Beloved
AN: Hey! It's time for the third and final songfic in this trilogy. I don't know if you knew why I picked the songs I did or not. But I picked them not only for their lyrics but also for the way the song was sung, played and generally put together. They help to set the mood for each chapter. So if it's at all possible, you should try to listen to the songs while reading or before, whatever. ::shrugs:: Kinda late telling you this, gomen.
Warnings: None really. Just an upset teenage boy, missing his mother. Trunks POV, but I'm sure that you could have guessed that.
Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ, nor do I own the song "Bother" by Stone Sour (Corey Taylor). It's really a great song; you should try to listen to it sometime.
Thanks:
Aivame:I hope that you are just as excited now as you were then! Sorry bout the nightmares…hehe I didn't meant to do that ::evil smirk::
LunaDragon:I guess I do. Angst is the best…^_^ Glad to invoke such emotions in you! My mission is complete! Well, it will be after this chapter.
Onna, tay-chan:I'm glad that I caused some emotion in ya! Hope that you like this chapter as much as the first two!
Chapter Three: Moving On
I flew home from school with a lot on my mind. I was in my second year of college at Satan City University. I really rather have not gone to school and focused solely on my training. I already help run the richest company in the world. It's not as if my job security is unstable, seeing in how my grandfather owns the company. But my tousan would hear none of that. He forced me to finish high school and enroll in college.
If anyone knew my tousan, they would find that absolutely hilarious. That the Saiya-jin no Ouji was forcing his heir to go to school and slack off on his training. Not that he allowed me to do that either. I wish he would just make up his mind. Either make me go to that ridiculous hell hole they call school, or let me train. Doing both was exhausting me to the point of collapse almost every night. But, my tousan was a perfectionist.
My grandfather didn't make it any easier. When I went to him for help, he agreed with tousan! He said that if he were going to entrust the company into my hands, he wanted business smart hands to place it in. I already know so much from him. He's taught me about the company and how to run things since I was in grade school. I rolled my eyes at him and received a slap from my tousan for it.
"Don't roll your eyes at your grandfather." He said in the gruff way that only he could. I sighed mid-flight. He wasn't always like that. I can barely remember, but there was a time when my heart would swell up whenever he looked at me, or talked to me. Now, I try to find ways to avoid him. I feel smothered whenever he is near. Not that I can blame him. Kaasan died when I was real young, and now he has to fill both shoes. Hers and his.
I don't much remember what she was like. I do remember the day my tousan took me to her grave, I told her that I would never forget her and that I would learn to speak well for her. I placed her favorite flower on her grave and left in tousan's arms. From that picture everyone thinks that life must of run smoothly for us. It couldn't have been farther from the truth. It was rough. Tousan and I struggled. We fought constantly the first few months. I didn't understand what had happened to her, and he wouldn't explain.
I went to all of the Z senshi; none of them said anything except "That's for your tousan to explain Trunks." Argh! I screamed in my mind. Why did life have to be so frustrating? I picked up my speed, flying twice as fast as I had been moments ago. I had eventually found out what happened to her. When I was ten, my tousan came to my room one day when I was doing homework or something of the like and told me that we had to talk. After he explained that she had killed her self, and why he thought she did, I just stared at him open mouth.
It was all his fault! How could he have not told kaasan that he loved her!? He claimed her as his mate for Dende's sake! How could she have doubted him…? Life is a bitch; that was definitely true in my case. My tousan is halfway insane with grief and my kaasan is dead all because of my parent's prides. All because they were more stubborn than Goku when it came to killing "innocent" villains.
*****************************
Wish I was too dead to cry
A self-afflictioned face
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochist to which I cater
*****************************
But now…now I was in even more of a rage than I was back then; back when I finally learned the truth of my kaasan's demise. It all came down to six little words; my Japanese teacher is the devil. Each simple in their own regards, but combine them into that sentence I end up with one huge mess deep within a pile of shit. Mayia-san…that name should strike terror into any students heart.
The name of some bitter old hag, who hates this world and everyone in it. I should stop rambling…it all boils down to one thing, an essay that we are being forced to write. The question: How has your kaasan influenced your life? Explain in detail how we can all learn from our kaasans and how/what you learned from yours?
The problem is quite obvious…my kaasan is dead! I tried telling her as much without bursting into tears on the spot but…that bitch! She is making me do it anyway. Now I have to write an essay on how her not being here has affected my life! I'm being forced to dredge up memories that I would rather keep buried deep within the cold appendage formally known as my heart.
Just thinking about this assignment stirs the blood in my veins. I can feel my body literally and figuratively boiling itself alive. I use that anger to propel myself back home in record time. I land on the Capsule Corp., grass non-too gently. I search for my father's ki and I find it in the gravity room, as if he'd be anywhere else. I think to my self rather acrimoniously. I am too angry to face him right now, so I storm directly into the house and move to the kitchen.
Downing nearly a pitcher of freezing water, I try to stop my body from burning. I feel my head but I can't tell if I have a fever or not since my entire body, hands included are ablaze. The anger combined with adrenaline is not helping my nerves any. Perhaps a good spar is in order. If I'm going to do this assignment, I'm going to need a clear head, something I don't have the luxury of at the moment. Yes, a spar with tousan is exactly what I need right now.
*******************************
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I won't let go till it bleeds
******************************
I burst into the gravity room not even bothering to knock. I didn't worry about turning the gravity off before I entered; my tousan was currently training at 450g's, something that I could handle easily. As soon as I entered the room, I immediately powered up to Super Saiyan and began my assault on my tousan.
"Brat? What the hell?" my tousan called out blocking my furious punches. I didn't answer him. I couldn't. My anger was too great that I could do nothing more than fight and cry.
