Chapter 11: Mission Though On The Heart

            The passing days were really calm for the SeeDs. Not much missions and that was a rare thing. SeeDs were getting bored and that wasn't a good thing.

            For the love stuff, Squall and Carole managed to keep it a secret, meeting only really early or really late. Sometimes in Squall's room for calm moments. People who saw the girl enter Squall's room weren't surprised for knowing it was Carole and that she was a friend of Squall's.

            But on that day she entered his room, she found it empty. She held her elbow in a hand and her chin in the other, frowning thoughtfully.

            "I know he doesn't have any classes today but he said he would be here... Where could he have gone to?"

            She left the dorms and headed for the cafeteria. She had a feeling at least Zell would be there and maybe he'd know where Squall went.

            Just by the entrance and about to enter, she heard a complaining voice.

            "Sold out?! Whaddaya mean 'Sold out'? Hey, I got three each day for months and now you tell me they're sold out?!"

            "Sorry. With no missions on schedules, the SeeDs have priorities on food supplies."

            "My foot! Zell IS a SeeD and he can never get his hands on some by himself!!"

            Carole entered the cafeteria and recognized her sister arguing with the girl behind the counter. She walked there and placed her hands on her sister's shoulder, interrupting her.

            "Excuse her," Carole said with a smile.

            The girl behind the counter smiled back.

            "No problem, Carole."

            Carole lead Rachel away.

            "Hey, I'm not done!"

            "Yes you are."

            Rachel folded her arms, sulking.

            "No fair... I know there are hot dogs left but because I'm not a SeeD, they won't spare me any. All because there're no missions. Poor Zell..."

            "Hey, come on! It's not because he'll have a day without hot dogs that he'll die!"

            "You don't know him like I do," Rachel insisted.

            Carole shook her head and sighed.

            "Now... why have I come her in the first place? Oh, yeah! Do you know where Squall is?"

            Rachel arched an eyebrow.

            "You're always with him, shouldn't you know more than me?"

            "He told me he'd be in his room, but he wasn't."

            "Sorry. I spend more of my time in classes or with Zell."

            "Do you know where Zell is then?"

            "Must be at the library. He said he was getting a good book for a change. Hope it doesn't make him a brainiac."

            "Zell? Not a chance! Wait to see the book he'll get..."

            "But I don't think he'll know either. With Squall with you most of the time, he doesn't spend much time with his friends. This whole Garden is turning a boring mess!"

            "Because there're no missions?"

            "The SeeDs need action, the Instructor are getting nervous and it makes the candidates mad!"

            Carole laughed.

            "Cheer up, I'm sure everything will be fine soon, I feel it."

            "Speaking of feeling..."

            Rachel got closer to her sister and lowered her voice.

            "Do you still feel the same towards Squall?"

            "What do you mean?"

            "Even though some time ago you said you were not, we could tell you loved him. Is it still the case?"

            Having that kind of talk with her sister was something rare so Carole decided to speak.

            "Yeah, I do."

            "It must be hard for you. You're always with him."

            "Not really. At least I'm with him."

            "Does he still think about Rinoa?"
            "I think so, but he doesn't talk about her... Gotta go if I want to find him."

            Carole turned her back on her sister and left the cafeteria.

            Another lie.. not big it's still not the truth. How much longer will I have to do this?

            She didn't see Gackt nor Miaka and decided not to go to the library. She was going to the stairs and saw a girl coming the opposite way.

            "Hey, Xu!"

            The girl wearing a SeeD uniform stopped and looked at Carole.

            "Hi... Carole, is that it?"

            Carole nodded.

            "What can I do for you?"

            "Do you know where Squall is by any chance?"

            Xu turned to the stairs and pointed the elevator.

            "He's in the headmaster's office. I think there's gonna be a mission."

            "That should cheer the SeeDs."

            "You bet! They keep complaining to Cid about it. And to squall too. But why do you ask."

            "I must see him. Thanks!"

            Carole hurried to the stairs.

            "Wait!" Xu called.

            Too late. The elevator was already going up.

            "From the look of it, it should be more like a family reunion than a chance for battle."

            The elevator stopped on the third floor and the door opened. Carole stepped out and the door closed. She walked to the office's door and brushed her clothes. She raised a fist to knock.

            "Why are you here, Sis?"

            That's Squall's voice!

            Carole placed her head against the door to listen.

            "I came to aske for your help personnaly, Squall."

            That girl's voice, Carole never heard it before.

