By: Ai
Everything was fuzzy, lights blared everywhere and sound flashed all around. Muffled voices reached her ears. She couldn't feel anything, couldn't grasp anything, couldn't remember, couldn't comprehend anything…couldn't breathe. Feeling herself slip away, she plunged into darkness.
* * * * *
"Sorry, we did all that we could."
"No."
The doctor gave him a pat on the shoulder and walked away.
He could hear the sobs of his sister, but strangely, his dad made no sound at all.
This is no time to break down. I've got to be strong. He told himself.
"Dad?"
No reply.
"Dad."
Still no reply.
"Dad!" he yelled.
His father looked up, his green eyes dull. It scared him, his strong, lively father dull like that. It scared the sh*t out of him.
She was gone. They had to accept that. He went to lean against the wall. He willed for silence and peace, but he could only bring about an eerie still silence. He couldn't hear his sister cry anymore, perhaps she was out of tears. But that eerie silence chilled him to the bone. Slowly, the truth started to sink in, and a single tear rolled down his cheek.
* * * * *
It had been a year. A painful one. Learning how to talk, walk…everything from the start again. She cried, she gave up, she encouraged herself again to take up the challenge…it was a cycle, and it was hard. She lied on her bed with her hair fanning out around her. Thinking. It was all she did these days. She hated herself. She hated the people around her. She wanted to die, instead of living like this. She was tired of the stares, tired of the changes of attitude, tired of their fears. Was this supposed to be her fault? Her cousin had been paralyzed for the rest of her life. She didn't know which she preferred. Being paralyzed or being like…this. Then she knew her answer. Neither. She'd rather be dead. She realized life was precious, but this was all too much.
Slowly, she got up and slid out of the window and onto the roof. The only thing that gave her comfort was the stars. She brought her knees under her chin and sighed. She heard a faint ruffling and she looked to her left.
"Hey." She said.
"Hey." He replied.
She hesitated before continuing.
"Are you afraid of me?" She asked.
"Why do you ask?" He asked.
"It's just that…"
"No." He cut her off.
"Huh?"
"Why would I be?" He told her.
After a minute, she smiled a small smile.
"Thanks."
"Hn."
She stayed out for a while before going back in. She waved to him but he didn't seem to notice. Closing the window, she heard her brother call her down for dessert. She quickly exited her room and went downstairs.
Tonight's dessert was her mother's famous apple pie, one of her favourites. She took a big plump slice of it and dug in. She wrinkled her nose. It wasn't as good as she remembered it to be.
"Is anything wrong?" Her mom asked her.
"No. It's just really…sweet." She replied casually.
Her mom frowned.
"I thought you liked it extra sweet."
"I…maybe I had too much sugar today."
Her mother looked away.
She looked over at her brother. He gave her a smile but excused himself from the table before she could say anything.
Her father made light conversation with her mother, but didn't pay much attention to her.
She concentrated herself on finishing her piece of pie. Then silently, she crept up to her room to cry. Everything was so different now. Everything.
* * * * *
"How did you do on your test, Relena?" Quatre asked her.
"I did okay." She replied. And he smiled at her. But it wasn't the old smile…it held minimum warmth. The one that he reserved just for her…it was now gone. He would always be nice to her, but they would never be close again.
"And you?" She asked him.
"Fine." He turned to Duo.
Duo was still friendly, but she could feel that he was slightly afraid of her. He never slung his arm around her shoulder or talk to her one on one if possible. They never got together to do anything anymore like catch a new comedy out on screen or just hang out at the local parlour. She felt so left out.
Heero. He didn't much change. But then, he had never been very close to her…he was friendlier with Quatre and Duo, but even then he held back.
However, what hurt her the most was Hilde's reaction. She was not her best friend anymore. They don't have sleepovers or chat on the phone. Conversation was kept to a minimum.
Nothing was going right. She was still the same person, but nobody would believe her. They hesitated to call her Relena. Is it just because she didn't have blond hair anymore, or her eyes weren't blue? Is it because she was taller now, and her nose was different? She was still Relena Peacecraft. Nothing could ever change that. She still lived on the same street, enjoyed most of the same things, thought the same and dressed the same. Her knowledge was the same and so were her memories. She just didn't understand. Well…secretly she did…but she didn't want to believe that. She sat there quietly and nibbled on her sandwich while her old friends continued their conversations. From a distance, a pair of green eyes watched her from a window.
