((Shoutouts at the bottom of this one, kids. Ooooh… variety.))
Spotty Whore Picture Show
Chapter 3
((Yes, the title changed… Kimi and I called it the Spotty Whore Picture Show for a while, but we decided it would be rude of us to not let other partake in the hilariousness of … us. So now you all may join in our cleverness and bow down and worship us and our magic chickens of love!))
((Mis… haha, this song's for you.))
The Pulitzinologist smiled at the young couple as he picked up his remote control. "I would like, ah, if I may, ...to take you on a strange journey. It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Blink Minors and his fiancée Kimet Nice, two young, ordinary, healthy kids, left Denton that late November evening, to visit a Dr. Dent, ex-tutor, and now friend to both of them. It's true there were dark storm clouds, heavy, black, and pendulous, towards which they were driving. It's true, also, that the spare tire they were carrying was badly in need of some air, but, uh, they being normal kids and, on a night out... well, they were not going to let a storm spoil the events of their evening. On a night out... it was a night out they were going to remember... for a very long time. I, being the truly evil and devious human being I am, used my psychic powers and knew what was going to happen, and I fixed a surveillance camera which is of strangely excellent quality for this time period on the shoulders of a man who wore an invisibility cloak so no one could see him. Quite astounding, really. Let's take a look at our handsome couple, shall we?" With that, he clicked the play button, and the blue screen turned to the dark interior of a car where Kimet and Blink were chatting, listening to the radio.
Kimet looked alarmed after a moment, as a motorcycle went roaring past. "Golly Moses, that's the third motorcycle that's passed us. They sure do take their lives in their hands, what with the weather and all." She shivered and pulled her cardigan more tightly over her shoulders.
Blink sighed and fogged up his glasses. "Yes, life's pretty cheap to that type." He took them off and rubbed them on his macho sweater vest, which of course temporarily blinded him (the guy only HAS one good eye anyhow) and took both of his hands off the wheel. Kimet, however, was used to this, having ridden many-a-times with her previous daredevil boyfriends, and calmly reached over and grabbed the steering wheel.
A fun pop ditty came on the radio, and for about half a minute Kimet, still steering, and Blink, still cleaning his glasses, sang and bopped along merrily. Then Blink put on his glasses and looked alarmed. Kimet, fearing his glasses were fogged forever, clutched his arm and asked, "What's the matter, Blinky darling?"
Blink looked less concerned about his glasses and more concerned about the road. "Hmmm… we must have taken the wrong fork three hours ago."
Kimet looked confused. "Oh, but where did that motorcyclist come from? It was straight along this path, and I should know, because I was the one steering!"
Blink had no answer, and he scratched his chin. "Hmmm... well, I guess we'll just have to turn back."
At that moment, a loud bang made the entire car shudder.
Kimet, always one for stating the obvious, shouted, "Oh! I heard a bang!"
Blink scowled. "We must have a blowout. DAMMIT! I knew I should have gotten that spare tire fixed." Kimet nodded. Blink sighed. "Well, you just stay here and keep warm and I'll go for help."
Kimet, knowing of Blink's incompacity for directions and poor eyesight, was obviously concerned. "But where will you go in the middle of nowhere?"
"Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles? Maybe they have a telephone I could use." Blink nodded happily with his intellect and opened his car door.
"I'm going with you." The voice startled him, and he looked over at his fiancée, who stubbornly unbuckled her seatbelt.
Blink shook his head. "Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet."
Kimet insisted, "I'm coming with you! You know you can't see a thing in the dark. Besides, darling, the owner of that phone might be a beautiful woman, and you might never come back again." Both chuckled, and headed through the rain to the castle. Blink kicked at the tire as he passed, just for good measure.
Holiday grinned as she prepared for her entrance into Chapter 3. She gathered up her band hastily, and they waited on the lawn of Dave-E's castle.
As they approached the castle, the man holding the camera let out a "Holy shit!" That's because the castle was made all of … knives.