            In the office, Cid was the only witness to the conversation. Squall folded his arms and waited for Ellone to continue.

            "You must come to Esthar with SeeDs to get rid of the monsters there. They keep coming since the Lunar Cry and the soldiers are tired."

            "Why me? There are plenty of bored SeeDs here, you can have a dozen of them if you want! I don't want to do it."

            "Not even for me?"

            Squall looked away, remaining silent. Ellone grabbed his arm with despair.

            "Please! I beg you! If you don't do it, Uncle Laguna will do it himself! I barely succeded in getting a chance to come and get you!"

            "Whatever..."

            "He's getting old and he hasn't fought for years! He might die if he does it!"

            "I don't care at all!"

            Squall turned to the door and left, slapping it close behind him, not paying any attention to Cid's words or Ellone's plea.

            He walked to the elevator.

            "You're really abandoning your father, Squall? That surprises me..."

            Squall turned around and saw Carole with her head down and her eyes closed, leaning against the wall beside the door and with her arms folded.

            Like lots of people in Garden, Carole knew Laguna Loire was, beside being the President of Esthar, Squall's father.

            "So what? You don't understand..."

            "You're right," she said pushing herself off the wall and looking straight at him. "I can't even begin to imagine how you suffered from your loneliness as a kid for never having parents because I always had my mom and dad near me..."

            She walked to him and lowered her head, placing her hands on her heart.

            "But no matter what pain I'd feel, I'd do it. Just in case something happens and one day I'd look back to this day and regret I didn't do it. Just to be sure never regret for not doing it."

            When she looked up to him, Squall looked away, uneasy.

            "What if something happens if I go? I feel like I'm gonna regret it."

            He looked at her and into her eyes to find his path and to take the right decision. He sighed and headed back to the headmaster's office.

            "I'm gonna regret this..." he mumbled.

            "At least you know he'll be safe," Carole said happily behind him.

            "...Whatever..." he said opening the door.

            Ellone was desperate, on the verge of tears and Cid was trying his best to confort her when Squall entered. Both turned to him, looking surprised.

            "I'll do it. I'll take SeeDs to Esthar."

            Ellone's face lightened up and she threw herself in Squall's arms.

            "Oh, thank you!"

            Squall gently pushed her aside and saluted Cid.

            "Sir, I'd like to see the results from the field exam. We'll go in two teams and I'll take two of the best new SeeDs."

            He already had an idea about who he would take but just for fun, he wanted to see the best results. Cid handed him a couple of files and Squall took a quick look.

            "Just as I thought..."

            He gave the files back to Cid and saluted again. When Cid dismissed him, he turned to Ellone.

            "It's gonna be dangerous so stay here until everything's under control."

            And he left again.

            "Carole, go get Miaka and tell her to junction powerful magics and GFs. You do the same and get your weapons. We're going to Esthar."

            "Yes sir!"

            Carole followed him in the elevator. When it stopped on the first floor, they stepped out quickly.

            "We have to find Zell, Quistis, Selphie and Irvine. If you see them, tell them to go to the entrance right away. And Gackt too. We're gonna take the Ragnarok!"

            She saluted.

            "Yes, sir!"

            And she went away to do as she was told. Squall smiled.

            "She acting serious and I feel cheered up from her attitude... But I still have this strange feeling I'm gonna regret this... Maybe it's just my imagination."

            And Squall went in the opposite direction, deciding to start with the cafeteria.

            Ten minutes later, eight SeeDs were standing in front of the Ragnarok, one in front of the others.

            "We have to hurry to Esthar," Squall explained. "I'll tell you everything on our way."

            He stepped in the Ragnarok and the others followed. Selphie went to the pilot seat, Zell on the co-pilot seat, Irvine stood behind them. Quistis took a seat on the back, Gackt, Miaka and Carole too. Squall just stood in the middle of the room.

            The Ragnarok took off with minor vibration and flew to Esthar.

            "So what is it?" Gackt asked.

            "Must be important if you asked us to junction powerful magics."

            "More monsters are invading Esthar," Squall explained. "Some time ago, we thought they'd stopped but it appears they keep entering the city, injuring people. The soldiers there can't do it anymore."

            "So we have to clean the whole city from evry monsters?" Quistis asked.

            "Yes."

            "Alright!" Zell exclaimed. "Finally a little action!"

            "What about the teams?" Irvine inquired turning his head.

            "I'll tell you there. Selphie, full spead ahead!"