"Take that, bitch! Stupid bitter old hag! See if you're so obstinate after I do a Burning Attack and fry your sorry ass! I hate you!" I continued to scream obscenities into the room, my fighting becoming weak and sloppy. It was more venting then anything else. I hated myself for crying. I hated myself even more for allowing my tousan to see this weakness. When I could take it no more I simply collapsed to my knees, my hands falling limp at my sides.
"Trunks…" tousan said quietly. I felt him kneel beside me, I couldn't see past my rage now turned sorrow and self-pity. The tears wouldn't stop. I had to make them stop, I am not weak!
"Gomen, tousan…I can't stop. Gomen for being so weak…" that did it. Whatever had been held in check was now a flood being set loose from a dam. There were no more leaks, the wall had been torn down and I was falling into darkness. Then, surprisingly my tousan enveloped me into a tight embrace. He pulled my head to his chest; he was sitting back on his haunches, while I was still kneeling straight up.
"Shhh, Trunks. You aren't weak." He whispered in my ear. My once limp hands soon found themselves wrapped around his waist. I buried my head into his chest and let loose several loud sobs. "What happened to you, Trunks?" He asked gently. I couldn't answer just yet, and he didn't push me. He just sat there for untold hours listening to my sobs and rocking me back and forth as if I was nothing but a child.
***************************
Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
**************************
Finally, I was able to drag myself together and I pulled away from my tousan. I slowly rose to my feet, my tousan following my movements with his eyes. As I was about to leave I felt him grab my wrist. I stopped and turned my eyes to his hand that was delaying my leaving. He stood and looked me in the eyes.
"Where are you going?" He asked, his hand still clenching my wrist.
"I have work to do." I answered.
"Don't shut yourself off from me, damnit! I want to know what the hell caused you to burst in here and act like a maniac who's never fought a day in his life!" Tousan shouted, his grip on my wrist tightening.
" I don't need to shut myself off from you…you took care of that for me." With that I wrenched my wrist from his hand and stormed out of the gravity room. I didn't bother to look back but I knew that I had hurt him with that last comment. I knew that he tried as hard as he could, but…I sighed deeply. I couldn't help it. I wanted a father, a friend, and a comrade. Instead, I was graced with a prince, an ego and a commander.
Stalking into the house, I headed straight for kaasan's personal lab. I figured that if I wanted to get this project done I might as well start now and where else would be better than her own lab? I had found out the code one day when I was snooping around her and tousan's room. I had found her diary right where she always kept it. I felt like such a creep for reading it, but I had found it just after tousan told me what had happened and I wanted to know why.
I hoped that her diary would hold these answers. They didn't. However, they did contain the secret code to her personal lab. I had been too afraid to go in at the time, I had felt like I was dishonoring her memory by trespassing, but now, I didn't really have a choice. Besides, I thought bitterly, she was dead, what would she know if I went into her lab?
Punching in the numbers, I pressed the button that would allow me to catch a glimpse into the heart and soul of my now deceased kaasan. Stepping into the lab I switched on the lights and blinked a few times, allowing my eyes to adjust to the change in light. Instead of the normal 60-watt lighting that was the rest of Capsule Corp., kaasan had used giant fluorescent lights for her lab. Closing and locking the door behind me, I moved to the center of the room and looked all around me.
*********************************
I wish I had a reason
My flaws are open-seasoned
For this I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my time
*********************************
Something caught my Saiyan eyes on my pass around the room. At the floor of her desk, I saw a wear path. As if someone constantly or frequently moved the desk in a pivot motion, this could be interesting. Walking over to her desk, I looked on all sides before deciding that it was man power alone that moved the desk. Bracing my legs, I heaved the desk aside. I was shocked to find nothing but floor boards under the desk.
"This is normal…" I said aloud, quite confused. Kaasan really had no reason to keep moving the desk unless there was something kept under there. However, I didn't see anything. Upon closer inspection, I discovered a few boards that were discolored, a slightly different shade then the rest of them. I smirked to myself and shook my head. "Clever girl." Bending down, I yanked the boards up, and fell onto my arse.
They weren't nailed down and I had used as much force as if they had been. Rubbing my sore behind, I knelt down next to the opening in the floor. There was a small brown box sitting in the hole, and nothing else. Curiously, I picked the box up and examined it before opening the lid. It was rather old, an antique some would say. There was an intricate design on the lid that looked hand-carved. It was obviously very special to kaasan, because she felt the need to hide it…
"…Or what is in it." I said with a smile. Setting the box down on the floor I opened the lid and peered inside. There was a lot inside considering it's small size. The first thing that my fingers found was a gold locket necklace. Pulling the chain up so that the locket was eye level, I opened the clasp holding the locket closed. Inside on the right side was a picture of my tousan. It was one of those rare pictures where someone had gotten him to smile. Well, it was more of an amused smirk, and it brought a smirk of my own to my face. That was just like tousan to do something like that. The picture on the right was a group shot of kaasan, tousan and me, not too long before she killed herself.
"We looked happy…" I said, feeling my eyes well up. Closing the locket and placing it to the side, I tried to avert my thoughts from any of the "what if" nature. I would not survive this essay research if I didn't start to approach this apathetically. Reaching my hand back into the box, next I pulled up a mini photo album. Quickly scanning the book, I was about to put it aside as well when a certain picture caught my eye.
There, as plain as the fact that I am a Super Saiyan was a picture of my parents immersed in a tight embrace, lips locked and eyes closed to the world around them. It was obvious that neither knew that the picture had been taken, as they were too wrapped up in themselves…but the picture brought hope to my heart, as I'm sure it did to my kaasan's as well. So this is why kaasan hid this album. I thought to myself quickly examining the rest of the photos, yet, no more spiked my curiosity and were worth a more scrutinizing look.
