What If?
Can't Take It Away
What if Satine never worked at the Moulin Rouge? What if they had met in another time, another place? What if there was no other angry man? What if Satine didn't have consumption? Would their love be perfect or would there still be hardships and struggles?
***
Satine opened her eyes slowly. The images appearing blurry at first but then sharpening. She was lying in her bedroom she shared with Christian. Sitting on the bed next to her reading the newspaper and holding her hand was Christian. He felt her movement and looked down. She smiled weakly up at him.
'Hey.' She said and immediately he put his newspaper down.
'Oh darling, you gave me quite a scare.' He told her, smoothing the hair back from her face.
'Sorry. What happened?'
'Y-You couldn't breathe and then you fainted.' He said, remembering what happened. Satine thought about what it must have looked like to him. She didn't know if she could handle it if it were him.
'Then what happened?'
'I carried you up here and then the doctor came. He took some blood and said you had to rest until he returns in a week.'
'A week!' Satine moaned. 'I'll go insane.'
'I'll keep you company. As will your brother, sisters and father.'
'Wait...We're supposed to be moving on five days.'
'Four actually. You've been asleep for the last 24 hours.'
'I've missed a whole day?...Wait, we're supposed to be moving on Monday and the doctor isn't coming until next Thursday.'
'Darling, we are not going anywhere until you are better.' Satine opened her mouth to protest but then decided against it. Once Christian had said something it was very hard for to get him to change his mind.
***
Satine woke up and rolled over. Christian was sleeping peacefully on his front, his arms under his head. Glancing at the clock she could see it was only four o'clock. She shivered and looked down. The covers were all bunched up at the bottom of the bed. Pulling them up she attempted to go to sleep. Soon she was too hot so she kicked them off. Soon she was freezing again. This isn't going to work, she thought. Christian was still lying on his arms. Turning him over to his side, she opened his arms and moved into his embrace. This was much better.
***
'Pnuemonia.' The doctor told her when everyone had finally left the room. Satine let out the breath she was holding but then sucked it back in again. 'I'm afraid it's quite bad though.'
'Am I going to die?'
'No, no! Why would you think that? If you take your medication and rest I am perfectly sure you will make a full recovery. And I mean full rest. You must stay in the house for a month, sitting down at all times unless you have to stand, no getting excited or anything to get you out of breath. You may sit on the balcony every now and then if you are wrapped up well. After that, and I've come to check on you, you can start going out again for a few minutes every day.'
'H-How long until I can get back to normal life?'
'Three months.' He admitted. 'I'm also afraid that you won't be able to move until you make a complete recovery.' Satine nodded, she understood perfectly. She could feel the lump form in her throat and the tears come into her eyes. 'Satine-' The doctor began. She held her hand up.
'C-Could you tell the others I want a few minutes alone please?'
'Sure.' He said gently. He picked up his bag and left the room quietly. Satine swallowed and blinked, allowing the tears to fall. Everything she knew, everything she loved was being taken away from her. She wasn't allowed to run, go out with her friends, take Lilibet to the park. All the things that she took for granted had suddenly been snatched from her.
***
The doctor closed the door behind him and the five waiting on the landing looked up.
'Well?' William voiced the thoughts of everyone.
'Pnuemonia.' Christian gasped as did everyone else.
'Is she going to die?' Lilibet asked.
'No, why?'
'Mama did.' Lilibet stated. 'She died after giving birth to me, the pnuemonia made her lungs weak and she couldn't take the strain.'
'Well, Satine isn't pregnant and she will be fine if she rests, takes her medication and doesn't get pregnant.' The last line was directed at Christian. He just nodded, his gaze fixed on the door. All he wanted was to go and wrap her in his embrace.
'Can I see her?'
'She's asked for a few minutes alone. I'm going to talk to your father about the rest and medication and he can go through it with you all later.' Everyone nodded and William led the doctor down to his study.
***
'Now has everyone got that? Any questions?' William looked at each of them. Everyone nodded. A tired looking Lilibet, who was sitting on Joshua's lap, looked around sleepily. Timidly, she raised her hand. William smiled at her.
