YourSide, Their Side and the Truth by Mizzy ( )
Part XIV - The Biggest Dreamer (14.45)
Disclaimer: Harry Potter doesn't belong to me, this is a fan fiction, by a fan for the fans. No money has exchanged hands during its production.
"Remy, what do you think we'll be like when we… you know…"
Remus arched a lazy eyebrow; stretching his hands behind his head as he looked across at his best friends.
"Grow up?" Sirius prompted from James' right hand-side.
"I'll probably have been killed by the Unit for Dangerous Magical Creatures," Remus remarked morosely. He was still tired from last night; the last of his three-day stint as a werewolf had come and gone leaving him scarred and tired and breathless for most of the time.
"Hey," Sirius warned. James scrambled upright; hands covered in green stains from the grass.
"What he said," James warned softly; blue eyes narrowing. "Remus Lupin, don't you ever think like that. When we're wrinkly and old, we'll still all be together. All of us. Marauders forever, eh?"
"Marauders forever," Sirius echoed. Remus fidgeted for a moment before gently smiling as James squeezed his shoulder.
"Marauders forever."
Grinning satisfaction, James returned to lying on the ground and Remus returned his gaze upwards to the sky; its deep blue colour echoing the blue in James' eyes… Clear and unembellished apart from the dark spot swirling in the middle; a black hole of nothingness that descended into oblivion, that grew larger and larger until it was like a skull; a large skull that could swallow him whole and destroy them all until there was nothing left at all…
"Remus?"
Blinking violently, Remus got shaken back into awareness by a sharp jab in his side. His vision coming back into focus, he looked at Sirius; his eyes wide with shock.
"It's really the Dark Mark, isn't it," Remus said; his gaze flitting back to the morbid mark scarring the sky.
Sirius nodded slowly. "I'm sorry."
Remus shook himself physically; his brain fogged up. The sight had triggered memories in him; painful memories that were perfect, bittersweet and mournful all at the same time. The sight that made him want to cry, scream, laugh and die all at once. The sight that made his mouth turn to ashes and his legs to jelly. The surroundings started to swirl around and Remus felt strong arms encircle his waist; Sirius was supporting him. David was holding his elbows too; whispering something. Remus saw his mouth moving; felt the air rush on his face. Words were obviously spilling out but he couldn't understand any of them. His gaze was transfixed on the horror hanging in the sky. That was what was hanging above Lily and James' house when he… When they…
The memory brought back too many strong memories and too many strong physical reactions. Breaking away from the two, he retched violently; spilling out the remnants of his breakfast onto snow-covered ground. Feeling weakened and dizzy, he wiped at his mouth and pushed away the offered water. He'd been part of the Auror team that had seen the debris at Godric's Hollow; that had seen the twisted and mangled corpses of his best friends. He'd immediately blamed Sirius and more than that; blamed himself for ever trusting Sirius and – worst of all – for still loving him when he wanted to kill him.
That had all been a cruel lie too.
"Remus?" Sirius was at his side again. He'd been innocent and Remus had let his distrust colour his view on things. He hadn't trusted the one person he should have done. Remus felt warm arms encircle him; breath warm on his neck; hands mussed in his silvery-brown hair. "It's going to be fine," Sirius soothed gently.
"How?" Remus asked; his question muffled into Sirius' shoulder.
"Because it has to be," Sirius replied frankly; his hold on his lover tight. "Because, because, because."
"James used to use that reason a lot."
Remus felt Sirius smile into his hair rather than see it. "I remember," Sirius replied gently.
"He wouldn't have wanted me to react like this, but I can't…" Remus struggled to get the words out. Hot tears burned at his eyes; threatening to burn him from inside out and leave him a hollow shell again like he was for years after James and Lily… his throat burned too and he couldn't get the words out.
"Just cry, Moony," Sirius said softly; his tone gentle but commanding. "James wouldn't have wanted you to suffer in silence like this and I…" A small choking sound from Sirius jerked Remus back into reality again. Sirius was having the same problems as well… "I… Dammit…"
Words were no longer needed. For the next half an hour they just stood there and cried. Cried for the loss of everything they ever knew and perhaps for the start of something new that promised to be just as uncertain as the times before had been; but this time they had each other and this time, this time that might just be enough.
