Title: Gir's Odyssey
By Lord Timothy, Future Shogun of All That Tastes Like Food
Episode 102b
A/N: Episode made in collaboration with Dither. Follows episode 102a Evil Sponges on Kampus.
Opening Credits run
A peaceful scene of a neighborhood park is displayed with average, morning music. A bird flutters peacefully along without a care in the world. Several seconds after coming into view, it is unsuspectingly knocked out of the air by a flying slab of meat. This is followed shortly after by Gir in doggy guise, dressed in a Deelishus Weenie© hat and apron, with a taco in hand. He appears to be dragging Zim by leash, rocketing crazily
Gir: Crying out insanely I'M A TACOOO!!!
Zim: GIRRR!!! BRING US DOWN NOW! I COMMAND YOU!
Gir: Gir wolfs down the taco noisily, then examines the lack of tacos at hand Awww. no more tacos . . .
Gir stops abruptly, sending Zim flying past him, reaching the full length of the leash, then falling to the forces of gravity, leaving him dangling below Gir
Zim: GIR!!! DOWN! NOW!
Gir: Awww . . .
Zim: NOW!!!
Gir: Okay. Floating back down to the ground, landing alongside a bird plastered with meat I don't have a LIVER!!! He begins bashing his head against the ground
Zim: Brushing himself off Gir. we've been over this, no flying when you are in your ingenious doggy guise! We could be noticed! We don't want the Tallest discovering their most skilled and talented Invader being defeated! Gir? Gir?! PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR MASTER!
Gir: He starts eating a cupcake and singing I love my little cupcake, it is make of STUFF . . . AND PORK!!!
Zim: I give up . . . Gir, go learn this filthy planet's weaknesses! I am going to go back to the base to devise an ingenious plan to conquer this filthy place of . . . umm . . . FILTHINESS!
Gir: Hee hee . . .
Zim: What?
Gir: YOU'RE NOT A SQUIRREL!!! Suddenly afraid
Zim: ENOUGH! Zim is leaving! He walks away, muttering to himself as he leaves I should check in with the Tallest . . . I'm sure they will be interested in my latest discoveries . . .
Gir remains sitting alone for a while. Children slowly come over and look at him. Before long a swarm of children stand looking at him. Gir turns to them
Gir: I . . . NEED . . . TO . . . MMM . . . DANCE!!! Gir busts out
The children watch as Gir dances insanely. Soon they attempt to join in. As Gir's dancing continues, he sends each and every one of the children flying out of the area. When he realizes he no longer has an audience, he stops dancing
Gir: Awww. Gir pulls out some Poop Corn© and walks off down the street. He comes to a crosswalk. Without even paying attention, he walks off into the empty street, passing by an old woman. The old woman looks disgruntled, looks both ways, and then steps into the street. Immediately a Poop Cola© Truck zooms straight at the old woman. The driver sees her, swerves, hits a nearby building, flips twice, and catches on fire. Dozens of cars pile up in that one area. They all explode. A single scorched can of Poop Cola© hits the old woman on the head, sending her flying. Gir runs back and grabs the can, opens it, and starts drinking it
REST HERE
BREATH DEEPLY IT GETS CRAZY AFTER THIS PEOPLE OVER THE AGE OF 50 ARE ADVISED TO STOP READING THIS
Section 2: Gir In The Big City
Gir wanders down the streets, in a sort of down-in-the-dumps collage. A car speeds by, splashing mud on him. He continues walking, he passes by a child in a stroller with a lollipop, after passing by, only the lollipop is left. He walks through a coffee stand, after coming out, the coffee stand bursts into flames. Gir is holding a croissant. He passes by many merchant stalls, one of which has a banana merchant, waving bananas frantically at Gir, who turns, and hugs the merchant, then walks away
Gir: Tacos . . . AND SWEDISH MEATBALLS!!!
Gir finally strides unknowingly onto the set of a film shooting called "The Dreaded Meat Beasts of Atlantis©." He walks up behind a man dressed up like a slab of meat
Meat Man: Bwahahaha!!! I am . . . the dreaded . . . MEAT BEAST OF ATLANTIS©!!! FEAR ME!!!
Gir: MEAT!!! I LOVE MEAT!!! YAY FOR MEAT!!! WE'RE ALL DOOMED!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
A director-looking guy rushes out, eyes set on Gir
Director: That was great kid! What's your name?
Gir looks around at random. He sees a billboard in the distance that reads, "Roger likes pork. You want to eat pork too. Be like Roger. Eat pork. The pork COMMANDS you." Instinctively, he says what he can get from the sign
Gir: PORK!