'Will she still be able to play with me?'
'Yes but gentle games like cards or colouring.'
'Can we play dolls?'
'Yes.' William laughed. 'Any other questions?'
'What about Mama?' Kate asked. William looked confused.
'What about your mother?'
'It's her birthday in a weeks time. We - me, Joshua, Lilibet and Satine - always go up to see her. Will Satine be able to come with us?'
'I'm not sure...' William began.
'I'm going.' Satine spoke up from the doorway. Everyone looked up and Christian jumped up, guiding her to a place on the couch.
'I'm not sure about this, Satine.' Her father said. Satine looked at him. 'We'll discuss this in private.' He told her sternly. 'Right, Lilibet, bedtime.' He stated to his half asleep daughter. Joshua stood up with Lilibet still in his arms but she squirmed out of them. She hated bedtime and fell onto the floor and began to bang with her fists and feet.
'No no no no no!' She repeated over and over into the floor. Satine slid off the couch and sat next to her. Watching her for a few seconds, she pulled Lilibet into her lap. Lilibet wriggled and kicked and punched but Satine held onto her tightly, rocking her back and forth. Soon her screams turned to pitiful cries. Satine stroked her hair and began singing softly to her.
'I follow the night
Can't stand the light
When will I begin
To live again?
One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
What more could you love do for me?
When will love be through with me?
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends.
One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends.
One day I'll fly away
Fly, fly away.'
The deep breaths confirmed that she was asleep. Kissing her softly on the head Satine moved her off her lap before standing up. Picking her up, she headed towards the door. She was determined to show them she could still do everyday things. As she approached the stairs, she was finding it more difficult to breathe. She knew she couldn't do it but didn't want to admit defeat to herself or them. This was something she had to do. She'd done it for the past 8 years and she wasn't going to stop now. Every night she would carry Lilibet upstairs, place her in her bed and then watch her for a few minutes. The only time she hadn't done this was whilst on her honeymoon. She may not have been able to do some things but this was one thing that she could do and they weren't going to take it away from her.
What if Satine never worked at the Moulin Rouge? What if they had met in another time, another place? What if there was no other angry man? What if Satine didn't have consumption? Would their love be perfect or would there still be hardships and struggles?
***
Satine opened her eyes slowly. The images appearing blurry at first but then sharpening. She was lying in her bedroom she shared with Christian. Sitting on the bed next to her reading the newspaper and holding her hand was Christian. He felt her movement and looked down. She smiled weakly up at him.
'Hey.' She said and immediately he put his newspaper down.
'Oh darling, you gave me quite a scare.' He told her, smoothing the hair back from her face.
'Sorry. What happened?'
'Y-You couldn't breathe and then you fainted.' He said, remembering what happened. Satine thought about what it must have looked like to him. She didn't know if she could handle it if it were him.
'Then what happened?'
'I carried you up here and then the doctor came. He took some blood and said you had to rest until he returns in a week.'
'A week!' Satine moaned. 'I'll go insane.'
'I'll keep you company. As will your brother, sisters and father.'
'Wait...We're supposed to be moving on five days.'
'Four actually. You've been asleep for the last 24 hours.'
'I've missed a whole day?...Wait, we're supposed to be moving on Monday and the doctor isn't coming until next Thursday.'
'Darling, we are not going anywhere until you are better.' Satine opened her mouth to protest but then decided against it. Once Christian had said something it was very hard for to get him to change his mind.
***
Satine woke up and rolled over. Christian was sleeping peacefully on his front, his arms under his head. Glancing at the clock she could see it was only four o'clock. She shivered and looked down. The covers were all bunched up at the bottom of the bed. Pulling them up she attempted to go to sleep. Soon she was too hot so she kicked them off. Soon she was freezing again. This isn't going to work, she thought. Christian was still lying on his arms. Turning him over to his side, she opened his arms and moved into his embrace. This was much better.
***
'Pnuemonia.' The doctor told her when everyone had finally left the room. Satine let out the breath she was holding but then sucked it back in again. 'I'm afraid it's quite bad though.'
