Married In Blue
Author: ZLizabeth
A/N: once again I'm sorry it took me a teensy bit of a while to update. My muse decided I was no longer it's most important client and dashed off to inspire more talented writers. Ahh, well, I'm it's loss. So I'm writing a museless story right now, and if it's bad, BLAME THE MUSE!!!!
Okay, I am SO SO SO sorry about my inability to edit. You really have no idea how sorry I am. But it just COMES with my *straightens hair* BRILLIANCE. Okay? All geniuses have faults! :) But quite a few things have been straightened out in this chapter from the last one, so please read. And review.
"Okay, now, I have to put this in this bowl... or is it that bowl? How much am I supposed to put in, speaking of whiches and whats... Is that a two or five? And that, three or an eight! Three or eight!" she demanded of the kitchen, "God, why haven't they invented inflammable recipes! Idiots!"
Rory was standing at her stove, and using it for the first time. The devils hands had already taken off a small portion of hair in the front, and had consumed the entire right side of the recipe for whatever she was making. She'd forgotten by now what it was and the aroma suggested only that she was trying to recreate in a dish the burning of Rome.
Dean, of course, was the reason Rory was standing in the blackened kitchen.
Naturally her over possessive boy - no, husband, had grown suspicious over her all-day absences. She was making him dinner to soothe his worries.
Her excuse had been that she was job-hunting. He never believed a word she said anyway, so hidden beneath his shifty glances was 'she never lies, but I have to act like she's a liar anyway'.
She was safe. For the time being.
Yet another side of her was scoffing at her attempt to hide Jess. You're not doing anything wrong, it said. Have you ever, in any way, committed any form of adultery. Are you entitled to tell your husband everything?
In a true, trusting, marriage, yes.
But she was a liar. Because, even though she never even let herself think it, it wasn't Dean she felt bad lying to.
It was Jess.
When her half-closed eyes had seen his face, she'd wanted to throw her arms around him and whisper in his ear how much she'd missed him. She'd wanted to scream at him for leaving her, then smile and say she'd forgiven him. Any sort of emotional exchange would've suited her.
But no. All they had now was this small little thing that wasn't allowed any sort of feelings at all. Not friendship-wise, not anything wise.
She'd kept him out of her house and away from the mantelpiece photos. She had covered when she'd almost said how she was married. She had allowed them one memory only. An innocent memory of a Jess furious with the world and a naive Rory. Before he had begun to change her and she'd begun to change him. Though she couldn't take to much responsibility for "nice Jess", the post-kiss Jess. She liked to think he'd done that because he wanted to. Maybe even for Luke.
Even though she knew it was all for her.
She hadn't told him how special Her Spot was. How he was the only one she could've trusted to share in it's splendor.
She was so very lucky this town didn't gossip. All she had to do was make sure Dean didn't see her with him, and she was fine.
She hadn't asked him about the jeep.
"Maybe he already knows," she mumbled, stirring the whatthehellisthat-in-a-pan around, "he has Mom's jeep. He must've seen the pictures mom has. Of the wedding."
"I'm home!" came a voice from the front door. A voice that didn't expect an answer. But she had stayed away from Jess today. Her phone call hadn't received any questions. As was expected. No questions asked, that was the "relationship" she and Jess had.
What sort of friendship was that?
Lorelai Gilmore lay on her bed, her fingers tracing the face of her daughter, standing in a blue dress and being towered over by her husband. The picture only came out of it's drawer when Lorelai was in the mood for a good crying session.
She hadn't been married in white.
Rory was supposed to have had the perfect perfect life. She was going to grow up, she was going to see it through high school, she wasn't going to get pregnant before she was respectfully married, she was going to go through college. She was going to have a job. She was going to be famous. She would find herself a wealthy husband she was in love with and they would have a huge wedding in a big church with stain-glass windows. The guests would all be famous people who really didn't care that Rory was getting married, only cared about being in the newspaper (there were going to be a lot of photographers there, but only the best to cover *Rory Gilmore*'s wedding). But in the front row would be Rory's real friends and family, and they would love that she was having the perfect wedding and they'd behave themselves throughout the wedding (at least, good behavior as far as Stars Hollow goes).
And she was going to raise an actress and a president, and she was going to live her life happily, and she was going to be everything Lorelai wasn't.
Maybe Lorelai had been a bit to concentrated on making sure she didn't end up like her.
Of course she hadn't been the stern mother *her* mother had been, but she had done little things to push Rory into a bright bright future.
Dean had been perfect boyfriend. And she was so happy when Rory and him began to have a nice little relationship.
And then Jess had shown up and began to punch holes in the balloon that was Rory's perfect future. Lorelai had been so mad at him, and she had done the wrong thing, she knew.
A tear dropped on the picture.
