"Elizabeth…"

I always said that'd be it
That I wouldn't stick around if it ever came to this
Here I am, so confused
How am I supposed to leave when I can't even move?
In the time it would have took to say "honey I'm home, how was your day?"
You dropped the bomb right where we live
And just expect me to forgive...

"Did you not hear me?" I asked. I looked at Jason and then to the door. "Get out."

"No."

"No?" I asked. "I want you to leave, Jason!"

He held up his hand to cut off my protests. "Not until you let me at least attempt to explain."

Except I didn't want to hear any of his damn excuses. He lied to me. Jason lied to me. "What's there to explain?" I asked.

"Will you come inside and close the door?"

I slammed the door so hard that the pictures on the wall rattled. If it had been my old door, I was sure the glass would have shattered. "Talk," I ordered.

Jason gestured to the seat next to him on my couch. "Please sit down."

"I don't want to sit down!"

"Fine." Jason sighed and looked down at his hands. "A few weeks ago, Roy DiLucca came to Sonny with orders from Luis Alcazar to kill him."

Jason looked up at me then, expecting some sort of reaction. When I didn't have one, he continued. "They came up with a plan, so that it looked like Roy had shot Sonny. The plan went off without a hitch, except one thing."

"What's that?" I asked. My voice was short and filled with anger.

"The woman who met him… the person we were going to meet. It was Brenda Barrett."

"She's dead."

"No," he told me, "she's not. She's not even close to dead."

This wasn't real… it couldn't be real. There was no way. People just didn't die, and then be undead. "So it was a hoax?"

"Yeah."

"What a sick, sick joke, Jason. Poor Carly—"

Well that's a mighty big word for such a small man
And I'm not sure I can
Cause I don't even know now who I am
It's too soon for me to say forgive

"She knew," he interrupted. "She found out right before the funeral. That's the way Sonny wanted it."

I closed my eyes and felt the hot tears spill down my cheeks. All of this time I thought Carly and I were finally getting somewhere… we were being nice to each other. I baked her brownies. And she'd been lying to me too. Then I realized why she was at the studio. "She wanted to tell me."

Jason nodded his head in confirmation. "That's why she was here tonight."

I covered my eyes with my hand and groaned. "I am such a fool. I'm an idiot."

Then Jason was standing in front of me. His hand pulled my hand away and he looked down at me. "No, you aren't."

"I think you need to go," I told him. I had calmed some, but I was still angry.

"Elizabeth…"

"Do you know what it's like to realize that the one person who was supposed to always be there, who was supposed to always be truthful has lied you? I never thought you'd do this."

"I realize more than you know."

"It wasn't Courtney's lipstick, was it?" I asked.

"No."

"Brenda?"

"I…I think." Jason took a step back to give me some space. "I can't be sure. That night… she had a nightmare. She hugged me. Afterwards, we fought. I went to Sonny and told him I had to get out of there for a little while. I went to the docks and Courtney was there, she was being mugged. I… and then you were there. You saw the lipstick. I'm sorry, Elizabeth."

"I don't want you sorry."

"What can I do?" he asked. Jason took a step forward again, hoping to pull me into his arms, I could tell. "What do you want me to do?"

"Just… leave."

"I quit," he said.

"Come again?" I asked.

"I quit working for Sonny tonight. Because of what this is doing to you."

"What're you talking about?"

"I don't want this life to touch you, Elizabeth. I… I don't want you to ever look at me like you don't know me. I just want to spend my life with you, no obstacles." His hand settled into my hair and I was tempted to lean into his touch. "I told you that I love you. And I mean it. A few weeks ago, I told you that I would have to leave during the night, and that I wouldn't always be able to answer your questions. But sometimes in the last few days, I realized that I want that. I want… I want to be with you."

This wasn't happening… it couldn't be happening. "You have to go." God, was that my voice? I didn't even recognize it. "You have to leave. I can't… I can't do this, Jason."

"Don't make me leave," he pleaded. I looked up and could see his tears. This couldn't be happening.

"I can't look at you, Jason. I can't… I don't know what to do."

