. She nodded.
"I can't begin to explain how I felt. I remember not being able to breath as our eyes met. The child was screaming but I didn't hear her. I can't explain it but the first thing I thought of was getting the hell out of there. With him. I don't really remember what happened next but I think I quickly healed the Muggle woman and then cleaned her house quickly with a spell. I Obliviated both her and the child. Then I Apparated with Severus and the dead man to some deserted moor."
"You didn't wait for the Ministry?" Sirius gasped.
"I couldn't. I didn't know why at the time, but I think I needed to hear it from him myself. I needed to do whatever it took to get him to say the words I wanted to hear. I wanted an apology, an explanation, anything that would ease my confusion.
"We were there, in the cold moor for nearly two days. I remember seeing two sunrises. I didn't let him eat or drink. I hurt him, Sirius. I tortured him. I wanted to know everything." Victoria raised a hand to wipe the tears from her eyes.
"I hadn't seen Severus cry since he was a baby, but he cried those two days. He wept and I believed he was sorry." She stopped.
"Did he tell you why he became a Death Eater?"
Victoria raised her head to look at her beloved Sirius. His eyes held so many questions and so much love for her even after all of these years. How could she say this? How could she tell him why Severus had done all of these things?
"He did. He..." her voice stopped.
"What is it Vic?" he said, using her shortened pet name.
"He said it was because of me; because I abandoned him. For you."
Sirius' eyebrows rose and a look of pure horror crossed his face.
"I don't understand," he said.
"I didn't either. But he told me, honestly, everything he felt. How we had been so close as children. We were inseparable when we were growing up and then we came to Hogwarts I didn't like his friends and I met Lily. It was at that point, I realize now, that we began to grow apart. But it wasn't just that I had different friends, Sirius. He was jealous of my closeness with you and James and Lily. He craved so desperately for my affection. And then in our fifth year when you and I got together he became so jealous of you he nearly went insane."
"Because I loved you?" he asked.
"No. Because I showed more love to you than I showed to him. Love he thought should be reserved for him."
"It's a different kind of love Victoria," Sirius said in a strangled voice.
"Yes, but I completely ignored him Sirius. We didn't speak and when we did we fought. We argued over you. He hated you long before we ever began dating. The four of you did awful things to him. You realize that don't you?"
"He followed us around trying to get us into trouble constantly Victoria. What did you expect?"
"The incident with Remus was too much. It pushed him over the edge. Event after it happened I practically refused to acknowledge he was alive, and with our mother very sick, he felt helpless, alone, and lost. And that's when he and his friends joined the Death Eaters. Apparently he had been approached several times. After he was nearly killed, and none of us except Remus seemed to care, he gave in."
Sirius dipped his head.
"How come you never told me?" he asked as he stared at the floor.
"I was afraid. Afraid you would kill him, or blame yourself or me. I was afraid I would lose my job, my reputation, and my friends."
"You let him go. You let a Death Eater go back to Voldemort unharmed."
"I left him there in the moor thinking he would change. He seemed so full of sorrow and regret. I had no idea he would return to Voldemort, Sirius. I thought he would turn himself in."
"But he didn't," Sirius said in a rough tone.
"No. He has tried to tell me numerous times that he turned on Voldemort as a spy. But I will never believe that. The Ministry would have locked him up in Azkaban before going along with it."
When she spoke these words, Sirius raised his head and look into her eyes. He had a look of comprehension and realization on his face. He knew something important. He knew more than she did.
"What is it?" she probed.
'I never knew Snape was a Death Eater. I didn't know until a few weeks ago actually when he showed his Dark Mark to the Minster of Magic in front of me."
"You never heard him mentioned in Azkaban?" she interrupted.
"No. Never once. I mean, I heard his name mentioned of course. Sometimes Emily Moravian would yell in her sleep. Apparently she had quite a crush on him at some point. It's really quite sick if you ask me. She's not exactly attractive, plus she's married to Lestrange now. Do you remember that one time when she asked me to the Yule Ball? I think I turned down the hall and ran screaming to James," he began to ramble.
"Sirius, get on with it." Victoria interrupted.
"Oh. Right. Well anyway, I think that's when Harry found out as well, although he may have known before. He didn't seem shocked at all when Snape lifted up his sleeve and showed some Dark Mark to the Minister. Everyone else in the room except Harry, two of his friends and Dumbledore seemed repulsed." He paused as if it were a natural break in the conversation.
