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A Letter of Fears by: Kawaii Kitsune Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho and all the characters in the wonderful show do not belong to me, blah, blah, blah. You get the point. No money, don't sue, blah, blah, blah. Moving on.
Note: italics indicate thoughts, bold font indicates words from the letter The door of the bathroom opened and a figure walked through it, hair still soaked and dripping. The figure picked up the towel that was folded on the bed and wrapped it around his long, beautiful hair. He was just about to walk back into the bathroom when he noticed that there was something on his bed, something that, up until a moment ago, was hidden by the towel. It was a letter. Kurama picked up the white envelope and studied it for a few moments. There was no name or address, not even a stamp. Nothing to indicate who the sender was. The only mark on the envelope was a small picture of a fox, surrounded by roses. Kurama stared at the picture with wide eyes. It was obvious the writer of the letter knew of Kurama's true origin. Who sent this? Does he have dangerous intentions in mind? Is this a threat or a challenge? Kurama shook his head clear of the paranoid thoughts. He had been spending way too much time around Hiei and he must have started to pick up the fire demon's distrusting attitude. There was no point in worrying until he reads the letter and find out its contents. With that settled, the youko carefully opened the flap of the envelope and pulled out the letter. Dear Kitsune, You must be wondering who sent this letter. Well, you can stop racking your brain now, recounting the numerous enemies you made, trying to find who would want to do you harm. /HIEI!!!!/ Upon realization of the sender, Kurama almost dropped the piece of paper in shock. /It has to be Hiei's letter. Only he knows me so well as to predict my train of thought. But why would he write me a letter?/ He read on. Yes, it is I, the lowly Forbidden Child. You'd never thought you'd read a letter from me, did you? You probably never knew I could write. Well, guess what, Kitsune? You were wrong. /Yes, I was wrong. I had always assumed you were illiterate. But what do you have to tell me, Hiei, that could only be told through a letter?/ I'm writing this letter because of a recent light of events. As you may recall, the demon we fought a week ago was a psychic, a mindreader, and a rather powerful one, in fact. And, during the battle, we were both caught under his psychic spell, which rendered us unconscious for a period of time. However, because of my Jagan, my mind was not so easily shut down. Instead, my third eye told hold of remnants of the spell and linked my mind to yours. This time, Kurama did drop the letter, and he collapsed onto his bed, towel unwrapping from his head and letting his hair fall free. /If he entered into my mind, my thoughts, then he might have found out.../ Kurama's eyes widened with shock and a gasp escaped from his mouth. His hands shook with tension as he reached for the fallen letter. He could barely bring his eyes back onto the black writing on the paper, but he had to know for sure what Hiei found in his mind. He nervously continued. In your mind, I discovered something that I would have never imagined. I saw your true feelings towards me, this feeling that you ningens call "love". Tears rolled down Kurama's cheeks. /He knew. He knew! He knew and he didn't say anything!!!!! How could he?/ His body shook with anger and pain. He resisted the urge to scream and cry, and he fought himself not to tear up the letter right there and then. He had to finish it. He didn't know why, but he just had to finish it. Yes Fox, I knew. I've suspected for quite a while you had feelings for me, but never love. How could a beautiful creature like you love a pathetic excuse of person like me? I'm the Forbidden Child, unwanted from birth, thrown away by his own people. No one loves me and no one should love me. But somehow, you do. I just can't understand why. /Because I do, Hiei. You're kind and caring, even though you don't show it. You hide within yourself, trying to prevent anyone from knowing you, truly understanding you, but all you've ever wanted was someone to love and care for you. You can't hide your true feelings from me, Hiei. I know you too well, as you know me. Please, stop hiding and let me in./ You're always pushing for me to tell you what I think and feel. Are you really that curious? Well, here's the truth, something I'd never thought I'd tell you: I'm afraid. Yes, I'm afraid. I'm afraid that if I do decide to give in to my emotions I'll fall more deeply in love with you. Once that happens, I'll never be able to break free again. /Do you fear for your freedom, Hiei? Is that it? Do you fear that I'll only be a prison, a hindrance, a burden?/ I know what you're thinking. Stop. Let me clarify that I'm not afraid of spending the rest of my life, and the life beyond that, with you. What I do fear is that you'll tire of me. I have not overlooked your reputation, and your past experiences, as a youko. Before you start feeling guilty, fox, I want to finish. I am not afraid that you will find someone better than me, someone more fitting for your beauty, someone who meets up to your every expectation. No, that is not what I fear, for I only want you to be happy with whomever you choose. Now Kurama was confused. /If that's not what you're afraid of, then what is?/ What I am afraid of is that one day, you'll wake up and realize the mistake you made in choosing me. You'll see how unworthy I am, how useless I am, how utterly incompatable we are. You'll wonder why you ever fell in love with me, and you'll come to the conclusion that you never did love me. It was all just a fraud, a joke, an illusion. And once this realization hits you, you'll regret everything you wasted on me:every minute, every word, every thought, every kiss, every touch, every smile. Everything. And that is something I cannot bear. I may seem tough and heartless on the outside, but I am not that strong. Such a blow would kill me, if not physically, then at least spiritually. This letter is a warning and a plea. *laugh* Can you imagine? Me, pleading? But yes, I ask that you rethink your decision. Recall why you love me, and ask yourself if the feeling is just, if it's right. I am not expecting a relationship that will last a lifetime, but I do want one with no regrets. Be sure about your emotions, have no doubts. I love you, Kurama. Now and forever. Hiei Kurama was speechless. He held the letter in his hand but he still could not believe it was real. The contents were far too emotional for him. He never expected a declaration of love or such a soul-bearing confession. /Hiei, I never knew. I thought I knew you, but I never realized your feelings. But now that you've told me so much, I only want to know more about you, much more. I know I may never be able to truly understand you, but I'm willing to spend the rest of eternity to try. Hiei, I love you, and there's no doubt about that. And when you come for your answer, I'm ready./ With his mind made up, Kurama carefully refolded the letter and slid it back into the envelope. He placed the envelope into his secret drawer, where he keeps his most precious belongings. Kurama walked back to his bed and collapsed. His body was exhausted from the range of emotions caused by the letter. He climbed under the covers and almost instantly fell asleep. Before he succumbed to the darkenss, he whispered, "Aishiteru, Hiei." The figure standing in the tree outside Kurama's room entered through the window right after the fox surrendered to sleep. He walked over to the slumbering redhead and placed a kiss on his cheek. A smile appeared on Kurama's face, as if feeling the kiss. "Aishiteru, Kurama."
-owari-
Notes from the author:
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