"Whisper something nice and I'll make you scream twice," went the Scott
Steiner promo. Trish stood watching it with Vince.
"Very nice Vince, but what is he talking about?" she asked him.
"I don't know Trish. I just... don't know," said Vince who was staring at the screen in horror.
"I only care about two things - my freaks and my peaks!" continued the promo.
"But what about wrestling? Which show will you go to? Who will you target? When will you appear?" Vince asked the TV.
"Holla, if you hear me!"
Kurt was hiding in the closet looking for Corporate Ministry members.
"Are you sure this is the Ministry's layer?" he called out to Benoit. "Benoit? Benoit? The door won't open! Benoit?"
"Haaaaw haaaaaa haaaaaaar," laughed Benoit. At least, it was believed to be a laugh.
Eric was experimenting with RVD. He wanted something big to happen in the Survivor Series Elimination Chamber and had been trying to turn him heel.
"Everything's cool when you're RVD," said Van Damn when his heel/face switch was set to face. Eric flipped it to heel.
"Everything's cool when you're RVD," said Van Damn in exactly the same way as before. Eric scratched his head.
HHH had taped bits of Katie Vick back together and now sat with her on his knee, running his fingers through her hair.
"Steph and Chyna never really understood me, you know Katie... they never knew the real me. they don't know me like you do. They never realised that I was a god, and I should be worshipped and prayed to, and they didn't realise that I can beat five men single handed, in fact I could beat everyone in this company single handed."
He began rubbing Katie's shoulders.
"That is so true HHH, you are a god," said HHH, pretending it was Vick. HHH grinned. He didn't need Steph at all anymore.
Vince came out to the ring along with the Corporate Ministry.
"This is it! Time for me to become immortal! My plan is almost complete! Now all I have to do to ensure the WWE exists forever with me running it is to sacrifice a virgin! D-Von, bring Stephanie out here!"
D-Von dragged out a struggling Stephanie as the crowd laughed like crazy. Vince pulled out a trash can lid and began hitting Steph with it repeatedly. He wished he'd had some better weapons, but he had to make do with what he'd found under the ring.
As Vince's assault continued and Steph approached death, the NWO's music hit and out came Hogan, Hall and Nash.
"No, you don't work here anymore! Hall, you were fired! Nash, you're injured! Hogan, you walked out on the company dammit! yelled Vince.
"But you forget brother, when you're NWO, you're NWO for life! Um, apart from Big Show, HBK, Booker T and all the other guys who were in the NWO but aren't now." said Hogan. "And now, we're gonna stop you and take over the WWE!"
The NWO walked down the ramp, but Nash's leg fell off, Hall collapsed in a drunken mess and Hogan walked off backstage having gone senile and thinking the ring was that way.
Test was in bed with who he believed to be Stacy Kiebler when suddenly he looked around and saw he was in bed with Linda McMahon. He screamed. When he calmed down he was reminded by Linda that his immunity clause ran out in a matter of days. He screamed.
Steph had gotten back up and was now running about the ring getting chased by all of the corporate ministry (who as it turned out was made of Kane, D- Von, 'Dave' Batista, Howard Finkel and Michael Cole). Every time someone got near her they comically fell over. This continued for some time before Steph (after getting hit by the trash can lid she was now back to 'normal') realised that she could just roll under the bottom rope and leave the ring.
After this shambles was over, Vince sat in his chair looking into a mirror (or 'miiia' as McMahon pronounced it).
"That's it! I've had enough! No more! I'm going to kill my creation! And I'm going to kill it by making The Big Show Smackdown champion! I'm going to kill The WWE with a lethal dose of Show poison!"
And so at Survivor Series, with a little (well, a lot) of help, Big Show defeated Lesnar and became champion.
Epilogue
Chris Jericho moved to NWA-TA and without HHH holding him back became one of the biggest stars in the industry.
Kurt Angle never got out of the closet.
Test's immunity clause ran out. He was fired soon after.
Hulk Hogan found out how immortal he really was.
Nash got a new knee, but it turned out to be Katie Vick's. Her spirit possessed him and he spent his life kicking HHH's ass.
