Beloved
AN: Hey! I know that I should be working on my other fics, but this idea has been in my head for a LONG time and it wouldn't go away. I am working on my other ones so do not fear if you read those, the next chapter is coming!
Warnings: cursing…a lot of cursing. Adult themes, nothing graphic but some innuendoes. It's in Vegeta's POV and he's kinda OOC. Sorry, but I felt it was necessary, and it's not too bad.
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z, or Staind or their song "Waste" Although all three are really good. Listen to the song when reading if you can, it helps set the mood and is just a great song period.
Now without further ado, I present:
Beloved
I completed my one thousandth sit up in 400 G's, but my mind, and heart were else where. As it had for the past six years, my thoughts drifted to the woman. I sighed and sat up, resting my arms on my bent knees. I was breathing heavily, but it wasn't from the intense pressure compressing my lungs. No. It was time, every piece of my body, soul, and mind knew it was time.
I slowly stood up and strode over to the core of the gravity room. I hit the button to turn it off and heard the automated voice warn me that the gravity was going to decelerate. I waited a few seconds, allowing my body to readjust to the gravity before I moved to the door. The bright sun only bothered my eyes for a moment.
I searched out the brat's ki. He was with Kakkarot's brat, their ki's are slightly raised; they must be sparring. All I know is my brat better be winning. I take off to where I sensed them. Upon arrival, I was filled with a sense of pride. My boy was pounding Kakkarot's into the ground.
"Brat!" I hollered. My shout had caused the fight to stop mid-way. Kakarot's brat had his leg swung about, resting against my brat's raised arm, while mine had his other fist against Kakkarot's brat's cheek.
"Father?" my brat answered, confusion clearly shown on his four-year-old face. The other brat looked just as confused. "Do you wish to spar father?" my brat clarified.
"No, we're leaving. Kakkarot's brat has to go now." The two boys looked even more confused, but they shrugged and lowered themselves from the stances they were in from my interruption.
"Bye Goten. I'll call you later." My brat said, waving to the boy.
"Bye Trunks. Um, ja ne!" he said, before flying off towards his house. My son walked over to me,
"Father, where are we going?"
"To see your mother." I answered. His face immediately sunk.
"It's time?"
"Hai." I answered him. He nodded and followed me in the air as we headed to my mate's location. The flight there was filled with silence. I didn't want to do this, but I knew it was necessary, as did Trunks. Trunks, I snorted. Not the proper name of a crowned Prince of
Vegeta-sai, I scoffed. It wasn't even Saiyan! But, I guess what's done is done, as they say. My thoughts were brought to a halt when I saw we had reached our destination. I flew down, knowing that my son would follow.
"Wait here." I ordered him, moving over to her. He nodded and sat down on the grass, swatting at the bugs flying around his face. I sighed and sat down next to her location.
*******************************************
Your mother came up to me
She wanted answers only she should know
Only she should know
It wasn't easy to deal
With the tears that rolled down her face
I had no answers
'Cause I didn't even know you
********************************************
"Hello Woman." I stated as calmly as I could. "I met you six years ago. Yet, in all those six years I never once have gotten to know you, truly. What I'm going to say, it's going to be hard for me. I have to get it all out now, or I never will." With that I took another deep breath and thought of what to say.
Her mother had come to me the other day, practically begging for an explanation. I had none to offer, I hardly knew the woman before me. She's as mysterious as Freeza's gender.
"Your mother doesn't understand what you did. No one does. Not even that baka Kakkarot. I don't think even Kami saw this one coming. You are the only one who knows why you left…and yet I'm not even sure you do, do you?" I paused to look at where she was. No answer, not like I was expecting one anyway. So I moved on.
"I can still remember the day I first saw you on Namek," I began, deciding that telling the whole story from the beginning would get the point across that I wanted. At least that's what I hoped. "I admit that I didn't exactly take the time to admire you at the time, seeing in how baldy held the giant orb that was the bane of my existence in his clammy little hands. But, I am willing to tell you now, that I did think you were beautiful. I gave you that much then, as I do now. You actually made me stop for a second and think about my decision to steal the ball." Here I paused to let out a chuckle.
