For some reason, I knew Carly would be by to see me. Well, I had expected her at Kelly's, not the studio, but I knew she'd be there. When I opened the door, I put on my best 'big girl' face and smiled at her. "Hey."

"Can I come in?" she asked.

"Sure." I moved back and let her move into the studio. She was still dressing in mourning clothes, but she seemed to be lighter. Come to think of it… they all seemed to be breathing easier since the funeral. "What's up?"

"Johnny told me you moved out." She turned to face me, confusion written on her face. "I have two questions… why didn't you tell me? And, why?"

"Question one is simple." I smiled at her guard, Marco, and closed the door. "You were busy with your life, Carly. And well… we're not exactly friends."

"But we're not enemies," she replied.

"True." I motioned for her to sit on the couch and stifled a giggle at her scowl when she did. "Sorry. I've been told that thing is incredibly uncomfortable."

"They weren't lying."

"I know." I leaned against my art table, and started fiddling with the postcard that lay there. It was the same postcard Jason gave me at the hospital. "I knew you might try to stop me, and well… I had to leave."

"You loved staying with him, though. Why did you leave?"

"Ahhh," I murmured. "Question two. Jason changed the rules halfway through the game."

"It's business."

"Watching Courtney strip night after night was business?" I raised an eyebrow and noticed that Carly didn't look surprised. She must have known. "Where is he going that he gets lipstick on his neck? Where does he disappear to every night, Carly? Can you tell me?"

"No, I can't."

"And that's why I left."

And he looks at me in wonder
And he looks at me in fear
Wrestling with his anger
His pride and stony tears
To place me in his life
Will be hard and slow
Does he want it need it
I might never know
The boy feels strange
Oh the boy has changed

"But you love him," she protested. "You're good for him."

"Yeah… I love him. But he's the one who pushed me out, Carly. He left when Sonny died, I was just the first to walk out the door."

"You said he had lipstick on his neck? What did it look like?"

"It was pink… it was lipstick. His face when I pointed it out to him… I think he knew he was hurting me. Even when we got back to the penthouse, I pleaded with him to tell me what was going on, but he wouldn't. He doesn't trust me, Carly."

"Elizabeth, it has nothing to do with trust. It's business."

"You're right," I agreed. "You told me I needed to decide if I had a place in his life… and I didn't answer you that day. It doesn't matter if I think I can handle it, it's obvious that he doesn't have a place for me."

"Jason knows what he wants, Elizabeth. He always has. I'll never understand why it's you, but it is. Don't turn your back on that."

"I can't be the only person in the relationship, Carly."

"Would it make a difference if I talk to him?"

"I'm not sure if it would do any good at all."

"I can try," she promised me.

Looking from my tower
I can see his fortress strong
Surrounded by his army
Where do I belong
Does he ever find the answers
In the cars as they go by
Does he ever want to ask me why
The boy feels strange
Oh the boy has changed

"About this lipstick," she said to me, "two women isn't exactly Jason's style. Hasn't been for a long time."

"Carly, I saw the look on his face when I pointed it out to him… I automatically assumed it was Courtney's. But after talking with AJ, I agree with him. I don't think Courtney would cheat on her husband."

"I hope not. After all she's given up to be with him."

"But it's someone, Carly… who?"

"I don't know. I don't know where he goes every night, Elizabeth. If I did, I'd tell you," she lied.

I nodded, taking her word as truth. I could only wonder when had this happened. Because we were… friends. It was strange, but it was also nice. "I miss him," I whispered.

"I know." Carly covered her heart and sighed deeply. "I know exactly where you're coming from."

"You loved Sonny very much, didn't you?"

"I'll always love Sonny," she assured me.

"I've been head over feet for Jason for a long time now."

"I know."

"How?" I asked. "How could you see it, when I couldn't?"

"Well, first I saw it with Jason." Carly smiled at me and continued. "A long time ago, before I ever slept with Sonny, I was in love with Jason. You know this. But he never returned my feelings. What he felt for me was never enough… you couldn't build a life on friendship. That's all he could offer, but it was never enough for me."

