Bischoff continued his journey through the desert. He had been travelling
on for so long now. This was what he had been reduced to. Austin and
Goldberg weren't answering his calls. There was only one option left. He
needed to find... The Ultimate Warrior.
Hollywood Hulk Hogan was sitting next to the phone, wondering why it had taken so many years for the producers to call and ask him to star in 'Mr Nanny 2'. Any minute now he knew the call would come. Any minute. Jamie Noble burst into Hogan's dressing room. He had lost the 'K' from his name and wondered if Hogan knew what had happened to it.
"Where's my damn Special 'K', boy!?" screamed Noble.
"Boy?" said Hogan. "I'm several decades older than you...brother."
"Shut your mouth, boy!"
Michael Cole And Tazz sat watching the scene on the big screen. Tazz felt bad for Noble - he had gained a 'Z' from no-where, so he knew how bad it felt to inexplicably have your name changed.
Off camera, Paul Heyman was trying desperately to teach Brock Lesnar how to not talk like a wuss all the time. He wasn't having much success.
At last, after all the searching, Bischoff had found the Ultimate Warrior. The Warrior was sitting alone in the desert, surrounded by nothing but sand. He was shaking violently.
"Hey, Jim, how are you?"
"'Jim' is an unnecessary extension of my existence. I am The Ultimate Warrior!" The Warrior stood up then, and ran away. He didn't stop. Bischoff just stood, watching him go.
At the home of Kevin Nash, the man himself lay in bed thinking about his injury. He should never have tried to run. He just wasn't up to it. Then he heard the voice of Vince McMahon. It seemed to be inside his head.
"Run Kevin, run!" Nash knew what he had to do. He got out of bed, and ran out of the house, and down the street, and just kept on running.
Back at one of Vince's homes, Vince was in his bedroom waiting for Dawn Marie. She arrived and called up to him.
"I'm here, Vince," she said loudly.
"Come on up, Dawn. I've got a big surprise for you. The 'Next Big' surprise."
Bischoff was still standing, but by now he was starting to realise that the Warrior wasn't coming back.
"I will knock you out!" he shouted.
Dawn went into Vince's bedroom, and was somewhat surprised to see Big Show standing next to Vince.
"Surprise!" they both said.
Smackdown went on the air. Rock didn't bother showing up and spent the day in the park with Coach. He threw Coach into the pond and repeatedly called him a 'sick freak'. Coach tried not to cry, but it was hard, oh so hard. The Rock put a duck on Coach's head and ordered Coach to dance.
"Please, no-more..."
"Do it before The Rock lays the smack down on your candy ass!" Coach did as he was told. He wished he was dead.
Chavo Guarrero Jnr sat nervously in the back. There were rumours that a monster was going around changing wrestler's names. Jamie Noble and Tazz had been victims, and now Rey Mysterio had lost the 'Jnr' from his name. What if Chavo was next? He had to get out of the arena. Fast.
Mark Lloyd wandered around backstage aimlessly, trying to find a friend. That was all he wanted, just one friend. He found Mike Awesome, who looked very sad and lonely. He sat down next to them, and they spent the rest of the show looking very depressed.
Batista had barricaded the door to his dressing room. The monster had already stolen the 'Deacon' from his name - he wasn't about to lose the 'Batista' as well.
Coach took a break from the 'Coachy and Rocky' show to record the latest edition of 'Bottom Line'.
"We all know it's summer, and that means two things: hot woman and ice cream! And Trish Stratus is certainly that: ice cream! No wait..."
Chris Benoit and Eddie Guarrero wondered where there old radical buddy Dean Malenko had gone. He hadn't been seen in some time now. No-one wondered where Perry Saturn was.
Miles away, in an underground layer, Dean Malenko, the James Bond of the WWE was trapped on an operating table. Dr Evil stood next to it, one finger in his mouth.
"Do you expect me to talk?" asked Malenko.
"No, Mr Malenko, I expect you to get torn in two by the laser I am just about to activate."
Dr Evil turned on a laser. Malenko's legs were open, and the laser slowly moved up towards his privates.
"Now I will leave and assume that you died." Dr Evil left. The laser moved very slowly towards Malenko. He tried to think of a way to escape. The laser would take several minutes at the slow rate it was moving at.
Rikishi walked the corridors, desperately trying to find his storylines. They must have been misplaced somewhere.
Dr Evil returned to find Malenko torn in two. He couldn't understand how he hadn't escaped.
On his way out of the desert Eric noticed a table which had bottled water on it. He took a bottle, opened it and gulped it down. It tasted funny. He checked the label. It read 'Ultimate Sweat: Genuine Sweat of the Ultimate Warrior! 20 dollars a bottle!" Eric choked.