"Of course it was only a second, before my evil thoughts continued. No one had ever done that to me before. You were the first of many things in my life woman. Definitely the first to stand up to me, with the exception of Freeza and Zarbon of course. You were the first to amaze me. You dazzled me with your beauty, brains and your spirit. Not even Kakkarot's spirit on the battle field could match yours on your worst day." I smiled thinking back on all the time that I knew her. My mind obviously drifted to the "days of torture" as she called them. The days I made her life a living hell.
"Do you remember the first day that I was on earth again? When you gave me that pink shirt?" I laughed. "I was seriously considering killing you then woman. I think the only thing that stopped me was your answer." I stopped to think what it was she had told me to make me return the growing ball of ki back into my palm. "I believe you yelled that you weren't my servant and then had the gull to laugh at me. Yes, that was it. It was the laugh. It was like silver bells on Christmas. Of course, I hadn't heard any silver bells on Christmas until that winter.
"You were my first. Kiss, that is. I had never kissed a woman before you. I didn't believe in it. I've always thought it gross and unnecessary. Coupling was only good for two things, a stress reliever and the producing brats. Of course with the former, I'd always take a rough training session over a round with a whore any day. And, well the latter," I sighed "the latter I was saving until I found my queen.
"Your lips changed my theory about sex real quick. That Christmas truly was magical. I can still remember the velvety taste of wine mixed with whatever meal had been consumed earlier that evening. Sure, your lips only touched mine for a split second. And sure no one witnessed it. But, Kami, from that moment on I lusted after you for like I have never lusted for anything else. And that wasn't sated even after we slept together. It only made me want you more, which confused the hell out of me.
"Every other woman only lasted until my first release, then I grew bored. But you, you had me lusting after you even after our first night. That's why I had to leave." I hesitated. I was approaching the part that I didn't want to say. Just skip the middle and go right to the end that was my philosophy. Nothing good happens ever happens until the end anyway. But of course, that would get me no where and would only interrupt my training once again, thoughts of her plaguing my mind.
"I left, because I started to feel comfortable. You no longer bothered me. When you walked into the room, my defenses stayed down. I could lie in the same bed as you for hours wanting nothing more than to be holding you, and I started to feel…Kami…I started to love you. Kami help me, I grew attached. Attachments are dangerous and I couldn't have one. So, I decide one morning to leave to train.
"I told myself that it was to get away from you and to avoid the brat I felt growing inside of you. Taking care of brat's was not a man's job. But, deep down, I was scared. I was scared that if I couldn't achieve my goal you would never accept me. If I weren't strong enough I wouldn't be able to protect you and our son. It always came back to you. Everything I did, I did it for you, whether you realized this or not."
***********************************************************
But these words
They can't replace
The life you…
…the life you waste
How could you paint this picture?
With life as bad as it should seem
That there were no more options for you
I can't explain how I feel
I've been there many times before
I've tasted the cold steel of my life crashing down before me
************************************************************
"Where did I go wrong? How could you not know that I cared for you with every bone in my body, every part of my mind and every inch of my soul?" I stopped, trying to calm my raging emotions. Now was not the time to break down, in rage or tears I knew not. Both were not good.
"Did you hate me that much? Did you loath your life so much that you felt that running was the only option? That's what you did you know that? You ran. You put your tail between your legs and ran like a scared little bitch." It wasn't working. My anger was leaking out, and I feared that if I released it, I would never be able to tame it. To put it back in its proverbial bottle.
"You always do this to me woman. You always throw my emotions onto a one way roller coaster to hell. I can't explain what you do any better than that. You cause me to feel things that I haven't felt either in a very long time or ever. I don't know how you do it, but you manage to confuse me, even now." I stop, taking the time to compose myself.