* * * * *
It had been a wonderful night. Her ballet recital had gone very well…it was a big success. She had shined on stage in the role as Marie. Excited about her upcoming Christmas break, she had gotten into the shiny white Mustang. Her cousin, also her instructor, had been so proud of her. Her parents and brother had left already for more important business, but they had been there, had been proud and had given her their support. They pulled out of the parking lot and a light drizzle came before the soft steady rain. They listened to Christmas carols and laughed. All the while, her cousin keeping her eyes on the road. But suddenly, a blinding light came through the windshield…the car screeched and swerved before a loud bang was heard and the sound of metal against metal. It chilled her bone.
She brought her knees up under her chin. Silent tears escaping her eyes. Her cousin became paraplegic; she could no longer dance. The truth had killed her cousin. She was never the same again, but she had moved on with a piece of her heart missing. Relena could still dance. She was grateful that her legs were still long, that she still could make it. No one thought she could. She was so sure she would be able to take the lead of Cinderella or a minor principle role…but no. She's only a background dancer. She knows she's good enough, but no one else will believe her. They don't remember that she's been dancing since she was barely six. They forget that she played the lead role in Nutcracker last year. Sure, she still needed to get used to her body and work on her coordination…but all she was asking for was a chance. A chance to perfect herself, to prove herself right, a simple chance. It broke her heart that her dance is being taking away from her.
Quickly, she got up and did angry pirouettes around the room, taking all her anger out on her dance. Putting all her pain, misery, anger into a few steps. She moved like she had never before and danced until her feet gave out from under her and she lay there and cried. Damn that driver, damn that night, damn the rain…damn the world. Life is not fair. What had she done wrong? What had she done to deserve this? Nothing. Nothing at all.
* * * * *
He didn't get a chance to speak to her yet. He so wanted to. He didn't exactly think about what to say to her when he did get the chance…or what to call her by. But he just wanted her to know that he existed, that he was still there. It was such a difficult choice. For some reason, he understood what was going on and although there was a nagging in his heart that told him to go beyond reason, he didn't. He watched her from time to time. She always smiled but somehow; she seemed so lonely and so lost. He wanted to hold her hand and let her cry on his shoulder like how it used to be. But he didn't, he couldn't because he understood. It was a terrible truth. He didn't know if it was harder for him and his family or them. How could it be hard for them? But that look in her eyes told him that it was. It told him not to be selfish or unreasonable. It's hard…it is.
* * * * *
Relena pulled her hair into a bun and got ready for ballet class. She longed to look at herself… Relena Peacecraft…an accomplished ballerina… tied for first place in academics…a popular girl with a loving family. Slowly for the first time in months, she uncovered the full-length mirror in her bedroom and looked. She let out a cry at her reflection. That wasn't her! Long, luscious auburn locks were pulled back into a bun with wisps of hair framing her pale face. Her green eyes were glazed over with tears and her pink lips formed a petite pout. The bridge of her nose was slightly higher and pointier. She was at least two inches taller and her figure a very curvy hourglass shape. Before, she had been slightly shorter with a slim athletic shape. Her legs were still relatively long but they weren't as firm and lean. She looked more like a supermodel than a ballerina. Of course, it wasn't a bad body, she looked beautiful…but it wasn't her. Her green eyes flashed and she yanked the bun out. Her hair tumbled down and she reached over and grabbed a pair of scissors. Snip, snip. She cut angrily at the hair she despised and threw the scissors down. Tears started rolling down her cheeks and her lip trembled. She ran out of her room, down the stairs and out the door, escaping from the horrible truth. Relena could hear her mother call after her, asking her where she was going before class, but she ignored her. She just ran.