**************************
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I won't let go till it bleeds
***************************
Placing the album in my growing pile of memories, I reached into the box and withdrew one of the few remaining items. A stack of papers was soon lifted from the box, most were drawings that I had done when I was younger, drawings of us as a family. Setting them aside, I peered into the box for one last look. Thinking that I had found everything, and that my trip was wasted, I was about to put everything back when something caught my eye. It was a tiny capsule. That there was a capsule in a Capsule Corp. lab did not surprise me, what did was that I did not recognize the coding that was on it.
Furrowing my eyebrows I examined the coding more carefully and decided that I still did not know what it was. Since I had never seen it before; and I'm sure no one else had either; I concluded that whatever kaasan had inside was small enough to fit into her lab. I then pressed the deploy button and threw it a few feet away from me. The familiar puff of smoke that followed soon clouded the room. Once the cloud was gone, and I looked at what the mysterious capsule had held I about fell on my arse from shock.
It was a version of the time machine that my future self had had! Why would kaasan need this? Goku defeated the androids…well Gohan did, but that wasn't the point. There were no more threats, why did she feel the need to build this? Unless it was made before the androids, in case that Goku didn't make a difference. But in that case what would? Kaasan said that she had wanted to kill Gero before he released the androids, was this her plan in case her future self's failed?
"I guess we'll never know…" I trailed off staring amazed at the yellow dome like structure standing before me. Walking up to it, I began to inspect it, seeing if everything were in order. Right above the words Capsule Corp. were the numbers, eight, fifteen, sixteen, and five. The code to her lab! She must have really lost hope if she did this… I couldn't help but allow a few tears to fall from my sky blue eyes.
"No we never will." A voice from behind me said. I turned; startled at the voice. There was my tousan, standing behind me, his eyes roaming around the room, first landing on the open floorboards and tiny box, then to the time machine and me. The door to the lab was wide open, as if it had never been locked.
"How did you get in here?" I asked. He smirked.
"You weren't the only one who wanted answers brat." He said walking slowly over to the pile of items that had been in the box. Bending and picking up the photo album, he began to flip through the pages. He was even smiling at some! It was like I wasn't even there, and to some degree, I don't think I was. He was too lost in his memories to notice me. When he reached the picture of him and kaasan kissing, I was sure he would have burned it on the spot.
"I told her that I saw a flash." He said instead.
"What? You knew?" I asked incredulously.
"Of course brat. I wasn't born yesterday. I am the Saiyan no Ouji, Kakkarot could not sneak his way out of a wet paper bag, let alone catch me unawares!" He said smirking. I shook my head at his words. Would he never change? "Are you going to tell me what that was about earlier or I do have to beat it out of you?" He asked glaring at me once he had finished with the album.
*****************************
Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shelf forgotten with its memories
Diary's left with cryptic entries
****************************
"I…I don't know where to start." I said bowing my head in shame. Tousan walked up to me and cupped his hand under my chin.
"Try the beginning." He said softly, no sarcasm or malice in his voice whatsoever. This shocked me more than anything. Who was this man standing before me? Surely he was not the man that I knew as tousan. I nodded, having no other option really. Anger, hate, pride, I could deal with those sides of him, but this side, this almost caring side startled me to the point that I wasn't sure if it wasn't some trick. He sat patiently on kaasan's desk, waiting for me to start.
"Well…" I started of slowly. "I don't know if you are aware of this or not…but I've never gotten over kaasan's death. I still blame both her and you for it, and well…" I glanced up to look at him. There was only a slight nod, indicating that he understood what I was saying. Feeling reassured I continued my story, walking over to stand in front of the time machine I traced my fingers over the numbers on the machine, I sighed softly.
"Anyway, as you know I begrudgingly attend hell every day. My Japanese teacher, is well, the devil. There are no other words for that maniac that calls her self sensei. She came up with a great idea about writing about our kaasans. After explaining my situation, she changed my assignment a bit. Instead of talking about how life was with her I now have to tell how much of a hell it has been without her." I stopped and turned to face tousan. I saw understanding pass through his obsidian eyes.
"And you have yet to deal with what happened all those years ago, and this 'assignment' is forcing the issue." He said softly. I nodded and scowled.
"I really would rather forget her and that time in my life…"
"You can't!" My tousan screamed at me. His outburst was so impassioned that I took a step back, glancing warily at the man before me. "You can't ignore what happened Trunks, just as I can't. Do you remember that day that I took you to see her?" at my nod he continued, "Before than, I too refused to deal with it. I shut myself in the gravity room and refused to emerge. The entire time I was fighting myself over whether or not I should put my anger behind me and see her again."
"You did, you got over it…" I whispered.
"Not quite, I realized that if I didn't see her, even her grave, if I didn't try and move on, to mourn and grow then I would never get past the rage. I realized that when I saw you everyday, I couldn't stay angry forever…or otherwise you would become just like me. It seems that no matter how hard I try, I always fail. I failed my father, my race, my mate and now I'm failing my son." He shook his head and turned to leave.
***********************************
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be (I don't need to be)
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I won't let go till it bleeds
**********************************
"Wait!" I called out to him. "You didn't fail me! Not yet…" I finished in a whisper.
"It's not too late? I haven't shut you out completely?" I winced at his reply.
"Gomen…I didn't mean to hurt you so much…I just…" I sighed, "I just needed space and a punching bag. Gomen nasi." I swear that I felt his smirk from where I was.
"As long as you know that I can still pound your ass in the gravity room, all is forgiven." I smirked as well; tousan was back, my real one. Not the one that had been walking around in a comatose like state for fifteen years, the one that I had prayed would notice me. I just knew everything would be better from here on out.
"Well I think I'll have to call your bluff then won't I?" He chuckled.
"Anytime, anyplace, son." I gasped…I believe that this was the first time that I had ever heard him call me his son…that I could remember anyway. He smirked again and then headed out of the room. "I'll leave you to wrap things up with your kaasan."
