Chapter 9: Feelings Revealed
The next day, Squall and Carole had dinner at the cafeteria after a little training. The usual, the same routine everyday except for the days they had classes.
Squall was eating a hot dog, saying he didn't have any for a while. Carole had a plate of pasta with meat sauce. She was being careful not to drop some on her SeeD uniform.
"I've been thinking," Squall said looking at her. "Now that you're a SeeD, you can wear whatever you want in Garden and for the missions too. Have you thought about it?"
"Yeah, that's true."
She didn't asy she already had some clothes at home. She promised herself to show him later.
After their meal, Squall had to leave for some leader duty and told her he would be busy the whole afternoon. Carole didn't mind because she have promised Miaka to meet her in the training center. Together and well prepared, they wanted to chalenge a T-Rexaur. Gackt was gone on a mission so the asian girl was really looking for excitement.
They left the cafeteria, heading for their respective schedule.
It didn't take long before the girls met a T-Rexaur. They had to combine their blind spells and some GFs. But they managed to defeat it and that fight granted them some experience for the future.
It was time for Miaka to go eat and she hoped Gackt would be back. Carole still had plenty of time before supper because her father wouldn't be home before a while. She thought it would be a good time to show Squall her new outfit. She hurried home to get changed. She let her hair loose and took off her glasses. She took off her SeeD uniform and put it away before putting on her brand new clothes. She didn't even try it until now. Looking at her reflection on the mirror behind the door, she smirked. She was unrecognizable.
She left her home and nobody saw her because her brothers were playing at the docks, maybe fishing and she heard music from her sister's room. She walked straight to Garden and when she entered, she noticed some people staring at her. Some were people she knew so she hid a smile seeing they were not recognizing her. She kept going all the way to the dorms and stopped in front of Squall's door. She really hoped he would be there or she would look dumb. She took a deep breath and knocked. When he answered, she smiled.
"It's Carole. Close your eyes, I want to show you something."
"What is it?"
"Surprise, surprise! Just close your eyes and don't cheat. Okay?"
"Alright, they're closed."
She opened the door and took a peek in. Squall was standing by his bed, facing the closed shade, showing her his back. She entered and closed the door behind her.
"Can I?"
"Wait, wait..."
She wanted to place her hair, but it placed by itself. A side moved over her shoulder, the rest on her back.
"Okay, you can look now."
He turned around with a curious smile but when he saw her, his eyes opened wide and he stared. She was wearing tight leather pants with a short leather jacket over a white top. The sleeves from her jacket were rolled up to her elbows and she was wearing gloves.
Squall took off his jacket and walked to her. He stood in front of her and his hands undid the single button she had on the bottom of her jacket. She stared at him in disbelief when he made her take off her jacket. She felt blood rush to her cheeks.
"Wha..." she said as her heartbeat fastened.
With her jacket off, he placed his over her for her to put on [were you expecting something else?!] She put her arms in the sleeves and shivered when the feathers touched her neck but it was very comfortable. Just a little big but comfortable.
Squall took a step back to look.
"You know, it's not bad at all on you," he said pointing something behind her.
She turned around and saw her reflection. She smiled thinking she too had a mirror behind her door.
It looked weird to her for being used to see it on Squall.
"It's not bad but yours is better."
She took off the jacket reluctantly, smeeling it discreetly one last time and handed it back to Squall who gave hers back. She put it on and looked at the mirror again.
"It changes me, don't you think?"
"You bet! If I would not have heard your voice first, I wouldn't have guessed it was you."
"You're the first one to see me like this officially. I was afraid you'd take it bad because...well... it's almost like you."
"I don't think so."
Squall was at his desk and Carole made a step towards the bed. It was getting late and she thought about leaving to go eat when the light suddenly turned off. Carole's heart jumped in her chest. Not any light from under the door taught her the whole Garden was out. The closed shade wasn't letting the smallest light in either. Carole was paralized, unable to move.
"Huh... Squall? I'm... I'm afraid in dark places..."
The distress in her tone told Squall she was serious.
"Just sit down. It must be a problem with the main power and shouldn't take long."
Carole slowly moved her feet until she touched the base of the bed. She sat on the edge, her knees tight together. She was nervous and trembling.
"Attention everyone," Cid's voice said. "We have a power failure touching the lights everywhere in Garden so just stay still and don't panic. It shouldn't be long until it comes back."
"See? I told you."
The noise of knees knocking on each other and Carole breathing fast from fear made Squall move from his desk.
"There's nothing to worry about," he said a comforting way. "I'll just open the door to let some light in. My shade's broken."
He tried to make his way to the door but he tripped and couldn't keep his balance so he fell for the bed... right over Carole who ended up on her back. [You knew this was coming, didn't you?]
Both had their eyes wide as they could feel each other's breath on their faces. None of them moved or spoke a word. Squall was too embarassed to say anything and Carole was breathing nervously.
The light came back all of a sudden but they didn't blink, their eyes were locked. Carole stopped breathing seeing Squall's face was just a few inches from hers. Squall couldn't move, afraid he would do something wrong if he would do so but he couldn't look away. It seemed he was unable to do it. His head lowered slowly like it was dragged down.