Down, down to the beach she went, down the stairs and out onto the shore. The white soft sand cushioning her bare feet and the water sparkling under the afternoon sun with tiny waves splashing at the shore. Relena remembered the last time she was here. It was just before the ballet recital. It was slightly chilly with the cool breeze of winter blowing over the water. She was thinking about and concentrating on what she needed to do that night to succeed. She was there just to gather her thoughts, before heading back to prepare. Now, it was spring. It was warming up although it never really got cold here. The warm breeze blew around her and waved a strand of her hair before her, reminding her that she was different from her last visit. Frustrated, she ran into the water. It was a little bit colder than she liked but she kept on trampling her way deeper and deeper. The water was up to her thigh by now and had been for some time. Then, the water was almost up to her waist. She took another angry step and felt no floor beneath her. It startled her. She had forgotten that the shore went into the sea at a very flat slope and then suddenly dropped very steeply. She panicked. She struggled for air and for the sun, for the warmth and for life. After a while, she stopped. Why should she? This was what she wanted; this would free her so she let the water engulf her. Everything was starting to fade until she felt a strong pair of arms go around her waist and drag her up to the light, to the air. She gasped and felt herself being pulled. At last, she was hoisted up to a floating platform and she coughed, bringing up the seawater. Her eyes began to focus and she saw blue eyes looking into hers.
"Are you alright? What happened?" He asked her quietly. But she didn't answer him and he got impatient.
"What's wrong with you? Why would you do something so stupid?" He knew and he shook her. She let out a strangled sob.
She looked up at him. His plaid shirt and white t-shirt was soaking along with his jeans. His brown hair was plastered to his face and his deep blue eyes glared at her, flashing with anger.
"Because it's so hard. I want to be Relena Peacecraft; I don't want to be anyone else. I want everything back the way it was. Why did they have to do this to me? Why? Do they know that by saving me, they are killing me? Do they?" She yelled and pounded her fist against the wet wood. The platform moved gently with the waves.
His eyes softened and he pulled her close.
"You are Relena Peacecraft." He told her.
"Am I? But Mom, Dad and Milliardo don't think so! Hilde, Quatre and Duo don't think so, do they? The whole world doesn't believe so. They think I'm this Cassie and I'm not. It wasn't my choice for things to turn out the way they did. Why do they treat me like a stranger? It's so hard…"
"Ssshhh….I know." He rocked her gently.
"Heero," she looked up at him, "am I really Relena Peacecraft?" she asked him.
He thought for a minute.
"You are. The Relena I met when I was nine. The Relena I knew for seven years." He let her cry in his arms.
* * * * *
Relena looked at the hot chicken noodle soup in front of her…watched the steam escape. Earlier, Heero had taken her to his house just next door and let her clean herself up and dry herself. Then, he had called Hilde over to help her fix her hair. Hilde worked slowly, trimming the uneven ends so that it looked as if Relena went for a hair cut and not on a mad rampage to snip all her hair off. For that hour, Hilde acted like the old Hilde again. But after snipping the last strand of hair, she left with a simple goodbye. When Relena was presentable, he had taken her next door to her own house and he told her parents a cover-up story. Her parents thought that she had fallen into the water accidentally while she was preoccupied with her thoughts at the docks. She was so grateful to him as he left. Her mother and father hugged her and ushered her up to bed, bringing her some soup a while later. She took a spoonful and poured the hot liquid down her throat. It was good…like how she always remembered it to be. She sniffled and was glad that not all her tastes were different.
When her mother came up to collect the soup bowl, she found it empty and smiled. She sat herself on Relena's bed and patted her head gently.
"I'm so sorry, darling. I know how hard this is…for all of us. When I heard that they could save you, I was just so concerned with you being alive that your father and I, we agreed to something we weren't really aware of. I'm so sorry." Her mother said.
"No, mother. It wasn't your fault. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you." Relena assured her mother.
"Every time I look at you, I don't know if who I'm looking at is my darling Relena. We know deep down that you are…it's just that…it's like an illusion. But I promise you; we'll all try harder at adjusting to this. We'll get through this together. All the horrible experiences will pass…you have yet to discover how strong the adaptation ability of our minds is."
The mother and daughter hugged.
* * * * *
With her new 'haircut', she walked up the steps and through the main door. She got a few stares, but everyone was too preoccupied to notice or bother her. She smoothed out her skirt and proceeded to her locker. There, she met up with Heero, Hilde, Duo and Quatre. Hilde said nothing as Relena went to retrieve her books…she didn't even give her a glance.
