I'm not the sort of person
Who falls
In and quickly out of love
But to you I gave my affection
Right from the start

I wish…I wish I could pinpoint the moment when everything inside of me started to die.

Most people would say it was when Lucky died, the first time. Others would say it was when I faked my death for him. Or when I walked away from him at the alter because he couldn't say I love you.

My parents or sister might say it was the day I ran away from home to Port Charles. But you'll notice they never bothered to come get me. Hell, they haven't even called in years.

But me… sometimes I think it's the day Jason left me sitting on the docks. He'd sweetly kissed my forehead and I said No, I'll see you later… Or maybe, it was the second time he left, leaving a message on Emily's answering machine. Tell Elizabeth I had to go.

And then there's the third time… I don't want to be free, I want to be with Lucky. God, what had I been smoking then? I gave up everything…life…love… freedom for a man who couldn't even love me. How stupid was I?

I have a lover
Who loves me
How could I break such a heart
Yet still you get my attention

Although all of those times are close, if I try hard I can pinpoint that moment. It was the first time Jason Morgan lied to me. It was the first time he used business as an excuse for something personal. It was the moment I realized that in the end, I would end up walking away from him.

I finally opened my eyes to see the light pink color staining his neck. And it all began to fall in place. All of the nights he hadn't come home. All of the time he was spending avoiding me – trying to think of a way to tell me, I imagine. The day in the hall when I'd seen her in his arms. I'd tried to rationalize it to myself that she was Sonny's sister – she was my friend, and she knew how I felt about Jason – but in the end, I'd seen them in one too many compromising situations to look over it. I'd heard AJ raise too many questions for it to just be nothing.

As I studied his neck, I felt my heart begin to break. "Courtney must've been pretty grateful. Is that lipstick, or is that a smudge of blood, or something?" I motioned to his neck, even though I wanted to touch it for myself. I wanted to know. I needed to know.

I watched as Jason reached up and wiped it. He slowly ran it between his fingers, then covered his face with his hands. It was the first ounce of emotion I'd seen out of him in so long. Since days before when I all but told him I didn't want him to go. Since Sonny was shot.

"Ok, Elizabeth," he said almost desperately, "there- there are things I can't explain to you right now, and I'm sorry. Please just let me take you back to the penthouse."

Make me lie
When I don't want to
And make someone else
Some kind of an unknowing fool
You make me stay
When I should not
Are you so strong
Or is all the weakness in me

And then…it was dead. I did the only thing I knew I could. I walked away. I heard him swear softly and rip the leaves off the bush. And then I felt him as he stayed half a step behind me the entire way back to the penthouse. We rode the elevator up in silence. All the while I knew Jason wanted to talk to me – he wanted to explain. Even as my heart screamed at me that he wouldn't do it – he wouldn't pull me so close, only to hold another closer. But then again, I didn't think Lucky would do it either.

The new guy was standing guard at Carly's door, but I didn't even glance his way. Jason kept his head down as he followed me around the corner. "Mr. Morgan–" I heard the guard call.

"Not now."

"Mr. Morgan, Mrs. Corinthos needs to see you right away."

It was then that he stopped and turned. I didn't even bother to look back, I already knew he wasn't behind me. Part of me hoped he'd go deal with Carly – she'd always been the reason he left me before. Or maybe that was Courtney. I knew Carly was hurting and I knew Jason was her rock. He was everyone's rock. I just don't think he realized I wanted to be his.

Mostly I hoped he'd go to her so he wouldn't have to watch as I packed my bag. So he wouldn't see the tears I cried as I slipped my clothes out of the solid oak wardrobe and into my small black bag. I didn't want him to be here when I left.

But he didn't. "Marco, I can't deal with it right now. I'll be over later." Then he followed me into the penthouse. "Elizabeth–" he started.

Only, I didn't stop. I kept right up the stairs and took the right into the bathroom. There I quickly grabbed my small make-up kit and toothbrush. The black marble room was nice…definitely nicer than the bathroom-down-the-hall I had at the studio. But that was home, and this wasn't. At least not my home.