Jess would've been a typical boyfriend. He had reformed and they would've had a little dating history and then would've agreed to remain just friends. Lorelai could see it now, the breakup. Rory and Jess would blurt it out and the same time and then they'd smile and hug and be back to a buddy-buddy relationship. And Rory would move on and her life would remain unscarred.
But Lorelai had refused to see that. She saw only her daughter with a nice, big round stomach. And she had shoved Jess out her daughter's life as fast as she could.
And somehow, that had led to her daughter, her perfect daughter, the daughter she loved more than anything, marrying the freakishly tall Bag Boy. The first boy she'd ever dated.
And turned her Rory's perfect, wonderful, formal, full-of-celebrities wedding into some stupid affair in a place that might has well have been a garage.
And Lorelai knew it was her that had melted the wedding dress from a beautiful puff of silk and lace into a plain blue dress made of cotton.
That morning Rory snuck away through the morning fog to her spot and found Jess there, leaned against a tree. She tried to smile and went to sit next to him. She was crying by the time she had reached the log.
"Hey Rory."
"Hey Jes..." her voice cracked and she buried her face in her hands. He stroked her hair. She looked up at him and gave him the most pathetic of smiles.
"Don't waste your energy on smiling like that Rory."
"That's the Rory smile nowadays."
"Don't say that. That's like forcing my admission to the Weepers club right now."
"Jess, just admit it. I have the power to make you cry."
"Ugh. When you phrase it like that it sounds so unprofessional."
"The truth hurts."
Silence.
Suddenly she sat up, "Jess, I need you to promise me something."
"Rory..."
She was perfectly aware she was violating the unspoken rules they'd established, "it's called throwing caution to the wind for a few moments. And this is serious. I need you to promise me that you won't leave me ever again."
"Isn't that Hollywood of you?" he was smirking.
"Yes. It is."
He looked at her pleading features and gave her the smallest of smiles, "fine."
"Promise."
"I promise I won't ever... leave you. I am so disgusted with myself right now."
"Think how I must feel."
And then his lips parted. She wondered what he was about to say. But without warning, the fear of losing Jess came back and she stopped whatever might have possibly been said.
"Okay, we can go back to normal now." A forced smile from him.
"Good. Because kodak moments really aren't my thing."
She butted her head against his arm. And then leaned against him to watch the sun rise.
It felt all to natural, and wonderful...
And extremely inappropriate for a no feelings relationship.
The sun was just beginning to peek through the trees. She reached the back of her head and finally freed her hair from it's drawn back prison.
"The sun has arisen, and we can either go to Starbucks or go home. Or stay here."
A sudden deja-vu came to Rory.
Turn right, her heart and mind were screaming, turn right!
"I have to go home," she said, "but I'll walk you back to the hotel."
"That's right," disappointment was obvious in his voice, you haven't seen it since I've moved in."
"I'd love to see what you've done with the place."
"Well, with a bed, two chairs and television, the possibilities are endless," he said. She was already smiling, and she stood up to lead him out of the woods. The trail was hard to find.
"So this is your lovely little home,"
"Next time you'll have to show me yours."
She looked up at him and shook her head gently. She wanted to end this stupid little mimic of friendship right now and tell him the truth - the lies were eating away at the edges already. But she was to afraid to lose this... as pitiful as it may be.
He shrugged his shoulders and flopped down onto the couch.
There was the place they endured their first and most awkward silence.
"Rory..."
"Jess..."
It was over then as he half-smiled and took out a book. Reading together. Something she had always loved doing. The five seconds that had just passed seemed like an eternity, and she cared not to suffer that again.
"Where can I find a decent book?" she said, knowing very well the Jess she had known would not travel without one.
"My bag... front pocket. I must have something in there."
She left the room with a nod to him and opened up the first pocket. Nothing in here but a shoe box... maybe he had his books in there.
She gasped as she pulled off the lid.
On the top layer was pictures of her and Jess together. There were only about ten: neither one had been to interested in posing for cameras (not that anyone would have volunteered to take their picture anyway). Most of these were from the time Rory was in New York. Avid tourist that she was, she'd brought along a disposable camera (she hadn't told him it wasn't for him. It had been for her mother's graduation. Now she felt guilty as she realized there could be so many more in here if she had realized she would never make it to the graduation).
And underneath the pictures was a stack of papers with a single blue sheet of printing paper.
Writing To Rory
From Jess Mariano
She realized that this was NOT the book he intended for her reading. She also realized that her oh-so-disobdient fingers were already flipping the 'cover' off, and gingerly picking up the first sheet of paper.
***Okay, here's the deal. If you like it, you review. If you hate it, you review. If you are robbed of your ability to type you pick up a pencil with your teeth and press the keys. Or something not so bossy. How about, I love you all, please review. Or just the basic *gets down on knees and humbly bows head, then wails her plea*. Whatever you would find the most encouraging way to review.