"Hey…Relena, nice hairdo." Duo commented.
"Thanks." She replied. Her hair was slightly shorter than shoulder length.
Heero gave her a look.
She smiled at him.
It was time for class and they all headed to their home form. Heero fell into pace beside Relena.
"Glad to see you more cheerful today." He whispered.
"Yeah…thanks." She told him.
They continued their walk.
"Oh shoot…I forgot my math homework in my locker…I'll meet you guys in class. Save me a seat!" She called out to the rest of the gang and began heading back.
He walked slowly through the unfamiliar hallways. It had been a week since arriving here but he was still not used to this place. He was too preoccupied to concentrate on adjusting anyway. Suddenly, he got a glimpse of auburn hair and he quickly turned around.
"Ca…Relena." He called out to her.
She stopped and whirled around.
"And you may be…" She asked confused.
"Trowa." He simply answered.
"Hi…are you new around here?" She asked with friendliness.
"Yeah. I've heard rumours about you." He explained.
"Oh…" She blushed.
"I admit I was curious at first, but well…don't fret about it, I understand." He told her.
She nodded.
"Well, nice meeting you." She waved to him and hurried off.
"You've cut your hair." He said to her retreating back.
* * * * *
"Miss Peacecraft, your scissor kicks need to be more brisk and clean." Her new instructor told her.
"Yes sir."
Once again, she let her Pas de Deux partner lift her into the air so that she could do her scissor kick.
"That's it Miss Peacecraft." Her instructor commented as she carried out a perfect one. He clapped his hands to get the attention of the students.
"We're calling it a day. You are all dismissed."
She sighed and headed over to her gym bag. Carefully, she removed her ballet slippers. Her feet hurt…she was still getting used to her new shoes. She pulled the ponytail out of her hair and let her hair tumble loose. Suddenly, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She stood and turned to face her pas de deux partner, Matt.
"Yes, Matt?" She asked.
"You're starting to come back. I can feel it by the way you dance." He said after a slight hesitation.
"Huh?"
"You're coming back…Relena is coming back." He said with joy in his eyes.
She smiled.
"Yes I am. I'm not going away again."
She dropped her gym bag onto the floor and plopped down onto the couch. Although it had been an early and short class, she still felt slightly tired, especially with the diet that she has been on. She needed to lower her weight to where she was at before. She thought about what Matt had said about her returning. She could feel things starting to slide in place and things starting to become normal again too. It was a great feeling. Her mother was right…humans do adapt so very easily. Relena got up, grabbed her keys and headed for the door.
"Mom. I'm going out for a while…I'll be back before dinner." She yelled.
After hearing her mom's ok, she went out the door and into the crisp spring afternoon.
* * * * *
She walked along the stone path and passed by old trees and rows of graves. She gripped the bouquet of flowers in her hand tightly. Finally, she arrived at her destination. It was a fairly new grave in a nice surrounding with big comforting willow trees. The tombstone was smooth and marble. There was no name carved into it, only the years of birth and death and a quote: "An angel that was loved, love and lovable". Gently, she placed the flowers on the grave and knelt down beside it. With her hand, she ran her fingers over the words, over and over. A single tear escaped her eye. Suddenly, she heard footsteps behind her. They stopped. Slowly, she turned around and saw the boy that she had met today, the boy with the long chestnut bangs and the green eyes.
"Trowa." She said in slight surprise.
"Relena." He acknowledged her presence.
"What are you doing here?" she asked.
"What are you doing here?" he echoed her question.
Relena sighed.
"I was just visiting I guess. And you?"
"Visiting as well…you remind me of her all the time."
There was an awkward pause, a silence before Relena understood.
"You're…Trowa…Barton." She stated.
He nodded.
For the first time, she noticed clearly his green eyes; the ones that were so much like hers.
"I'm sorry about all this." She apologized with a sad smile.
He shook his head.
"I understand. It's just been as hard for you." He pauses before continuing.
"How does it feel to be…living…in a different body?" Trowa asked quietly.