HHH spent his life running from Katie Vick's ghost. He also married his Katie Vick mannequin and held the RAW title for twenty years.
Godfather never found a new gimmick.
Chris Benoit shocked the world by beating Big Show for the Smackdown title. His win gave the WWE a huge boost.
Matt Hardy crashed so Matt Hardy Version 2.0 had to be downloaded from Mattitude.com.
D-Von devoted his life to helping sick children.
Batista defeated Metal Gear Rex and told Otacon his name was 'David'.
Lance Storm won a 'slammy'.
Christian continued to reek of awesomeness, even if not everyone realised it.
Maven continued to reek.
Chris Nowenski talked about being a Harvard graduate his whole life.
Al Snow continued to train Tough Enough students and pretended to like them even though he really despised them.
Coach moved in with Rock and became part of the family.
Rock stared in Mr Nanny 2 and became bigger than Vin Diesel.
Scott Hall became the new leader of the NWO. Unfortunately he was only in charge of Mark Lloyd who joined in a desperate quest for acceptance.
Tazz, unable to find work elsewhere, became a commentator again.
Big Show continued to be a 500 pound waste of a ten year contract.
Lesnar, after being beaten by Big Show, quit wrestling and claimed he would be 'The Next Big Thing' in authoring.
Mick Foley escaped the well only to fall down a manhole.
X-Pac was never seen again. No-one cared.
Steve Austin made a successful comeback.
Scott Steiner joined RAW and sat in a chair, holding his foot and saying inane things.
Booker T spent his whole life looking at his hand, paralysed after seeing a vision of Rikishi sitting on the toilet.
Rikishi gave many a stinkface.
Al Wilson became a wrestling legend after delivering a shooting-star press to Jamie Noble.
Trish campaigned to have 'Stratusfaction' put in the dictionary.
Hurricane died after jumping of a building, yelling "It's okay, I can fly!"
Kane left the WWE in shame.
Undertaker returned to being a biker.
Eric Bischoff married Steph and knocked lots of people out.
Vince was sent to a loony bin.
After they were all gone, the WWE lived on.
THE END
"Very nice Vince, but what is he talking about?" she asked him.
"I don't know Trish. I just... don't know," said Vince who was staring at the screen in horror.
"I only care about two things - my freaks and my peaks!" continued the promo.
"But what about wrestling? Which show will you go to? Who will you target? When will you appear?" Vince asked the TV.
"Holla, if you hear me!"
Kurt was hiding in the closet looking for Corporate Ministry members.
"Are you sure this is the Ministry's layer?" he called out to Benoit. "Benoit? Benoit? The door won't open! Benoit?"
"Haaaaw haaaaaa haaaaaaar," laughed Benoit. At least, it was believed to be a laugh.
Eric was experimenting with RVD. He wanted something big to happen in the Survivor Series Elimination Chamber and had been trying to turn him heel.
"Everything's cool when you're RVD," said Van Damn when his heel/face switch was set to face. Eric flipped it to heel.
"Everything's cool when you're RVD," said Van Damn in exactly the same way as before. Eric scratched his head.
HHH had taped bits of Katie Vick back together and now sat with her on his knee, running his fingers through her hair.
"Steph and Chyna never really understood me, you know Katie... they never knew the real me. they don't know me like you do. They never realised that I was a god, and I should be worshipped and prayed to, and they didn't realise that I can beat five men single handed, in fact I could beat everyone in this company single handed."
He began rubbing Katie's shoulders.
"That is so true HHH, you are a god," said HHH, pretending it was Vick. HHH grinned. He didn't need Steph at all anymore.
Vince came out to the ring along with the Corporate Ministry.
"This is it! Time for me to become immortal! My plan is almost complete! Now all I have to do to ensure the WWE exists forever with me running it is to sacrifice a virgin! D-Von, bring Stephanie out here!"
D-Von dragged out a struggling Stephanie as the crowd laughed like crazy. Vince pulled out a trash can lid and began hitting Steph with it repeatedly. He wished he'd had some better weapons, but he had to make do with what he'd found under the ring.
