"I'm not at all happy Stacy. The Undertaker has escaped. I just KNEW he was
just pretending to be a biker. I just KNEW it," said an extremely agitated
Vince, who was pacing about his home like a man possessed. "Stacy, why
aren't you saying anything? Stacy?"
Vince looked around and saw that 'Stacy' was in fact Linda McMahon.
"SILENCE FOOLISH ONE!" said Linda.
"Linda? How did you get here? Where's Stacy? Why can you speak again? Your vocal chords were removed!"
"I AM AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN THE ONE NAMED STACY. FOR YEARS I HAVE WAITED FOR YOU TO RAISE THE CORPORATE MINISTRY SO THAT I MAY RULE ALL. SEE VINCE I, LINDA MCMAHON, AM THE REAL GREATER POWER, NOT YOU!"
Vince gulped like only he can.
Meanwhile, oblivious to the off-screen antics of the Corporate Ministry and the NWO, Eric Bischoff had decided that spinning a wheel would magically make Raw better than Smackdown!. He wanted one match in particular and had invited a guest to RAW. Marc Lloyd strolled in, happy for the first time in his life (bizarrely, Kane was claiming the same thing) and convinced he would feel like he belonged here.
"I'm ready Mr Bischoff. Who would you like me to interview tonight?" said Mark as he entered Eric's office.
"Interview? We have Terri for all our interviewing needs," said Eric. "No, I invited you here for an event that will make history. A wrestlemania- esque match-up will take place right here tonight. In that ring this evening, I will spin the wheel - and you, Mark Lloyd will face COACH in whatever match the wheel tells me to make it."
Mark Lloyd cried like only he can.
"I'm so happy! La la la!" said Kane to Terri. He was just about to go out to face three teams in a TLC match. But he couldn't find Hurricane anywhere. Oh well, he was too happy to care. Finally everyone had forgotten his matches with X-Pac! Kane skipped out to the ring and forgot all about his partner.
"Get away from the bat-mobile NOW!" yelled Batman. "You're not Robin! Go away! I'm warning you, I'll throw another batarang!"
"Please, just one little ride? Please?" said the Hurricane. "I'll let you drive the 'hurri-cycle.' Pleeeease..."
"This meeting of the New World Order is now in session! President Hollywood Hulk Hogan will now begin proceedings!"
"Thanks Vice-President Nash! Okay, first uh, thing we have to do today is to initiate The Undertaker into the NWO!"
"Hey yo!" said Hall.
"What is it brother?" said Hogan.
"Why can't I be Vice-president?"
"Because you're deputy-vice president brother!"
"Oh yeah. Deputy-vice president 4 life!"
Undertaker sighed. It was going to be a long night.
Mark Lloyd, Coach, and Eric stood around the wheel.
"Okay, time to spin it!" said Eric, before doing just that. Coach sat praying for a 'dress up and act like Rock match' as the wheel span.
"Round and round the wheel goes, where it stops no-one knows, until it stops at least," sang Eric. Although he did know. He'd set the whole thing up. So it was no surprise to him when it landed on:
"FIGHT TO THE DEATH!" Eric shouted.
"Okay, now we've initiated Taker it's time for some mad posing!" declared NWO president Hogan. Much leaning over and pointing followed while Hogan played a guitar that was as real as his in-ring ability.
"Welcome back ladies and gentleman and tonight, live, and only on RAW, Mark Lloyd will fight Coach and one man WILL DIE TONIGHT!!!!!" exclaimed JR.
"Who cares? There's no puppies or HLA in this match," King said sadly.
"Yes there is King - Hot Lloyd action!"
"What are you talking about JR? HLA ain't Hot Lloyd Action, that's disgusting!"
"Then what does it mean? Hot Lita Action?"
"No!"
"Hot Lance Action?"
"HOT LESBIAN ACTION!!!!"
"What's a 'lesbian'?"
"Are you feeling okay JR? We could be watching girl on girl action!"
"Like... a woman's title match?"
"No! Not a wrestling match!"
"Not... wrestling?"
"There is life outside wrestling JR!"
"Life... outside wrestling?" asked JR with a blank look on his face. He sounded as if he's just been told Santa doesn't exist.
"Yes! There's all kinds of other things JR, like sex (although that's a big part of the WWE), REAL sports, movies..."
"I'm sorry King, I always thought there was nothing more than wrestling. All I ever do is travel to arenas and talk about the matches."
A voice in their ears tells them to "get the 'f' on with it."
Coach drove out to the ring in the 'Coach Express' as "Pie" by The Rock played. Mark Lloyd tried to come out to the ring but the Coach Express was blocking the ramp way. RAW cut to a break as officials tried to remove it.
"I'm Mick Foley. You may remember me from such beatings as 'Hell in the Cell', 'boiler room brawl' 'barbed wire' and 'fun with big large knives'. Now I sit at home and pretend to be an author. Buy my new book - 'Foley - What I think might possibly happen to me in the next ten years of my life'. It's sure to be number one - get it now!"
The man on TV, and indeed the author, was a fake though. The REAL Mick Foley had in fact fallen down a well, and couldn't get out.
