Author's Disclaimer: What's that? I *don't * own Tolkien's creation?
Pshaw, surely you jest! In all seriousness [and this is the last time it
will make an appearance, so toodles!], I enjoy Mary Sues, if only for their
awful train-wreck badness. It's the masochistic MSTie in me. I'm an
intelligent person...really. I CAN spell and I know my grammar. So any
errors were meant to be that way! ;) I proofread endlessly! I don't own
any of Tolkien's sublime characters. Nor do I own any part of Middle-
Earth...yet. However, I am in the middle of a bidding war on Ebay for
Barad-dûr. I could do wonders with the place. Just call me Martha Sue.
This will be mercifully short, a consideration that I'm sure you will find eminently praiseworthy. Or I'll make it long. Sometimes when my fingers get going, they turn Orlac-ian. Perhaps it will turn into a *cue collective gasp* MULTI-CHAPTER OPUS with NO END IN SIGHT!
Gather 'round, kiddies, and you shall hear / The most wondrous and enchanting tale of / Mary Sue Boromir.
CHAPTER ONE
It was with great vexation that Mergiliandowë greeted the news of her betrothal. Her? A Princess of Mirkwood and sister to one of the most drop- dead sexy elfs to ever handle a bow to marry a...a...well, a member of a lesser race of elfs which wasn't mentioned in the movie?!?!!!? Elfs that weren't fit to lick her brother's boots! A brother which she loved in a purely sisterly fashion of course, but even she wasn't averse to a man with a nice head of hair and a way with a shaft...er, weapon.
"Well, I just won't do it!" she spat like a vixen at her father.
"Behave like a she-elf!" came the rumble from the royal throne, King Thrandool an imposing presence on a gorgeous chair of gold and many-colored gems, the sunlight hitting them not nearly as beautiful as the sparks which now flew from the maiden princess's eyes, a blue as blue as a blue sea. "You're just like your cousin Arwen. Always headstrong, always trying to have your own way. It has got to stop!"
"Father, let me talk to her..." whispered Legolas, standing beside the throne looking sadly at his sister's display of childish temper.
"You're always taking his side!" Mergiliandowë accused, close to tears. "Legolas! How could you do this to your own sister? Don't you love me? You don't want me marrying some nobody from a tribe that any decent elf wouldn't let through the front door! Well, do you?"
He sighed. "Mendwë," he began patiently, using the affectionate nickname he had given to her when she was a baby, 16 years ago. It meant "ravishing royal beauty" in Elfish. "You are a princess and Father needs to ally himself with these elfs for reasons which the author has not the knowledge to divulge at this moment. We must be loyal, as she must be to her hordes of obsequious reviewers."
"This 'loyalty' of which you speak is nothing more than blind obedience and *i* for one will have no part of it!" Mergiliandowë cried before turning and running out of the throne room, rushing past bewildered guards and startled handmaidens.
Legolas followed his sister and kept pace with her frantic dash without so much as breaking a sweat, the exercise only bringing an appealing flush to his porcelin complexion.
He found her collapsed under a cherry tree, the fading blossoms falling in tune to her soft sobs, the sadness of which tore his heart in a million directions. He couldn't bear to see her so miserable, after all the sweetness and sunshine that she had brought to the lives of everyone in Mirkwood! Through her childhood, her skipping and girlish giggles were guaranteed to put an indulgent smile on the face of all who saw her.sdfhsod;foaaas. [Author interjection: Sorry, had to wipe the vomit off my keyboard...]
He rushed over to her and knelt beside her, taking one of her limp hands and kissing it affectionately...with purely fraternal feelings, naturally. With his other hand he gently wiped away the tears that stained her cheeks.
"Hush, Mendwë," he whispered soothingly, "don't be sad! Please, if you have any love for me!"
Mergiliandowë let out a ragged, dramatic sigh as she choked back another threatening flood of tears. "Why were you so mean to me in there, Legolas?" she asked, wishing she had a suitably romantic-sounding, yet sisterly, nickname for him in this tender and picturesque moment.
"I'm sorry and your reaction has shown me that I was completely wrong," he said, holding her tightly to his finely-muscled chest, deliciously strong through the soft elfish velvet. "You will not marry anyone you don't wish to! Seeing you like this is breaking my heart, and I have had my heart broken more times that you can imagine and by fair maidens that pale in comparison to you."
Mergiliandowë sniffed and held onto Legolas with all her might, overjoyed that he would always be her champion. That he would never make her do anything she didn't want to do. It was kewl to have a bro like Leggy.
As they sat under the heart-breakingly beautiful shower of cherry blossoms, Legolas kissed her cheek and said, "There has been a heavy weight on my heart since time immemorable. A secret which I swore never to utter, until now.."
Her eyes a blue as blue as a summer's day, Mergiliandowë looked into her brother's luminous dark orbs and found herself unable to speak...