David sank into the armchair opposite them; forehead creased and drenched in sweat; dirt encrusting his clothes. Sirius was about to open his mouth to comment on the state of Remus' fatigued cousin but was stopped by a sharp elbow in his gut. Letting out a startled "oomph" Sirius stared at Remus flatly.
"I wasn't going to say anything," Sirius protested; his face a picture of innocence.
"No, you were going to say something," Remus teased back; equally as tired as his cousin. They'd spent the rest of the day clearing away the debris and rescuing various personal items from the fire and everyone was knackered. A twittering at the window drew their attention and distracted Sirius from making any more of his 'comments'. David jumped; grey eyes widening in recognition. Running to the window, he threw it open and a large, fluffy looking eagle owl landed on the edge of the bed to Sirius' amusement.
"Spirit!" Ruffling the owls' head affectionately, David unhooked the roll of paper from under his owl's feet. "I forgot I'd sent him out to get the paper," he explained softly at Remus' questioning glance. Stroking Spirit's head gently he nuzzled the owl. "Spirit, go the Towns' owlery. Stefan will look after you there, ok?"
Spirit made a little 'who-whooo' sound and took off; navigating out the narrow window with ease. Sadly, David closed the window and remained standing there; staring out into the night.
"It's the night before the night before the full moon," David commented softly; resting his head on his arms as he gazed out of the window. Sirius and Remus exchanged a glance and Remus slipped off the bed; giving his cousin a warm hug.
"C'mon, Davy-boy, cheer up," Remus said softly; squeezing David's shoulder. David smiled whimsically and turned round; leaning his head on his cousin's shoulder.
"I'll try," David promised softly.
"And in no time the pub will be back to normal, and you'll be able to continue serving those really tacky dinners," Sirius added; from his position lounging on the bed. Remus disentangled himself from the cousin, strode over and hit Sirius around the head with a pillow.
"On that note, I think I'll take my leave," David said; laughing in mirth as Sirius started to retaliate with another pillow which burst – white feathers filling the room – and Remus yelled goodbye to his cousin through a mouthful of the soft, downy feathers.
Moments later, after the quick pillow fight had turned into a little groping match with a couple of snatched kisses, they lay on the bed; Remus' silvery-brown hair spilling over Sirius' chest.
"Well, I'm screwed," Remus reflected thoughtfully; stifling a sudden snigger from underneath him by jabbing Sirius in the side sharply with his elbow. "My potion for the full moon was in the pub."
Sirius arched an eyebrow. "Indeed."
At the cryptic response, Remus twisted; propping himself up on one elbow and fixing his lover with a steely gaze. "And, pray tell, what does indeed mean?"
"Indeed means I'm not so dumb, I moved it across here yesterday," Sirius said softly. "Good thing I did and all…"
Remus smiled reflectively. "What would I do without you?"
"Die," Sirius responded instantly. "Wither away into nothing, be desolate, pine away for me for all of your years…" The suggestions trailed off with a snigger and Remus grinned.
"You always were a dumbass," Remus responded sleepily; his eyes sliding shut of their own accord. Sirius grunted in reply; shuffling so that Remus was lying against him again.
"So were you," Sirius protested; no real force behind his words.
Remus laughed; a muffled sound. "You know, I'm glad it was my pillow that burst in that fight," he said suddenly. "Because now I get to use you as a pillow!"
Sirius stared at Remus. "Ha, ha," he responded finally; his voice filled with dry humour. "You know I'd rather –"
But what Sirius would rather, no-one apart from him ever knew. His voice trailed off as he realised Remus had fallen asleep, and it wasn't long before Sirius joined his lover in the realm of dreams where all our myriad worlds lie whole in that from which they proceeded, where time meant nothing and nothing meant everything and where they would be together but apart all at the same moment for eternity.
"Don't be so bloody naïve, Riddle."
Nervously, the boy twisted his arms; his hollow gaze lurching up to see the smirking glance of Lucius Malfoy. He'd asked to be a different cell to them all, pleaded, begged with the judges, screamed; really, tried everything he possibly could have. The truth was, Azkaban was getting fuller every day, and the space was getting cramped.