"So you slept with Sonny?"

"Yeah… I slept with Sonny. Best mistake I ever made." She smiled again, and looked down at her wedding band. Funny… she didn't look like a grieving widow. "I wanted to hurt Jason, and I did. I wanted to hurt him because he was looking at you with all of that love… and I was jealous. I'd never been so jealous of anything in my life."

"Yeah. You made life a living hell."

"I know," she said with pride. "But you loved every second of it. Or at least most of it."

"True."

"I used to think Jase saw you as a Robin-substitute. I mean, you're a lot like her… in your looks, and manner. All sweet and sugary. And he was very lonely after she left. I thought he'd found another her to keep his bed warm. And this time without the complication of HIV."

"What changed your mind?" I asked.

"The warehouse fire… you might not have noticed, but I saw the way he looked at you. And more importantly, I saw the way you looked at him. You were in love, and you didn't have a clue."

And he's seen with all the women
Who think that he's a god
And he blesses whom he pleases
Holding fast to the facade
I want to reach out and believe him
Through his miles and miles of pain
But lately when I touch him
The boy feel strange

"I made so many mistakes with him," I admitted. "I jerked him around. And I'll admit… I didn't have the guts to take what I wanted."

"What changed?"

"Lucky cheated on me."

"Sarah?" Carly asked.

"Yeah. The night of your welcome home party at Kelly's… I found them upstairs in his room. They'd just finished having sex."

"It destroyed you, didn't it?"

"It hurt," I admitted. "But Jason was there, just like always. He took me back to my studio… and he took care of me. We kissed that night for the first time. It was… there are no words to describe what that night means to me."

"When Jason loves you," Carly recalled, "It's like you're the only person in the world. And in a way, you are. You're the only woman in his world."

"He's never said he loves me."

"Trust me. He does."

And he speaks to me of business
When I ask him how he's been
Keeps me at a distance
Never getting under the skin
Can he make a new beginning
Does he even want to try
Or will he only let it die
The boy feels strange
Oh the boy has changed

"He came by Kelly's the other day to talk to me."

"And did you talk to him?"

"Nope," I told her. Suddenly restless, I moved away from the table and began organizing the canvases on the other side of the room from largest to smallest. "I was pretty bitchy with him. Ordered him to leave."

"Did he?"

"Not until he basically made me promise that I would talk to him, eventually."

Carly smiled. It was so good to see Jason fight for what he wanted. "Are you?"

"Am I?"

"Gonna talk to him?"

"I'm so mad right now… he's hiding something from me, Carly. And it's something big."

Carly wrinkled her nose at the topic. "You know what it's like in this business… the secrets, Elizabeth. He might not be telling you for your own safety."

"If he'd just talk to me, I think I could handle it. But he wasn't even doing that. If he came home at all, he'd go directly to his bedroom to sleep. He wouldn't call… there were times when even you couldn't get in touch with him. It was just too odd, Carly."

"I agree."

"I still want him."

"Then tell him." Carly reached into her purse and pulled out her cell phone. "I have him on speed dial. He wants to talk to you, Elizabeth."

I shook my head. "I need to think some more."

"Okay." Carly stood and smoothed out her black skirt. "I think that's my cue to leave."

"No, no. I wasn't kicking you out."

"I know…" Carly turned to glare at the couch and sighed. "But I have to go anyway. I'll try to talk to him, though. And you should buy a new couch. That spring poking you in the butt can't be comfortable."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not a problem. Hopefully, you'll be coming back where you belong soon. Jason has that nice, comfortable leather couch."

I rolled my eyes at her obvious antics. "Thanks, Carly. You've given me a lot to think about."

"He loves you," she told me again. "And once he loves… well let's just say, you're gonna have a hell of a time getting rid of him."

"I hope so."

"Goodnight, Elizabeth."

"Goodnight."

Song Credit: The Boy Feels Strange, Melissa Etheridge