Author: ZLizabeth
A/N: once again I'm sorry it took me a teensy bit of a while to update. My muse decided I was no longer it's most important client and dashed off to inspire more talented writers. Ahh, well, I'm it's loss. So I'm writing a museless story right now, and if it's bad, BLAME THE MUSE!!!!
Okay, I am SO SO SO sorry about my inability to edit. You really have no idea how sorry I am. But it just COMES with my *straightens hair* BRILLIANCE. Okay? All geniuses have faults! :) But quite a few things have been straightened out in this chapter from the last one, so please read. And review.
"Okay, now, I have to put this in this bowl... or is it that bowl? How much am I supposed to put in, speaking of whiches and whats... Is that a two or five? And that, three or an eight! Three or eight!" she demanded of the kitchen, "God, why haven't they invented inflammable recipes! Idiots!"
Rory was standing at her stove, and using it for the first time. The devils hands had already taken off a small portion of hair in the front, and had consumed the entire right side of the recipe for whatever she was making. She'd forgotten by now what it was and the aroma suggested only that she was trying to recreate in a dish the burning of Rome.
Dean, of course, was the reason Rory was standing in the blackened kitchen.
Naturally her over possessive boy - no, husband, had grown suspicious over her all-day absences. She was making him dinner to soothe his worries.
Her excuse had been that she was job-hunting. He never believed a word she said anyway, so hidden beneath his shifty glances was 'she never lies, but I have to act like she's a liar anyway'.
She was safe. For the time being.
Yet another side of her was scoffing at her attempt to hide Jess. You're not doing anything wrong, it said. Have you ever, in any way, committed any form of adultery. Are you entitled to tell your husband everything?
In a true, trusting, marriage, yes.
But she was a liar. Because, even though she never even let herself think it, it wasn't Dean she felt bad lying to.
It was Jess.
When her half-closed eyes had seen his face, she'd wanted to throw her arms around him and whisper in his ear how much she'd missed him. She'd wanted to scream at him for leaving her, then smile and say she'd forgiven him. Any sort of emotional exchange would've suited her.
But no. All they had now was this small little thing that wasn't allowed any sort of feelings at all. Not friendship-wise, not anything wise.
She'd kept him out of her house and away from the mantelpiece photos. She had covered when she'd almost said how she was married. She had allowed them one memory only. An innocent memory of a Jess furious with the world and a naive Rory. Before he had begun to change her and she'd begun to change him. Though she couldn't take to much responsibility for "nice Jess", the post-kiss Jess. She liked to think he'd done that because he wanted to. Maybe even for Luke.
Even though she knew it was all for her.
She hadn't told him how special Her Spot was. How he was the only one she could've trusted to share in it's splendor.
She was so very lucky this town didn't gossip. All she had to do was make sure Dean didn't see her with him, and she was fine.
She hadn't asked him about the jeep.
"Maybe he already knows," she mumbled, stirring the whatthehellisthat-in-a-pan around, "he has Mom's jeep. He must've seen the pictures mom has. Of the wedding."
"I'm home!" came a voice from the front door. A voice that didn't expect an answer. But she had stayed away from Jess today. Her phone call hadn't received any questions. As was expected. No questions asked, that was the "relationship" she and Jess had.
What sort of friendship was that?
Lorelai Gilmore lay on her bed, her fingers tracing the face of her daughter, standing in a blue dress and being towered over by her husband. The picture only came out of it's drawer when Lorelai was in the mood for a good crying session.
She hadn't been married in white.
Rory was supposed to have had the perfect perfect life. She was going to grow up, she was going to see it through high school, she wasn't going to get pregnant before she was respectfully married, she was going to go through college. She was going to have a job. She was going to be famous. She would find herself a wealthy husband she was in love with and they would have a huge wedding in a big church with stain-glass windows. The guests would all be famous people who really didn't care that Rory was getting married, only cared about being in the newspaper (there were going to be a lot of photographers there, but only the best to cover *Rory Gilmore*'s wedding). But in the front row would be Rory's real friends and family, and they would love that she was having the perfect wedding and they'd behave themselves throughout the wedding (at least, good behavior as far as Stars Hollow goes).
And she was going to raise an actress and a president, and she was going to live her life happily, and she was going to be everything Lorelai wasn't.
Maybe Lorelai had been a bit to concentrated on making sure she didn't end up like her.
Of course she hadn't been the stern mother *her* mother had been, but she had done little things to push Rory into a bright bright future.
Dean had been perfect boyfriend. And she was so happy when Rory and him began to have a nice little relationship.
And then Jess had shown up and began to punch holes in the balloon that was Rory's perfect future. Lorelai had been so mad at him, and she had done the wrong thing, she knew.
A tear dropped on the picture.