Relena didn't know how to answer, but she managed to speak.
"It's weird. It's horrible…I mean, no offences or anything. It's just hard because no one really believes who you are…it's like starting from the very bottom again. It's very awkward but…I don't know…I guess being given a chance to live is better than not."
"Did I ask the wrong question?"
"No…you should know if you want to I guess…"
"I've always wondered. Thanks for telling me."
"I've visited your sister's grave before." Relena told Trowa, she still felt guilty.
"Really?"
She nodded.
"I never liked that grave…it's empty. Although, it's not exactly her lying here…at least part of her is here I guess." Trowa explained.
"I see…can you tell me about Cassie? I guess I should at least know her a little." Relena asked, surprising Trowa. He recomposed himself.
"She was a very cheerful, popular and beautiful girl…my younger sister by one year. Her AVM killed her. She did fight until the end but it was discovered too late. I heard that you're a ballerina."
"Yeah."
"Cassie was a dancer too, but she wasn't very serious about it."
"What did she dance?"
"Ballroom dancing…she didn't exactly like it but she started at an early age…it was encouraged by my mother and after our mother left us, she continued for a while to remember her."
"I see. Well…how's your family dealing with all of this?"
"Dad, he's just too tired to handle it. I don't know if he can endure the pain. As for my older sister, Cathy…she still believes that Cassie is very much alive."
Relena felt tears sting her eyes.
"Do you…do you feel that way?"
He thought for a moment and looked at her.
"No." he simply replied.
"Why?"
"I don't see Cassie in your eyes."
"Then who do you see?"
He thought for another moment.
"I can't say."
"Why not?"
"Because I never knew who Relena Peacecraft was, is. I can't give you the answer you're looking for."
She smiled.
"What are you going to tell your father and sister?"
"I'll just tell them that I met a very nice girl by the name of Relena. I'll tell them that Cassie is truly dead…and well…I guess I'm going to have to make do with that."
"I could go see them if it's necessary."
"No, it's not going to help them heal. They need to understand this."
She nodded.
"I don't think I'm ever going to be coming back." She said slowly.
Trowa remained silent.
"I need to move on. I need to be myself again…I'll miss being here but…I need to accept the facts I guess and return to my normal life."
"I understand. Can we be friends?" He asked her.
"Of course. I will see you at school…although this is your last year…am I correct?"
"Yes. But for the remainder of this year…"
"Definitely. Thanks for telling me who Cassie was, Trowa." She said as she got up.
"Thanks for giving me the chance to know Relena." He replied.
Relena smiled before going back onto the path. She left with a weight lifted off her heart.
* * * * *
As promised, Relena and Trowa became quite good friends, and Relena had Heero on her side too. The three of them would hang out together sometimes and just revel in the silence. The others were still a little hostile towards her but after thinking about what Trowa had said that day at the graveyard, she decided for herself that she was Relena Peacecraft. Always was, always will be. She and her family were starting to get used to each other and were starting to become as close as they once were again. Relena decided to act like herself…her old self whether people accepted her or not. Heero and Trowa gave her lots of support and she was especially thankful to Heero. They were never too close. Good friends and neighbours, yes…best friends, no. However, after her accident, she started discovering another side of him. She already had a crush on him before the accident, but this new side of him attracted her to him even more. She could never guess that he could be so caring and so understanding. He didn't view her as someone else…he saw her as Relena. He was true to his words; he was never hostile towards her and stood up for her when others were being criticizing. Their relationship had taken a turn for the better; they have grown closer ever since.
One day, they were taking an evening walk in the park after dinner. The night was warm and the skies were clear. It was so comforting to take a stroll once in a while…to give themselves a break from the rush of city life. She sighed. They could hear soft music floating in the background…this week was the jazz festival and a band was playing by the fountains. When the two reached the fountains, they sat down to enjoy the music. They heard couples laugh and saw them dance to the music. Relena turned to Heero. It seemed to be the perfect night to ask him the question that had been on her mind for so long. He felt her stare on him and turned to her.
"Heero." Relena started.
"Hn?" Heero gave a reply.
"When you look into my eyes…who do you see?" She asked hesitantly.