Being so close to Squall made Carole's heart go haywire. With Squall's chest pressing on her breasts, she was sure he could feel it. She felt red as a tomato and she was, but with Squall only looking in her eyes, he wasn't seeing it. So close... she could just...
"I... I..." she said weakly.
Their eyes were half closed and their breath have become one as their lips were half an inch from each other's.
Am I dreaming? Carole wondered. We're so close, so close...we could just...
What's happening to me? Squall thought. It's like time stopped and I can't control myself... She's so beautiful I could just...
A quick knock at the door made the clock start again. Both widened their eyes and Squall literally jumped off the bed. Carole quickly sat up and Zell entered.
"Hey guys!"
He looked at Carole with her hands on her knees and Squall facing his desk but both had something in common: they were red, very red. Squall looked embarassed and Carole, ashamed.
Seeing that, Zell frowned.
"Sorry, am I interrupting something?"
Squall turned to him and shook his head along with his hands and Carole did the same with a fake smile.
"No, no! It's nothing," they said in the same time.
But that just just made them grow more red if possible. Zell looked from one to the other, frowning suspiciously then just shrugged. He turned to Squall.
"Hey, Squall! What do you say you join us for supper? Irvine, Selphie and Quistis would be glad if you meet'em."
"Huh... sure, why not!"
"Great! I'll go ahead."
Before leaving, he turned to Carole and lifted a thumb.
"Cool outfit, Carole! I almost didn't recognize you."
"Thank you, Zell."
"Come on, Squall! Everyone's waiting!"
And Zell left.
Squall turned to Carole who had her head down.
"I'm going," he said. "I'm... I'm sorry... for what just happened."
"It's nothing... really... I should just go home too..."
Squall walked to the door. Carole shut her eyes tight and quickly looked up.
"Squall, wait!" she called.
He stopped by the door but didn't turn around.
"I... I don't regret what happened. Because I... I love you, Squall!"
The moment the words past her lips, she regretted them. It's too soon, she thought.
By the door, Squall closed his eyes and lowered his head. He had a hand one the door frame.
"Sorry..." he said.
Carole felt her heart squeeze in her chest.
"I still haven't forgotten about Rinoa... Forgive me..."
He left, leaving Carole alone with her broken heart. She got up, staring ar the door and clenching her chest. Deception in her eyes, she left but she didn't cry. Even though she was feeling pain, she didn't cry on her way home.
When she entered her house, everyone was at the dinner table.
"There you are," her mother said.
Looking at her daughter's face, she knew something was wrong. She seemed sad and deeply hurt.
"What's wrong?" she inquired.
Carole didn't respond and headed for the stairs.
"Where are you going? It's ready!"
"Not hungry," she simply answered.
She quickly climbed the stairs while everyone was staring at her and closed the door behind her. She took a book and tried to read to free her mind but she couldn't concentrate so she sat at her desk and grabbed a pencil and a sheet of paper to write. She used to like writing stories and poems but she couldn't think of anything so she decided to draw. She thought about the moon she kept drawing from the control room on the Lunar Base, becoming the crew's favorite kid for always spending her time there. She sketched the moon so often she could do it with her eyes closed. When she looked at her paper, she frowned seeing she sketched the head of Squall's Griever necklace. She crumpled the paper and threw it away before taking another sheet. She wanted to give it another try. She thought about comic book characters she liked and thought of making an original one. She only ended up making a comic version of Squall. She threw everything away with a raging sigh. She was angry against herself for not being able to think about something else, and against Squall too.
Seeing it was late, she decided to go to bed.
"Maybe if I sleep, I'll see things clearer tomorrow."
She laid down on her bed after taking her clothes off.
"I gave him his chance, I think I waited long enough. If he can't get Rinoa off his mind, it's his problem!"
She closed her eyes but she kept tossing and turning in her bed. Later, she looked at her clock. It was indicating midnight. She tossed the sheets away and got up, unable to take it anymore.
She dressed up and silently climbed down the stairs and left the house. The sky was clear and everything was calm. She walked out of town, taking deep breaths. Taking some air should help.
Soon, she could see Garden rising not far.
"I wonder what Squall's doing... probably sleeping..."
She turned to the shore, thinking the noise of the waves could help when she saw someone coming from Garden: Squall. Walking with his hands in his pockets, he froze when he saw her. They looked at each other in an uneasy silence.
"What are you doing out here so late?" Squall asked.
"I couldn't sleep. What about you?"
"Couldn't sleep either."
Cold silence, uneasy and heavy silence.
"And... where were you heading?" he asked.
"The beach."
"Oh..."
She made a step to leave.
"Mind if I come with you?"
She shrugged and walked away, Squall catching up with her.
They walked in silence. The night was fresh, even a bit cold and Carole regreted she didn't put on something else but she refused to let show she was cold. Being cold wasn't much compared to being with Squall.
Once they were on the beach, Carole sat down in front of the sea and wrapped her arms around her knees a casual way to hide she was freezing. Squall sat down a feet and half from her. Looking at her moves wasn't fooling him. He wasn't blind. He took off his jacket and placed it around her shoulders.