Jess would've been a typical boyfriend. He had reformed and they would've had a little dating history and then would've agreed to remain just friends. Lorelai could see it now, the breakup. Rory and Jess would blurt it out and the same time and then they'd smile and hug and be back to a buddy-buddy relationship. And Rory would move on and her life would remain unscarred.
But Lorelai had refused to see that. She saw only her daughter with a nice, big round stomach. And she had shoved Jess out her daughter's life as fast as she could.
And somehow, that had led to her daughter, her perfect daughter, the daughter she loved more than anything, marrying the freakishly tall Bag Boy. The first boy she'd ever dated.
And turned her Rory's perfect, wonderful, formal, full-of-celebrities wedding into some stupid affair in a place that might has well have been a garage.
And Lorelai knew it was her that had melted the wedding dress from a beautiful puff of silk and lace into a plain blue dress made of cotton.
That morning Rory snuck away through the morning fog to her spot and found Jess there, leaned against a tree. She tried to smile and went to sit next to him. She was crying by the time she had reached the log.
"Hey Rory."
"Hey Jes..." her voice cracked and she buried her face in her hands. He stroked her hair. She looked up at him and gave him the most pathetic of smiles.
"Don't waste your energy on smiling like that Rory."
"That's the Rory smile nowadays."
"Don't say that. That's like forcing my admission to the Weepers club right now."
"Jess, just admit it. I have the power to make you cry."
"Ugh. When you phrase it like that it sounds so unprofessional."
"The truth hurts."
Silence.
Suddenly she sat up, "Jess, I need you to promise me something."
"Rory..."
She was perfectly aware she was violating the unspoken rules they'd established, "it's called throwing caution to the wind for a few moments. And this is serious. I need you to promise me that you won't leave me ever again."
"Isn't that Hollywood of you?" he was smirking.
"Yes. It is."
He looked at her pleading features and gave her the smallest of smiles, "fine."
"Promise."
"I promise I won't ever... leave you. I am so disgusted with myself right now."
"Think how I must feel."
And then his lips parted. She wondered what he was about to say. But without warning, the fear of losing Jess came back and she stopped whatever might have possibly been said.
"Okay, we can go back to normal now." A forced smile from him.
"Good. Because kodak moments really aren't my thing."
She butted her head against his arm. And then leaned against him to watch the sun rise.
It felt all to natural, and wonderful...
And extremely inappropriate for a no feelings relationship.
The sun was just beginning to peek through the trees. She reached the back of her head and finally freed her hair from it's drawn back prison.
"The sun has arisen, and we can either go to Starbucks or go home. Or stay here."
A sudden deja-vu came to Rory.
Turn right, her heart and mind were screaming, turn right!
"I have to go home," she said, "but I'll walk you back to the hotel."
"That's right," disappointment was obvious in his voice, you haven't seen it since I've moved in."
"I'd love to see what you've done with the place."
"Well, with a bed, two chairs and television, the possibilities are endless," he said. She was already smiling, and she stood up to lead him out of the woods. The trail was hard to find.
"So this is your lovely little home,"
"Next time you'll have to show me yours."
She looked up at him and shook her head gently. She wanted to end this stupid little mimic of friendship right now and tell him the truth - the lies were eating away at the edges already. But she was to afraid to lose this... as pitiful as it may be.
He shrugged his shoulders and flopped down onto the couch.
There was the place they endured their first and most awkward silence.
"Rory..."
"Jess..."
It was over then as he half-smiled and took out a book. Reading together. Something she had always loved doing. The five seconds that had just passed seemed like an eternity, and she cared not to suffer that again.
"Where can I find a decent book?" she said, knowing very well the Jess she had known would not travel without one.
"My bag... front pocket. I must have something in there."
She left the room with a nod to him and opened up the first pocket. Nothing in here but a shoe box... maybe he had his books in there.
She gasped as she pulled off the lid.
On the top layer was pictures of her and Jess together. There were only about ten: neither one had been to interested in posing for cameras (not that anyone would have volunteered to take their picture anyway). Most of these were from the time Rory was in New York. Avid tourist that she was, she'd brought along a disposable camera (she hadn't told him it wasn't for him. It had been for her mother's graduation. Now she felt guilty as she realized there could be so many more in here if she had realized she would never make it to the graduation).
And underneath the pictures was a stack of papers with a single blue sheet of printing paper.
Writing To Rory
From Jess Mariano
She realized that this was NOT the book he intended for her reading. She also realized that her oh-so-disobdient fingers were already flipping the 'cover' off, and gingerly picking up the first sheet of paper.
***Okay, here's the deal. If you like it, you review. If you hate it, you review. If you are robbed of your ability to type you pick up a pencil with your teeth and press the keys. Or something not so bossy. How about, I love you all, please review. Or just the basic *gets down on knees and humbly bows head, then wails her plea*. Whatever you would find the most encouraging way to review.