Livin' my life in a slow hell
Different girl every night at the hotel
I ain't seen the sun shine in three damn days
Been fuelin' up on cocaine and whisky
Wish I had a good girl to miss me

It was the picture that finally made me break. I hadn't spent a night at the penthouse in such a long time that I wasn't sure how long the sketchpad had been there. But Elizabeth must have left it.

I tried sleeping. But the walls in the penthouse were paper-thin. Funny, it never bothered me when it was Elizabeth I was listening to breathing. But Brenda wasn't Elizabeth. She wasn't even close.

Seeing Courtney today was more than I expected. I purposely sought her out; just because I needed to make it clear to her the kiss would not be repeated. For starters, she was married to my brother. Secondly, I was married too. Cheating on Brenda wasn't an option – not for this scam to work. But most importantly, there was Elizabeth. If she ever found out about the kiss, I knew it would definitely end any chance we had together. Not that we even have a chance anymore. She was over me – over us – so what did it matter who I kissed? Or who kissed me.

But I also knew I would tell her. I had to. She came clean about Zander, it was only fair I admit my indiscretion with Courtney. I just hoped Elizabeth could forgive me. I just hoped I could forgive me.

I stared at the walls and ceiling for almost two hours before I gave up on sleep and went downstairs. I was sure to close Brenda's bedroom door before I passed, not wanting to wake her. Four games of pool later, I sat down on the couch. The afghan was still there. Elizabeth hadn't taken it with her. I felt something stick into my back though.

I reached between the cushions and shook my head when I pulled out her sketchpad. The last real time we had talked, she'd been sketching on the couch. She must have forgotten it. Only I couldn't return it to her. I turned to the front, even though I knew I wouldn't be able to see the pictures, and studied them. My fingers traced over her neat, graphite lines, drawing what she'd already drawn for me.

It'd been good to see her sketching again. To see her return to her normal life, even if I was holding her prisoner at the penthouse. Except I knew Elizabeth didn't see it that way. Hadn't she told me she loved staying there? I hadn't wished for many things, but at the moment she was the only thing I wished for.

I was convinced Courtney had convinced herself that a relationship would work. She seemed to have some unexplained hope for a future with me. Not that it made any sense. Each time I turned our time together around, I couldn't rationalize why she was acting this way. I hadn't led her on, had I? I mean… until recently, she was encouraging me to go to Elizabeth and try again. What had changed? How had I suddenly become to mean so much to her… so much that she had to kiss me in the rain. None of it made sense.

I was so lost in my thoughts and I didn't hear Brenda come down the stairs until she was already in the living room. I dropped the sketchpad and stood, turning to see what she needed.

Lord I wonder if I'll ever change my ways
I put your picture away
Sat down and cried today
I can't look at you, I'm lyin' next to her
I put your picture away, sat down and cried today
I can't look at you I'm lyin' next to her

"Water," she explained.

"There's a sink in the bathroom. You're staying in the master bedroom."

"Excuse me."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and let out a frustrated breath. "We agreed we were going to avoid each other as much as possible, Brenda. There's a sink and cups in the bathroom. Why're you down here?"

She turned to face me, her hands on her hips. "Why were you playing pool at 2 a.m.?"

I shook my head. "What I do is none of your business."

"To hell it's not!" She held up her hand with the simple gold band. "Until I take this off, everything you do is my business."

"It's a charade," I reminded her.

"I know." And then she giggled. "Sorry. I was just having fun." She noticed the sketchpad on the couch, but didn't say anything. Looking away she nodded. "I'll just get that water and go back up."

"Brenda–"

"Jason, it's okay."

I thought about saying more, but just shook my head. The sooner this was over, the better off everyone would be.

She came back through a minute later, a glass full of water. "Do you want to talk about it?" she offered.

"About what?"

"The reason you agreed to marry me."

"Carly–"

"Is not the reason," she cut in. "Is it that blonde at Kelly's?"

"What?"

"The one who looks like the Skipper doll I used to have."

I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping she would just give it up. But this was Brenda, and that would never happen. "Brenda, just leave it alone."

"So it's the blonde, huh? Is she the one who broke your heart?"

"Courtney is married."

"So..."

"To AJ."

"Oh."

"Right. Oh." I picked up the sketchbook and turned to the very last picture. I knew it must have been the rose she was working on the day I saw her sketching. But I was surprised, staring back at me was two people… it looked like they were hugging. "I need a favor," I said suddenly.