Kimet, looking petrified from all the rain and lightning, began to sing. "In the velvet darkness of the blackest night, burning bright, there's a guiding star. No matter what or who you are…"
Blink joined in the song. "Here's yer knife..."
Holiday's band harmonized in their singing: "Over at Dave-E's Ham Carvings."
Blink and Kimet sang, "Here's yer knife..."
Holiday's band crooned, "Shining in the kitchen sink..."
"Here's yer knife, knife in the birthday cake of everybody's life." Kimet and Blink ventured further on, advancing to the castle, clinging to each other in fright and cold.
Mush Mash was up in his tower, and he began singing back. "The darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming. Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming into my life. Into my life..."
"Here's yer knife..." sang Kimet and Blink.
"Over with Dave-E's Ham Carvings," sang back Holiday's gang.
Kimet and Blink continued, still unaware of the band: "Here's yer knife..."
"Shining in the kitchen sink. Here's yer knife, yer knife…" continued the band.
Blink and Kimet finally made it to the steps of the palace. Gulping in a breath, they sang, "...in the birthday cake of everybody's life." Then Blink raised a shaking hand and knocked on the castle doors (which, luckily, were made of plastic knives, not the butcher ones used for the rest of the castle).
Shoutouts…
In case anyone cared, I'm listening to a downloaded MP3 of the Time Warp right now. HOO HA!
Gypsy ~ Thank you so much! More is here now. Thanks for the TWO reviews!!!
Aki ~ More Untouchables is coming, of course! LOL.
Lange ~ You've never seen Rocky Horror Picture Show??? What's WRONG with you!? LOL j/j, but seriously, go watch it! It's so wonderful. Thanks for reviewing anyhow! :D Where ya been, I haven't seen you in a while!
Blinks-Tiger ~ LOL have you not seen Rocky Horror either? Cuz you'd know what's gonna happen to them if you've seen it… SUCH a great little movie. It's what we like to call a cult classic… MUCH like Newsies! So see, there is SOME basis for me writing this… just not much of one. Haha!
Maniac Conlon ~ Thanks! I love RHPS too. It's like Newsies, you either love it or you hate it. I choose to love both. Ha!
I Weep For The Future ~ Hahaha! I found your review particularly funny. Not sure if I was supposed to, but… chill out! What do you mean by Mary Sues in Rocky Horror? How can you PUT Mary Sues in Rocky Horror? And since all my characters are modeled after the characters in the movie, then if I have Mary Sues, then there are Mary Sues in the movie… **Mondie is confused** Anyhow, if it truly disturbs you so much, don't read it. **Mondie shrugs** I didn't force ya to! Anyhow, thanks for the review.
Misprint ~ WOW! You get the Reviewer of the Year award. Thanks for everything sweetie! I can't wait for the time warp either. Me and Mushy Darling dancing around… ah, it's gonna be beautiful. I do so love story incest… HERE'S YER RIFLE!
kimimay85 ~ HERE YA GO! Finally! Hahahahaha this made me giggle… sorry it took so long hun!!! I'll try to do better.
Pegasus ~ Thanks hun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss you!!!!!! Where ya been, kid?
rumor ~ Thanks! You're too sweet. Yes, the Pulitzinologist IS a bit creepy… bit? I mean a ton. But so's Pulitzer.
Fictionhobbit ~ Sure, go right ahead and put up your version. Let's cover the Newsies/Rocky Horror aspect to death! Maybe Mis will get up her version too and we'll take over ff.net!
Court Jester ~ Haha, I'm glad you're so excited. Thanks for the review!
SilverMoonGoddess ~ Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL, everyone has such great Rocky stories… wonderful! Thanks for the reviews!
bittersweet ~ I adore thee also, Sarah!!!!! I miss you!!!!!!!!!!
Lisa ~ Thanks!!!!!!!!!! You're too kind to me, Lis, too kind. ;D