"I felt it, when the bra…Trunks was born, I felt it. I knew that it was a boy, that you had him, and I knew that both my queen and son were fine. I was always connected to you woman. I've always known what you were feeling. Except this past year. You've blocked me out somehow. I desperately wanted to know what you were thinking, feeling, but I had too much pride to ask. Maybe that's what you wanted. Maybe you wanted me to get over my pride and ask you how you were. But, you must have known that never would have happened? You've been my mate for how long and yet you don't know me either?
"Perhaps that's where we went wrong. We started with lust and then I moved to love and matehood, without even seeing if you had advanced to where I was. Maybe you never loved me in the first place." Everything I was saying hurt me deeper than I could ever have imagined. I had never thought of any of these things before, I was just thinking aloud. These thoughts and feelings coming from the inner most part of my soul. The part I had buried long ago.
"You never wanted him did you? You never wanted a son or a daughter for that matter. You just wanted someone to love you, someone you could love back. You don't know me very well then woman. You don't know that you will always have a place in my once impenetrable heart. You had the key; you've always had the key. Yet you never chose to use it, I opened my arms for you and you didn't even know it."
I hesitated, I didn't know if I could go on. I came for answers, and all I acquired was more questions. I couldn't go on, not yet. I rested my head in my hands and sighed deeply. This was harder than I thought.
*******************************************************
But these words
They can't replace
The life you…
…the life you waste
Did Daddy not love you?
Or did he love you just too much?
Did he control you?
Did he live through you at your cost?
Did he leave no questions for you to answer on your own?
********************************************************
I couldn't figure out what caused this change in her. Her mother was still the annoying ditz she always was. I was the same, nicer, but still basically the same. All her friends treated her the same. Her father…her father! Why didn't I see it before? Was it he? Was he the one who caused this change in my mate?
"Woman, I was wondering, what of your father? Is he the one that changed you? I only talked to the old fool when I wanted something for the Gravity Room. Of course, I always went to you first, so my interaction with him was minimal. He seemed normal at meals, and he watched Trunks."
I paused, could it have been him? I didn't see a change; but then again, she hadn't seen the change in me. Which I thought was pretty damn obvious. I had stopped calling her blue haired bitch for one thing. Woman was the term I had regressed to, which I found endearing. But, hell, what do I know anyway?
"Life's a real bitch you know that woman? You go around for 25 years believing in something and then, just like that," Here I snapped my fingers for emphasis, before continuing, "everything changes. Everyone and everything you knew is gone, nothing that you believed in is worth believing in anymore, and your lost.
"That's what you did to me. You've changed my world. I've always believed in domination, pain, and anger. The only three things in life you ever need to know. You crave domination, fear pain and thrive on anger. The only things needed to survive in Freeza's army, besides immense power and major ass kissing.
"How you've changed me. I no longer believe they are the only three things you need to know. You taught me kindness, friendship, and love. You showed me these through you actions. Did no one teach you? Did you simply learn them on your own, through omission. Omission, believe me, it is definitely one of the deadly sins. Is that it? Were you ignored your whole life? So you decided to be loud, and conceited, only for attention. Have I misjudged you all along?"
I was going off topic. Perhaps the first time in my life, I found myself rambling. I was going too far into the past. Wait…she did it again. She managed to distract my thoughts from the point. The point of me dragging my ass out here! It was for answers. I wanted, no needed answers and I was going to get them.
*************************************
WELL FUCK THEM!
AND FUCK HER!
AND FUCK HIM!
AND FUCK YOU!
For not having the strength in your heart
TO pull through!
I've had doubts!
I have failed!
I've fucked up!
I've had plans!
Doesn't mean
I should take
My Life
With my own hands.
*************************************
I stopped. I had to. I was losing it and I knew it. I couldn't control my anger anymore. It was her fault! It was all her fault. My guilt had built up so much that it spilled over and transformed into denial. I was no longer willing to take the blame for her shit and her mistakes. It all fell back on her, as it always did.