Director: That's great! I love a kid who knows his meat! You got the job! Go get make-up!
Meat Man: Hey! What about me?
Director: I've got somebody with some talent now! Get lost!
Sad music plays. The Meat Man wanders off into a park, past a playground swarming with children. As he walks by, the music, sound, and movement completely stop behind him. The children scream meat in unison, and then leap on the Meat Man, tearing at his meat-like flesh savagely. View goes to Gir getting make-up put on
Make-up Lady #1: Turn your head a little left dear; that ear needs Poop Ear Tinting Make-Up© on it.
Make-up Lady #2: No it doesn't! That takes away the meat-like appearance! The natural ears create the savage meat-worshipping essence that binds the character to the actor. Poop Ear Tinting Make-Up© will damage the fragile bonds! To do such a thing would make you a Make-up heretic!
They exchange looks of anger, dislike, frustration, extreme badness, etc
Make-up Lady #1: Your words disgrace the art of make-up! Poop Ear Tinting Make-Up© can do nothing more than intensify the mental and physical securing between man and meat-beast of Atlantis! Without this advanced coloring, he would look like nothing more than a taunting symbol of a person, half-human, half-meat, struggling to keep from straying to one side of a thin line! The ears prove just how meaty this ferocious slab of protein is! It defines the attitude and personality of itself! A lack of coloration in the ear segments could very well start an entire war between the species of meat beasts of Atlantis and humans, if we do not represent their race correctly!
Make-up Lady #2: Enough talk! It is obvious this cannot be settled with words! This calls for a Make-up Professional Duel! I challenge you, madam, to Make-up Mortal Combat! Pulling off a glove and slapping her heated colleague
Make-up Lady #1: Taking the slap without flinching Challenge accepted you Make-up heretic! Long have I waited to settle this!
The two ladies scratch a circle in the ground, hold several make-up items and tools, and step into the ring. A man walks into the ring from seemingly out of nowhere. He explains some bogus rules, the ladies bow, and he gives the word. The two ladies clash. Seeing as it is not easy to describe a fight scene such as this one, I will leave it to the imagination of the readers. Go wild guys! Anyway, by then Gir has left, covered in make-up of his own free will, now eating a watermelon
Gir: Singing La la la la, WATERMELON! La la la la . . .
By Lord Timothy, Future Shogun of All That Tastes Like Food
Episode 102b
A/N: Episode made in collaboration with Dither. Follows episode 102a Evil Sponges on Kampus.
Opening Credits run
A peaceful scene of a neighborhood park is displayed with average, morning music. A bird flutters peacefully along without a care in the world. Several seconds after coming into view, it is unsuspectingly knocked out of the air by a flying slab of meat. This is followed shortly after by Gir in doggy guise, dressed in a Deelishus Weenie© hat and apron, with a taco in hand. He appears to be dragging Zim by leash, rocketing crazily
Gir: Crying out insanely I'M A TACOOO!!!
Zim: GIRRR!!! BRING US DOWN NOW! I COMMAND YOU!
Gir: Gir wolfs down the taco noisily, then examines the lack of tacos at hand Awww. no more tacos . . .
Gir stops abruptly, sending Zim flying past him, reaching the full length of the leash, then falling to the forces of gravity, leaving him dangling below Gir
Zim: GIR!!! DOWN! NOW!
Gir: Awww . . .
Zim: NOW!!!
Gir: Okay. Floating back down to the ground, landing alongside a bird plastered with meat I don't have a LIVER!!! He begins bashing his head against the ground
Zim: Brushing himself off Gir. we've been over this, no flying when you are in your ingenious doggy guise! We could be noticed! We don't want the Tallest discovering their most skilled and talented Invader being defeated! Gir? Gir?! PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR MASTER!
Gir: He starts eating a cupcake and singing I love my little cupcake, it is make of STUFF . . . AND PORK!!!
Zim: I give up . . . Gir, go learn this filthy planet's weaknesses! I am going to go back to the base to devise an ingenious plan to conquer this filthy place of . . . umm . . . FILTHINESS!
Gir: Hee hee . . .
Zim: What?
Gir: YOU'RE NOT A SQUIRREL!!! Suddenly afraid
Zim: ENOUGH! Zim is leaving! He walks away, muttering to himself as he leaves I should check in with the Tallest . . . I'm sure they will be interested in my latest discoveries . . .
