I stumbled into Harborview sometime after midnight. After I left Elizabeth's studio, I just started walking. And somehow ended up at Vista Point. It was probably the one place I needed to avoid most. The memories of us there consumed me, filling me with sadness. I already missed her, even though I didn't believe she was gone. So I sat there for a while, listening to the quiet, trying to shut up the voices inside of my head. There were so many things I should have told her… but it was too late now.

After Vista Point I walked by the studio again, but the lights were out. I didn't want to wake her, so I just went home. Except Carly was waiting in my living room. I sighed when I saw her and shook my head slightly. I just wanted to go to bed.

Well I'm shameless when it comes to loving you
I'll do anything you want me to
I'll do anything at all.

"Hey."

"You look like hell." I could hear the laugh in her voice. She was probably right.

I didn't dignify her statement with a response. Just walked by her to the kitchen for a beer. I heard Carly get up to follow me.

"It was bad, wasn't it?"

I twisted the cap off and took a long swallow. I licked my lips when I was finished and dropped the beer in the sink. "It was bad."

"Why didn't you let me tell her?"

"It was my mistake, Carly. My responsibility."

"Is she gone?"

"I…" I sighed. "I'm not sure. She loves me. And I love her. I'm not giving up. But I think I need to let her come to me on her own terms."

"Oh."

I smiled at my oldest friend and hugged her gently. "Is it killing you to be nice to her?"

"No," she answered me. "I got to know her. And you're right, she does love you."

And I'm standing here for all the world to see
Oh baby, that's what's left of me
Don't have very far to fall

I looked around the kitchen, suddenly grateful that I wouldn't have a lot of things to take with me. Just the upstairs bedroom, the pool table, and a couch. "I'm moving."

"Come again?"

"Moving. I can't live here anymore."

"Jason–"

I cut in on her, "It's already decided. I quit tonight."

"Jason…" Carly looked away and I could see the tears prick at her eyes.

"Hey, hey." I took her chin in my hand and smiled at her. "My decision. I… I don't recognize Sonny anymore, Carly. And all of the reasons that I started working for him don't hold up anymore."

"Is this about her?"

"Elizabeth?" I asked. "Yeah, in a way. It's about how Sonny regards Elizabeth's place in my life. It's the fact that he's decided my priorities should be him, you, the business, Courtney, whatever menial tasks he has for me, and then Elizabeth."

"That's not true."

I nodded. "It is. Somehow, somewhere Sonny changed. And you… you've accepted those changes, Carly. Because you love him. But I can't. Sonny taught me everything I know about honor and loyalty and respect. In the last few days I've realized that I don't respect him, I don't think he has any honor, and I was loyal to the idea of being loyal."

You know now I'm not a man who's ever been
Insecure about the world I've been living in
I don't break easy, I have my pride
But if you need to be satisfied

"Jason–"

"I've already quit, Carly. I… I'm going to call Alexis and beg her to help me."

"Alexis hates you."

"Alexis…" I sighed. I could still remember the tirade at Kristina's funeral. But I didn't think she hated me. "If not her, someone. The only thing I want is full control of the coffee warehouse. You tell him that, okay? Tell him that I just want the coffee warehouse… I'll keep his damn secrets, and I'll look after myself. But he's on his own."

"Are you sure?"

"I have to." I hugged her again, held on a little longer this time. I wasn't sure when I'd see her again. And through it all, Carly had never abandoned me. Even when she slept with Sonny. "I'm the one who has to look myself in the mirror every night… and I can't keep doing that if I work for Sonny. I hate who I've become and it's time to fix it."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

Carly reached up to touch my face. Her fingers smoothed through my hair and down to the back of my neck. "You're my best friend, Jase. And no matter what's happened, I'll always be there for you. If you're sure…" she paused and looked away. "If you're sure you can love this girl forever, you go after her, okay? And you fight. Don't let her walk away. Because she's worth it."

I'm shameless, oh honey, I don't have a prayer
Every time I see you standin' there
I go down upon my knees.