Heero was silent, his head lowered. Then he raised his eyes and looked directly into hers. For a few minutes, no one said anything, no one blinked…they were in their own world. Just when Relena thought she was going to drown in Heero's deep blue eyes, he looked away, still quiet.
She gave him a minute before opening her mouth.
"Well?"
He looked at her.
"I see…I see you." He whispered.
"Me? As in?" She was so curious, especially with his weird reaction.
"I see my Relena in you." He smiled.
She couldn't help smiling too.
"Are you sure you're not just saying that to please me?" She was slightly doubtful.
"No. Would I ever do that?" He replied firmly.
"…no. I guess not." She returned to her cheerful self.
"Let's go get some ice-cream." Heero suddenly suggested.
"Now?"
"Sure, why not?" And he took her by the hand.
It was that night that a new relationship blossomed between the two. On that night, they transformed from being companions to soul mates, from best friends to lovers. They were truly happy.
* * * * *
Life was getting so much better. Relena sighed as she lay in her bed. Two weeks ago, her ballet instructor announced that they would put on yet another recital. Just today, they held the audition and she landed the role of the Lilac Fairy in Sleeping Beauty. Sure, she may not be Aurora, but she was satisfied in being out of the corps. Maybe when the workshop finally comes around, she will have a chance at the lead. There have been rumours that they may be doing Giselle. Other than Swan Lake, this was absolutely her favourite ballet. It was still quite far away, but the company always planned at least a year in advance. She knew she had to slowly work her way up again, but she knew that if she put her heart to it, she would be able to get there.
The recital was scheduled to take place two months later. She couldn't wait to invite all her friends to the recital, just like she had always done. Things would finally return to normal…she could feel it. She rolled over to her side and phoned Heero to tell him about the happy news.
* * * * *
It was finally here. After two months of hard work, the recital was finally happening. Butterflies fluttered around in her stomach. She took a deep breath and began lacing up her Pointe shoes.
"Nervous?" a voice asked from behind. She turned her head around and saw Heero.
"What are you doing here?" Relena whispered.
"I snuck in. You don't have to be so harsh and tell me straight out that you didn't want to see me." He joked.
"I didn't say that. I was just surprised…but I really do appreciate it." She smiled.
"You don't have to look so worried, you'll do fine." He reassured her.
"This is my biggest role since my accident. I don't want to screw up."
"You won't, I believe in you. Just dance like you used to. You'll be great." He gave her hand a squeeze.
"Thank you." She murmured.
"I better get back…break a leg!" He hurried back to his seat.
"Okay, everyone get ready in the right positions." The stage-manager called.
She finished lacing her shoes and got up. For tonight, she was the Lilac Fairy. She went to where she was supposed to be. The show started.
She let out a happy sigh. She had her gym bag on her shoulder and had just stepped out of the change room. She put her best out there and she did pretty all right. It was a great feeling. Heero was waiting for her at the corner. She ran to give and gave him a hug.
"You were amazing tonight." He whispered.
"Thank you." She managed to reply.
"Quatre says thanks for inviting him but he couldn't wait for you after the show. I could tell he really enjoyed it. I'm sure he's starting to believe that you are Relena. I just wish that Duo and Hilde could have made it to see you dance."
"That's okay. I'm sure there will be other chances. I'm so glad I'm finally getting through to Quatre though."
"Yeah. It was so weird when we were all doubtful."
Relena nodded.
They started walking after Heero took her gym bag from her. In the old days, she would invite Quatre, Heero, Duo and Hilde to every single on of her recitals. They had all grown to know, love and enjoy the art. Sometimes, she even invited them to her classes. Heero had said that nobody would catch him dead in tights. Quatre commented that he'd prefer watching to dancing. Duo enjoyed laughing at the dancers and attempting to copy their moves. Hilde said she would have never had time for ballet, but it was a beautiful art. All of them never missed one of Relena's recitals without a good reason though. It had become a tradition for them. Relena had been so happy when Quatre agreed, but felt so disappointed when Duo and Hilde both declined. However, she was willing to give them all time to adjust and to understand. It was so important that the gang ended up together and close at the end. It was.