Gir remains sitting alone for a while. Children slowly come over and look at him. Before long a swarm of children stand looking at him. Gir turns to them
Gir: I . . . NEED . . . TO . . . MMM . . . DANCE!!! Gir busts out
The children watch as Gir dances insanely. Soon they attempt to join in. As Gir's dancing continues, he sends each and every one of the children flying out of the area. When he realizes he no longer has an audience, he stops dancing
Gir: Awww. Gir pulls out some Poop Corn© and walks off down the street. He comes to a crosswalk. Without even paying attention, he walks off into the empty street, passing by an old woman. The old woman looks disgruntled, looks both ways, and then steps into the street. Immediately a Poop Cola© Truck zooms straight at the old woman. The driver sees her, swerves, hits a nearby building, flips twice, and catches on fire. Dozens of cars pile up in that one area. They all explode. A single scorched can of Poop Cola© hits the old woman on the head, sending her flying. Gir runs back and grabs the can, opens it, and starts drinking it
REST HERE
BREATH DEEPLY IT GETS CRAZY AFTER THIS PEOPLE OVER THE AGE OF 50 ARE ADVISED TO STOP READING THIS
Section 2: Gir In The Big City
Gir wanders down the streets, in a sort of down-in-the-dumps collage. A car speeds by, splashing mud on him. He continues walking, he passes by a child in a stroller with a lollipop, after passing by, only the lollipop is left. He walks through a coffee stand, after coming out, the coffee stand bursts into flames. Gir is holding a croissant. He passes by many merchant stalls, one of which has a banana merchant, waving bananas frantically at Gir, who turns, and hugs the merchant, then walks away
Gir: Tacos . . . AND SWEDISH MEATBALLS!!!
Gir finally strides unknowingly onto the set of a film shooting called "The Dreaded Meat Beasts of Atlantis©." He walks up behind a man dressed up like a slab of meat
Meat Man: Bwahahaha!!! I am . . . the dreaded . . . MEAT BEAST OF ATLANTIS©!!! FEAR ME!!!
Gir: MEAT!!! I LOVE MEAT!!! YAY FOR MEAT!!! WE'RE ALL DOOMED!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
A director-looking guy rushes out, eyes set on Gir
Director: That was great kid! What's your name?
Gir looks around at random. He sees a billboard in the distance that reads, "Roger likes pork. You want to eat pork too. Be like Roger. Eat pork. The pork COMMANDS you." Instinctively, he says what he can get from the sign
Gir: PORK!
Director: That's great! I love a kid who knows his meat! You got the job! Go get make-up!
Meat Man: Hey! What about me?
Director: I've got somebody with some talent now! Get lost!
Sad music plays. The Meat Man wanders off into a park, past a playground swarming with children. As he walks by, the music, sound, and movement completely stop behind him. The children scream meat in unison, and then leap on the Meat Man, tearing at his meat-like flesh savagely. View goes to Gir getting make-up put on
Make-up Lady #1: Turn your head a little left dear; that ear needs Poop Ear Tinting Make-Up© on it.
Make-up Lady #2: No it doesn't! That takes away the meat-like appearance! The natural ears create the savage meat-worshipping essence that binds the character to the actor. Poop Ear Tinting Make-Up© will damage the fragile bonds! To do such a thing would make you a Make-up heretic!
They exchange looks of anger, dislike, frustration, extreme badness, etc
Make-up Lady #1: Your words disgrace the art of make-up! Poop Ear Tinting Make-Up© can do nothing more than intensify the mental and physical securing between man and meat-beast of Atlantis! Without this advanced coloring, he would look like nothing more than a taunting symbol of a person, half-human, half-meat, struggling to keep from straying to one side of a thin line! The ears prove just how meaty this ferocious slab of protein is! It defines the attitude and personality of itself! A lack of coloration in the ear segments could very well start an entire war between the species of meat beasts of Atlantis and humans, if we do not represent their race correctly!
Make-up Lady #2: Enough talk! It is obvious this cannot be settled with words! This calls for a Make-up Professional Duel! I challenge you, madam, to Make-up Mortal Combat! Pulling off a glove and slapping her heated colleague
Make-up Lady #1: Taking the slap without flinching Challenge accepted you Make-up heretic! Long have I waited to settle this!
The two ladies scratch a circle in the ground, hold several make-up items and tools, and step into the ring. A man walks into the ring from seemingly out of nowhere. He explains some bogus rules, the ladies bow, and he gives the word. The two ladies clash. Seeing as it is not easy to describe a fight scene such as this one, I will leave it to the imagination of the readers. Go wild guys! Anyway, by then Gir has left, covered in make-up of his own free will, now eating a watermelon
Gir: Singing La la la la, WATERMELON! La la la la . . .