Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.
Free.
Sirius felt Harry's breath become regular and was glad the child had fallen asleep. It warmed his heart to see the small form of his godson curled up in his arms with the golden lion clutched between them. All his parental instincts were awakening at an alarming rate. Before he had wanted to protect Harry, but it wasn't the same. The teenager could take care of himself, he only needed someone to guide him along the way and even if Sirius had been happy to provide that, his heart had always longed for more. Now he had a small child to take care of, a small and hurt kid that needed him. Remus came in and smiled, he knew some of what Sirius was feeling. And knew that even if they had done it for Harry, this also would help his best friend to deal with his past. Now the man could focus all his attention onto Harry and try to forget his years in Azkaban.
"Padfoot?"
His friend looked up a little startled but smiled when he saw him. "Sorry Moony, I was a little lost in thought."
Remus laughed softly trying not wake the child in his friends arms. "I saw, I just wanted to tell you I've arranged Harry's room. The new clothes are in the closet, you might want to put him in bed."
Sirius nodded reluctantly and stood up, carefully supporting his godson so he wouldn't wake up. Once in the room, he saw Remus had painted the white walls blue, the big bed was now smaller and some toys were around the room. Sirius smiled and put Harry on the bed. Then he went to fetch some pj's from the closet and carefully started to change the boy's clothes. Once done he tucked his godson in bed, putting the lion next to him, and silently left the room, leaving the door ajar so they could hear if something was wrong.
Slowly he went down the stairs and was somewhat surprised to see Dumbledore sitting in the living room.
"Hello Headmaster."
The old wizard looked up and smiled to him. "Hello Sirius, Remus was just explaining what had happened, I hope Harry is alright now?"
Sirius shrugged. "I don't know, sir, at least he stopped crying and he's now sleeping soundly."
Dumbledore looked a little concerned. "Did he say anything to you?"
Sirius shook his head. "No." The he thought about something. "He seemed really afraid to cry at first, like he was expecting someone to be mad at him and it took me some time before he took the stuffed lion Remus had bought. It's like he's been taught he can not cry and he's not allowed to play."
Dumbledore sighed softly, he had never wondered how Harry's life really had been at the Dursley's, he had thought that it was enough for him to be under their protection but never had imagined their hate for magic would push them to neglect their nephew. Remus soft voice startled him out of his dark thoughts.
"It's the Dursley's fault, isn't it? They brought Harry up this way."
"I'm afraid so, Remus, I could never have imagined it was so bad there. I wish Harry had said something."
Sirius shook his head. "You know Harry doesn't talk about these things. He doesn't want anyone to worry about him."
Before anyone could say anything else a shout came from upstairs making the three man shot up and race up the stairs. Sirius was the first to run into Harry's room and saw the small kid curled up in his bed, clutching the stuffed toy with both arms, his head buried in the soft mane of the toy. Sirius knelt before him and gently began to pry his arms from the lion. Harry looked up and then launched himself in his godfather's arms, wrapping hi arms tightly around Sirius's neck. The man nearly felt down but managed to steady himself with a hand while the other went around Harry's small waist.
"What's wrong, kido?"
Harry was sobbing loudly on his shoulder but managed to squeak: "Mommy and Daddy are dead, He killed them."
Sirius looked sadly at his godson, Harry had once told him that he sometimes had nightmares about his parents deaths, but he had never know they were this bad. Sirius sat on the bed and started to gently rock Harry till the child quieted down.
"Hush, sweetheart, I'm here, I promise nothing will happen to you."
Harry nodded, still refusing to let go of Sirius's neck. Finally, after Sirius had gently comforted him for some more minutes, Harry calmed down enough to look around the room. He spotted the other two men in the room and felt suddenly embarrassed for breaking down like that. Dumbledore saw his checks flush and smiled gently at the child, there were things about him that never would change.
The old man walked over to them and gently put a hand on Harry's head. "Hello Harry."
The boy looked up at him and smiled shyly, tightening his grip on Sirius, who was now nearly choking but didn't complain about his discomfort. "Hello, Sir."
"How are you feeling? Besides the nightmare of course."
Harry relaxed somewhat in his godfather's arms and contemplated the question. Finally he answered. "Fine, Sir, just a little weird."
Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. "Weird? How?"
Harry frowned. "I try to act like I did before, not showing my emotions and all that, but there's always something that makes me act different. Like the lion, first I wanted to tell Sirius I didn't want it, but then something inside me told me the lion was cute and I should take it. After that, there was another part of me that said I wasn't allowed to take it. It's confusing."
The headmaster gently stroked his soft hair. "That's perfectly normal, Harry, you'll get used to it."
"Why is this happening?"
Dumbledore sat down in a chair he had just conjured. "It's like this, Harry. The part that is resisting and still wants you to act your age, is the small part that still is fourteen inside you. That can not be erased because if we did you would stay this way permanently. The other part, the one that wants to accept it all, is the one that has been brought forward by the potion. Everyone has some small part inside them in which they want to be children again, the potion takes that small part and makes it rule over your instincts and emotions, overruling the adult part. Finally the last one is just a result of your education. Even if you know you're not longer with the Dursleys, their education still rules your mind now that you're a child once again. Do you understand?"
Harry was looking somewhat confused but after he thought about it for a while it started to make sense. "You mean my fourteen year old conscience is still there but can't come forward because of the potion, I'm acting like a five year old would and still think as I would have thought at the Dursleys, right?"
Dumbledore looked at him pleased. "Yes, Harry, that's it. I'm sure that with Sirius and Remus you'll get over the Dursleys and the fourteen year old part shouldn't bother you much, it's just a question of getting used to it."
Harry nodded. "But then, how does this help me with my depression?"
Dumbledore's eyes began to twinkle. "Well Harry, I've heard you already relieved some stress this morning and you're talking much more than you did before. What we want you to do is to let it all out, you don't need to keep your feelings inside. This is the best way of dealing with depression, but it's difficult for adults to achieve this, that's the reason sometimes this potion is used."
Harry smiled a little and snuggled closer into Sirius's warm embrace. Dumbledore was right, he was already feeling better than he had in a long time, who would have thought some crying would do him so much good?
To be continued...
A/N: Thanks for all reviews.
Free.
Sirius felt Harry's breath become regular and was glad the child had fallen asleep. It warmed his heart to see the small form of his godson curled up in his arms with the golden lion clutched between them. All his parental instincts were awakening at an alarming rate. Before he had wanted to protect Harry, but it wasn't the same. The teenager could take care of himself, he only needed someone to guide him along the way and even if Sirius had been happy to provide that, his heart had always longed for more. Now he had a small child to take care of, a small and hurt kid that needed him. Remus came in and smiled, he knew some of what Sirius was feeling. And knew that even if they had done it for Harry, this also would help his best friend to deal with his past. Now the man could focus all his attention onto Harry and try to forget his years in Azkaban.
"Padfoot?"
His friend looked up a little startled but smiled when he saw him. "Sorry Moony, I was a little lost in thought."
Remus laughed softly trying not wake the child in his friends arms. "I saw, I just wanted to tell you I've arranged Harry's room. The new clothes are in the closet, you might want to put him in bed."
Sirius nodded reluctantly and stood up, carefully supporting his godson so he wouldn't wake up. Once in the room, he saw Remus had painted the white walls blue, the big bed was now smaller and some toys were around the room. Sirius smiled and put Harry on the bed. Then he went to fetch some pj's from the closet and carefully started to change the boy's clothes. Once done he tucked his godson in bed, putting the lion next to him, and silently left the room, leaving the door ajar so they could hear if something was wrong.
Slowly he went down the stairs and was somewhat surprised to see Dumbledore sitting in the living room.
"Hello Headmaster."
The old wizard looked up and smiled to him. "Hello Sirius, Remus was just explaining what had happened, I hope Harry is alright now?"
Sirius shrugged. "I don't know, sir, at least he stopped crying and he's now sleeping soundly."
Dumbledore looked a little concerned. "Did he say anything to you?"
Sirius shook his head. "No." The he thought about something. "He seemed really afraid to cry at first, like he was expecting someone to be mad at him and it took me some time before he took the stuffed lion Remus had bought. It's like he's been taught he can not cry and he's not allowed to play."