"What's your point?" she asked.
"I'm not sure. But it's strange that no one even suspected him of being a Death Eater Victoria. Harry tells me that he was accused by people at the trials that followed Voldemort's disappearance, but Dumbledore stuck up for him at every possible moment. And now he's here. And there's something I can't help but correlate with the possibility he might have actually been a spy." He stopped again. Victoria could clearly see him thinking to himself.
"Well what is it?" she snapped.
"A few months before their deaths, someone very close to Voldemort told Dumbledore that the Potters were going to be killed. That's how the plan formed for me to become their Secret Keeper."
Victoria felt her face slacken at the insinuation that Sirius was making. Her pulse quickened and she began quietly gasping for breath. Was it possible that Severus had actually turned on Voldemort? No. Voldemort would have known. He always knew. He made it his first priority to know everything. Severus was clever, but he was not smarter than Tom Riddle. There was no way he could have ever hidden his spying activity from him.
"You don't believe it do you?" Sirius asked, noticing the disbelief that was written on her face.
"Voldemort would have known," she said. "I spent nearly four days with the bastard, and I cant think of a single moment when he didn't know exactly what I was thinking. He always knows, Sirius. Severus would have been dead the moment he approached Voldemort after seeing the Ministry."
"I don't think he went to the Ministry, Vic. I think he went to Dumbledore. You said it yourself, the Ministry would have never gone along with it."
"What does it matter who he went to? Voldemort would still know."
"Yes, that doesn't make sense. We obviously don't know everything," Sirius said as he sighed.
Victoria simply shook her head in disbelief. There was no way that Severus had really turned on Voldemort. It would have been a death sentence. And there were other things that made her doubt, things that didn't piece together properly.
"And then there's Harry, Victoria. Harry brought an end to Voldemort. If Snape was still working for Him, he would have killed Harry in his first year."
She felt her brow furrow and her face become tense. An enormous pounding began in her head and she felt weak.
"Granted, he hasn't exactly been his biggest fan, from what Harry tells me he's done some inexplicable things."
"Such as?"
"Trying to save his life in his first year and constantly trying to keep him out of trouble. Then there are the things Harry doesn't know about, like the scrapbooks and the documentation of his life. Although I cant imagine what he'd think if he knew the greasy git was writing his biography for him."
Victoria sniggered quietly.
"Is he happy, Sirius? Please tell me he's a normal boy."
"He's extremely well adjusted. I suppose that's why Dumbledore sent him away. He had no idea what happened to him or his parents until he came here. He's still adjusting to it and no one has ever told him the reason why Voldemort wanted him dead. He's very nice, keeps loyal friends and is a great Seeker. He's a wonderful person Vic. James would have been so proud," he said as he began choking up. The tears were swelling in his eyes. Victoria brought up a finger to wipe them away.
"It's going to kill me not being able to tell him, Sirius."
Sirius took a deep breath to calm himself.
"I know. Remus taught here for an entire year. It was the year I had escaped from Azkaban and he said it was the most difficult time he's ever faced. He wanted so desperately to talk to Harry about everything. The fact that he looks just like James doesn't help."
"He has her eyes. They're so vibrant."
"Guess what his Patronus is."
"He knows how to cast the Patronus charm?" she gasped in shock.
"Remus taught him. Guess!" he said playfully.
"Oh I don't know. A phoenix?" she replied.
"No. Good guess though. It's a stag. It looks just like Prongs," he said proudly.
Victoria sighed and dipped her head. The emotions were overwhelming. Just having begun to grieve her friend's deaths, she was clearly unprepared to face the future now. Having this James Potter replica to constantly remind her was going to be difficult. What would be more difficult would be her inclination to mother him, joke with him and give him advice about girls - just had she had with his father.
"What is this business about Professor Moira Lens?"
"Moira Lens my mother's maiden name," she replied.
"And the Professor bit?"
"Dumbledore offered me the job and I accepted."
"Oh," was all he said. Was he disappointed?
"I want you to stay here Sirius. Don't leave me. I'm going to need you."
"Impossible Victoria. Besides the fact that I'm a wanted man, your brother would kill me."
"Stay as my familiar. Hell, stay as Harry's. Just stay," she said in a near whisper. There was a look of desperation in her eyes.