Somehow, they found themselves backstage. There was a comforting darkness around them. Heero stopped and turned to Relena.
"You know, I've been drawn to you ever since we entered high school." He admitted.
"You know, I was too." Relena replied.
He smiled.
"So I guess we were meant for each other."
"Perhaps…do you think I will ever be able to take the lead again?"
He put his forehead against hers.
"In my eyes, you are a Prima Donna, my Prima Donna. Dance with me?"
She nodded and he took her into his arms. There was no music, but the young couple danced.
He may not be a ballet dancer, she thought, but he is my chevalier.
They swayed in time to an invisible tune. Then he pulled her into the first of the sweetest kisses they would share. On a perfect night, the world was all right and the lovers were with each other.
* * * * *
Relena hummed to herself. Everything was finally back to normal…well except for two things: her friends and her ballet. Ballet was improving, she was moving up back to the spot she was at before. However, her relationship with her friends was not. It stayed the same. Quatre became friendlier with her after the recital. He believed that he saw Relena when she danced. She was at her locker, just packing up for the day. She heard someone approach and saw Hilde with her eyes blood shot.
"Hilde, are you alright?" Relena asked with concern.
Hilde just nodded and proceeded to open up her locker.
The boys arrived and all looked at Hilde.
"Hilde babe, what's wrong?" Duo asked.
"Nothing." She muttered.
"Hilde, you can tell us what's wrong." Quatre coaxed.
Still, Hilde shook her head.
"Is your English mark bothering you again?" Relena guessed. Hilde's weakness had always been English and her parents had so much hope in her. This year, Hilde was stuck with the strictest of all English teachers and she was giving her a hard time.
"It's none of your business!" Hilde snapped.
"I was just trying to help…" Relena whispered, hurt.
"Yeah, whatever. Are you sure you weren't just trying to mock me, Miss Smarty-Pants?" Hilde exclaimed furiously.
"But…we're friends Hilde." Relena murmured.
"No we're not. My best friend, Relena's dead! You're not Relena…never were, never will be! We're never going to share the same things again. In my eyes, you can never replace her. Go away! I don't want to see you! Don't lie to yourself, you're Cassie Barton. Don't try to trick me, you won't succeed." Hilde yelled.
Inside Relena's pounding mind, she told herself to forgive Hilde. She never had any idea how much this really affected her friend. No idea. But what Hilde said hurt…hurt very much. Relena blinked back her tears.
"I'm sorry." She managed to mutter and turned to hurry away.
By now, half the students in the hallway were looking at the gang.
"Hilde…that was a little…" Quatre said uneasily.
"…harsh." Duo finished. "Sure, she's different and I agree with you…but that was kind of straightforward."
Heero just glared at Hilde.
"Fine, it's all my fault. It's my entire fault that the real Relena is replaced with this stranger after death. Okay, I'm sorry." And Hilde stalked away.
"Gee, this is sure a big mess." Duo said. The others just shook their heads.
* * * * *
Relena couldn't sleep. She was out of tears and anger. But a void filled her…she was overwhelmed with sadness. She had expected Hilde to be the most understanding out of them all. Was she really that different? Really that hard to accept? Was appearance really more important than personality? Then Relena stopped. They wouldn't know her personality because they never gave her a chance to prove it to them. This was all getting hopeless. Somewhere in her house, the clock chimed twelve. Tonight, she didn't want to deal with her insomnia. She pulled on a sweatshirt and her scuffed up sneakers. Then she climbed out of the window and onto the roof. She paused. There was a faint light emitting from the closed window. She climbed down the side. Across the yard, over the fence and up the wall onto the roof. This was the route she always took to hang out with Heero. Usually, she would go study with him. Of course, studying with him was like studying alone…but it didn't seem that lonely, and he was always willing to help if she needed it…just as long as she stayed quiet for most of the time. She hadn't taken this shortcut ever since the accident. She knocked softly on his window. After half a minute, he opened up the window and stuck his head outside.
"Relena?" He asked, surprised at seeing her at his window at midnight.
"Can I come in?" She asked, shivering from the chill of night.
He stepped aside and allowed her to jump in. Then he closed the window.