Brenda's head jerked up, and she looked like I had grown a third eye. "W-what?"

"I need you to look at this picture, and tell me what you see."

"Jason."

"Just do it, Brenda." My voice was tight and terse. I was hoping… no, praying it wasn't what I thought it was.

She took the pad from my head and studied it carefully. Her brow furrowed and she bit down on her lip. "It's you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. And it's the blonde. It looks like you're out in the hall… you're hugging her."

Shit.

~*~*~*~*~


It was late when she got back to the studio. Really late. Luke had in no uncertain terms said he didn't want their help. And while she loved Luke, she wasn't too keen on Atlantic City. Or having herself broken in half by Pixie, or Trixie, or whatever the hell her name was. Elizabeth wasn't dumb. She knew when it was time to get out of Dodge. Lucky was left to do it himself. Just the way she knew he wanted it.

Now the only thing she had to come home to was a cold, empty studio, and Kelly's. Of course, Jason was probably living with Courtney full time now. Or maybe he had given her the room Elizabeth had stayed in at the penthouse. It wouldn't surprise her.

I called you last night in the hotel
Everyone knows but they wont tell
But their half hearted smiles tell me
Somethin' just ain't right
I been waitin' on you for a long time
Fuelin' up on heartaches and cheap wine
I ain't heard from you in three damn nights

She just wanted to sleep for a hundred years. While she was away, though, she'd thought a lot about Jason. Maybe it was time to hear him out. She understood that it was Sonny's secret, not Jason's. And if the only person Sonny wanted to tell was Carly that was his decision. Elizabeth knew she hadn't been completely fair. But him being with Courtney all of the time didn't help matters, at all.

But for now, it was sleep. She quickly pulled her pajamas on and grabbed her toothbrush and face wash. Maybe she could see Jason tomorrow.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Or not.

If I had known of her plan to go straight to bed, I would have waited. But when Francis called to tell me she was back, I grabbed the keys for the motorcycle and took off immediately. It didn't matter that it was almost three o'clock. I needed to see her. Even though every mile I was resisting the urge to warn her again about her safety. Not that she would listen.

I just had to tell her about the wedding. Before she found out from someone else.

When she came around the corner for the bathroom, I tried to remember why I had come in the first place. "Hi."

Elizabeth's eyes widened and she looked away. "What're you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you."

She lifted one eyebrow, but didn't say anything. She pushed the door to the studio open and I entered after her. "You couldn't lock that?"

She dropped the towel on the couch and sat down. "What, are you afraid some big, bad man is going to get me in the middle of the night?"

"Elizabeth–"

"How's Courtney?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. "We're not doing this. I'm here because I need to tell you something. And I need you to listen, and not say anything. Do you think you can do that?"

Elizabeth nodded, then looked down at her hands. Oh man… I hadn't meant to sound so mean. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

I sat down beside her and pulled her hand between mine. "No, it's not."

"What do you need?"

"First…I want you to know that Courtney kissed me."

She could feel her throat closing up. It was hard to breathe. "W-what?"

"She kissed me."

"Did you kiss her back?"

"Elizabeth–"

"Did you?"

I looked away and nodded.

"Okay, you need to go."

"Wait… there's more."

"WHAT? Did you sleep with her too?"

"No!"

"Then what, Jason. What could be worse than you kissing Courtney?"

"She kissed me!" I replied defensively. This was already not going well. I could only imagine the way she would handle the next piece of information. "And… I got married."

She blinked. And then blinked again. "I must be exhausted, because I swear I just heard you say you got married."

"I did." I held up my left hand, the too-tight gold band reflecting light.

She paled, and then closed her eyes. This was a bad dream, right? A really, really sick joke. "Who?"

"Brenda."

And then she laughed. I dropped my head and sighed. Nope, this wasn't going well. "You married Brenda!?! You hate Brenda."

"And I still married her."

"Not because you love her."

I shook my head. There was only one woman I loved, and I was with her right now. "She's sick… and well, I did it for Carly."

"You married a woman you hate for Carly?" She couldn't believe this. Just when she was ready to move on… when she was ready to admit she was wrong, he goes and marries someone else. Would they ever get it right?

"Brenda… Sonny does crazy things when she's around. And well, I couldn't let her split up their marriage, Elizabeth. She's dying."