I smiled at his retreating back. Knowing it or not, and I'm sure that he did; he had just helped me immensely. I had finally decided how I was going to write this. Walking over to the pile of items on the floor, I began to pack them back into the box. First, I recapsulated the time machine, and threw it into the box. Picking up the gold locket, I was about to return it to its former location when something stopped me. I shook my head and slipped the necklace around my neck, tucking it under my shirt. Because of the size of the chain, the locket fell to about where my heart was. Taking the album, I closed the box and replaced the floorboards. Moving the desk back into place, I began to exit the room. Closing and locking the door behind me, I headed upstairs to write my paper.
Passing tousan's room, I dropped the album off, leaving it on his night stand, along with the short message:
Tousan:
Thought you may want to hang onto this. Let me know if you want some framed…I especially like the one in the back…flash or no. ::smirk::
Trunks
Leaving the room with a smirk plastered on my face, I walked to the next room, shut, and locked the door. Moving to sit at my desk designed for such activities as I was about to engage in, I pulled the chair and plopped down. Pulling out my notebook, I booted it up, and opened the little icon that would change the rest of my life.
*************************************
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be (I don't need to be)
I'll keep slipping farther
And once I hold on
I'll never live down my deceit
*************************************
Cracking my knuckles one last time, I set to it, my fingers flying a mile a minute. Surprisingly it took only three hours to complete. Reading over it one last time, I smiled. Searching on my desk for a moment, I found what I had been looking for. A small envelope. Folding the letter neatly, I placed it in the envelope. Sealing it and adding a few pieces of tape for good measure, I turned it over and neatly printed on the front…Kaasan.
Turning back to my notebook and deleting the file, I smiled my first true smile since kaasan's death. Opening a new page, I began to type. After about twenty minutes, my printer was going again. Taking the papers out of the slot, and straightening them, I stapled them together. Smiling, I stretched my arms over my head and leaned back on my chair. I hadn't felt this good since…I couldn't remember the last time I felt this good. Smiling I left the room to grab a midnight snack, my stomach grumbling at even the thought of the delicious meal I was about to prepare.
***3rd person***
Sitting on his desk, left behind in his haste for food was his essay for class. A light breeze soon swam through his open French balcony doors. The pale blue curtains that were left untied billowed into the room. The breeze soon intensified blowing his paper off his desk. A pale, slim hand reached down and picked up the forgotten paper. Bringing the paper up so that the figures eyes could read the heart felt words, the figure felt a smile tugging at the corner of their lips.
I am supposed to be explaining to you (Mayiya-san) how much of a hell my life has been without my kaasan around. I'm afraid that is not what this paper will be about. Please, don't throw this away just yet. All I ask is that you read it in its entirety with an open mind. I can assure you that the grade that I receive on this assignment matters naught.
Almost fifteen years ago to the day, my kaasan died. How and why she died is very personal and I am not prepared to announce it publicly. I have yet to come to terms with it in my own heart. Perhaps I should start at the beginning. My kaasan was Bulma Briefs, the brightest, most beautiful woman on this planet. I loved her with all of my heart and soul. She meant more to me than anything ever will.
One day, when I was young, my happiness abruptly ended. There was no more light in my tunnel. My world had turned dark. I was soon surrounded by either pent up anger, veiled hate, or smothering love. Looking back on it now, I'm shocked that I didn't snap under all of the pressure and blow up at everyone around me. No…I held it together. Dende only knows why.
It was in fact this assignment that finally broke all of my self-control. I was forced to deal with issues that I hadn't gotten over, issues that I wanted to forget for the rest of my life. I felt my world crashing around me. My perfectly controlled, normal life wasn't so perfect and controlled anymore. My emotions that I had kept buried for fifteen long years finally broke free of my mental wall and were reeking havoc on my mind, heart, and soul.
Everything bad that had ever happened to me accumulated into one large pile of shit. One large pile of steaming shit that was heaped onto my already large burden. I felt as if the world was on my shoulders and I had no one to help carry the wait. My sturdy frame, my entire piece of mind, gone, shattered into tiny little shards.
However, all was not lost. My new light, my new rock came from an unlikely place. My tousan. You may think it horrible that he was not my light or rock in the first place, but if you knew my tousan than you would understand. He has a lot of pride, as do I. Kaasan's death about killed him. He couldn't deal with it any better than me. However he forced himself too, and for that he is the better man.
I've carried a lot of hate and anger in me. Most of it directed towards my tousan. But now, I can finally admit that he was always the better of us, and I don't deserve him. He loves kaasan and me. Dead, alive, or annoying. He's put up with a lot of shit, most of it my doing, and I respect him for that. He helped me to move on as well, to put her death behind me.
So in a way, I thank you for this assignment. And although, I may not be writing how you had hoped I would, I still want to thank you. Without it, I'm not sure when or if my tousan and I would have patched things up. We now have a certain understanding of each other. The understanding of a warrior with immense pride, who has lost a loved one. We, as warriors will continue to fight the good fight.
In conclusion, I would like to inform you that this was not my original essay. I wrote another version of this, however no one but my kaasan and I are privileged to read the contents of that envelope. I will place it on her grave first thing in the morning, along with her favorite flowers. That is all I have to say, except, kaasan, I miss you, and I know that you await our reunion in heaven.
Tears fell from the angels eyes and she read the essay that her son had written. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever read. She smiled through her tears and set the paper back on the desk.
I just knew you would be all right my son." She said in a whisper. "I will await you in the morning at my place of rest…goodbye for now my son. We will meet again in heaven."
THE END!!!
