Once again, there are spoilers. There are depressing spoilers. Don't read if you don't want to know...
and Joss and ME owns everything, blame them.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Buffy wanders through the graveyard. She rolls her eyes. God is the graveyard boring. She's so bored that she might actually have to deal with her problems. OH no. To avoid this, Buffy prays that one of her friends will go "evil" so she can kill them and make that Angel speech again. God does she love that Angel speech.
BUFFY: I need to beat something. That will help me suppress the issues I have been carrying for the last seven years...
Enter Spike. Or possibly Morphy!As!Spike the plot twist!!!! Drum roll please...
BUFFY: (looks upward) Thank GOD! Someone to abuse!!!!
SPIKE: Hello Slay-ah.
BUFFY: Spike! You smell like crap!
SPIKE: Right. The insanity does that.
BUFFY: Look, I really want to beat you up.
SPIKE: Well, I'm a *bad* man.
BUFFY: But the thing is I can't lose any more sympathy from the audience-
Marti walks on set and hands Buffy a butcher knife.
-I am trying so very hard to promote female empowerment-
Joss walks on set and forces Buffy to hurl the knife at Spike.
-but apparently that image is better presented when I am cutting you into tiny pieces.
SPIKE: Look. I am going to go evil again.
BUFFY: (Big Smile) You'd do that for me?
SPIKE: Of course, pet. Hell, I'd try to rape you and go insane for you if I thought it would make your life easier!
BUFFY: Oh it does, it really really does!
SPIKE: Well, I'm off to suck the blood of some poor innocent!
BUFFY: Wait! (She walks to him) Please let me thank you.
Buffy and Spike engage in a "passionate graveyard" make-out fest.
BUFFY: (pulling away) Oh Spike! I'm sorry, you know that we can never be together!
SPIKE: Yup.
BUFFY: And thank you for going evil so there is no remote possibility that I'll ever have to deal with my feelings for you again!
SPIKE: Anything for you, love.
BUFFY: Now I can talk about Angel and how special he is all the time. And what's great is, I'll never see Angel again. Do you know what this means!?!
SPIKE: What, Pumpkin?
BUFFY: I'll never have to love anyone again!!!
SPIKE: You know, you're strange. Why do I love you?
BUFFY: Because I am the law. I am the greatest thing in the universe, it's all about me. It's almost as if I have reverted to that high school mindset where I am the only important thing in the world! (Big Smile)
SPIKE: You should try and move on eventually, Sugar. Hell, even Xander has grown up.
BUFFY: Hey! I am an adult! I take care of Daw-
SPIKE: I've seen Dawn recently, it seems that she takes care of you.
BUFFY: I walk through gardens and solve my problems! I worked at a fast-food joint for three months!
SPIKE: Baby doll, I love you, I'm evil, I'm whatever you want me to be, I'm practically your bloody sex!bot. But I don't think that any of these thing has really made you step away from your childhood.
BUFFY: Did you know that Angel is the only person I ever, or will ever love?!?! I had to *kill* him! (Her eyes water...)
SPIKE: And I had to watch you die two years ago. Woohoo, darling. Are you in a time warp???
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
TBC...
Next time! The Buffy/Spike chase scene! What will they wear? What will be---well, no...all we know is what they are going to wear...but anyways. ALSO, Morphy and Spike have a chat.