Chapter 4: Great Times For Some And Hard For Others

            Time past. Training and studying was taking most of people's time, preparing. Zell kept receiving saved hot dogs but something he didn't know was that they were not from Carole anymore. When she happened to talk about it at home, her sister Rachel almost killed her. Then they made a deal: Rachel started saving the hot dogs for Zell without telling him anything.

            The leader of Zell's fanclub was well aware of the time he was spending with a girl with pigtails from the library who was fond of him. Sad, she was still hopeful and she became even more when she learned that relationship couldn't last and that the tattooed guy stopped seeing the girl. She still kept secret the hot dogs thing but she started to show herself to him, saying she was Carole's sister.

            A few weeks later, Squall finally told Gackt the whole thing. When he finished, his voice trailed off and he cried silently with his friend. Telling everything only made Squall cold again. When Carole, always followed by Miaka, was asking help for studies, he did, but it wasn't the same. Miaka and Gackt appeared to become closer each time they were together.

            Audrey, Carole's best friend was finally accepted as a SeeD candidate. To her surprise, she was noticed by Seifer Almasy who wanted to give her advices and proposed to help her anytime she would need it.

            Carole's hopes for love grew weaker with the time. Gackt, somehow aware of her feelings, told her it was his fault. When Squall told him about Rinoa, she just came back in his mind and he couldn't think about anything else. She just gave him a fake smile and asked him to be kind to her friend and she just left.

            The next week, Carole and Miaka were to pass the written test. When they learned they both past, they couldn't stand in place. They ran to the cafeteria, carefully avoiding Seifer and his girlfriend on patrol. Audrey was also part of the Disciplinary Committee now. The Carole smiled from joy for her and felt a bit jealous. She've been luchier than her. Carole knew her friend liked Seifer for a time and hanging around every committee got her slowly closer to Seifer and far from her friend. Which was suiting Carole because she wanted to concentrate on her studies and training.

            When she stepped in the cafeteria, Carole spotted Zell at the counter as usual and Rachel approaching him. Carole grabbed Miaka's elbow and dragged her to the counter away from the others' view.

            "You know," Zell said, "you don't look like your sister at all."

            "What do you mean?"

            "You're… different…"

            He took the hot dogs and went for a table, Rachel following. Carole and Miaka went to sit behind them to hear. Rachel sat in front of Zell with her hands together on the table.

            "Do you like those?" she asked.

            Zell nodded with his mouth full. He swallowed and smiled.

            "I get some everyday and I'm still not tired of it!"

            He looked straight in her eyes.

            "It's like for you: I see you everyday and I'm still not tired of it…"

            He patted her hand and ate up again. Carole bit her lip. Miaka asked her in a whisper if she wanted to leave but she said she wanted to hear more.

            "I haven't seen much of your sister recently. I can't believe she's still saving them for me."

            "Well… as a matter of fact… she's not…"

            "Huh?"

            Zell suspended his meal, looking at Rachel but she was keeping her head down.

            "Then…how?"

            Rachel looked at him.

            "You are?"

            She nodded and Zell smiled.

            "Well thanks a lot…"

            Carole got up and Miaka followed her to be sure she wouldn't do anything stupid. She went in front of her sister with her fists clenched.

            "Carole!" Zell exclaimed. "Long time no see!"

            The girl totally ignored him, staring at her sister with great jealousy and envy. Rachel didn't know what to say, what to do. Carole smiled suddenly and bent over to whisper something to her sis.

            "Here's another one of the people I know being loved back… Guess I'm not lucky in love…"

            Then she spun around and ran to the exit.

            "Carole chan!" Miaka called.

            Rachel got up but could only trace her sister, feeling sad for her.

            Not watching where she was going, Carole bumped into someone at the exit.

            "Hey!" the guy exclaimed.

            "Sorry," she whispered before passing by to leave.

            "Carole?"

            She turned around and saw it was Squall she bumped into. He was frowning until he saw the look on her face. There was great sadness in her eyes and tears rolling down her cheeks. Squall just stood there. Carole was clenching her fists hard, unable to move until Squall would speak. Talk about a bad time to run into him! she thought. Any other time I would have been happy but… not now!

            She finally managed to run again, an arm over her eyes. Squall just stood there, tracing her, wondering why she was looking so sad. He knew she past the written test so what could have make her cry like that?