Somehow we changed places, Jason was leaning against the artists' table and I was on the couch. We were staring at each other, not talking. I'm not even sure if we were breathing. I was so tired… and I hurt so much. I… I just wanted to sleep. I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again. I wanted to believe this was all a bad dream.

"Elizabeth?" he asked.

"I can't do this," I whispered. I looked down at the floor as tears silently fell from my eyes. I hadn't even realized I was crying… it hurt so much.

"Look at me?" Jason moved away from the table and came to where I was sitting. He crouched down in front of me and put his hands on my thighs to balance himself. "Please, look at me."

"I can't…"

"I'm sorry." His voice was nothing but a whisper. I could hear him pleading with me to understand, begging me to forgive him. "I'm so sorry."

"I made friends with Carly. God… I made a fool out of myself."

Jason pushed the hair back from my face and shook his head. He ran his fingers through my hair and said, "No. Don't ever think that."

"She must have laughed at me, Jason. Poor, pathetic Lizzie Webber… I baked her brownies."

"You did?"

I nodded. "I had to do something. And I used to hear Sonny fuss at Carly for eating junk food. I just… I just wanted to help."

"You did," he promised. Jason leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "I'm sorry."

"I…" A sob broke from my chest and it shook my entire body. I had thought that it hurt when I walked away from him on the docks, or when I didn't take his hand in the park… but nothing, nothing compared to this.

"I'm sorry I let you down," he whispered. "I tried so hard… I wanted to tell you, Elizabeth. I knew it would hurt you."

I looked up at him then. I could see in his eyes that he meant it. I knew he loved me. I could always tell. It was in the way he looked at me, the way he held me. The way he… the way he was always honest with me. "You have to go."

"No."

"Yes," I insisted. "I can't… I can't do this anymore, Jason."

"Elizabeth."

"It's over. We… don't work. We never worked, Jason."

"You don't believe that," he argued. He took my face in his hands and made me look at him. "I see it in your eyes. You don't believe it. I don't believe it either."

"It's over," I whispered.

"No."

I reached out and pulled his face to mine. I kissed him lightly… just a gentle touch of our lips, but it was enough to set sparks off throughout my body. I knew he was right. I didn't believe it. And I knew it would never really be over. Jason would always be the one… he'd always be the one I never knew about. He would always be the one I wanted to spend forever with.

"Goodbye," I whispered.

So get you some things
And get out
Don't call me for a day or two
So I can sort this out
Well you might as well have ripped the life right out of me
Right here tonight
And through the ballin tears you said
"Can you ever just forgive?"

"No."

I nodded my head, fresh tears spilling from my eyes. "It has to be this way. At least for now."

"If you need me…"

"I won't."

"If you do."

"I'll come."

"I love you," he promised. "More than anything. I… I'll wait for you."

"Jason, some things are worth leaving behind."

He smiled then. It was a thin line, it barely pulled on the corner of his lips. "You aren't one of them. I love you."

"I know." I waited for him to get up, waited for him to leave. But he didn't. He just sat there, staring at me. I knew he could read the secrets I held deep within. I could tell he knew how wrong this was.

"Will you lock the door when I leave?"

I smiled a little. Always concerned with my safety. "Yeah."

He straightened and immediately reached for me. His hand closed around mine as he pulled me to my feet. "If you need me…"

"I'll come," I promised him again.

"It's not goodbye," he told me.

"Okay." All of the energy had left my body. The need to sleep again was strong. I just… I had to sleep.

"You'll forgive me someday, won't you?"

You know what they say
Forgive and forget
Relive and regret

"Someday," I promised.

"Just not today."

He stood at the door, barely outside of the archway and I started to close it slowly. "Someday," I whispered.

He was still there when I closed the door. His face was one of self-hatred. He looked as if I had ripped his heart out – it was possible that I had. I hoped he knew that I loved him. That I had never loved anyone quite like I loved him "I… I'm sorry, Jason."

I slid down the metal door and cried.

Oh...it's too soon for me to say forgive

Song Credit: Forgive, Rebecca Lynn Howard