So? What did you guys think? Did I make you cry? In anger? In sadness? In happiness? Did I make you want to run away screaming? I need to know!!! Please review now!!!! ::pouty face::
AN: Hey! It's time for the third and final songfic in this trilogy. I don't know if you knew why I picked the songs I did or not. But I picked them not only for their lyrics but also for the way the song was sung, played and generally put together. They help to set the mood for each chapter. So if it's at all possible, you should try to listen to the songs while reading or before, whatever. ::shrugs:: Kinda late telling you this, gomen.
Warnings: None really. Just an upset teenage boy, missing his mother. Trunks POV, but I'm sure that you could have guessed that.
Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ, nor do I own the song "Bother" by Stone Sour (Corey Taylor). It's really a great song; you should try to listen to it sometime.
Thanks:
Aivame:I hope that you are just as excited now as you were then! Sorry bout the nightmares…hehe I didn't meant to do that ::evil smirk::
LunaDragon:I guess I do. Angst is the best…^_^ Glad to invoke such emotions in you! My mission is complete! Well, it will be after this chapter.
Onna, tay-chan:I'm glad that I caused some emotion in ya! Hope that you like this chapter as much as the first two!
Chapter Three: Moving On
I flew home from school with a lot on my mind. I was in my second year of college at Satan City University. I really rather have not gone to school and focused solely on my training. I already help run the richest company in the world. It's not as if my job security is unstable, seeing in how my grandfather owns the company. But my tousan would hear none of that. He forced me to finish high school and enroll in college.
If anyone knew my tousan, they would find that absolutely hilarious. That the Saiya-jin no Ouji was forcing his heir to go to school and slack off on his training. Not that he allowed me to do that either. I wish he would just make up his mind. Either make me go to that ridiculous hell hole they call school, or let me train. Doing both was exhausting me to the point of collapse almost every night. But, my tousan was a perfectionist.
My grandfather didn't make it any easier. When I went to him for help, he agreed with tousan! He said that if he were going to entrust the company into my hands, he wanted business smart hands to place it in. I already know so much from him. He's taught me about the company and how to run things since I was in grade school. I rolled my eyes at him and received a slap from my tousan for it.
"Don't roll your eyes at your grandfather." He said in the gruff way that only he could. I sighed mid-flight. He wasn't always like that. I can barely remember, but there was a time when my heart would swell up whenever he looked at me, or talked to me. Now, I try to find ways to avoid him. I feel smothered whenever he is near. Not that I can blame him. Kaasan died when I was real young, and now he has to fill both shoes. Hers and his.
I don't much remember what she was like. I do remember the day my tousan took me to her grave, I told her that I would never forget her and that I would learn to speak well for her. I placed her favorite flower on her grave and left in tousan's arms. From that picture everyone thinks that life must of run smoothly for us. It couldn't have been farther from the truth. It was rough. Tousan and I struggled. We fought constantly the first few months. I didn't understand what had happened to her, and he wouldn't explain.
I went to all of the Z senshi; none of them said anything except "That's for your tousan to explain Trunks." Argh! I screamed in my mind. Why did life have to be so frustrating? I picked up my speed, flying twice as fast as I had been moments ago. I had eventually found out what happened to her. When I was ten, my tousan came to my room one day when I was doing homework or something of the like and told me that we had to talk. After he explained that she had killed her self, and why he thought she did, I just stared at him open mouth.
It was all his fault! How could he have not told kaasan that he loved her!? He claimed her as his mate for Dende's sake! How could she have doubted him…? Life is a bitch; that was definitely true in my case. My tousan is halfway insane with grief and my kaasan is dead all because of my parent's prides. All because they were more stubborn than Goku when it came to killing "innocent" villains.
*****************************
Wish I was too dead to cry
A self-afflictioned face
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochist to which I cater
*****************************
But now…now I was in even more of a rage than I was back then; back when I finally learned the truth of my kaasan's demise. It all came down to six little words; my Japanese teacher is the devil. Each simple in their own regards, but combine them into that sentence I end up with one huge mess deep within a pile of shit. Mayia-san…that name should strike terror into any students heart.
The name of some bitter old hag, who hates this world and everyone in it. I should stop rambling…it all boils down to one thing, an essay that we are being forced to write. The question: How has your kaasan influenced your life? Explain in detail how we can all learn from our kaasans and how/what you learned from yours?
The problem is quite obvious…my kaasan is dead! I tried telling her as much without bursting into tears on the spot but…that bitch! She is making me do it anyway. Now I have to write an essay on how her not being here has affected my life! I'm being forced to dredge up memories that I would rather keep buried deep within the cold appendage formally known as my heart.
Just thinking about this assignment stirs the blood in my veins. I can feel my body literally and figuratively boiling itself alive. I use that anger to propel myself back home in record time. I land on the Capsule Corp., grass non-too gently. I search for my father's ki and I find it in the gravity room, as if he'd be anywhere else. I think to my self rather acrimoniously. I am too angry to face him right now, so I storm directly into the house and move to the kitchen.
Downing nearly a pitcher of freezing water, I try to stop my body from burning. I feel my head but I can't tell if I have a fever or not since my entire body, hands included are ablaze. The anger combined with adrenaline is not helping my nerves any. Perhaps a good spar is in order. If I'm going to do this assignment, I'm going to need a clear head, something I don't have the luxury of at the moment. Yes, a spar with tousan is exactly what I need right now.
*******************************
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I won't let go till it bleeds
******************************
I burst into the gravity room not even bothering to knock. I didn't worry about turning the gravity off before I entered; my tousan was currently training at 450g's, something that I could handle easily. As soon as I entered the room, I immediately powered up to Super Saiyan and began my assault on my tousan.
"Brat? What the hell?" my tousan called out blocking my furious punches. I didn't answer him. I couldn't. My anger was too great that I could do nothing more than fight and cry.