            To the entrance of Garden, Carole only wanted to find a lonely spot to cry all she wanted… until she bumped into someone again. She apologized once again with a hoarse voice.

            "What's wrong?" the guy asked lifting her chin.

            Then he couldn't believe his own eyes she was crying. Gackt had spend some time with her too and he never saw her like that.

            "Gackt…"

            She couldn't say any more, unable to hold it anymore. She threw herself in the guy's arms and cried loudly. Gackt lead her away from the curious looks and just held her silently, waiting for her to speak if she would feel to. It took 15 minutes before her cries calmed a little.

            "What is it? You failed on your test?" he asked with a soft voice.

            She shook her head.

            "Is it Squall again?"

            "No, not directly."

            "What do you mean?"

            She kept her eyes shut, pressing herself against the man.

            "It's just… just that my sister, my best friend and even Miaka… they're all…"

            "They're loved back by the one they love… You're jealous?"

            "No… I envy them…"

            He caressed her hair comfortingly.

            "Give him some time."

            "I'm tired of waiting! My heart is gonna blow out of my chest!"

            "Squall keeps thinking about Rinoa and as long as he will think he still loves her, he won't think about anything else but her."

            "But what if I … if I fall in love with someone else?"

            "You won't, I'm sure of it. Your feelings are strong or else you wouldn't be crying like you do."

            She hugged him tight.

            "I love him so much…"

            "Just wait and maybe luck will be by your side soon. When the right time comes, tell him. Tell him what you just said. But in the meantime, spend time with him; train, study and don't think that you love him and it won't show up. Earn his trust and then you'll see…"

            He forced her to look at him.

            "Now dry out these tears and smile."

            "Thanks, Gackt," she said doing as he told.

            "Good. Now how did you do on your test?"

            "Great! I'm taking the field exam!"

            "Don't forget the Fire Cavern."

            "That's right. Gotta find Ifrit."

            She broke away and walked back to Garden. She turned her head to Gackt and stopped.

            "Mia's lucky…"

            "Hey, it's not because I date her I can't be your friend!"

            Carole smiled widely.

            "Thanks a lot, Gackt. Don't tell Squall, okay?"

            "Never. If you want him to know, you tell him yourself."

            After a last smile, she ran back into Garden.

            "At least I won't tell him how you feel…"

            Carole was heading back to Garden when someone shew up at the entrance. She stopped a few feet away from a concern looking Squall. When he caught sight of her, his concern turned to something close to relief. The girl just gave a smile to the silent question on his face. When she was in front of him, he lifted a hand a little.

            "Are you alright?"

            In return, she gave him a smile a bit cold.

            "Why wouldn't I?"

            "Well...when I saw you at the cafeteria... What's wrong?"

            She closed her eyes and concentrated on what she should answer not to start an argument.

            "What are you doing here?"

            "I... was looking for you."

            Carole lost her smile and her heart melt. His voice sounded warm to her ears. Plus he was lonking sincere. She was speechless. She couldn't even think about something mean to say, nothing.

            "W...Why?" she managed to speak.

            "I always saw you so full of life, even when you're mad. But crying wasn't suiting you at all so I wanted to know what happened."

            "Oh... Well thank you for your concern but there's nothing wrong, really. Guess I overtrained and studied and it just blew up."

            "Speaking of training and studying, I never see you anywhere unless it's for that. Why?"

            "Ask it yourself! It's the only time I can be sure you're 100% with me! The rest of the time, you're drifting I-don't-know-where, thinking about I-don't-know-what! I'm always around, you're just too busy to notice me!"

            Too late... Her eyes filled with tears of despair from his misunderstanding so she looked down, hiding her face.

            "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to yell at you..."

            She past him, not giving him a chance to speak or to stop her and she ran in Garden. He just stood there. He was still tracing her when a hand on his shoulder made him jump. Turning his head, Squall saw Gackt smiling at him.

            "Not an easy one, is she?" he asked.

            "I don't understand her. She's hiding things from me and when she tries not to let it out, that's when she gets mad."

            "At least you understand that."

            Squall suspiciously frowned at his friend.

            "There's something you're not telling me..."

            Gackt lifted his hands and looked innocent.

            "I promised her I would keep it a secret."

            "She told you?" Squall asked a bit surprised.

            "Let's say I figured it out and that makes me her confidant."

            "She confided to you?!"

            "Yeah!" Gackt ansewred with some pride.