"How could you? How could you do something so selfish? Did you have any idea what it would do to me? Or you son? Your son for Kami's sake! You left him, he's only four years old! Now he'll grow up without a mother. Without the love and compassion, that made Kakkarot's brat so strong and devoted. He'll be like me…" I finished in a whisper. My anger turned to sorrow faster than I had thought it would.
"You left your four year old to a heartless bastard, with no family and no ties to this pathetic planet. For a genius you sure do some really dumb shit." I couldn't stop the tears. I knew that once they started I couldn't stop them, and I didn't have the energy to try anymore. I was wasting away, and I knew that if I didn't finish what I started I would be nothing but a rotting shell of my former self.
"You have a lot of people to answer to woman. Your son most of all. I just hope that one day you'll be able to face him and explain to him why he had to go through life without you there. You've created more shit than your worth with this one woman.
"Not everything you want can be achieved. I've learned that the hard way. I've suffered more than anyone should be made to suffer, yet you obviously don't agree. Your decision only causes me more pain and suffering. So, the irony, the twist of fate everyone just loves to hear, I opened myself to you, believing that you would end my pain and suffering and you were the one to take it to new heights."
******************
But these words
They can't replace
The life you…
…the life you waste
*******************
I snorted. There I said it. I was finished with her. I looked over to where I left Trunks, he hadn't heard any of what I said, or if he did, he didn't show it. He was practicing his forms. I smirked, extremely proud of his strength, mentally and physically.
"Trunks." I called to him. He glanced up, a look of shock on his face. I had never called him by his name before. He raced over to me.
"Yes Father?" He asked.
"It's time. Say your good-byes." He nodded and walked over to her. He held a few fresh flowers that he had picked while waiting for me tightly clenched in his right hand. He knelt down once he reached her.
"I'm not too good with words yet, Mommy. But I promise to study real hard so I can be. I miss you, and love you. I don't know what happened, Daddy won't tell me. All I know is your gone from my life. Watch out for monsters and boogie men. I wish I could protect you from all the bad monsters, but you are so far away." He paused and looked at me. His eyes brimming with unshed tears. He tried desperately to hold them back.
"You can cry son. I won't tell." He burst into tears no later than the words had left my mouth. He ran to me and clutched my leg. I reached down and picked him up, hugging him to my chest. "Let's go home." He nodded, before silently requesting to be put down. I complied and released him from my hold.
"For you Mommy. They're fresh, just like you liked 'em." He placed the flowers on the top of the beautiful stone that was my mate's head stone. Carved into the rock were the simple words, "Bulma Briefs. Beloved mate, mother and friend. Gone but not forgotten." Her mother had asked what I wanted to write I had only requested one word, which was inscribed in the center under the message, "Kaori-shi" which meant "beloved" in Saiyan.
"Mommy won't be forgotten will she?" Trunks asked. I smiled at him.
"No, never will she be forgotten. Grandma put those words on for a reason. Come on son, it's getting late." Trunks nodded and turned to the grave,
"Don't worry Mommy, I will never forget you." He ran to the grave quickly and kissed it softly. "Never, Mommy." He strode back to me and held his arms up, indicating he wanted to be picked up. I complied, without so much as a scowl. There was a long hard road ahead of us, but we were going to get through it together.
***********************
But these words
They don't replace
The life you…
…THE LIFE YOU WASTE
***********************
AN: So? How did you like it? I do not in any shape or form condone suicide. Kaori-shi is a word I made up and if it means anything ::shrugs:: I dunno, the just luck that I made up a word that already exists. It had no "hidden meaning" just what Veggie-chan said. There will be a sequel that is more like a prequel of Bulma's feelings and how she did it and all that jazz. I have no idea when it will be out, since I still have to finish chapter six of my Gundam Wing fic before I should even think of writing it…but, that shouldn't be too much longer. Please read and review!
