Jess- Analyzed to Death

We kiss. It's amazing. It's better, more intense than the first. I pull her down with me. I can't think straight with her on top of me. The only thing going through my head is my craving for her. I don't know how she does it, but with one look, I'm nothing. Nothing matters when it comes to her. When it comes to her, all logic is out the door.

This is totally unlike her. But then again, maybe it is just like her. She's trapped. I can see it, but I'm the only one who can. She's trapped in the town's illusion of her being this perfect princess.

I know she's trying to escape the illusion. I know I'm the only one who can help her. I pull her harder against me. The contact we have now isn't nearly enough. I want to pull her clothes off and take her right here. I want to be inside her.

But I know I can't. I can't wreck her, no matter how much I want to. Not yet, anyway. I pull her off me. One more second and I would have lost control and surrendered my body to hers. But it's not the time for it. Our time will come, I can feel it.

She's hurt that I stopped but relieved at the same time. I can tell she's conflicted. I want to make things easy on her, but I'm not sure if I can with out killing myself. She makes up her mind to go- a wise decision. She gives me a pleading look telling me not to breathe a word of this to anyone. I won't, not only because she said so, but because I don't want to say anything about this. I don't want to spoil the princess. Some things are better left in the dark.

She turns to leave. She makes it to the end of the bridge before running back and giving me one last mind blowing kiss before running off again.

I'm left here, remembering everything about her. The way she felt on top of me, the way her lips felt against mine, the way her hands moved, and the sounds she made when I touched a sensitive spot.

I finally get up and go back to Luke's. It's not quite home yet, but it's close. I lie on my bed and read. I lose myself in a book that I know she'll like. I leave notes for her, cryptic ones, because I know she'll try and figure them out to figure me out. My life's story is in these books if you look closely enough. I know she does. Gives new meaning to the phrase 'she can read me like a book'.

I think about her. Thoughts I shouldn't have. A cold shower sounds all of a sudden appealing. Instead, I pull my wallet out from my pocket and pull out the condom inside. I set it on the bedside table, hoping I won't have to use it. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't force Rory into sex, and I intend to keep that promise. But thinking about our recent activities, we might go too far and need it. I put the condom back in my wallet. Her mother would not be happy with a pregnant daughter.

I had it for Shane. God, Shane. I didn't even think about her. She doesn't matter. She is just a distraction. Thinking about Rory drove me crazy so I got a toy to play with. Me and Shane will never be anything more than casual partners. I make up my mind to break it off with her tomorrow, not like it will matter to her, she'll just move on to the next guy.

I remember Rory has a boyfriend. I don't think she broke up with him. I'd bet on the fact that I'm her guy on the side. Sadly, I'm okay with that, for now. I get the perks, but I don't have to deal with all the relationship crap. She's only hurting herself in seeing Dean and making out with me at night.

I finally give up on trying to analyze everything about us and I fall asleep.