"I -"
A stunning blow smacked him against the wall and stars danced across the horizon. His vision swimming, Tom looked up to see the blurred images of the fallen Deatheaters who had been with him during his redemption.
"You what?" The voice was cold, lower pitched. Crabbe? Goyle? Tom couldn't tell.
Another blow, this time to his ribs, leaving him gasping against the wall.
"It's in Pettigrew, it's not right. It's.. evil, it'll take over everything!"
That was all Tom managed to blurt out before blow after blow reigned down; on his stomach, between his legs, against his ribs, on his face.
"Oh dear boy, you do have it all wrong." Through the haze of the pain and humiliation, Tom strained to hear the thin reedy voice. Flicking one eye open, Tom tried to glare.
"You took away my life," Tom ground out; stars dancing across his blurred vision.
"Quite," Peter, whatever it was, admitted candidly. "You were a nothing to me, half-blood." A foot lashed out, catching Tom in his stomach; winding him. "And soon we will have our leader, and he shall be great. He will be victorious. He will reign the world by my side and we will paint the sky red with the blood of our victims!"
Tom felt the burning. Lifting up his gaze again, he slammed a burning gaze at Peter.
Peter's face twisted into a smirk; the corner of his mouth twisting. "You know, I don't really like that glare of yours." He jerked suddenly, pointing at Avery Nott with the silver, gleaming hand. The deadly destructive power. "Bring him to me."
Avery grunted, nodded, and leant forwards. Easily lifting up the battered and bruised figure of Tom Riddle, Avery lifted him close to Peter. Peter's arm jerked upwards; led by the silver hand. The fingers clicked once, then spread out; pointing at Tom's eyes. Tom barely had time to process in his mind what was going on as two of the clawed fingers dug into his eye sockets. Tom's scream as Peter removed his eyes with the metal claw was heard all down the corridor, but none came to his rescue, and Tom slumped in Avery's grasp as he passed out from the pain.
Peter snorted; reaching out to grab Tom - crushing the bones in Tom's forearm as he grabbed the unconscious man and flung him against the wall. He looked up at the slightly wary faces looking at him.
"You know what I hate? People who are too blind to see what's going on in front of their noses," Peter said lightly; his metal hand squeezing shut of its own accord. No-one said anything as blood and an indefinable white substance squeezing out from the hand, and no-one moved at all. All eyes were fixed on the eerie sight of the small wiry rat-faced man, who was so much more than he appeared.
Remus was awoken by the sound of a crash. One eye snapping open, he felt the familiar dizziness of the Werewolf Suppressing potion working and he took a deep breath to ignore the dizzying pain. Levering himself up, Remus blinked sleepily as he saw Sirius leaning against the door; his face pale and brow furrowed.
"Sirius?"
Sirius looked up from the piece of parchment he was holding onto. The lanky mean looked like he was about to throw up. Ignoring the twisting feeling in his gut, pounding into his stomach and making him feel like his insides were on fire, Remus slipped out of the bed to join his lover by the door. He placed one hand on Sirius' shoulder and stared at Sirius ashen and drawn face; silvery eyes laced with concern.
"What is it?"
Sirius lowered the parchment; his eyes darkened and his face clouded. His legs seemed to just crumble beneath him and Remus held Sirius as they collapsed against the door; landing in a jumbled heap against the door.
"It's a letter from Dumbledore," Sirius whispered; staring off into space. Remus squeezed Sirius' hand.
"What does… I mean…" Remus trailed off.
"He started with saying he wants us to not worry, and to concentrate on finding out about the beasts and the Dark Mark occurrences…" Sirius trembled slightly; dark eyes dull and unfocussed.
A stab of worry hit Remus; twisting in his belly, leaving him breathless and winded. "Not to worry about what?"
Sirius looked up at Remus; eyes sunken deep into his face and for a moment Sirius was that tired, broken person he'd been when he'd first escaped from Azkaban. "It's Harry. He's broken up with Draco, and…"
The words Sirius had said shocked Remus, but it was the unspoken words hanging in the air that made his head pound; made him feel light-headed and dizzy. Harry and Draco breaking up, that was a shock, there had to be a reason, and the reason - from Sirius' expression - couldn't be a good one.
"The Ministry of Magic arrested Harry yesterday, for using the Cruciatus curse on you-know-who," Sirius said dully. "He's being moved to Azkaban this afternoon."