AN: Hey! I know that I should be working on my other fics, but this idea has been in my head for a LONG time and it wouldn't go away. I am working on my other ones so do not fear if you read those, the next chapter is coming!
Warnings: cursing…a lot of cursing. Adult themes, nothing graphic but some innuendoes. It's in Vegeta's POV and he's kinda OOC. Sorry, but I felt it was necessary, and it's not too bad.
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z, or Staind or their song "Waste" Although all three are really good. Listen to the song when reading if you can, it helps set the mood and is just a great song period.
Now without further ado, I present:
Beloved
I completed my one thousandth sit up in 400 G's, but my mind, and heart were else where. As it had for the past six years, my thoughts drifted to the woman. I sighed and sat up, resting my arms on my bent knees. I was breathing heavily, but it wasn't from the intense pressure compressing my lungs. No. It was time, every piece of my body, soul, and mind knew it was time.
I slowly stood up and strode over to the core of the gravity room. I hit the button to turn it off and heard the automated voice warn me that the gravity was going to decelerate. I waited a few seconds, allowing my body to readjust to the gravity before I moved to the door. The bright sun only bothered my eyes for a moment.
I searched out the brat's ki. He was with Kakkarot's brat, their ki's are slightly raised; they must be sparring. All I know is my brat better be winning. I take off to where I sensed them. Upon arrival, I was filled with a sense of pride. My boy was pounding Kakkarot's into the ground.
"Brat!" I hollered. My shout had caused the fight to stop mid-way. Kakarot's brat had his leg swung about, resting against my brat's raised arm, while mine had his other fist against Kakkarot's brat's cheek.
"Father?" my brat answered, confusion clearly shown on his four-year-old face. The other brat looked just as confused. "Do you wish to spar father?" my brat clarified.
"No, we're leaving. Kakkarot's brat has to go now." The two boys looked even more confused, but they shrugged and lowered themselves from the stances they were in from my interruption.
"Bye Goten. I'll call you later." My brat said, waving to the boy.
"Bye Trunks. Um, ja ne!" he said, before flying off towards his house. My son walked over to me,
"Father, where are we going?"
"To see your mother." I answered. His face immediately sunk.
"It's time?"
"Hai." I answered him. He nodded and followed me in the air as we headed to my mate's location. The flight there was filled with silence. I didn't want to do this, but I knew it was necessary, as did Trunks. Trunks, I snorted. Not the proper name of a crowned Prince of
Vegeta-sai, I scoffed. It wasn't even Saiyan! But, I guess what's done is done, as they say. My thoughts were brought to a halt when I saw we had reached our destination. I flew down, knowing that my son would follow.
"Wait here." I ordered him, moving over to her. He nodded and sat down on the grass, swatting at the bugs flying around his face. I sighed and sat down next to her location.
*******************************************
Your mother came up to me
She wanted answers only she should know
Only she should know
It wasn't easy to deal
With the tears that rolled down her face
I had no answers
'Cause I didn't even know you
********************************************
"Hello Woman." I stated as calmly as I could. "I met you six years ago. Yet, in all those six years I never once have gotten to know you, truly. What I'm going to say, it's going to be hard for me. I have to get it all out now, or I never will." With that I took another deep breath and thought of what to say.
Her mother had come to me the other day, practically begging for an explanation. I had none to offer, I hardly knew the woman before me. She's as mysterious as Freeza's gender.
"Your mother doesn't understand what you did. No one does. Not even that baka Kakkarot. I don't think even Kami saw this one coming. You are the only one who knows why you left…and yet I'm not even sure you do, do you?" I paused to look at where she was. No answer, not like I was expecting one anyway. So I moved on.
"I can still remember the day I first saw you on Namek," I began, deciding that telling the whole story from the beginning would get the point across that I wanted. At least that's what I hoped. "I admit that I didn't exactly take the time to admire you at the time, seeing in how baldy held the giant orb that was the bane of my existence in his clammy little hands. But, I am willing to tell you now, that I did think you were beautiful. I gave you that much then, as I do now. You actually made me stop for a second and think about my decision to steal the ball." Here I paused to let out a chuckle.