"Thanks."

She closed her eyes and nodded. Then she smiled. "I can't believe I just gave you permission to go after Lizzie Webber."

"Stranger things have happened," I mused.

"True." Carly stifled a yawn and shook her head. "I have to go to bed. Michael's flying home in the morning."

"Would it… would it be okay if I came to see him before I left?"

"You're leaving tomorrow?"

I nodded. "I don't want to be here when Sonny gets back."

"Oh." Carly started towards the door, but stopped. "Where are you going to live?"

"I have a few ideas. I'll let you know later."

"Okay."

I watched as she left without another word. I played a short game of pool before I climbed the stairs to my bedroom. My body was so tired, even though my mind was alive. I lay there for a long time listening to the inside of my head before sleep finally claimed me. My last thought was of Elizabeth.

And I'm changing, swore I'd never compromise
Oh, but you convinced me otherwise
I'll do anything you please.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~


The first person I visited the next morning was Alexis Davis. I could tell that she was planning on working at home that day. Her jogging pants were in place, a maternity shirt displayed her ever-swelling stomach. She'd pulled her hair back in a ponytail and the black-rim glasses were perched on her nose.

"Jason."

I creased the legal document in my hand, folding it and then unfolding it. "I know… I know you don't like me, Alexis. But I need your help."

"Why didn't you tell me Alcazar was responsible for Kristina's death?"

"Alexis…"

She held the door open and moved out of the way. "Come in." After I had entered, she closed the door. "I… I crucified you, Jason. You and Sonny, and you just took it."

"It wasn't my place to tell you differently."

"You should have said something!"

"Alcazar has been taken care of, Alexis. You won't have to worry about him anymore."

"He's…" she cleared her throat. "He's dead?"

"Yes."

"Oh." Moving past me, she settled into the couch. It was then that she noticed the document in my hand. "What's that?"

"I want to make sure I have sole ownership of the coffee warehouse."

"Come again?"

"I'm leaving the business. I want to start over. And the only thing I want is the import/export business."

"Why?"

"Personal reasons." I looked down and then back up at her. "I can't tell you. But you'll know soon enough."

"Okay," she accepted the answer. "I can look at it, and tell you what it says."

I handed her the document. "I appreciate it."

She adjusted her glasses and gave me a quick smile. "Are you gonna tell me what I'm looking for?"

"Since Sonny is legally dead, I want to know if the business goes directly to me. It doesn't get split between me and someone else, does it?"

"Okay. Let me look at it."

"Thanks."

It only took her a few minutes to read through the contract. When she looked up she was smiling. "It's yours."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Alexis pointed to a paragraph in the contract and read it aloud to me. "Under any circumstances, should one undersigned party perish the other, living, undersigned party is to retain immediate and solitary control of the property, its assets, and any revenue it generates."

I sighed in relief. "When can I file those papers?"

"How long has Sonny been dead?"

I looked down at my watch and mentally counted the days. "It'll be a week in twelve hours."

"I can file them today."

"His death is still a pending investigation."

She shook her head. "Doesn't matter. There was no foul play clause. You are legally the owner of Corinthos-Morgan Import/Export."

I smiled at her words. "It's that simple?"

She nodded. "You'll have the papers by the end of the day. Where should I send them?"

"To my brother's apartment. The address is 2956 Heron St. Apartment 3H."

"What about the penthouse?"

"I'll be there by the end of the day."

"Okay." Alexis began to hoist herself off of the couch, and I reached out a hand to help her up. "I'll have a messenger send these to the court."

"Thank you, Alexis. You didn't have to do this."

She closed her eyes and smiled. "Yes, I did." Her hand smoothed over her rounding belly and she looked up at me. "You were one of his victims too, Jason."

"I made the decision, Alexis. It was my call."

"Yes, it was. And you've done things I don't always agree with. But you're getting out now… you saw what he turned into before he died. And I'm proud of you."

"Thank you." I looked down and away. "I have to go."

"Okay. I'll get those papers to you by five."

I took her hand and smiled. "Thanks again."