Dumbledore sighed softly, he had never wondered how Harry's life really had been at the Dursley's, he had thought that it was enough for him to be under their protection but never had imagined their hate for magic would push them to neglect their nephew. Remus soft voice startled him out of his dark thoughts.
"It's the Dursley's fault, isn't it? They brought Harry up this way."
"I'm afraid so, Remus, I could never have imagined it was so bad there. I wish Harry had said something."
Sirius shook his head. "You know Harry doesn't talk about these things. He doesn't want anyone to worry about him."
Before anyone could say anything else a shout came from upstairs making the three man shot up and race up the stairs. Sirius was the first to run into Harry's room and saw the small kid curled up in his bed, clutching the stuffed toy with both arms, his head buried in the soft mane of the toy. Sirius knelt before him and gently began to pry his arms from the lion. Harry looked up and then launched himself in his godfather's arms, wrapping hi arms tightly around Sirius's neck. The man nearly felt down but managed to steady himself with a hand while the other went around Harry's small waist.
"What's wrong, kido?"
Harry was sobbing loudly on his shoulder but managed to squeak: "Mommy and Daddy are dead, He killed them."
Sirius looked sadly at his godson, Harry had once told him that he sometimes had nightmares about his parents deaths, but he had never know they were this bad. Sirius sat on the bed and started to gently rock Harry till the child quieted down.
"Hush, sweetheart, I'm here, I promise nothing will happen to you."
Harry nodded, still refusing to let go of Sirius's neck. Finally, after Sirius had gently comforted him for some more minutes, Harry calmed down enough to look around the room. He spotted the other two men in the room and felt suddenly embarrassed for breaking down like that. Dumbledore saw his checks flush and smiled gently at the child, there were things about him that never would change.
The old man walked over to them and gently put a hand on Harry's head. "Hello Harry."
The boy looked up at him and smiled shyly, tightening his grip on Sirius, who was now nearly choking but didn't complain about his discomfort. "Hello, Sir."
"How are you feeling? Besides the nightmare of course."
Harry relaxed somewhat in his godfather's arms and contemplated the question. Finally he answered. "Fine, Sir, just a little weird."
Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. "Weird? How?"
Harry frowned. "I try to act like I did before, not showing my emotions and all that, but there's always something that makes me act different. Like the lion, first I wanted to tell Sirius I didn't want it, but then something inside me told me the lion was cute and I should take it. After that, there was another part of me that said I wasn't allowed to take it. It's confusing."
The headmaster gently stroked his soft hair. "That's perfectly normal, Harry, you'll get used to it."
"Why is this happening?"
Dumbledore sat down in a chair he had just conjured. "It's like this, Harry. The part that is resisting and still wants you to act your age, is the small part that still is fourteen inside you. That can not be erased because if we did you would stay this way permanently. The other part, the one that wants to accept it all, is the one that has been brought forward by the potion. Everyone has some small part inside them in which they want to be children again, the potion takes that small part and makes it rule over your instincts and emotions, overruling the adult part. Finally the last one is just a result of your education. Even if you know you're not longer with the Dursleys, their education still rules your mind now that you're a child once again. Do you understand?"
Harry was looking somewhat confused but after he thought about it for a while it started to make sense. "You mean my fourteen year old conscience is still there but can't come forward because of the potion, I'm acting like a five year old would and still think as I would have thought at the Dursleys, right?"
Dumbledore looked at him pleased. "Yes, Harry, that's it. I'm sure that with Sirius and Remus you'll get over the Dursleys and the fourteen year old part shouldn't bother you much, it's just a question of getting used to it."
Harry nodded. "But then, how does this help me with my depression?"
Dumbledore's eyes began to twinkle. "Well Harry, I've heard you already relieved some stress this morning and you're talking much more than you did before. What we want you to do is to let it all out, you don't need to keep your feelings inside. This is the best way of dealing with depression, but it's difficult for adults to achieve this, that's the reason sometimes this potion is used."
Harry smiled a little and snuggled closer into Sirius's warm embrace. Dumbledore was right, he was already feeling better than he had in a long time, who would have thought some crying would do him so much good?
To be continued...
A/N: Thanks for all reviews.