She was working at Kelly's today. I'd been standing out in the rain for ten minutes now, watching as she moved around the diner with grace and expertise. I'd seen how personal and efficient she'd been with each of her customers. How they must have been the only person in the world to her. How her smile seemed to light up the entire room.

I also knew that Courtney was there too. My brother's wife was working the counter, dealing with the usual lunch crowd. I'd been surprised when that slime Coleman came in and sat down to talk to her. I'd resisted the urge to pummel him – but I knew Courtney could handle herself. What surprised me the most was that they were almost friendly with each other. Something I was sure AJ didn't know.

Once I got tired of standing on the outside looking in, I pulled the door open and made my presence known. The water rolled off my leather jacket… I hadn't been planning on the rain, or I never would've worn it. Maybe the rain wouldn't do too much damage. But then… I seemed to be damaging everything that was important to me lately.

Elizabeth looked up to meet my eyes and I thought I saw something pass between us. Something different…something that told me maybe her ice was beginning to melt. It'd been days since that conversation when she was closing Kelly's. The night when I'd all but given her my heart in the palm of my hands. She hadn't taken it then, but I wasn't giving up. I couldn't.

Because if I did…I'd lose everything.

I think I've already lost you
I think you're already gone
I think I'm finally scared now
You think I'm weak - but I think you're wrong
I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
But now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure

I went to her, but she didn't stop bussing the table. "Can I talk to you?" I asked in a quiet voice.

"I'm working, Jason." She sounded… tired.

"I know. But it won't take long, I promise."

She nodded slightly. "Grab a table. I'll drop these off in the back, then I'll bring some coffee."

I grabbed her arm when she moved away and smiled down at her. "Thank you."

From the counter, I saw Courtney move towards me. I nodded at the closest table and took a seat. "How are you?"

"I'm okay. AJ told me…"

"Yeah, I came by to talk to him. It was good."

Courtney dropped the dishrag on the table and sat down. "I'm glad. He told you were thinking of moving?"

"Yeah. And actually… I wanted to talk to you about that."

"What?"

I looked at Elizabeth who had just come through the kitchen doors. "Have you ever thought of subleasing?"

"W-what?"

Elizabeth sat the pot of coffee down on the table along with two cups. "I'm taking a break, can you handle it?" The question was directed at Courtney. I could tell from the blonde's expression that it was the most words Elizabeth had spoken to her in days.

"Yeah, I'll handle it."

"Thanks."

Elizabeth slid into the seat Courtney left vacant. "Glad to see your relationship with your sister-in-law is healthy as always." Sarcasm dripped for her voice, laced with acid.

"Elizabeth–"

"Don't, Jason. I'm sitting here against my better judgment. So don't you dare do what you want to do."

I raised my hands in surrender. "Fine." I reached for the pot of coffee and a cup. "Would you like some?"

"I hate coffee."

My lips twitched. "I know." But I pointed at the second cup. "Why'd you bring that then?"

"Seemed like the thing to do." After I put the pot back on the table, Elizabeth reached for it and poured herself half a cup. Then she reached for the sugar container and slowly began to pour a heaping amount into her cup. "What?"

"You want a little more coffee with your sugar?"

"No." Elizabeth raised the cup to her lips and winced at the sugary-sweet taste. "Maybe I will take a little more…"

"Okay." I poured her some more into her cup and she stirred it with the spoon. "Carly told me she saw you last night."

"She came by the studio… Even my super-great new door couldn't keep her away."

"You wouldn't have that problem–" I caught myself. This wasn't going to turn out like the last time. "What I mean is that I can put a guard on you, if you want. Francis, since you know him best."

"I'm fine," she assured me. "I don't want a guard."

"You've always hated to be guarded, haven't you?"

Elizabeth pursed her lips and looked away. When she looked back at me, her lips were in a thin line. "I always hated having someone who wasn't you there with me."

I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - I think too much
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing

"I know I hurt you."

"Not on purpose," she sighed. I could tell that as much as she wanted to, Elizabeth didn't blame me. Not entirely. "Look– Carly told me the night that you left that I needed to decide if I could live in your world, or not. And I can't. Or at least I don't think I can. You know what I want… they're all things you can't give to me. So let me walk away, Jason. Before either of us gets hurt worse."

"I c-can't." My voice was broken, emotion seeping into my usual control. "I told you, I need you. Like I've never needed anyone."

"It doesn't work," she insisted. "Just walk away, Jason."

"Come with me?" I asked.

"W-What?"

The chair scraped against the floor when I pushed it back. "I've asked you once before… come with me, Elizabeth. We'll run away, and never look back. We'll go anywhere."

"I can't."

"Can't or won't?"

Elizabeth closed her eyes and shook her head. "We've already discussed this, Jason. It doesn't matter. In the end, it means the same thing."