"Take that, bitch! Stupid bitter old hag! See if you're so obstinate after I do a Burning Attack and fry your sorry ass! I hate you!" I continued to scream obscenities into the room, my fighting becoming weak and sloppy. It was more venting then anything else. I hated myself for crying. I hated myself even more for allowing my tousan to see this weakness. When I could take it no more I simply collapsed to my knees, my hands falling limp at my sides.
"Trunks…" tousan said quietly. I felt him kneel beside me, I couldn't see past my rage now turned sorrow and self-pity. The tears wouldn't stop. I had to make them stop, I am not weak!
"Gomen, tousan…I can't stop. Gomen for being so weak…" that did it. Whatever had been held in check was now a flood being set loose from a dam. There were no more leaks, the wall had been torn down and I was falling into darkness. Then, surprisingly my tousan enveloped me into a tight embrace. He pulled my head to his chest; he was sitting back on his haunches, while I was still kneeling straight up.
"Shhh, Trunks. You aren't weak." He whispered in my ear. My once limp hands soon found themselves wrapped around his waist. I buried my head into his chest and let loose several loud sobs. "What happened to you, Trunks?" He asked gently. I couldn't answer just yet, and he didn't push me. He just sat there for untold hours listening to my sobs and rocking me back and forth as if I was nothing but a child.
***************************
Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
**************************
Finally, I was able to drag myself together and I pulled away from my tousan. I slowly rose to my feet, my tousan following my movements with his eyes. As I was about to leave I felt him grab my wrist. I stopped and turned my eyes to his hand that was delaying my leaving. He stood and looked me in the eyes.
"Where are you going?" He asked, his hand still clenching my wrist.
"I have work to do." I answered.
"Don't shut yourself off from me, damnit! I want to know what the hell caused you to burst in here and act like a maniac who's never fought a day in his life!" Tousan shouted, his grip on my wrist tightening.
" I don't need to shut myself off from you…you took care of that for me." With that I wrenched my wrist from his hand and stormed out of the gravity room. I didn't bother to look back but I knew that I had hurt him with that last comment. I knew that he tried as hard as he could, but…I sighed deeply. I couldn't help it. I wanted a father, a friend, and a comrade. Instead, I was graced with a prince, an ego and a commander.
Stalking into the house, I headed straight for kaasan's personal lab. I figured that if I wanted to get this project done I might as well start now and where else would be better than her own lab? I had found out the code one day when I was snooping around her and tousan's room. I had found her diary right where she always kept it. I felt like such a creep for reading it, but I had found it just after tousan told me what had happened and I wanted to know why.
I hoped that her diary would hold these answers. They didn't. However, they did contain the secret code to her personal lab. I had been too afraid to go in at the time, I had felt like I was dishonoring her memory by trespassing, but now, I didn't really have a choice. Besides, I thought bitterly, she was dead, what would she know if I went into her lab?
Punching in the numbers, I pressed the button that would allow me to catch a glimpse into the heart and soul of my now deceased kaasan. Stepping into the lab I switched on the lights and blinked a few times, allowing my eyes to adjust to the change in light. Instead of the normal 60-watt lighting that was the rest of Capsule Corp., kaasan had used giant fluorescent lights for her lab. Closing and locking the door behind me, I moved to the center of the room and looked all around me.
*********************************
I wish I had a reason
My flaws are open-seasoned
For this I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my time
*********************************
Something caught my Saiyan eyes on my pass around the room. At the floor of her desk, I saw a wear path. As if someone constantly or frequently moved the desk in a pivot motion, this could be interesting. Walking over to her desk, I looked on all sides before deciding that it was man power alone that moved the desk. Bracing my legs, I heaved the desk aside. I was shocked to find nothing but floor boards under the desk.
"This is normal…" I said aloud, quite confused. Kaasan really had no reason to keep moving the desk unless there was something kept under there. However, I didn't see anything. Upon closer inspection, I discovered a few boards that were discolored, a slightly different shade then the rest of them. I smirked to myself and shook my head. "Clever girl." Bending down, I yanked the boards up, and fell onto my arse.
They weren't nailed down and I had used as much force as if they had been. Rubbing my sore behind, I knelt down next to the opening in the floor. There was a small brown box sitting in the hole, and nothing else. Curiously, I picked the box up and examined it before opening the lid. It was rather old, an antique some would say. There was an intricate design on the lid that looked hand-carved. It was obviously very special to kaasan, because she felt the need to hide it…
"…Or what is in it." I said with a smile. Setting the box down on the floor I opened the lid and peered inside. There was a lot inside considering it's small size. The first thing that my fingers found was a gold locket necklace. Pulling the chain up so that the locket was eye level, I opened the clasp holding the locket closed. Inside on the right side was a picture of my tousan. It was one of those rare pictures where someone had gotten him to smile. Well, it was more of an amused smirk, and it brought a smirk of my own to my face. That was just like tousan to do something like that. The picture on the right was a group shot of kaasan, tousan and me, not too long before she killed herself.
"We looked happy…" I said, feeling my eyes well up. Closing the locket and placing it to the side, I tried to avert my thoughts from any of the "what if" nature. I would not survive this essay research if I didn't start to approach this apathetically. Reaching my hand back into the box, next I pulled up a mini photo album. Quickly scanning the book, I was about to put it aside as well when a certain picture caught my eye.
There, as plain as the fact that I am a Super Saiyan was a picture of my parents immersed in a tight embrace, lips locked and eyes closed to the world around them. It was obvious that neither knew that the picture had been taken, as they were too wrapped up in themselves…but the picture brought hope to my heart, as I'm sure it did to my kaasan's as well. So this is why kaasan hid this album. I thought to myself quickly examining the rest of the photos, yet, no more spiked my curiosity and were worth a more scrutinizing look.