"What's wrong?" he asked, taking notice of her swollen eyes.
"I couldn't sleep." She whispered.
He got her a glass of water.
"Am I disturbing you?" She asked.
"No, I was just doing some bedtime reading." He said.
She took a sip of her water.
"Now, can you tell me what's bothering you?"
She looked at her feet.
"Hilde?" He guessed.
She nodded and stayed silent for a while.
"Did you only like me because of my different appearance? You never showed any affection for me before. Don't lie to me, I can tell." Relena asked bravely.
Heero took time to compose his answer.
"No. I…just didn't know how to say that to you. I…didn't know how to handle it. You seemed so unreachable. I didn't know if you felt the same. I've liked you since I knew what love was." He admitted.
"But didn't my changed appearance appeal to you? I must be really different if Hilde refuses to acknowledge me as Relena."
"Well…it was shocking at first seeing you. However, I refused to believe that Relena Peacecraft was dead. Afterwards, I discovered that you were the same old Relena I've always known. From then on, my mind learned to ignore your auburn hair or green eyes. I will always look at you and see a beautiful girl with honey blonde hair, aquamarine eyes…the Relena I've looked at all my life, and hear that silvery voice of yours."
"Really?" A tear escaped her eye.
"Really." His nose touched hers.
"Then why can't the others see that?"
"I guess they're in denial. Time heals."
"Does it?"
He didn't answer her. He just held her and cradled her. She fell asleep for the first time since many sleepless nights, in his arms.
* * * * *
She took a deep breath. Heero gave her hand a squeeze.
"Remember, act like yourself. Just give them the time to discover that you're really Relena, like I did. Life is not hopeless. They will eventually have to discover it, whether it's through time or by accident." He smiled at her.
She smiled back.
"No matter what happens, we'll go through it together."
"Okay, I believe in you." Relena whispered to him.
They walked into the school, hand in hand; ready to face anything that came their way together.
* * * * *
Wednesday, November 13. (Rainy)
I'm waiting in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening, but there's no sound
Isn't anyone trying to find me?
I'm so lost.
~ ~ ~
Thursday, March 06. (Cloudy)
I wake up every morning
Look at my face
The one that's not getting me
Through another day
Does it really matter
How I feel inside
'Cause life is like a game sometimes
I'm trying to figure out this life
Nothing's going right
Everything's a mess
Why is everything so confusing?
No one likes to be alone
~ ~ ~
Friday, June 20. (Sunny)
Then you came around me
You've made me trust again
You took me by the hand
Took me somewhere new
To somewhere bright and safe.
I'm trying to remember
Why I was afraid
I guess I never had someone like you
To help me, to help me fit
In my skin
I've never felt like this before
I'm with youAnd it feels so right.
Everything's all right.
~ Owari ~ Fin ~
* * * * *
A.N.: Well, that's it, my second one-shot. I'm sorry about all the jumps in this story but I wanted to make it a one shot! I hope I wasn't too confusing and if I get enough e-mails saying this story was way too confusing, I guess I'll have to post up an explanation. Well, that's if I get any readers at all. I'm pretty satisfied, took me a week to write on top of schoolwork. Not bad, I'd say. This is a sci-fi fic (kinda), all about the 'what if', so if you're going to flame me on morals and 'it's impossible' stuff, don't. It's just a story. I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I hope all of you enjoy it. I'm still working on my other fics, but I've been a tad busy and I'm still mad about having all the new chapters deleted. Anyway, I'll work harder…but I posted new chapters and I guess I'm losing readers. Oh well…writing keeps me sane. I'll just shut my mouth now and let my readers proceed on with life. Thanks for reading and please review! All complaints and compliments welcome.
Disclaimers: I do not own Gundam Wing. I just borrowed the characters for my little story. This plot/story was inspired by Lena Coakley's 'Mirror Images'. It's a cool story. As for the italicized text above (which is actually Relena's thoughts and tidbits in her journal) is a combination of Avril Lavigne's 'I'm With You' and 'Naked' with some changes I made here and there. I liked some of thoughts in her songs but the whole song didn't fit so I butchered it up. I'm sorry. Oh well, I did it already. I think that's about it, ja ne!