I knew it had been a rash move…one I didn't think she'd jump on. But I had tried. No, I knew I'd have to stay and fight for her. "Okay. But promise me something?"

"What?"

"The next time I ask you to go away with me, you'll say yes?"

If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you

"I can't promise that."

"Please?"

"I'll…" she trailed off. "I have to get back to work, Jason."

"Elizabeth–"

"We'll talk to again," she promised. I could tell it was on impulse, but Elizabeth reached out to cover my hand. "I meant what I said when I left Jason. I love you."

I felt the sudden sting of tears in my eyes. I tugged on her hand and she sat back down. Leaning in, I whispered, "I love you too."

"Do you mean it?"

"I wouldn't say it, if I didn't."

"I know." Elizabeth looked away from me and when she looked back, I could tell she was trying to hold back tears. "I miss you."

My hand went up to cover her cheek and I sighed. "I miss you too."

"What did we do so wrong?" she asked.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Elizabeth. I messed up. I'm keeping secrets… and I still can't tell you. I'm working on something for Sonny…" I stopped, and realized that I shouldn't have said that.

"You mean a project you started before he died?"

"Some…something like that." It hurt to lie to her so much. And I wasn't really lying… I was just not telling her the truth. It hurt so much. "I can't tell you."

"Can't or won't?" she questioned. I could see her lips twitch at the question.

"Can't… I'd love to tell you. If I could tell you, we'd never be where we are now."

"Oh."

I finished the last of my coffee before standing. I dropped a fifty on the table and looked down at her. "I have to go."

"Ok."

"I'll be back…"

She smiled. "You always say that."

"And I always come back, don't I?"

"I guess."

My hands itched to touch her, so I stuffed them into my jacket pockets. It was then that I realized I wanted to taste her. To see if she still tasted like strawberry lip gloss… and I realized she'd probably taste like coffee too. I pursed my lips and looked away. "Have you thought about forgiving me?"

"Jason…" she sighed.

"Ok." I nodded and sighed deeply. I knew she would one day. She couldn't hate me forever. "I love you."

"Bye."

I bet you're hard to get over
I bet the room just won't shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
I bet you need - more than you mind

~*~*~*~*~


It was the first time I'd been back to see him since the night I walked away. I knew eventually I'd have to deal with him… I'd have to tell him I was thinking of quitting. When he asked why, I wondered what I'd say.

Would it be because I no longer recognized who he was? That the darkness he used to fight so hard against was now surrounding everyone around him. Carly. Alexis. Zander. Me. And soon… Brenda. But I could never let that darkness touch Elizabeth.

Sonny's head shot up when I entered the safe house. "Jason."

I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - that I know too much
I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling

"Yeah."

"How's Carly?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. "I'm fine Sonny, how are you? How's Carly? I don't know. Why don't you call her and ask her herself."

"You know I can't–"

"You know what Sonny? I'm the one who can't anymore."

"What-what do you mean?"

"I mean I can't… do this anymore. I can't be the person you thought I was."

"What're you talking about?"

"I just walked away from the woman I love for you."

"This is about Elizabeth?" he asked.

"'This is about Elizabeth?' he asks." Jason mimicked. "Who else would it be about, Sonny?"

"Jason… you need to calm down."

"I'm calm!"

"No, you're not."

I sat down on the couch and buried my face in my hands. "I'm so tired of lying to the people I love for you, Sonny."

"Jason…"

"And then… when I look at you, I can't remember why I would lie. I don't even recognize who you are anymore."

I looked up and locked eyes with him. "After this is over… I'm taking a vacation, reassessing my priorities. When I went to work for you, you gave me what I needed. And I don't need those things anymore."

"You're quitting?"

"I'm taking a vacation," I corrected. "I haven't decided if I want to quit yet."

"Anything else?"

"When I leave here tonight, I'm going to Elizabeth's studio and I'm telling her the truth."

If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you

"Jason–"

I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - do I talk too much
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing

"Don't 'Jason' me, Sonny. I'm not a little kid. I don't know why we didn't tell her in the first place. You told Carly."

"Carly's my wife!" he shouted. "Jason, if you ruin our plan… if you throw everything away over some girl…"

"She's not just some girl, Sonny. How did you miss me falling in love with her? I mean… was it when I went to Taggert for help, or AJ, or Edward. Was it when I turned this town upside down trying to find her? Even Carly gets it, Sonny. How did my best friend miss it!?"

"I didn't," he ground through clenched teeth. "I didn't miss a thing. But we've come to far for it all to go to waste because of some girl–"

If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you

"Why Sonny?" I asked. "I'm just following your lead…"

"What're you talking about?"

"You let our friendship go to waste over some girl."

Song Credit: If You're Gone, Matchbox 20