            Squall walked into Garden and stopped. Gacket almost bumped into him.

            "I guess I'm not considered as her friend..."

            Gackt frowned, surprised by the comment.

            "When I see how she acts towards me, no wonder she never tells me anything."

            "Have you ever tried to make her trust you? Make her your friend and not just a training partner?"

            "..."

            "Then you're a bit guilty for her behavior just now. When you suggest her things to do, it's always related to SeeD. Invite her to do things friends do."

            "Things that friends do..."

            "Exactly."

            Gackt left with a pat on his friend's shoulder.

            "But what I do with my friends is related to SeeD! What else can I do? What should I do with her?"

            With Gackt already out of sight and nobody paying attention to him around, Squall received no answer.

            The following days were hard to go through for Squall. He didn't train or study the whole time. He was used to do it with Carole now and not seeing her ask him for it made him feel like there was something missing. She was always around somewhere, looking for him... or just looking at him. It wasn't true that he didn't notice her around, just that he didn't know what to say to her.

            As for Carole, she was preparing for the Fire Cavern on her own, avoiding anybody and everything that could remind her of Squall. Miaka with Gackt was making her think about Gackt's advice towards his friend so she avoided them. Audrey with Seifer: the worse! Seifer's scar, although the opposite of Squall's was enough. Rachel with Zell: Zell was Squall's best friend! It was as if it was written all over him when she was looking at him so she avoided them as well. But unfortunately, there was that thing she was always carrying that wouldn't let her forget about her feelings: her gunblade. The gunblade always appeared to her like Squall's personnal sign. Think 'gunblade' and you would automatically think 'Squall'. Matbe not for everyone but it was her case. And always thinking about the things she shouldn't think about, she was actullay thinking about him! How could she follow Gackt's advice? She couldn't stand being around a cold guy anymore. She tried her best but he couldn't think about anything but Rinoa. Rinoa... Sometimes, Carole was wondering what kind of girlfriend she was for Squall... but then she would shake him out of her mind once again.

            Not seeing him for a whole week really made her wonder what was the most painful: being with him and suffer for his behavior towards her or not see him at all and suffer from trying to forget and fail? In that case, you have to choose the one less painful. But if you can't tell which is less painful, what can you do?

            Leaving her personnal feelingas aside, she finally got her instructor for the Fire Cavern test, prerequisite for the field exam which shouldn't be long from now. Her instructor was a guy but that wasn't important. He only nhad to assist her in battles. She did quite great and managed to keep focused on her goal the whole time. She drew some magics from the Bombs, Buels and Belhemels there. Most fire magics but also ice from Belhemels and cures from others. She junctionned them and made it to the last step: Ifrit. With Shiva as her first GF, Ifrit was hers by the time you say it. Her instructor was proud of her skills, saying she was well handling her gunblade like she always used it. Proud and happy, Carole got back in Garden where she met Miaka alone. The girl seemed happy, but somehow sad too. Carole was too happy of having Ifrit to be thinking about anything else.

            "Hi there... Carole-chan."

            "Mia-chan! I just got Ifrit!"

            Miaka gave her a fake smile.

            "What's with the long face?" Carole asked.

            "I got it two days ago."

            "Why didn't you tell me?"

            The asian girl didn't have to give an answer, her face spoke by itself.

            "I know I've been by myself the past week but I have my reasons..."

            "Forget it, Gackt told me when he saw I was worried about you. I feel sorry for you and I just want to tell you I understand. But if you ever want to talk about it..."

            Carole smiled sadly and ran to hug her friend.

            "I'm sorry Mia-chan! Please forgive me!"

            "Of course, Carole. But instead of hiding, next time you're heart's in pain, come and find me."

            "I promise..."

            Carole was crying again. She always was an emotionnal girl [and that's the truth!] and there were lots of things that made her cry but the tears she was shedding right now were from joy and regret. She was happy to be with her friend again and regreting she haven't been with her for the whole week. She've been ten years without seeing her before but just a week without her hurt like nothing else.

            "And for Squall," Miaka started. "Give him some time. Gackt's positive you stand a chance with him."

            "I'm ready for round two but how long will it be?"

            Nobody could answer that question except for Squall but there was no guarantee he could have answered it right away. Anyway, Carole would not ask him. She was ready to let time do the job.

            To celebrate their recent victory, Carole invited Miaka home for supper. They really wondered when the field exam would occur but they knew it would be soon enough.