Remus stared at Sirius; hoping he'd heard that wrong. Hoping with every ounce, every fibre of his being, that he'd heard it wrong. "Oh gods…" was all he could manage; pulling Sirius to him. Sirius collapsed against him, shaking and trembling. "I guess all we can be glad for at this point is that the Dementors are away from Azkaban… And Harry's a fighter, and so are his friends. They won't give up on him."
Sirius nodded dumbly. "No Dementors… But there… There's the…" Sirius seemed unable to come up with the right words.
"All the deatheaters that he defeated," Remus finished. A thought struck Remus. Grey eyes widened in sudden astonishment. "You don't think…"
"That this was a set up? That they pretended to be defeated so they could destroy Harry?" Sirius' eyes were wild. "Voldemort, yes, he was defeated that day, but the being that corrupted him... That's still out there, and in Pettigrew, and… Harry's there right with him…"
"I thought Pete-- Pettigrew escaped," Remus said; his voice troubled. Sirius smiled thinly; no amount of humour in that smile.
"They caught him a week ago, apparantly," Sirius said; his voice dry and cracked. "How can he ask me not to worry, huh? The thought of Harry being safe, that's all that saved me during Azkaban, and now… Now it's all useless!"
Remus couldn't say anything. He just leant forwards, and wrapped his arms around Sirius, and just like yesterday but with their positions reversed, Sirius broke down and cried.
They were disturbed more than an hour later. Sirius had fallen asleep in Remus' lap; propped as they were against the door. The parchment containing Dumbledore's letter was crumpled in Sirius' grasps, and Sirius was awoken abruptly by the banging on the door.
Brain kicking into action, Sirius slowly got to his feet and helped Remus up. The werewolf was shaken by the news, and weakened by the trauma from the potion, and could barely stand up. This seemed to distract Sirius a little, as he focussed on keeping Remus upright and stationary. The door flew open as soon as Sirius unlocked it, and Sirius stared as David ran in; covered in snow. The brunet shook himself; snow dampening the carpet beneath them, but no-one was paying any attention to it.
David waved a newspaper in Sirius' face after casting a concerned glance at his cousin. "This came this morning."
Sirius stared at the newspaper; blankly reading the headline. "The Boy Who Screwed Up."
"I know," Sirius said blankly; clutching onto the piece of parchment in his hand harder.
David shook his head in anger. "This isn't right! This just doesn't seem right! It can't be… I mean, Harry Potter? Even if he did use an unforgivable curse, I doubt it worked properly and it was for the greater good. Stupid fricking ministry!"
"You're right," Remus said slowly; weakly. "It doesn't sound right. My instincts are trying to tell me that --" Remus coughed violently; shaking his already weakened body. David and Sirius helped him backwards, and the werewolf dropped onto the bed; grey eyes clouded over in pain and confusion. "That it's some kind of plan… But…"
"But it's exactly what those half-cocked morons at the ministry would do!" Sirius slammed his fist into the table. The table cracked, and splintered, but Sirius ignored the burning pain that lanced across his fingers and the blood which slid from his hand onto the sheets. He spat out a couple more of adjectives describing the Ministry which made even David blush slightly. He'd heard worse than that in his time at the pub from drunks, but the venom in Sirius' tone made the words seem all that much venomous.
"Some kind of plan," Remus whispered. "Siri, you said Harry and Draco had broken up. Was this before or after he was arrested?"
Sirius frowned; opening the crumpled the parchment and staring at it. "It doesn't say."
"Right." His hand squeezing Sirius' shoulder painfully as another tremor shook his body, Remus looked at his cousin, then at Sirius. "This is what we'll do. Sirius, David, I'm going to have to rely on you two to go out, investigate the Dark Mark, investigate the creatures." Remus held up one hand to cut off Sirius' suddenly strangled exclamation. "Sirius, as much as I'd like to, love, I can't come out with you."
David nodded. "I wouldn't let you even if you tried," Remus' cousin said firmly.
Sirius sighed eventually. "Me either." He reached over and squeezed Remus' other hand gently.
Remus smiled grimly. "David, can I borrow Spirit for today?" David looked at Remus curiously.