***** Just what is the achingly beautiful Orlan-- er, Legolas going to divulge? Stay tuned!
What do you all think? I'm writing this for sh*ts and giggles [let's keep it G!], so reviews will be fun but completely unheeded if they are of the negative ilk. I just had to get this Mary Sue monkey off my back. I've tried to regress as far as I can into Mary Suepidity without irreparably harming my muse.
This will be mercifully short, a consideration that I'm sure you will find eminently praiseworthy. Or I'll make it long. Sometimes when my fingers get going, they turn Orlac-ian. Perhaps it will turn into a *cue collective gasp* MULTI-CHAPTER OPUS with NO END IN SIGHT!
Gather 'round, kiddies, and you shall hear / The most wondrous and enchanting tale of / Mary Sue Boromir.
CHAPTER ONE
It was with great vexation that Mergiliandowë greeted the news of her betrothal. Her? A Princess of Mirkwood and sister to one of the most drop- dead sexy elfs to ever handle a bow to marry a...a...well, a member of a lesser race of elfs which wasn't mentioned in the movie?!?!!!? Elfs that weren't fit to lick her brother's boots! A brother which she loved in a purely sisterly fashion of course, but even she wasn't averse to a man with a nice head of hair and a way with a shaft...er, weapon.
"Well, I just won't do it!" she spat like a vixen at her father.
"Behave like a she-elf!" came the rumble from the royal throne, King Thrandool an imposing presence on a gorgeous chair of gold and many-colored gems, the sunlight hitting them not nearly as beautiful as the sparks which now flew from the maiden princess's eyes, a blue as blue as a blue sea. "You're just like your cousin Arwen. Always headstrong, always trying to have your own way. It has got to stop!"
"Father, let me talk to her..." whispered Legolas, standing beside the throne looking sadly at his sister's display of childish temper.
"You're always taking his side!" Mergiliandowë accused, close to tears. "Legolas! How could you do this to your own sister? Don't you love me? You don't want me marrying some nobody from a tribe that any decent elf wouldn't let through the front door! Well, do you?"
He sighed. "Mendwë," he began patiently, using the affectionate nickname he had given to her when she was a baby, 16 years ago. It meant "ravishing royal beauty" in Elfish. "You are a princess and Father needs to ally himself with these elfs for reasons which the author has not the knowledge to divulge at this moment. We must be loyal, as she must be to her hordes of obsequious reviewers."
"This 'loyalty' of which you speak is nothing more than blind obedience and *i* for one will have no part of it!" Mergiliandowë cried before turning and running out of the throne room, rushing past bewildered guards and startled handmaidens.
Legolas followed his sister and kept pace with her frantic dash without so much as breaking a sweat, the exercise only bringing an appealing flush to his porcelin complexion.
He found her collapsed under a cherry tree, the fading blossoms falling in tune to her soft sobs, the sadness of which tore his heart in a million directions. He couldn't bear to see her so miserable, after all the sweetness and sunshine that she had brought to the lives of everyone in Mirkwood! Through her childhood, her skipping and girlish giggles were guaranteed to put an indulgent smile on the face of all who saw her.sdfhsod;foaaas. [Author interjection: Sorry, had to wipe the vomit off my keyboard...]
He rushed over to her and knelt beside her, taking one of her limp hands and kissing it affectionately...with purely fraternal feelings, naturally. With his other hand he gently wiped away the tears that stained her cheeks.
"Hush, Mendwë," he whispered soothingly, "don't be sad! Please, if you have any love for me!"
Mergiliandowë let out a ragged, dramatic sigh as she choked back another threatening flood of tears. "Why were you so mean to me in there, Legolas?" she asked, wishing she had a suitably romantic-sounding, yet sisterly, nickname for him in this tender and picturesque moment.
"I'm sorry and your reaction has shown me that I was completely wrong," he said, holding her tightly to his finely-muscled chest, deliciously strong through the soft elfish velvet. "You will not marry anyone you don't wish to! Seeing you like this is breaking my heart, and I have had my heart broken more times that you can imagine and by fair maidens that pale in comparison to you."
Mergiliandowë sniffed and held onto Legolas with all her might, overjoyed that he would always be her champion. That he would never make her do anything she didn't want to do. It was kewl to have a bro like Leggy.
As they sat under the heart-breakingly beautiful shower of cherry blossoms, Legolas kissed her cheek and said, "There has been a heavy weight on my heart since time immemorable. A secret which I swore never to utter, until now.."
Her eyes a blue as blue as a summer's day, Mergiliandowë looked into her brother's luminous dark orbs and found herself unable to speak...
***** Just what is the achingly beautiful Orlan-- er, Legolas going to divulge? Stay tuned!
What do you all think? I'm writing this for sh*ts and giggles [let's keep it G!], so reviews will be fun but completely unheeded if they are of the negative ilk. I just had to get this Mary Sue monkey off my back. I've tried to regress as far as I can into Mary Suepidity without irreparably harming my muse.