'Am I going to die?'
'No, no! Why would you think that? If you take your medication and rest I am perfectly sure you will make a full recovery. And I mean full rest. You must stay in the house for a month, sitting down at all times unless you have to stand, no getting excited or anything to get you out of breath. You may sit on the balcony every now and then if you are wrapped up well. After that, and I've come to check on you, you can start going out again for a few minutes every day.'
'H-How long until I can get back to normal life?'
'Three months.' He admitted. 'I'm also afraid that you won't be able to move until you make a complete recovery.' Satine nodded, she understood perfectly. She could feel the lump form in her throat and the tears come into her eyes. 'Satine-' The doctor began. She held her hand up.
'C-Could you tell the others I want a few minutes alone please?'
'Sure.' He said gently. He picked up his bag and left the room quietly. Satine swallowed and blinked, allowing the tears to fall. Everything she knew, everything she loved was being taken away from her. She wasn't allowed to run, go out with her friends, take Lilibet to the park. All the things that she took for granted had suddenly been snatched from her.
***
The doctor closed the door behind him and the five waiting on the landing looked up.
'Well?' William voiced the thoughts of everyone.
'Pnuemonia.' Christian gasped as did everyone else.
'Is she going to die?' Lilibet asked.
'No, why?'
'Mama did.' Lilibet stated. 'She died after giving birth to me, the pnuemonia made her lungs weak and she couldn't take the strain.'
'Well, Satine isn't pregnant and she will be fine if she rests, takes her medication and doesn't get pregnant.' The last line was directed at Christian. He just nodded, his gaze fixed on the door. All he wanted was to go and wrap her in his embrace.
'Can I see her?'
'She's asked for a few minutes alone. I'm going to talk to your father about the rest and medication and he can go through it with you all later.' Everyone nodded and William led the doctor down to his study.
***
'Now has everyone got that? Any questions?' William looked at each of them. Everyone nodded. A tired looking Lilibet, who was sitting on Joshua's lap, looked around sleepily. Timidly, she raised her hand. William smiled at her.
'Will she still be able to play with me?'
'Yes but gentle games like cards or colouring.'
'Can we play dolls?'
'Yes.' William laughed. 'Any other questions?'
'What about Mama?' Kate asked. William looked confused.
'What about your mother?'
'It's her birthday in a weeks time. We - me, Joshua, Lilibet and Satine - always go up to see her. Will Satine be able to come with us?'
'I'm not sure...' William began.
'I'm going.' Satine spoke up from the doorway. Everyone looked up and Christian jumped up, guiding her to a place on the couch.
'I'm not sure about this, Satine.' Her father said. Satine looked at him. 'We'll discuss this in private.' He told her sternly. 'Right, Lilibet, bedtime.' He stated to his half asleep daughter. Joshua stood up with Lilibet still in his arms but she squirmed out of them. She hated bedtime and fell onto the floor and began to bang with her fists and feet.
'No no no no no!' She repeated over and over into the floor. Satine slid off the couch and sat next to her. Watching her for a few seconds, she pulled Lilibet into her lap. Lilibet wriggled and kicked and punched but Satine held onto her tightly, rocking her back and forth. Soon her screams turned to pitiful cries. Satine stroked her hair and began singing softly to her.
'I follow the night
Can't stand the light
When will I begin
To live again?
One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
What more could you love do for me?
When will love be through with me?
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends.
One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends.
One day I'll fly away
Fly, fly away.'
The deep breaths confirmed that she was asleep. Kissing her softly on the head Satine moved her off her lap before standing up. Picking her up, she headed towards the door. She was determined to show them she could still do everyday things. As she approached the stairs, she was finding it more difficult to breathe. She knew she couldn't do it but didn't want to admit defeat to herself or them. This was something she had to do. She'd done it for the past 8 years and she wasn't going to stop now. Every night she would carry Lilibet upstairs, place her in her bed and then watch her for a few minutes. The only time she hadn't done this was whilst on her honeymoon. She may not have been able to do some things but this was one thing that she could do and they weren't going to take it away from her.