As Vince's assault continued and Steph approached death, the NWO's music hit and out came Hogan, Hall and Nash.
"No, you don't work here anymore! Hall, you were fired! Nash, you're injured! Hogan, you walked out on the company dammit! yelled Vince.
"But you forget brother, when you're NWO, you're NWO for life! Um, apart from Big Show, HBK, Booker T and all the other guys who were in the NWO but aren't now." said Hogan. "And now, we're gonna stop you and take over the WWE!"
The NWO walked down the ramp, but Nash's leg fell off, Hall collapsed in a drunken mess and Hogan walked off backstage having gone senile and thinking the ring was that way.
Test was in bed with who he believed to be Stacy Kiebler when suddenly he looked around and saw he was in bed with Linda McMahon. He screamed. When he calmed down he was reminded by Linda that his immunity clause ran out in a matter of days. He screamed.
Steph had gotten back up and was now running about the ring getting chased by all of the corporate ministry (who as it turned out was made of Kane, D- Von, 'Dave' Batista, Howard Finkel and Michael Cole). Every time someone got near her they comically fell over. This continued for some time before Steph (after getting hit by the trash can lid she was now back to 'normal') realised that she could just roll under the bottom rope and leave the ring.
After this shambles was over, Vince sat in his chair looking into a mirror (or 'miiia' as McMahon pronounced it).
"That's it! I've had enough! No more! I'm going to kill my creation! And I'm going to kill it by making The Big Show Smackdown champion! I'm going to kill The WWE with a lethal dose of Show poison!"
And so at Survivor Series, with a little (well, a lot) of help, Big Show defeated Lesnar and became champion.
Epilogue
Chris Jericho moved to NWA-TA and without HHH holding him back became one of the biggest stars in the industry.
Kurt Angle never got out of the closet.
Test's immunity clause ran out. He was fired soon after.
Hulk Hogan found out how immortal he really was.
Nash got a new knee, but it turned out to be Katie Vick's. Her spirit possessed him and he spent his life kicking HHH's ass.
HHH spent his life running from Katie Vick's ghost. He also married his Katie Vick mannequin and held the RAW title for twenty years.
Godfather never found a new gimmick.
Chris Benoit shocked the world by beating Big Show for the Smackdown title. His win gave the WWE a huge boost.
Matt Hardy crashed so Matt Hardy Version 2.0 had to be downloaded from Mattitude.com.
D-Von devoted his life to helping sick children.
Batista defeated Metal Gear Rex and told Otacon his name was 'David'.
Lance Storm won a 'slammy'.
Christian continued to reek of awesomeness, even if not everyone realised it.
Maven continued to reek.
Chris Nowenski talked about being a Harvard graduate his whole life.
Al Snow continued to train Tough Enough students and pretended to like them even though he really despised them.
Coach moved in with Rock and became part of the family.
Rock stared in Mr Nanny 2 and became bigger than Vin Diesel.
Scott Hall became the new leader of the NWO. Unfortunately he was only in charge of Mark Lloyd who joined in a desperate quest for acceptance.
Tazz, unable to find work elsewhere, became a commentator again.
Big Show continued to be a 500 pound waste of a ten year contract.
Lesnar, after being beaten by Big Show, quit wrestling and claimed he would be 'The Next Big Thing' in authoring.
Mick Foley escaped the well only to fall down a manhole.
X-Pac was never seen again. No-one cared.
Steve Austin made a successful comeback.
Scott Steiner joined RAW and sat in a chair, holding his foot and saying inane things.
Booker T spent his whole life looking at his hand, paralysed after seeing a vision of Rikishi sitting on the toilet.
Rikishi gave many a stinkface.
Al Wilson became a wrestling legend after delivering a shooting-star press to Jamie Noble.
Trish campaigned to have 'Stratusfaction' put in the dictionary.
Hurricane died after jumping of a building, yelling "It's okay, I can fly!"
Kane left the WWE in shame.
Undertaker returned to being a biker.
Eric Bischoff married Steph and knocked lots of people out.
Vince was sent to a loony bin.
After they were all gone, the WWE lived on.
THE END