"I'll ask Dumbledore, but I can't promise he'll agree. In fact I doubt he would. Victoria you should know that Harry is going to figure it out. If he doesn't, his friend Hermione will. It's only a matter of time. Having me around, sleeping in your room, throwing puppy dog looks at you at mealtimes and watching you swim naked in the lake is only going to tip him off," he said with an all too familiar smile.
Victoria laughed. Those were the sorts of things they did when they were at Hogwarts as children.
"I have absolutely no intention of making an effort at keeping it a secret, Sirius. Dumbledore refused to tell me why I cant tell him, and therefore he's getting very little cooperation from me."
"You always were difficult."
"You mean difficult not to fall madly in love with."
"I've already done that," he said as he reached up and cupped her face in his hands. He kissed her softly, remembering their past together. She looked no different than the day he last saw her. It was as if he had lost no time at all. He pulled away gracefully.
"You know I thought you were dead," he told her.
"Dead? You mean when I was in the coma?"
"Yes."
"I'm guessing Severus never took the time to contact you," she said shaking her head.
"I wouldn't have listened to him anyway. I mourned you so awfully. Your parents were already dead. He arranged the funeral and didn't invite anyone, not even Lily. I've been to your grave several times in the past two years and wondered why he did such an awful job at having you buried. There isn't even a headstone. If it weren't for Remus's curiosity when he taught with Snape, we'd have no idea where it was." Victoria laughed.
"When Dumbledore showed up yesterday and dragged me out of bed by my tail and shoved the Portkey in my mouth I was naturally confused. But when we arrived in the hospital and Snape opened the door to your room I realized you were alive. I could smell you. You are still so familiar to me. I could sense you were alive and it was unreal. I still don't know what happened, but I'm so glad I'm here right now."
"It must have been awful to suffer like this in Azkaban."
"I'm actually glad I thought you were dead. If I had pined over you in there I wouldn't have survived. The Dementors would have gotten to me. As it was I'd lost all my friends and had no happy memories left. Wormtail was with Voldemort, Lily and James were dead and Remus thought I was a traitor."
"If I were alive, you would have never been in Azkaban, Sirius. I would have destroyed the gates and broken you out myself."
"My knight in shining armor," Sirius mused.
"Armor. Now there's something we haven't tried," Victoria replied as she raised her eyebrows suggestively.
"Take it easy on an old man. It's been a long time Vic," Sirius replied with a very amused look on his face.
"You're the one who was in prison for thirteen years. I believe those should be my lines," she said before leaning in to kiss him.
It was a passionate yet soft kiss. His hands wrapped around her waist and he pulled her to the floor with him. They sat opposite one another, kissing and touching intimately for the first time in many years. Victoria opened her eyes to see if Sirius had his closed. He did, and even the heavy lines that scarred his face couldn't hide the fact that he was thoroughly enjoying this. And then they both heard the tiny squeak coming from the direction of the fireplace.
"I is sorry to disturb you Ma'am, but the Headmaster is wanting me to remind you it's time for breakfast," said the tiny House Elf. Sirius grinned and buried his face in Victoria's shoulder. He was blushing like a schoolboy who had been caught snogging with his girlfriend in an empty classroom.
"Thanks. We'll be down in a moment." Victoria waited for the House Elf to disappear.
"I'm torn between my first meal with my godson and pleasing the man of my dreams for the first time in fifteen years. What is a girl to do?" she said playfully.
"Eat and then say you need a nap," he replied joyfully. "A very long nap."
She leaned in to kiss him and pull him by the shoulders closer to her. His lean body was still foreboding enough to make her feel safe and comfortable. The muscles on his back were well defined. Feeling his aged body made her quiver.
"We need to cut your hair," she said in between kisses.
"What's wrong with it?"
"The mop look went out long ago, Sirius. And I refuse to let a big hairy dog sleep in my bed."
"All dogs are hairy! And who says I WANT to sleep in your bed?" he mocked as he pushed her flat to the ground and leaned over to kiss her. Victoria reached up and wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him down on top of her. They kissed passionately. It was if time had never passed and they were back at Hogwarts in their seventh year, sneaking into deserted classrooms to find privacy.
"Sirius, we should go now or we'll never make it to breakfast," she said as she tickled him. He responded with a groan and stood up. He pulled her up from the floor and then accompanied her to breakfast as Padfoot.
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Updated: 11/16/02
Now that the CoS movie is out, I can finally get on with writing. =)
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