            "Roger!! Booya!"

            The Ragnarok landed at the Airstation after receiving permission. The SeeDs got off the ship and followed their leader. Before entering the main city, Squall turned to his friends.

            "Listen guys. We'll split two teams of four to make things easier and safer. I'll be leading the first to the presidential palace and Quistis will lead the other team to the city entrance."

            With no people haning in the streets because of the monsters, the work would be easier.

            "Who's in which team?" Miaka inquired.

            "I'll take Gackt since our last mission together was the field exam. We never had any missions before. I'll also take Miaka and Carole. I took a look at their results and they were the bests. As the SeeD leader, I think it's safer to take them with me. If something happens, it'll be my responsibility. Zell, Selphie and Irvine with Quistis. Any objections?"

            They all looked at each other then shook their heads.

            "Fine with me," Zell said.

            "You can count on me," Quistis added.

            Everyone approved.

            "Then there's no time to waste, let's go!"

            The teams split their respective ways with their leader. Squall was frowning as usual but it was from concern.

            Still have that bad feeling, he thought. Please, let it be my imagination...

            The team led by Squall forced its way to the Presidential Palace, meeting powerful monsters on the way, almost too powerful for the new SeeDs. Were it not for Squall and Gackt, the girls would have been history.

            They stopped in front of the Presidential Palace for a break. They took some medicines to heal their wounds and they were as good as new.

            "Hey, Squall," Carole called. "I think you should go see your... Laguna. Ellone came to Garden to get you because she was afraid he would go fight the monsters by himself. You should go say hello to him."

            "Don't think so."

            "Just to say we're doing fine then," Gackt suggested.

            "I agree," Miaka added.

            Squall sighed, looking away.

            "I'm sure he would appreciate," Carole insisted.

            "Alright, alright... I'll go."

            He headed for the entrance of the palace, his friends tracing him. He turned around before sitting on the mobile platform.

            "You keep eliminating the monsters while I'm gone. Retreat if need be."

            The three other SeeDs saluted and Squall sat down. His seat was enwrapped in a pinkish dome and disappeared into the palace. Gackt then turned to the girls.

            "Shall we proceed?"

            Squall got off when the platform stopped and the dome disappeared. He reluctantly walked his way to Laguna's chamber. He wondered what would it be like to see his father after all that. It's been a while since he last saw him. Some years ago, he wouldn't have cared because he didn't know his father was still alive but now... They both got involved in the same mess with the Sorceress thing and it wasn't by chance they met, it was fate.

            The SeeD leader didn't know what to think. What should he think of a man that never came to him, leaving him alone in an orphanage? But then again, Squall remembered Laguna didn't know about him until a while ago. Himself didn't know until a while ago.

            He shook his head noticing he was facing the door to Laguna's chamber. He knocked.

            "Come in, Squall," somebody answered.

            Squall frowned, surprised.

            "How did he know?"

            He opened the door and stepped in the room, closing the door behind him. Laguna was facing his back to the entrance. He was wearing the same light blue shirt he had when Squall first met him in person. He was even standing on the same spot, looking away the same way. Except for his hands that were together on his back instead of moving in the air.

            Squall made a few steps and stopped, waiting, taking a look around. Kiros and Ward were not around. The room was exactly the same than on the day Squall first came. Except for the machine gun on the desk which wasn't there ago. Squall supposed Laguna really would have gone to fight if he hasn't come.

            "Why did you come, Squall?" Laguna suddenly asked without moving.

            The SeeD was a bit surprised by the president's tone. He used to be lively and young hearted, even a bit childish. But just now, he sounded wise, old and worried.

            "Even thoug I gave Ellone a chance to go get you," Laguna continued, "I was sure you'd never come."

            "In fact, at first I didn't want to, but... someone told me to do it. Just in case I would regret it someday."

            "...Sounds like something close to you would say. Pretty wise too... Not from Rinoa, isn't it?"

            "N...no..."

            Laguna kept facing the wall.

            "Another girlfriend?"

            "H...how did you know?"

            "Just to say that it's because I'm your father wouldn't be enough I guess..."

            Squall felt weird. He KNEW Laguna was his father. He kinda guessed it but Laguna never mentioned it straight like that. Hearing it made him uneasy.

            "So?"

            "Ye... yeah. Rinoa left me few months ago and I just got someone else."

            He talked naturally as if he always did so. He just felt more strange wondering how he could be so natural with that man.