"You're gonna catch a cold..."
She closed her eyes and let herself be filled with that unique smell emanating from the jacket. Everyone has a different smell in their clothes and this one was melting her.
"I've been thinking a lot," she said. "When I got home, I couldn't eat or sleep because of that."
Looking at the horizon, she sighed.
"I meant everything I said and I don't regret it. I couldn't keep it anymore."
"I couldn't think about anything else either. I couldn't eat and the others wondered if I was sick. I thought about what you said to me and it made me realize some things."
She waited for him to continue but it didn't seem like he would so she turned to him.
"Yeah, go ahead."
"I realized there's no use living over past memories. Rinoa left me and will not come back to me. It's over and I have to look in front of me."
Carole didn't realize yet but while he was speaking, Squall was slightly moving closer to her.
"I must stop thinking about what I lost and start thinking about what I have."
Carole now had her arms each sides of her. Squall turned to her and his non-frowning eyes locked on hers. There was something different in these eyes.
"Thinking about your words made me realize..."
He placed his ungloved hand over hers, ungloved too.
"I feel the same way. All the time I spent with you training, studying and even arguing... I..."
His head moved closed to hers.
"I love you too..."
He kissed her and they closed their eyes. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he hugged her. Tears rolled down Carole's cheeks, happy to have what she waited for so long. They stretched themselves out on the sand in each other's arms. Carole pressed herself against his chest. She could hear his heart beat while he was holding her tight.
"I'm sorry," she murmured. "For everything mean I said and did to you..."
"Shh... don't be," he murmured back. "I'm the one who should apologize... I hurt your heart..."
"You just healed it, and more..."
They hugged each other tightly, feeling good just resting on the sand. They wished time would stop, letting them stay like this forever but time goes by and Squall walked Carole back to Balamb.
They entered the quiet. Squall with an arm around Carole's shoulders. She kept her eyes half closed and her head on Squall's shoulder.
She stopped in front of her house, under her window. Green vines were growing on the wall, growing all the way up to her room. She turned to him and smiled before carefully climbing the solid vines. She opened the unlocked window and disappeared in the room. When she looked down in the street, Squall was looking at her. She invited him up with a sign of her hand. He looked around and quickly climbed up. Carole helped him in and he tripped on the window sill. Carole was there to catch him but then she wouldn't let go. She hugged him tight and started crying. He hugged her back with concern.
"What's wrong? Why are you crying?"
She looked up to him through her tears but her smile told Squall it wasn't from sadness.
"I... I can't believe it's happening. That you're here in my room, hugging me. I dreamt so often about it that now that it's finally happening, I'm afraid it's just another dream."
Squall held her head against him, stroking her hair.
"Can I... ask you something?" she asked.
"Sure."
"Would you..." she paused and looked at him again. "Wait for me at the entrance of Garden tomorrow morning? Kinda make sure it wasn't a dream?"
Squall smiled gently, with love and lowered his head just over hers.
"I promise you I will... And now for good-night..."
They closed their eyes when their lips locked again. Squall broke away almost reluctantly and he saw in Carole's eyes that she was. He went to the window and turned to her one last time. She suddenly snapped out of her trance and took off Squall's jacket. She handed it to him.
"I wouldn't want you to catch a cold or anything."
He put it on and stepped out the window. His hands on the window sill, his face was still in the frame. Carole hurried there and put her head through the window, begging for another sign of love. Squall didn't wait to be asked again. With Squall's feet going down, they broke apart again. Once he had his feet on solid ground, he looked at her leaning out of the window.
"Don't forget to come," she whispered.
"Never," he whispered back. "Sleep well..."
With a last smile, Squall ran out of town and Carole traced him until he was out of sight. With a sigh, she closed the window and the curtain and leant against the wall, her hand on her heart. She was feeling something new, making her heart beat a way it never did before. She couldn't wait to see Squall again. That feeling she knew it was love. It was the same feeling she had towards Squall before but stronger, much stronger. It was like it would tear her apart but it wasn't painful, it was beautiful, like a warm flame never losing its heat and she really hoped it would never lose it.
She undressed and put on a long t-shirt and went to bed. When she rested her head on the pillows, she smiled, knowing she would sleep very well.
"If it really was just a dream, then let me have more tonight..."
In Garden, Squall managed to avoid the guards and find his way to the dorms. It was already a miracle that he got out after curfew, coming back was another story. But he made it.
He took off his jacket, his t-shirt, his boots, his pants and his necklace. He was just wearing boxer now. He sat on his bed and sighed. He got up and forced the shade open. It gave up and offered the starry sky to see. Squall turned off the light and sat back on the bed. He looked out the window and saw the moon. It wasn't full; it was just a few days ago.
"You see, Rinoa, you're not the only one who found someone else. Except that I didn't leave anybody else for her and didn't hurt anybody... Except for her, letting ehr wait for so long... And myself for not admitting I could love somebody else..."
Carole's happy face full of tears appeared in his mind and Squall smiled.
"Hope I can make her happy..."
He closed the shade and went to bed.
"And never make her sad..."