~*~*~*~*~*~


You see in all my life I've never found
What I couldn't resist, what I couldn't turn down
I could walk away from anyone I ever knew
But I can't walk away from you.

The next stop was my brother's apartment. Courtney had told me they were leaving by noon today, so I hoped I wasn't too late. From the boxes stacked up beside the door and the cursing coming from inside, I could only guess that I wasn't.

I knocked on the frame and called, "AJ!" into the living room.

He emerged from the bedroom, carrying a stack of boxes that he dropped on the floor where the couch used to be. "Jase."

I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out the envelope of cash and the lease of the place. We had discussed this earlier, after Courtney told me they might be interested in subleasing this place. "I have the papers. You just need to sign them."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"I'm sure I don't want to live in the penthouse anymore."

Courtney came out of the bedroom, her hair tied back in a bandana. "Hey Jason."

I have never let anything have this much control over me
I work too hard to call my life my own
I have never let anything have this much control over me
I work too hard to call my life my own
And I've made myself a world and it's worked so perfectly
But it's your world now, I can't refuse
I've never had so much to lose
Oh, I'm shameless.

I nodded at her. "You're not backing out, are you?"

"No."

"I have men packing up my penthouse right now. I want to be in this place as soon as possible."

"What happened Jason?" AJ asked. "What changed?"

I shrugged. "I changed."

AJ took the pen Courtney was holding out to him. "Are you sure?" he asked again.

"Yes."

I held my breath as he scribbled his name across the bottom of the page, and then Courtney did the same. "The rent information is in the kitchen cabinet. And we…" he looked away. "There's information for how you can contact us there, too. Our lease is only for a few months longer, so if you finish it up, you can contract with the land lord then."

"Thanks." I held out my hand to him, hoping he would take it. When he did, I exhaled.

"Thank you, Little Brother."

I smiled at Courtney who was smiling at the both of us. "When do you leave?"

"The car is packed now. As soon as we get these last few boxes down, we're gone."

"Okay. I'll help."

"No, that's okay."

"AJ," I said. "Just say yes."

He smiled. "Yes."

You know it should be easy for a man who's strong
To say he's sorry or admit when he's wrong
I've never lost anything I've ever missed
But I've never been in love like this.

As we carried the boxes down the stairs, I told Courtney about what happened the night before with Elizabeth. I hadn't realized it, but somewhere along the way she and I had become friends. AJ listened and offered advice every now and again. Both of them agreed that once she got over being upset (even though they wondered what she was upset about – and that, I couldn't tell them) that she would come to me. I could only hope they were right.

It's out of my hands.

I'm shameless, I don't have the power now
I don't want it anyhow
So I got to let it go.

That night, after I had gotten myself moved into the tiny apartment I sat on the leather couch, the brown afghan beside me. I still hadn't returned it to her. I was hoping she would come for it.

True to her word, Alexis had sent the papers over and it was clear. The coffee business was mine, free and clear. I had already called Carly and she wanted to bring Michael over tomorrow morning. I even went to the grocery store for some basic things to put in my cabinets and refrigerator. Sooner or later I would have to start taking better care of myself. With no one there to look after me, no one to remind to eat or sleep, I knew I'd have to do it for myself.

As I read the papers, I realized I was no longer Jason Morgan, Mob Enforcer. I was just… Jason Morgan. I owned a coffee warehouse on the docks, I was in love with Elizabeth Webber. My best friend was Carly Corinthos and my brother and his wife lived in New York City, a relatively short motorcycle ride from here.

I got up and cut the lights out and went to lie back on the couch. I pulled my motorcycle boots off and stretched out on the brown leather. I wrapped the afghan around my upper body, holding it close, refusing to let go.

Oh, I'm shameless, shameless as a man can be
You make a total fool of me
I just wanted to you to know.

Oh, I'm shameless, I just wanted you to know
Oh, I'm shameless, Oh, I'm down on my knees

And now… I just had to wait for someday to come.

Song Credit: Shameless, Garth Brooks