**************************
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I won't let go till it bleeds
***************************
Placing the album in my growing pile of memories, I reached into the box and withdrew one of the few remaining items. A stack of papers was soon lifted from the box, most were drawings that I had done when I was younger, drawings of us as a family. Setting them aside, I peered into the box for one last look. Thinking that I had found everything, and that my trip was wasted, I was about to put everything back when something caught my eye. It was a tiny capsule. That there was a capsule in a Capsule Corp. lab did not surprise me, what did was that I did not recognize the coding that was on it.
Furrowing my eyebrows I examined the coding more carefully and decided that I still did not know what it was. Since I had never seen it before; and I'm sure no one else had either; I concluded that whatever kaasan had inside was small enough to fit into her lab. I then pressed the deploy button and threw it a few feet away from me. The familiar puff of smoke that followed soon clouded the room. Once the cloud was gone, and I looked at what the mysterious capsule had held I about fell on my arse from shock.
It was a version of the time machine that my future self had had! Why would kaasan need this? Goku defeated the androids…well Gohan did, but that wasn't the point. There were no more threats, why did she feel the need to build this? Unless it was made before the androids, in case that Goku didn't make a difference. But in that case what would? Kaasan said that she had wanted to kill Gero before he released the androids, was this her plan in case her future self's failed?
"I guess we'll never know…" I trailed off staring amazed at the yellow dome like structure standing before me. Walking up to it, I began to inspect it, seeing if everything were in order. Right above the words Capsule Corp. were the numbers, eight, fifteen, sixteen, and five. The code to her lab! She must have really lost hope if she did this… I couldn't help but allow a few tears to fall from my sky blue eyes.
"No we never will." A voice from behind me said. I turned; startled at the voice. There was my tousan, standing behind me, his eyes roaming around the room, first landing on the open floorboards and tiny box, then to the time machine and me. The door to the lab was wide open, as if it had never been locked.
"How did you get in here?" I asked. He smirked.
"You weren't the only one who wanted answers brat." He said walking slowly over to the pile of items that had been in the box. Bending and picking up the photo album, he began to flip through the pages. He was even smiling at some! It was like I wasn't even there, and to some degree, I don't think I was. He was too lost in his memories to notice me. When he reached the picture of him and kaasan kissing, I was sure he would have burned it on the spot.
"I told her that I saw a flash." He said instead.
"What? You knew?" I asked incredulously.
"Of course brat. I wasn't born yesterday. I am the Saiyan no Ouji, Kakkarot could not sneak his way out of a wet paper bag, let alone catch me unawares!" He said smirking. I shook my head at his words. Would he never change? "Are you going to tell me what that was about earlier or I do have to beat it out of you?" He asked glaring at me once he had finished with the album.
*****************************
Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shelf forgotten with its memories
Diary's left with cryptic entries
****************************
"I…I don't know where to start." I said bowing my head in shame. Tousan walked up to me and cupped his hand under my chin.
"Try the beginning." He said softly, no sarcasm or malice in his voice whatsoever. This shocked me more than anything. Who was this man standing before me? Surely he was not the man that I knew as tousan. I nodded, having no other option really. Anger, hate, pride, I could deal with those sides of him, but this side, this almost caring side startled me to the point that I wasn't sure if it wasn't some trick. He sat patiently on kaasan's desk, waiting for me to start.
"Well…" I started of slowly. "I don't know if you are aware of this or not…but I've never gotten over kaasan's death. I still blame both her and you for it, and well…" I glanced up to look at him. There was only a slight nod, indicating that he understood what I was saying. Feeling reassured I continued my story, walking over to stand in front of the time machine I traced my fingers over the numbers on the machine, I sighed softly.
"Anyway, as you know I begrudgingly attend hell every day. My Japanese teacher, is well, the devil. There are no other words for that maniac that calls her self sensei. She came up with a great idea about writing about our kaasans. After explaining my situation, she changed my assignment a bit. Instead of talking about how life was with her I now have to tell how much of a hell it has been without her." I stopped and turned to face tousan. I saw understanding pass through his obsidian eyes.
"And you have yet to deal with what happened all those years ago, and this 'assignment' is forcing the issue." He said softly. I nodded and scowled.
"I really would rather forget her and that time in my life…"
"You can't!" My tousan screamed at me. His outburst was so impassioned that I took a step back, glancing warily at the man before me. "You can't ignore what happened Trunks, just as I can't. Do you remember that day that I took you to see her?" at my nod he continued, "Before than, I too refused to deal with it. I shut myself in the gravity room and refused to emerge. The entire time I was fighting myself over whether or not I should put my anger behind me and see her again."
"You did, you got over it…" I whispered.
"Not quite, I realized that if I didn't see her, even her grave, if I didn't try and move on, to mourn and grow then I would never get past the rage. I realized that when I saw you everyday, I couldn't stay angry forever…or otherwise you would become just like me. It seems that no matter how hard I try, I always fail. I failed my father, my race, my mate and now I'm failing my son." He shook his head and turned to leave.
***********************************
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be (I don't need to be)
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I won't let go till it bleeds
**********************************
"Wait!" I called out to him. "You didn't fail me! Not yet…" I finished in a whisper.
"It's not too late? I haven't shut you out completely?" I winced at his reply.
"Gomen…I didn't mean to hurt you so much…I just…" I sighed, "I just needed space and a punching bag. Gomen nasi." I swear that I felt his smirk from where I was.
"As long as you know that I can still pound your ass in the gravity room, all is forgiven." I smirked as well; tousan was back, my real one. Not the one that had been walking around in a comatose like state for fifteen years, the one that I had prayed would notice me. I just knew everything would be better from here on out.
"Well I think I'll have to call your bluff then won't I?" He chuckled.
"Anytime, anyplace, son." I gasped…I believe that this was the first time that I had ever heard him call me his son…that I could remember anyway. He smirked again and then headed out of the room. "I'll leave you to wrap things up with your kaasan."