"Please, somebody help!" cried Foley in vain.
RAW came back on the air as Coach and Lloyd prepared for battle. Only one would survive - who would it be?
Vince looked around and saw that 'Stacy' was in fact Linda McMahon.
"SILENCE FOOLISH ONE!" said Linda.
"Linda? How did you get here? Where's Stacy? Why can you speak again? Your vocal chords were removed!"
"I AM AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN THE ONE NAMED STACY. FOR YEARS I HAVE WAITED FOR YOU TO RAISE THE CORPORATE MINISTRY SO THAT I MAY RULE ALL. SEE VINCE I, LINDA MCMAHON, AM THE REAL GREATER POWER, NOT YOU!"
Vince gulped like only he can.
Meanwhile, oblivious to the off-screen antics of the Corporate Ministry and the NWO, Eric Bischoff had decided that spinning a wheel would magically make Raw better than Smackdown!. He wanted one match in particular and had invited a guest to RAW. Marc Lloyd strolled in, happy for the first time in his life (bizarrely, Kane was claiming the same thing) and convinced he would feel like he belonged here.
"I'm ready Mr Bischoff. Who would you like me to interview tonight?" said Mark as he entered Eric's office.
"Interview? We have Terri for all our interviewing needs," said Eric. "No, I invited you here for an event that will make history. A wrestlemania- esque match-up will take place right here tonight. In that ring this evening, I will spin the wheel - and you, Mark Lloyd will face COACH in whatever match the wheel tells me to make it."
Mark Lloyd cried like only he can.
"I'm so happy! La la la!" said Kane to Terri. He was just about to go out to face three teams in a TLC match. But he couldn't find Hurricane anywhere. Oh well, he was too happy to care. Finally everyone had forgotten his matches with X-Pac! Kane skipped out to the ring and forgot all about his partner.
"Get away from the bat-mobile NOW!" yelled Batman. "You're not Robin! Go away! I'm warning you, I'll throw another batarang!"
"Please, just one little ride? Please?" said the Hurricane. "I'll let you drive the 'hurri-cycle.' Pleeeease..."
"This meeting of the New World Order is now in session! President Hollywood Hulk Hogan will now begin proceedings!"
"Thanks Vice-President Nash! Okay, first uh, thing we have to do today is to initiate The Undertaker into the NWO!"
"Hey yo!" said Hall.
"What is it brother?" said Hogan.
"Why can't I be Vice-president?"
"Because you're deputy-vice president brother!"
"Oh yeah. Deputy-vice president 4 life!"
Undertaker sighed. It was going to be a long night.
Mark Lloyd, Coach, and Eric stood around the wheel.
"Okay, time to spin it!" said Eric, before doing just that. Coach sat praying for a 'dress up and act like Rock match' as the wheel span.
"Round and round the wheel goes, where it stops no-one knows, until it stops at least," sang Eric. Although he did know. He'd set the whole thing up. So it was no surprise to him when it landed on:
"FIGHT TO THE DEATH!" Eric shouted.
"Okay, now we've initiated Taker it's time for some mad posing!" declared NWO president Hogan. Much leaning over and pointing followed while Hogan played a guitar that was as real as his in-ring ability.
"Welcome back ladies and gentleman and tonight, live, and only on RAW, Mark Lloyd will fight Coach and one man WILL DIE TONIGHT!!!!!" exclaimed JR.
"Who cares? There's no puppies or HLA in this match," King said sadly.
"Yes there is King - Hot Lloyd action!"
"What are you talking about JR? HLA ain't Hot Lloyd Action, that's disgusting!"
"Then what does it mean? Hot Lita Action?"
"No!"
"Hot Lance Action?"
"HOT LESBIAN ACTION!!!!"
"What's a 'lesbian'?"
"Are you feeling okay JR? We could be watching girl on girl action!"
"Like... a woman's title match?"
"No! Not a wrestling match!"
"Not... wrestling?"
"There is life outside wrestling JR!"
"Life... outside wrestling?" asked JR with a blank look on his face. He sounded as if he's just been told Santa doesn't exist.
"Yes! There's all kinds of other things JR, like sex (although that's a big part of the WWE), REAL sports, movies..."
"I'm sorry King, I always thought there was nothing more than wrestling. All I ever do is travel to arenas and talk about the matches."
A voice in their ears tells them to "get the 'f' on with it."
Coach drove out to the ring in the 'Coach Express' as "Pie" by The Rock played. Mark Lloyd tried to come out to the ring but the Coach Express was blocking the ramp way. RAW cut to a break as officials tried to remove it.
"I'm Mick Foley. You may remember me from such beatings as 'Hell in the Cell', 'boiler room brawl' 'barbed wire' and 'fun with big large knives'. Now I sit at home and pretend to be an author. Buy my new book - 'Foley - What I think might possibly happen to me in the next ten years of my life'. It's sure to be number one - get it now!"
The man on TV, and indeed the author, was a fake though. The REAL Mick Foley had in fact fallen down a well, and couldn't get out.
"Please, somebody help!" cried Foley in vain.
RAW came back on the air as Coach and Lloyd prepared for battle. Only one would survive - who would it be?