"Of course it was only a second, before my evil thoughts continued. No one had ever done that to me before. You were the first of many things in my life woman. Definitely the first to stand up to me, with the exception of Freeza and Zarbon of course. You were the first to amaze me. You dazzled me with your beauty, brains and your spirit. Not even Kakkarot's spirit on the battle field could match yours on your worst day." I smiled thinking back on all the time that I knew her. My mind obviously drifted to the "days of torture" as she called them. The days I made her life a living hell.
"Do you remember the first day that I was on earth again? When you gave me that pink shirt?" I laughed. "I was seriously considering killing you then woman. I think the only thing that stopped me was your answer." I stopped to think what it was she had told me to make me return the growing ball of ki back into my palm. "I believe you yelled that you weren't my servant and then had the gull to laugh at me. Yes, that was it. It was the laugh. It was like silver bells on Christmas. Of course, I hadn't heard any silver bells on Christmas until that winter.
"You were my first. Kiss, that is. I had never kissed a woman before you. I didn't believe in it. I've always thought it gross and unnecessary. Coupling was only good for two things, a stress reliever and the producing brats. Of course with the former, I'd always take a rough training session over a round with a whore any day. And, well the latter," I sighed "the latter I was saving until I found my queen.
"Your lips changed my theory about sex real quick. That Christmas truly was magical. I can still remember the velvety taste of wine mixed with whatever meal had been consumed earlier that evening. Sure, your lips only touched mine for a split second. And sure no one witnessed it. But, Kami, from that moment on I lusted after you for like I have never lusted for anything else. And that wasn't sated even after we slept together. It only made me want you more, which confused the hell out of me.
"Every other woman only lasted until my first release, then I grew bored. But you, you had me lusting after you even after our first night. That's why I had to leave." I hesitated. I was approaching the part that I didn't want to say. Just skip the middle and go right to the end that was my philosophy. Nothing good happens ever happens until the end anyway. But of course, that would get me no where and would only interrupt my training once again, thoughts of her plaguing my mind.
"I left, because I started to feel comfortable. You no longer bothered me. When you walked into the room, my defenses stayed down. I could lie in the same bed as you for hours wanting nothing more than to be holding you, and I started to feel…Kami…I started to love you. Kami help me, I grew attached. Attachments are dangerous and I couldn't have one. So, I decide one morning to leave to train.
"I told myself that it was to get away from you and to avoid the brat I felt growing inside of you. Taking care of brat's was not a man's job. But, deep down, I was scared. I was scared that if I couldn't achieve my goal you would never accept me. If I weren't strong enough I wouldn't be able to protect you and our son. It always came back to you. Everything I did, I did it for you, whether you realized this or not."
***********************************************************
But these words
They can't replace
The life you…
…the life you waste
How could you paint this picture?
With life as bad as it should seem
That there were no more options for you
I can't explain how I feel
I've been there many times before
I've tasted the cold steel of my life crashing down before me
************************************************************
"Where did I go wrong? How could you not know that I cared for you with every bone in my body, every part of my mind and every inch of my soul?" I stopped, trying to calm my raging emotions. Now was not the time to break down, in rage or tears I knew not. Both were not good.
"Did you hate me that much? Did you loath your life so much that you felt that running was the only option? That's what you did you know that? You ran. You put your tail between your legs and ran like a scared little bitch." It wasn't working. My anger was leaking out, and I feared that if I released it, I would never be able to tame it. To put it back in its proverbial bottle.
"You always do this to me woman. You always throw my emotions onto a one way roller coaster to hell. I can't explain what you do any better than that. You cause me to feel things that I haven't felt either in a very long time or ever. I don't know how you do it, but you manage to confuse me, even now." I stop, taking the time to compose myself.