"What about Jax?" she asked. "What about her going back to Europe, huh? Do you not have at least ten single men at your disposal? Why not let them marry her?"

"Elizabeth–"

She stood and pointed to the door. "I can't deal with this right now. I'll… I'll call you later. Or I'll see you later, or something."

"Please–"

"Jason," she pleaded. "Please… go."

I stood and reached for her. "This doesn't change anything between us, Elizabeth."

"It changes everything."

"No," I insisted. "I still want to be with you… nothing will change that."

"You're married," Elizabeth reminded me.

"In name only." I glanced down at the ring and sighed. When I reached her, I pulled her body against mine. I knew touching her was the worst thing, but I had to hold her. "You're it for me, Elizabeth. I don't know if you believe me, or not. But I promise you, I'll spend the rest of my life – married, or not – proving it to you."

She didn't say anything as I left.

I put your picture away
I wonder where you been
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him
I put your picture away
I wonder where you been
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him
I saw you yesterday with an old friend

~*~*~*~*~*~

Brenda Barrett-Morgan was a woman on a mission. Find Elizabeth. Explain to her what was really going on. When she arrived at Kelly's the next morning that was her intention.

She sat at the counter and smiled at the blonde she'd seen Jason with a few times. Brenda turned the coffee cup over and waited for the waitress to come over.

"Hi," Courtney greeted her.

Brenda smiled. "Hi."

Courtney poured the coffee and reached for the cream and sugar. "Jason's wife, right?"

"Yes." Brenda poured the cream and sugar into the coffee and stirred it with her spoon. "Sonny's sister, correct?"

"Yes."

"Good." Brenda smiled again. "Can you tell me when Jason's girlfriend gets here?"

"W-what?"

"Elizabeth?" Brenda scrunched her nose as she tried to remember how Sonny had described the girl. "Petite, brunette… likes to ride motorcycles. She works here?"

"Yeah."

Brenda waited patiently, but the blonde was apparently true to her hair color. "Is she here?"

"Why do you want her?"

"We're gonna have tea and friggin' crumpets. Why do you think?" Brenda waved the diamond at the girl. "There's a few things Elizabeth and I need to get straight."

Just then, the bell above the door rang and Courtney glanced up. It was Elizabeth. "There she is."

It was the same ole same "how have you been"

Brenda picked up the coffee cup and went towards Elizabeth. She smiled down at the girl and nodded towards outside. "Can we talk?"

Elizabeth blinked and sighed. "Sure. Gimme a second."

Brenda watched as she went behind the counter, ignoring the blonde who was staring between the both of them.

"Excuse me."

Courtney looked at Elizabeth, grateful she was there. If anyone understood how she felt, it would be Elizabeth. "I'm glad you're here."

"You won't be soon," she promised.

Elizabeth poured some hot water into a cup and grabbed two packs of instant hot cocoa mix and a spoon. "I'm going outside to talk to Brenda."

"Elizabeth–"

"Go to hell, Courtney."

The blonde was dumbfounded as she watched Jason's wife, and the woman she knew he loved go outside. This was going to be explosive.

Brenda sat first, then Elizabeth followed. "We should talk."

Elizabeth arched a brow. "About what?"

Bring held up her left ring finger. "This."

"Oh." Elizabeth busied herself with mixing the chocolate into the water. "Not really anything to talk about."

Since you been gone my worlds been dark and grey

"Sure there is." Brenda sipped the coffee. "Look at me, please?"

Elizabeth lifted her chin, determined to not let his new wife see her broken. "You're married, I get it. Just tell Jason to not show up at my studio, and everything will be peachy-keen."

"So that's where he went, huh?"

"I guess you would notice when your new husband wasn't in your bed."

Brenda sneered and shook her head. "Jason has never been, nor will he ever be, in my bed. We sleep in separate bedrooms."

Elizabeth's mouth formed a silent 'O'.

Brenda drained the last of her coffee and stood. "He loves you. He's just doing me a favor. I'm dying."

She blinked them. "I'm sorry."

"No, no." Brenda dropped a five on the table. "I've known for awhile, I've dealt with it. But like I said, Jase is doing me a favor. We're friends… sorta. Except we hate each other. He loves you."

"He sure has a funny way of showing it."

Brenda tipped her head towards the diner. "You mean Skipper?"