            "Did she told you to come and see me too?"

            "..."

            How does he do that?

            He got tired of speaking to a back.

            "Why don't you look at me? I came all the way from Garden you could at least turn around..."

            He just wanted to see his face. He didn't know why, he wanted to look at him.

            Laguna turned around, his head kept down a moment. He looked up. His eyes were nostalgic as he placed them onto his son. Squall felt a sudden wave of comfort.

            "I see... so much of Raine when I look at you... You're just like her in many ways. She used to keep her feelings for herself except throughout Ellone."

            Laguna looked away, his eyes full of painful memories.

            "I regret I wasn't there when she needed me. When I learned she was dead..."

            He turned his back on Squall to hide his sorrow. Squall made a step forward, half opening his mouth but he stopped and kept silent.

            "It happened sometimes where I wondered if she would have died if I would have been there..."

            "You're not... blaming yourself for her death, are you?"

            He made another step forward.

            "Sometimes I thought we would have been a happy family..."

            He finally turned around again... his eyes filling with long held tears. Squall was almost scared. That face wasn't suiting him at all! It was like he was facing a completely different man.

            "I always thought it was cute that Ellone called me 'Uncle'. I used to dream of the day I would hear my kids call me father... You're my only son, Squall.. I regret for not being there for you... I so regret..."

            Squall was now just a few steps away from Laguna.

            "Never regret anything," Squall said. "Maybe things would have been worse, but not necessarily better. You could have been killed looking for Ellone or I could have been adopted and never meet you at all. But we met, all thanks to Ellone..."

            "You mean it?"

            Squall thought a moment. Some time ago, he wouldn't even have said a word but Rinoa changed him. When she left, Carole changed him again, differently.

            "I do. I'm glad I met you at last, Lag... father..."

            Laguna's eyes widened.

            "Say it again."

            "... Father..."

            The tears were shed. The men just looked at each other. None of them moved before the other, they moved in the same time. A second later, they were holding each other. Squall closed his eyes. Then he understood what Rinoa meant about comfort being held by your parents. It was good...

            Laguna was now regreting a single thing: that Squall wasn't a kid. He couldn't lift him up but at least he could hold him.

            "You okay?" Squall inquired.

            "mm... I didn't know I could be so soft... Can you give me a while?"

            "It's okay, father. Take all the time you need."

            Laguna held him tighter. It was so good he feared it would take his whole life until he'd feel like letting him go.

            Squall was walking to the exit after leaving his father. He promised he would come back with Carole to introduce them to each other. Father and son wanted to make up for the past, start over again.

            When Squall stepped onto the flying platform, the bad feeling gone while he was with Laguna suddenly came back. It was even stronger he had to stop and dropped on his knees. His head ached as if someone was trying to enter his thoughts and say something to him. He suddenly understood as he got up, a hand on the seat of the platform.

            "That feeling again. It's not about this mission..."

            He sat down and was taken outside. He hurried on the street. He saw nobody and nothing except for remains of monsters. He looked around, looking for the others, his bad feeling growing bigger again.

            "What is it? What happened?"

            His heartbeat fastened with worryness. He stepped forward, still looking for his team mates and friends.

            "Gackt!" he called. "Miaka! Carole!!"

            "Here," a voice said.

            Squall turned his head and saw Gackt sitting down beside Miaka, her head resting on his thighs. Both looked harmed and weak. Squall hurried to them.

            "What happened?" he inquired.

            "We got seperated, fighting monsters by ourselves," Gackt explained. "It was damn hard!"

            "And where's Carole?"

            Miaka sat up, gritting her teeth from pain.

            "Esthar soldiers came and took her away," she told.

            "What?"

            "Some men working for Odine," Gackt added. "When we tried to help, they shot at us. They didn't want to kill us, just to keep us away."

            "Carole-chan..."

            Squall fell on his knees.

            "Why? Why would that man need her?"

            He took some hi-potions from his pockets and gave Gackt two and Miaka one. He took one also. The wounds vanished and they were all back in shape. Squall got up.

            "Let's go!"

            The others didn't ask where they were going; they already knew.

            The team headed for the entrance where they found Quistis and her team. Squall asked her to handle everything, that he was going to rescue his team mate. Quistis nodded and Squall's team headed for Odine's lab. There were monsters to slow them down.

            "That was it," Squall thought outloud. "The bad feeling I had all along wasn't about the mission, it was about her! I shouldn't have brought her... See, Carole? I still regret..."