Why do you come here
And pretend to be just passing by
When I mean to see you
And I mean to hold you
Tightly

"Elizabeth–" he called again from the hallway. I continued to ignore him as I tossed my things on the bed and went to the closet. Pushing aside my dresses, I pulled the black bag from what I had hoped to be its permanent resting place. "Please," he pleaded, "just talk to me."

"About what?" I finally asked. Turning to face him, my heart again cracked at the pain on his face. "What do you want to talk about?"

Jason reached out to touch my face, but his hand dropped back to his side mid-air. "Will you just let me explain?"

"Will you answer a question for me?"

His eyebrow arched as if to ask me what my question was, so I continued. "Those things AJ said. He wasn't just blowing off steam, was he? Did you watch Courtney strip, night after night?"

He looked away and swallowed. I expected for him to lie…but he didn't. "Y-yes."

"So, all the time I spent at home," I asked, and I could feel the tears prickling at my eyes, "wondering where you were, and why you wouldn't call…why you were pushing me away. You were watching your sister-in-law, my friend, take her clothes off."

"Elizabeth…"

"No." God, it hurt. It hurt so much…it was like the pain was exploding inside of me. "I'm leaving."

Feeling guilty
Worried
Waking from tormented sleep
This old love has me bound
But the new love cuts deep

Jason stood there, dumbfounded, as I began to toss my clothes into my suitcase. I didn't even bother to fold them, or separate the dirty from the clean. I just knew I needed to get out of there as soon as possible. I was going to be sick… but I didn't want him to know. I didn't want him to know how much he had hurt me.

So I packed. After about five minutes, Jason had just turned and walked away. I could see the tears pricking at his eyes. And all I could think of were Carly's words telling me to decide now if I could handle this lifestyle. Funny thing was, it wasn't the lifestyle that got me…it was Jason. The man who wouldn't tell a lie had been feeding me a load of bull for weeks now. And it hurt.

Once I had dragged the suitcase downstairs, I found Jason sitting on the couch. He was nursing a beer. His shirt was untucked, his feet were propped up on the table. It was the most relaxed I had seen him in days. I realized he wasn't going to try and stop me.

Feeling guilty
Worried
Waking from tormented sleep
This old love has me bound
But the new love cuts deep

"I'll have Johnny drive you," Jason offered.

"No thanks." I went to the desk and dialed information. "AJ Quartermaine, please." From the corner of my eye, I saw his head shoot up as if to ask what I was doing. "Thank you."

I quickly wrote the number down before I forgot. I'd call AJ when I got back to the studio. Then I called information for a number to a local cab company. Ten minutes, they said. Be waiting out front.

If I choose now
I'll lose out
One of you has to fall
And I need you
And you

When I opened the door, Jason was right behind me. "Don't go," he finally asked.

"I have to," I whispered.

"Why?"

I turned to face him, not bothering to wipe away my tears. "I have to."

"Don't…" This time he did touch my face. "I can't lose you. You're…"

"What am I, Jason?" I asked. "I need to know."

"You're everything."

"What does that mean?"

"You're the weakness in me."

I blew out the harsh breath I'd been holding. I still didn't know what that meant. His weakness. "I can't do this anymore. This game of tug-of-war we can't seem to escape. I need you…not this shell of a person you've become around me. Tell me why you're shutting me out."

Jason dropped his hand from my face and looked away. I could tell I was asking questions I shouldn't, wanting answers he couldn't give me. "Elizabeth…"

"Tell me," I pleaded.

"You know I can't," he whispered. His eyes closed and time seemed to stop.

In that moment I realized all of the things I wanted to tell him, but never had. All of the times I'd been so close, but couldn't bring myself to say the right words, to take the risk. "I love you," I whispered to him. "And you should know…you're my strength."

Why do you come here
When you know I've got trouble enough
Why do you call me
When you know I can't answer the phone

Make me lie
When I don't want to
And make someone else
Some kind of an unknowing fool
You make me stay
When I should not
Are you so strong
Or is all the weakness in me

Why do you come here
And pretend to be just passing by
When I mean to see you
And I mean to hold you
Tightly

When Jason opened his eyes, I was gone.

Song Credit: The Weakness In Me, Joan Armatrading