Elizabeth bit her lip to keep from laughing. She'd never actually heard it said out loud before. "Courtney, yeah."

Brenda's eyes twinkled with amusement. "Watch and see, my dear. Watch and see."

You reminded me of brighter days

The younger brunette sat there for two seconds before she grabbed the tip and went inside.

"Courtney!" Brenda yelled. The customers turned away from their breakfast and looked at her. "Hi folks. Don't mind me. I just want to speak with my new husbands' whore."

Courtney's eyes widened when she came out of the kitchen. "What?"

Brenda put her hands on her hips and glared. "Stay the hell away from Jason."

"Wha…"

"Don't act stupid, you little twit. He told me you kissed him the night before we got married. A married woman throwing herself at an engaged man? Tsk, tsk."

"Wait…"

Brenda held her hand up and glared. "I don't want to hear it. I'm just hear to tell you it won't happen again."

"Brenda, I can explain…"

"I would worry about explaining to your husband, not me."

"AJ–"

"AJ and I are old friends, Courtney. Don't pretend to know him better than I do. My brother-in-law and I will be having lunch at the Grille today. To, you know, catch up."

The blonde paled even more. AJ couldn't… absolutely couldn't know. "Brenda–"

The brunette smiled cruelly. "You try to take what's mine? I'll definitely take what's yours."

Without another word, Mrs. Jason Morgan left the diner and Courtney devastated in her wake.

Elizabeth smiled sweetly when she walked by. "Sorry, Skipper. You shoulda known you couldn't play with the big boys and girls."

Courtney just dropped the apron and left.

I hoped you were comin' home to stay
I was headed to church

~*~*~*~*~*~

I was waiting for her when she got back to the studio. She was wearing the leather jacket I had given her, and I could see a black shirt under it. She was also wearing black, form fitting pants and heeled boots. Damn… when'd she start dressing like that?

I was off to drink you away

"Hey." I swallowed and looked away. Had her voice always been that husky? When had I missed it before?

"Hey."

She smiled at me, giving me a quick flash of her teeth. "Whatcha need?"

"I was hoping you'd talk to me."

"No need."

I pursed my lips and looked away. Were we back to this again? "Elizabeth–"

She opened the door with a quick flick of a key and pulled me inside. "I talked to Brenda."

I thought about you for a long time
Can't seem to get you off my mind
I can't understand why we're living life this way
I found your picture today
I swear I'll change my ways

"Oh?"

"She explained… it's a hoax."

I looked away, suddenly grateful to my wife. "Yeah, it is."

"You could have told me."

"I tried. You were too busy being mad about the kiss."

She poked me and I smiled at her playfulness. "I'm still mad about the kiss."

I grabbed her wrist and pulled her close. "But not so mad you won't stop talking to me?"

"I figure… we can be friends."

"Friends?"

She made a 'tsking' noise and smiled. "You're a married man, Jason."

Like I could ever forget. "Elizabeth…"

She pulled away and shrugged the jacket off. Her black blouse tied around her thin waist, emphasizing the curve of her breasts and her trim waistline. She looked absolutely beautiful. "How long is this marriage going to last?"

"I don't know."

"Oh." She looked down, and then up again. "Ok." She went to the window where the easel with The Wind was displayed. "I guess I'll just have to keep this a little longer."

"It's yours."

"It's not mine," she told me. "It's yours. You just haven't taken it yet."

"Keep it here a little longer?" I asked. "Then maybe we can take it home together."

"Home?"

"Yeah… you, me… together. Home."

I just called to say I want you to come back home
I found your picture today
I swear I'll change my ways
I just called to say I want you to come back home
I just called to say, I love you come back home

She smiled. It was the most beautiful thing I had seen in a long time. "I kind of like that."

"Good."

She took the picture and put it back on the easel. "Ok, I'll keep the picture."

"It's not just a picture."

"Okay," she agreed.

I glanced down, suddenly tempted to see what she looked like under all of the black. "I should go."

"Yeah," she agreed. "Don't want the wifey to worry."

"Elizabeth…"

"Go," she insisted.

I nodded. I wanted to kiss her, but I knew it was wrong. I didn't want to touch her again until there was for sure nothing stopping us.

"Jason!" she called after me when I reached the door.

"Yeah?" I glanced back at her.

She smiled again. "I love you too."

Song Credit: Picture, Kid Rock, featuring Sheryl Crow.