A/N: short but I think sweet. Thanks for all the reviews! Boys this is
getting long...
(Soda)
Not yet, not yet, not yet, please God not yet, I'm not ready yet...
The last half hour had been panic. Pony'd collapsed in the livingroom, unable to breathe, I'd started screaming and shaking him, Darry'd grabbed him up and run for the car, the social worker had frozen, Cherry followed us with Steve and Two-bit, and the whole parade of us had run three stop lights to get to the hospital. I'd held my brother's still body in the back seat, talked to him although he couldn't hear me, begged him not to go although it wasn't his choice.
It can't be yet, I thought, rocking him as the Emergency room came into view, I'm not ready yet, we haven't said goodbye...don't let this be like Mom and Dad, when we never got to see them alive again, when the policeman just brought us here, when Darry had to tell us we were orphans....
"Give him to me," Darry'd said, and I'd handed him over obediently, moving to the front seat to park the car before racing after my brothers.
And now the whole troop of us were waiting, milling anxiously around. Steve and Two-bit were smoking, Cherry was on the phone with her parents, and the social worker had gone to the cafeteria for coffee. They all kept their distance from Darry and I. We weren't speaking; there was nothing to say.
Not yet, not yet, please God not yet...
The chant played over and over in my mind. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, remembering the night he returned from Windrixville. We'd been trying to find him when Jerry Wood overheard us arguing with a doctor on his way back from calling his wife.
"You here for Ponyboy Curtis?" he'd asked.
"Yeah," Darry and I had said at the same time.
"He's right over here. I'll get him for you."
But I hadn't waited; the second I'd seen Pony running for the door I'd thrown it open, grabbed him up and spun him around, never wanting to put him down or let him go again. I'd forgotten all about Sandy, all about sleep or fear of the state or that Pony wouldn't want to see Darry. I'd just held onto him, feeling his heart against mine, his head on my shoulder, the warmth of him. There were so many things I wanted to say right then, things I was just too shy to murmur, although I thought them as we held on to each other.
I love you, I thought, something tearing at my chest as I remembered how happy we'd been that night, just seeing him again. But the feeling was the same, happy or sad. I love you.
(Soda)
Not yet, not yet, not yet, please God not yet, I'm not ready yet...
The last half hour had been panic. Pony'd collapsed in the livingroom, unable to breathe, I'd started screaming and shaking him, Darry'd grabbed him up and run for the car, the social worker had frozen, Cherry followed us with Steve and Two-bit, and the whole parade of us had run three stop lights to get to the hospital. I'd held my brother's still body in the back seat, talked to him although he couldn't hear me, begged him not to go although it wasn't his choice.
It can't be yet, I thought, rocking him as the Emergency room came into view, I'm not ready yet, we haven't said goodbye...don't let this be like Mom and Dad, when we never got to see them alive again, when the policeman just brought us here, when Darry had to tell us we were orphans....
"Give him to me," Darry'd said, and I'd handed him over obediently, moving to the front seat to park the car before racing after my brothers.
And now the whole troop of us were waiting, milling anxiously around. Steve and Two-bit were smoking, Cherry was on the phone with her parents, and the social worker had gone to the cafeteria for coffee. They all kept their distance from Darry and I. We weren't speaking; there was nothing to say.
Not yet, not yet, please God not yet...
The chant played over and over in my mind. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, remembering the night he returned from Windrixville. We'd been trying to find him when Jerry Wood overheard us arguing with a doctor on his way back from calling his wife.
"You here for Ponyboy Curtis?" he'd asked.
"Yeah," Darry and I had said at the same time.
"He's right over here. I'll get him for you."
But I hadn't waited; the second I'd seen Pony running for the door I'd thrown it open, grabbed him up and spun him around, never wanting to put him down or let him go again. I'd forgotten all about Sandy, all about sleep or fear of the state or that Pony wouldn't want to see Darry. I'd just held onto him, feeling his heart against mine, his head on my shoulder, the warmth of him. There were so many things I wanted to say right then, things I was just too shy to murmur, although I thought them as we held on to each other.
I love you, I thought, something tearing at my chest as I remembered how happy we'd been that night, just seeing him again. But the feeling was the same, happy or sad. I love you.