"Of course," David agreed gently; running one hand through his short brown hair and watching his cousin attentively.
"Siri, I'm going to write to Hermione, Draco, Ron, Ginny, Mrs. Weasley, anyone and everyone. I'll try and find out what's been going on, when the break-up happened, anything strange and unusual they've found out." Remus coughed again; his body wracked from the pain. "Oh, and I'll see what I can find out about Azkaban, how Harry is, what's being done to get him out of there, et cetera, et cetera…"
Sirius stared at Remus wordlessly; communicating his appreciation for Remus' thorough trains of thought and his dedication. He leaned into the werewolf; pressing a kiss into Remus' mass of brown and silver hair.
"Don't exert yourself too much," Sirius whispered. David turned delicately away as Sirius embraced Remus; pressing a few butterfly kisses against Remus' mouth and cheek.
Remus smiled weakly. "You go kick some demon butt, Siri, and bring me back a leg," he said firmly. Sirius laughed; pushing himself up and slipping on his coat. David opened the door; turning back to regard Remus and Sirius softly.
"We'll get this sorted out," Remus said firmly.
"I hope so," Sirius replied before turning and sweeping out of the room; followed by David. Remus watched the door for a few moments after they'd left, his thoughts following the same track. I hope so too.
"Reeeeeeemus!"
A shriek, it sounded like a young boy… Harry! Picking himself up, Remus ran and ran in the direction of the sound.
"Please, Remus, someone, anyone!"
Thundering into a clearing, Remus noticed the young boy stood up on a tree trunk; a black cloaked figure standing near him. Harry was scared; wide-eyed, only five year old but black hair scruffy and lightning scar pronounced in the glow of the moonlight
At the sound of Remus thundering into the clearing, the black figure turned around. Seeing Remus, it hissed and slid off into the undergrowth of the twisted forest surrounding them.
"Uncle Remus!" Remus turned at the voice; winced as the boy rammed into him, hugging him, chubby arms encircling his neck. Remus knelt down, smiling at Harry, his nephew. The green-eyes boy smiled up at him, arms still around his neck. Suddenly, the arms tightened, the green-eyes narrowed to dangerous slits and Remus couldn't breathe. He struggled, but somehow Harry was strong. Too strong. As he slammed to the ground, his breathing ragged, his vision swimming, Harry shimmered in front of him; turning into the wretched form of Peter Pettigrew; holding him aloft with a silver hand and laughing…
"Remus! Wake up!"
Startled, Remus shot upwards; eyes wide and drenched in sweat. He was twisted in the sheets, a smudge of ink across his cheek and snow blowing in from the opened window. Blinking rapidly, Remus looked up as Sirius closed the open window and immediately rejoined him on the bed.
"We were just passing and I heard you scream," Sirius whispered; pressing one hand desperately to Remus' forehead, stroking the werewolf's hair possessively.
Remus blinked blurredly. "I… Did you find anything?"
Sirius shrugged. "A couple of possible leads. The storm's picked up, it's too bad to do anything, you can barely see out there."
Remus sighed in disappointment. "I… I sent Spirit off a few hours ago with the letters.. But if the storm's this bad…" Grey eyes lurched up to see the hail pounding against the window rhythmically. "We won't get a very quick reply." His head dropped slightly, until it was forced up; two fingers pressed into his chin firmly. Sirius was staring at him; dark eyes smouldering.
"You've done more than enough," Sirius said tightly; his expression pained. He lifted up a flask to Remus' mouth and Remus swallowed some of the burning liquid gratefully. The potion might taste disgusting, but it saved him from being destructive. "David said I could stay over with him tonight if you want to be alone…"
Sirius blinked abruptly as Remus grabbed his leg; firm fingers enclosing him tightly. "I need you tonight, Sirius." Sirius nodded gently. A wave of pain racked Remus' body, and the change began slowly; hair grew longer, teeth extended, eyes widening. Sirius didn't break eye contact the entire time. Soon, a weak and tired silver wolf lay entangled in the blankets; grey eyes sliding shut as it fell asleep. A small smile graced Sirius' lips as he gently changed into his namesake; Padfoot. Jumping up onto the bed, he curled himself into a ball, and they slept an undisturbed, dreamless sleep as wolf and dog.