DISCLAIMER – I do not own Gundam Wing.

Duo's Fear

I'm a fool.  I'll be the first one to admit it.  Duo Maxwell, Gundam Pilot and God of Death, is a complete moron.  Why, you ask.  Simple.  I'm here, wandering the streets of my home colony, too afraid to go home.  Oh, it's not just a normal fear.  Like the fear of being mugged in a dark alleyway or something reasonable like that.  It's a fear…well, a fear of a certain girl. 

Ok, let me explain.  It's not like I don't care for Hilde.  I do.  And that's the whole problem.  After the Eve Wars or whatever it is that they decided to call that hell, Hilde recovered from being attacked in that Taurus suit and she went on home to the salvage yard we had been running together.  The problem arises when I am too scared to go home to her and instead stay with Quatre and Howard until Mariemaia decides to take over the world.  Now that that mess is over with, Hilde's still at the yard, and I still haven't gone home to see her.

I know I love her.  That much is simple.  And that's the reason I'm acting more like a frightened dog than a human being.  By now I've been away from her for so long, that I wouldn't be surprised if she found someone else.  Or just gave up on me entirely.  I'd never told her how much she means to me before.  And if she were smart enough to see through my stubborn protectiveness, she'd realize that the only reason I was protective of her was because I cared.  I think she was smart enough.

But now I've ruined it.  My stubborn protectiveness has turned into cowardly hiding.  Even a girl as smart as Hilde can't see through that retardation.  We'd never told each other we cared before.  Never mentioned love or affection, and we'd never tried to do more than hug during those months that we lived together.  Now I wanted to tell her I cared after not seeing her for a few months?  I'm such an idiot.

So here I am, walking around and avoiding going home to her.  Home to her.  It does have a nice ring to it.  Maybe she'll forgive me for my idiocy.  Maybe she'll even care about me too.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not as dumb as I look.  I know that Hilde cares for me.  But does she "care" for me in the way that I need her?  Did she feel as empty all this time without me, as I felt empty without her? 

It's dark now.  I've been wandering the junkyard district since noon and now the streetlights come on.  Amazing how colonies insist on being as much like earth as possible with the whole fake sunrise/sunset thing.  I see our little home.  The shack with an open room that served as kitchen, den, and office all in one.  The shack with two tiny bedrooms – one for her and one for me.  Perhaps now, we can move the seriousness of our cohabitation up a level.  Perhaps she won't agree with that.  Who knows?  I have to ask first, don't I?

One little light is on inside.  I shift my bag on my shoulder, trying to get as comfortable as possible in my current state of nervousness.  Maybe she'll just yell at me and tell me to leave her alone.  Maybe…my heart fluttered at the thought.  I don't want to jinx it by thinking about her forgiveness.  Through the window, I saw her dark hair go by, which made me stop short in my tracks.  I'm suddenly feeling queasy.  How did I get to the front step?  I don't remember walking across the street and through the gate to get here…but somehow, I'm here.  Putting my hand on the doorframe, I try to ease my troubled stomach.  I can go into battle with no hope of survival and be just fine, but try to tell a girl I like her and I want to throw up.  Now I know how that little South Park kid Stan feels.

I hear some rustling inside.  Did she hear me?  The door opens slowly, cautiously.  From where I stand leaning against the doorframe I see her beautiful hair appear from around the door, silhouetted by the tiny light inside. 

"Duo?" I hear her say timidly.  "Is that you?"

Of course it's me.  But I don't say anything rude like that.  I decide to take Heero's answer.  "Yeah."  I regretted that my voice sounded more like a growl than an "I'm happy to see you, I missed you so much" answer that I wanted to say.

Senses were knocked from me as I hit the ground.  My first instinct was to defend myself from the unprovoked attack, but then I realized that Hilde was hugging me, not trying to kill me.  I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight, not minding that I was laying on something that was very uncomfortable and hard in my back. 

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, getting up to her knees and lowering her head bashfully.  "I know… I shouldn't have…"  She brushed her hand over her face.  She was crying.

"Oh, Hilde," I found myself saying in a hushed whisper.  Why was she crying?  "Please, what's wrong?"  I got up on my knees as well, reaching out to wipe her tears away. 

"I missed you, Duo," she managed to choke out.  "I didn't think that you were coming back.  All this time I've been alone…"

Damn, now I felt like a real fool.  The love of my life was crying in front of me because she thought I had deserted her.  Damn.  I had to interrupt this.

"Hilde, you're not alone.  Not anymore."

She looked up at me, stars sparkling in those beautiful blue eyes.  "Really, Duo?"

"Really." I answered.  Then I hesitated.  I had to tell her… " I'm sorry I never came back.  I was just…confused.  I don't know.  I'm an idiot, Hilde.  I honestly don't know why you'd ever want me to come home."

"Home?"

I glanced up at the hope I heard in her voice.  "Home.  You're home, Hilde."

Again, I was attacked in a tackle.  But this time, I saw her tense before she sprang and collided against me, so I was able to keep from falling over backwards.  Before I knew what was happening, my lips were against hers, and we were both eagerly kissing each other.  I guess I know how she feels now.  She loves me too.  And she doesn't even have to say it.  I was finally home, where I belonged.  My first ever true home.

Hilde is my home.