"I felt it, when the bra…Trunks was born, I felt it. I knew that it was a boy, that you had him, and I knew that both my queen and son were fine. I was always connected to you woman. I've always known what you were feeling. Except this past year. You've blocked me out somehow. I desperately wanted to know what you were thinking, feeling, but I had too much pride to ask. Maybe that's what you wanted. Maybe you wanted me to get over my pride and ask you how you were. But, you must have known that never would have happened? You've been my mate for how long and yet you don't know me either?
"Perhaps that's where we went wrong. We started with lust and then I moved to love and matehood, without even seeing if you had advanced to where I was. Maybe you never loved me in the first place." Everything I was saying hurt me deeper than I could ever have imagined. I had never thought of any of these things before, I was just thinking aloud. These thoughts and feelings coming from the inner most part of my soul. The part I had buried long ago.
"You never wanted him did you? You never wanted a son or a daughter for that matter. You just wanted someone to love you, someone you could love back. You don't know me very well then woman. You don't know that you will always have a place in my once impenetrable heart. You had the key; you've always had the key. Yet you never chose to use it, I opened my arms for you and you didn't even know it."
I hesitated, I didn't know if I could go on. I came for answers, and all I acquired was more questions. I couldn't go on, not yet. I rested my head in my hands and sighed deeply. This was harder than I thought.
*******************************************************
But these words
They can't replace
The life you…
…the life you waste
Did Daddy not love you?
Or did he love you just too much?
Did he control you?
Did he live through you at your cost?
Did he leave no questions for you to answer on your own?
********************************************************
I couldn't figure out what caused this change in her. Her mother was still the annoying ditz she always was. I was the same, nicer, but still basically the same. All her friends treated her the same. Her father…her father! Why didn't I see it before? Was it he? Was he the one who caused this change in my mate?
"Woman, I was wondering, what of your father? Is he the one that changed you? I only talked to the old fool when I wanted something for the Gravity Room. Of course, I always went to you first, so my interaction with him was minimal. He seemed normal at meals, and he watched Trunks."
I paused, could it have been him? I didn't see a change; but then again, she hadn't seen the change in me. Which I thought was pretty damn obvious. I had stopped calling her blue haired bitch for one thing. Woman was the term I had regressed to, which I found endearing. But, hell, what do I know anyway?
"Life's a real bitch you know that woman? You go around for 25 years believing in something and then, just like that," Here I snapped my fingers for emphasis, before continuing, "everything changes. Everyone and everything you knew is gone, nothing that you believed in is worth believing in anymore, and your lost.
"That's what you did to me. You've changed my world. I've always believed in domination, pain, and anger. The only three things in life you ever need to know. You crave domination, fear pain and thrive on anger. The only things needed to survive in Freeza's army, besides immense power and major ass kissing.
"How you've changed me. I no longer believe they are the only three things you need to know. You taught me kindness, friendship, and love. You showed me these through you actions. Did no one teach you? Did you simply learn them on your own, through omission. Omission, believe me, it is definitely one of the deadly sins. Is that it? Were you ignored your whole life? So you decided to be loud, and conceited, only for attention. Have I misjudged you all along?"
I was going off topic. Perhaps the first time in my life, I found myself rambling. I was going too far into the past. Wait…she did it again. She managed to distract my thoughts from the point. The point of me dragging my ass out here! It was for answers. I wanted, no needed answers and I was going to get them.
*************************************
WELL FUCK THEM!
AND FUCK HER!
AND FUCK HIM!
AND FUCK YOU!
For not having the strength in your heart
TO pull through!
I've had doubts!
I have failed!
I've fucked up!
I've had plans!
Doesn't mean
I should take
My Life
With my own hands.
*************************************
I stopped. I had to. I was losing it and I knew it. I couldn't control my anger anymore. It was her fault! It was all her fault. My guilt had built up so much that it spilled over and transformed into denial. I was no longer willing to take the blame for her shit and her mistakes. It all fell back on her, as it always did.