Hollywood Hulk Hogan was sitting next to the phone, wondering why it had taken so many years for the producers to call and ask him to star in 'Mr Nanny 2'. Any minute now he knew the call would come. Any minute. Jamie Noble burst into Hogan's dressing room. He had lost the 'K' from his name and wondered if Hogan knew what had happened to it.
"Where's my damn Special 'K', boy!?" screamed Noble.
"Boy?" said Hogan. "I'm several decades older than you...brother."
"Shut your mouth, boy!"
Michael Cole And Tazz sat watching the scene on the big screen. Tazz felt bad for Noble - he had gained a 'Z' from no-where, so he knew how bad it felt to inexplicably have your name changed.
Off camera, Paul Heyman was trying desperately to teach Brock Lesnar how to not talk like a wuss all the time. He wasn't having much success.
At last, after all the searching, Bischoff had found the Ultimate Warrior. The Warrior was sitting alone in the desert, surrounded by nothing but sand. He was shaking violently.
"Hey, Jim, how are you?"
"'Jim' is an unnecessary extension of my existence. I am The Ultimate Warrior!" The Warrior stood up then, and ran away. He didn't stop. Bischoff just stood, watching him go.
At the home of Kevin Nash, the man himself lay in bed thinking about his injury. He should never have tried to run. He just wasn't up to it. Then he heard the voice of Vince McMahon. It seemed to be inside his head.
"Run Kevin, run!" Nash knew what he had to do. He got out of bed, and ran out of the house, and down the street, and just kept on running.
Back at one of Vince's homes, Vince was in his bedroom waiting for Dawn Marie. She arrived and called up to him.
"I'm here, Vince," she said loudly.
"Come on up, Dawn. I've got a big surprise for you. The 'Next Big' surprise."
Bischoff was still standing, but by now he was starting to realise that the Warrior wasn't coming back.
"I will knock you out!" he shouted.
Dawn went into Vince's bedroom, and was somewhat surprised to see Big Show standing next to Vince.
"Surprise!" they both said.
Smackdown went on the air. Rock didn't bother showing up and spent the day in the park with Coach. He threw Coach into the pond and repeatedly called him a 'sick freak'. Coach tried not to cry, but it was hard, oh so hard. The Rock put a duck on Coach's head and ordered Coach to dance.
"Please, no-more..."
"Do it before The Rock lays the smack down on your candy ass!" Coach did as he was told. He wished he was dead.
Chavo Guarrero Jnr sat nervously in the back. There were rumours that a monster was going around changing wrestler's names. Jamie Noble and Tazz had been victims, and now Rey Mysterio had lost the 'Jnr' from his name. What if Chavo was next? He had to get out of the arena. Fast.
Mark Lloyd wandered around backstage aimlessly, trying to find a friend. That was all he wanted, just one friend. He found Mike Awesome, who looked very sad and lonely. He sat down next to them, and they spent the rest of the show looking very depressed.
Batista had barricaded the door to his dressing room. The monster had already stolen the 'Deacon' from his name - he wasn't about to lose the 'Batista' as well.
Coach took a break from the 'Coachy and Rocky' show to record the latest edition of 'Bottom Line'.
"We all know it's summer, and that means two things: hot woman and ice cream! And Trish Stratus is certainly that: ice cream! No wait..."
Chris Benoit and Eddie Guarrero wondered where there old radical buddy Dean Malenko had gone. He hadn't been seen in some time now. No-one wondered where Perry Saturn was.
Miles away, in an underground layer, Dean Malenko, the James Bond of the WWE was trapped on an operating table. Dr Evil stood next to it, one finger in his mouth.
"Do you expect me to talk?" asked Malenko.
"No, Mr Malenko, I expect you to get torn in two by the laser I am just about to activate."
Dr Evil turned on a laser. Malenko's legs were open, and the laser slowly moved up towards his privates.
"Now I will leave and assume that you died." Dr Evil left. The laser moved very slowly towards Malenko. He tried to think of a way to escape. The laser would take several minutes at the slow rate it was moving at.
Rikishi walked the corridors, desperately trying to find his storylines. They must have been misplaced somewhere.
Dr Evil returned to find Malenko torn in two. He couldn't understand how he hadn't escaped.
On his way out of the desert Eric noticed a table which had bottled water on it. He took a bottle, opened it and gulped it down. It tasted funny. He checked the label. It read 'Ultimate Sweat: Genuine Sweat of the Ultimate Warrior! 20 dollars a bottle!" Eric choked.