I smiled at his retreating back. Knowing it or not, and I'm sure that he did; he had just helped me immensely. I had finally decided how I was going to write this. Walking over to the pile of items on the floor, I began to pack them back into the box. First, I recapsulated the time machine, and threw it into the box. Picking up the gold locket, I was about to return it to its former location when something stopped me. I shook my head and slipped the necklace around my neck, tucking it under my shirt. Because of the size of the chain, the locket fell to about where my heart was. Taking the album, I closed the box and replaced the floorboards. Moving the desk back into place, I began to exit the room. Closing and locking the door behind me, I headed upstairs to write my paper.
Passing tousan's room, I dropped the album off, leaving it on his night stand, along with the short message:
Tousan:
Thought you may want to hang onto this. Let me know if you want some framed…I especially like the one in the back…flash or no. ::smirk::
Trunks
Leaving the room with a smirk plastered on my face, I walked to the next room, shut, and locked the door. Moving to sit at my desk designed for such activities as I was about to engage in, I pulled the chair and plopped down. Pulling out my notebook, I booted it up, and opened the little icon that would change the rest of my life.
*************************************
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be (I don't need to be)
I'll keep slipping farther
And once I hold on
I'll never live down my deceit
*************************************
Cracking my knuckles one last time, I set to it, my fingers flying a mile a minute. Surprisingly it took only three hours to complete. Reading over it one last time, I smiled. Searching on my desk for a moment, I found what I had been looking for. A small envelope. Folding the letter neatly, I placed it in the envelope. Sealing it and adding a few pieces of tape for good measure, I turned it over and neatly printed on the front…Kaasan.
Turning back to my notebook and deleting the file, I smiled my first true smile since kaasan's death. Opening a new page, I began to type. After about twenty minutes, my printer was going again. Taking the papers out of the slot, and straightening them, I stapled them together. Smiling, I stretched my arms over my head and leaned back on my chair. I hadn't felt this good since…I couldn't remember the last time I felt this good. Smiling I left the room to grab a midnight snack, my stomach grumbling at even the thought of the delicious meal I was about to prepare.
***3rd person***
Sitting on his desk, left behind in his haste for food was his essay for class. A light breeze soon swam through his open French balcony doors. The pale blue curtains that were left untied billowed into the room. The breeze soon intensified blowing his paper off his desk. A pale, slim hand reached down and picked up the forgotten paper. Bringing the paper up so that the figures eyes could read the heart felt words, the figure felt a smile tugging at the corner of their lips.
I am supposed to be explaining to you (Mayiya-san) how much of a hell my life has been without my kaasan around. I'm afraid that is not what this paper will be about. Please, don't throw this away just yet. All I ask is that you read it in its entirety with an open mind. I can assure you that the grade that I receive on this assignment matters naught.
Almost fifteen years ago to the day, my kaasan died. How and why she died is very personal and I am not prepared to announce it publicly. I have yet to come to terms with it in my own heart. Perhaps I should start at the beginning. My kaasan was Bulma Briefs, the brightest, most beautiful woman on this planet. I loved her with all of my heart and soul. She meant more to me than anything ever will.
One day, when I was young, my happiness abruptly ended. There was no more light in my tunnel. My world had turned dark. I was soon surrounded by either pent up anger, veiled hate, or smothering love. Looking back on it now, I'm shocked that I didn't snap under all of the pressure and blow up at everyone around me. No…I held it together. Dende only knows why.
It was in fact this assignment that finally broke all of my self-control. I was forced to deal with issues that I hadn't gotten over, issues that I wanted to forget for the rest of my life. I felt my world crashing around me. My perfectly controlled, normal life wasn't so perfect and controlled anymore. My emotions that I had kept buried for fifteen long years finally broke free of my mental wall and were reeking havoc on my mind, heart, and soul.
Everything bad that had ever happened to me accumulated into one large pile of shit. One large pile of steaming shit that was heaped onto my already large burden. I felt as if the world was on my shoulders and I had no one to help carry the wait. My sturdy frame, my entire piece of mind, gone, shattered into tiny little shards.
However, all was not lost. My new light, my new rock came from an unlikely place. My tousan. You may think it horrible that he was not my light or rock in the first place, but if you knew my tousan than you would understand. He has a lot of pride, as do I. Kaasan's death about killed him. He couldn't deal with it any better than me. However he forced himself too, and for that he is the better man.
I've carried a lot of hate and anger in me. Most of it directed towards my tousan. But now, I can finally admit that he was always the better of us, and I don't deserve him. He loves kaasan and me. Dead, alive, or annoying. He's put up with a lot of shit, most of it my doing, and I respect him for that. He helped me to move on as well, to put her death behind me.
So in a way, I thank you for this assignment. And although, I may not be writing how you had hoped I would, I still want to thank you. Without it, I'm not sure when or if my tousan and I would have patched things up. We now have a certain understanding of each other. The understanding of a warrior with immense pride, who has lost a loved one. We, as warriors will continue to fight the good fight.
In conclusion, I would like to inform you that this was not my original essay. I wrote another version of this, however no one but my kaasan and I are privileged to read the contents of that envelope. I will place it on her grave first thing in the morning, along with her favorite flowers. That is all I have to say, except, kaasan, I miss you, and I know that you await our reunion in heaven.
Tears fell from the angels eyes and she read the essay that her son had written. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever read. She smiled through her tears and set the paper back on the desk.
I just knew you would be all right my son." She said in a whisper. "I will await you in the morning at my place of rest…goodbye for now my son. We will meet again in heaven."
THE END!!!
So? What did you guys think? Did I make you cry? In anger? In sadness? In happiness? Did I make you want to run away screaming? I need to know!!! Please review now!!!! ::pouty face::