"How could you? How could you do something so selfish? Did you have any idea what it would do to me? Or you son? Your son for Kami's sake! You left him, he's only four years old! Now he'll grow up without a mother. Without the love and compassion, that made Kakkarot's brat so strong and devoted. He'll be like me…" I finished in a whisper. My anger turned to sorrow faster than I had thought it would.
"You left your four year old to a heartless bastard, with no family and no ties to this pathetic planet. For a genius you sure do some really dumb shit." I couldn't stop the tears. I knew that once they started I couldn't stop them, and I didn't have the energy to try anymore. I was wasting away, and I knew that if I didn't finish what I started I would be nothing but a rotting shell of my former self.
"You have a lot of people to answer to woman. Your son most of all. I just hope that one day you'll be able to face him and explain to him why he had to go through life without you there. You've created more shit than your worth with this one woman.
"Not everything you want can be achieved. I've learned that the hard way. I've suffered more than anyone should be made to suffer, yet you obviously don't agree. Your decision only causes me more pain and suffering. So, the irony, the twist of fate everyone just loves to hear, I opened myself to you, believing that you would end my pain and suffering and you were the one to take it to new heights."
******************
But these words
They can't replace
The life you…
…the life you waste
*******************
I snorted. There I said it. I was finished with her. I looked over to where I left Trunks, he hadn't heard any of what I said, or if he did, he didn't show it. He was practicing his forms. I smirked, extremely proud of his strength, mentally and physically.
"Trunks." I called to him. He glanced up, a look of shock on his face. I had never called him by his name before. He raced over to me.
"Yes Father?" He asked.
"It's time. Say your good-byes." He nodded and walked over to her. He held a few fresh flowers that he had picked while waiting for me tightly clenched in his right hand. He knelt down once he reached her.
"I'm not too good with words yet, Mommy. But I promise to study real hard so I can be. I miss you, and love you. I don't know what happened, Daddy won't tell me. All I know is your gone from my life. Watch out for monsters and boogie men. I wish I could protect you from all the bad monsters, but you are so far away." He paused and looked at me. His eyes brimming with unshed tears. He tried desperately to hold them back.
"You can cry son. I won't tell." He burst into tears no later than the words had left my mouth. He ran to me and clutched my leg. I reached down and picked him up, hugging him to my chest. "Let's go home." He nodded, before silently requesting to be put down. I complied and released him from my hold.
"For you Mommy. They're fresh, just like you liked 'em." He placed the flowers on the top of the beautiful stone that was my mate's head stone. Carved into the rock were the simple words, "Bulma Briefs. Beloved mate, mother and friend. Gone but not forgotten." Her mother had asked what I wanted to write I had only requested one word, which was inscribed in the center under the message, "Kaori-shi" which meant "beloved" in Saiyan.
"Mommy won't be forgotten will she?" Trunks asked. I smiled at him.
"No, never will she be forgotten. Grandma put those words on for a reason. Come on son, it's getting late." Trunks nodded and turned to the grave,
"Don't worry Mommy, I will never forget you." He ran to the grave quickly and kissed it softly. "Never, Mommy." He strode back to me and held his arms up, indicating he wanted to be picked up. I complied, without so much as a scowl. There was a long hard road ahead of us, but we were going to get through it together.
***********************
But these words
They don't replace
The life you…
…THE LIFE YOU WASTE
***********************
AN: So? How did you like it? I do not in any shape or form condone suicide. Kaori-shi is a word I made up and if it means anything ::shrugs:: I dunno, the just luck that I made up a word that already exists. It had no "hidden meaning" just what Veggie-chan said. There will be a sequel that is more like a prequel of Bulma's feelings and how she did it and all that jazz. I have no idea when it will be out, since I still have to finish chapter six of my Gundam Wing fic before I should even think of writing it…but, that shouldn't be too much longer. Please read and review!