Disclaimer: Proportionately, more of this chapter is MINE than JRR's, so
I'm gonna have to go with a "Hands off, Tolkien" approach. Like he'd wanna
touch it!
A/N: Some other (i.e., SERIOUS) plot bunnies attacked my rear (yeeee- OWWWWCH!) so I'm going to wind this up in this chapter. I'm beginning to hate Mergiliandowë with a passion reserved only for the worst Sue authors and she needs a comeuppance. Psycho Goddess: Rifendelle???? Sounds pretty German. Elrond lives in the Schwarzwald? Erm, I think I may have to change my vacation plans. . . ;-) I'll crash the Council! I'll be the dreaded "No. 10"!!!!!! Spelling errors galore here. . . I'm highly caffeinated right now and my fingers have a will of there own. (See????)
CHAPTER FIVE
After a suitable length of time in front of her mirror where she noticed with satisfaction that elfin shags were doing wonders for her complexion, Mergiliandowë reapplied her pearly lip gloss made from stardust the wood fairys has given her on her birthday and announced that it was time to be moving on.
"Your not upset are you Strider?" she trilled her commas and grammar dropping out of sight as was the plot. "After gathering all that wood?"
"Nay, not upset at all," he said, sinscere. "It's just like you to always be thinking of my health. The exercise did me good."
"Don't mention it," she chirped.
Legolas had mounted his horse and was wandering down the path in a daze. Mergiliandowë called out, "Don't get lost, my sweeting! I might not be able to save you next time!"
[Who is SHE kidding?]
* * *
When they reached Rivendell, Mergiliandowë squealed in delight when Arwen rushed down the front steps and over to her horse. "Mergiliandowë, I'm so glad you're here! We need some cheer in this dull place. Daddy is all gloom and doom and I can't get a single smile out of him." She pouted and looked over at Strider. "Oh, hello. Wanna neck later when Daddy's asleep?" Flashing him a smile, she took Mergiliandowë by the arm and headed towards the main palace, an elaborate building carved with great skill, and disappeared through the doors with a giggle.
"What's going on here?" Mergiliandowë asked, her expression puzzled and innocent, her finely arched brows raised ever so slightly to denote interest of the aloof, royal sort.
"Like I said, Daddy's on some kick right now about a Ring that has the power to destroy us all or something. I think his crowns a little too tight."
The silver bells rang again from inside Mergiliandowë's silken throat. "This Ring, is it really so important?"
"Daddy says so. One of thos little hobbits has it."
"Does he now?" Mergiliandowë mused. "He won't have it for long. Where is he?"
"Asleep. Some wandering elf princess came across him and his companions in the woods where he was dying from a poisonous wound. She risked her life bringing him here. Chased by a swarm of bad guys and single-handedly healing him while on horseback at breakneck speeds and bringing a river down on her pursuers. She is fascinating to talk to!"
"Really?" Mergiliandowë asked.
"Oh yes! Her parents are long-lost kin of Daddy's and they were captured by orcs. She came here to get Daddy's help to rescue them. Because Mommy suffered the same once, he naturally has a connection with her and has vowed to do all he can. The odd thing is that her name is the same as my mother's. Arignoramusien." Arwen's eyes continued to glow in excitement. "Oh, and we have another visitor! The hobbits were met here by a lovely creature of their own kind, Vapidia Willowtit, who has within her lost memory some information she says will help Frodo, the one with the Ring, on his quest. She knows she has it, but she doesn't know what it is. She says holding hands with Frodo in the garden will help her remember. It seems to be working so far."
"Anyone else?" Mergiliandowë sniffed.
"yes! Its funny, isn't it? Its like this council of Daddy's has come irresistible attraction! Everyone wants to be there!" She took a deep breath. "There's a girl, Ima Soue, who arrived yesterday in strange clothes and speaking some foreign language but she seemed to be so honest and nice we opened our arms to her and she is now one of the jewels of the court, her beauty and peerless singing voice overcoming the language barrier. She looks divine in my clothes. I've given her a dozen of my robes already because I never made them look good. But she does! My brothers have noticed, too, and they are now in a contest to see who will win her. They are acting silly indeed, but everyone is having great fun watching her dangle each on a string. Ooooh, and she is such a good mimic and we have read in her gestures that she can see the future. Daddy is using her advice all the time now."
"Is that so?" Mergiliandowë asked, getting testy.
[If I were smart, I'd stop here. But let me wring one more gasp out of this running gag, por favor!]
"And this warrior maiden from the South!" Arwen went on. "Morgiana Hacknslash! She is magnificent! She has been a skilled mercenary since the age of 2 and there is no man alive who can defeat her in battle! She has such tales to tell! Killing orcs by the dozen before breakfast, but so in tune with animals that you wouldn't believe it unless you saw it. They just gather around her feet. The man she traveled her with is the song of the ruler of Gondor and he is so in love with her. He says she has saved his life countless times already. She says she is descended from the Dark Lord Sauron and she wants revenge on him for killing her mother. Her knowledge of Morodor will be so important. . ."
[*snort* OK, I'm done now.]
"Oh yeah?" Mergiliandowë snapped. "When's that council happening because *I* have news for everyone!"
* * *
"Listen up, because I'm only gonna say it once: TO HELL WITH ALL OF YOU!"
The wizard, the elf-king, five hobbits, that Ranger (clean for once!), that elf-princess (standing unnaturally close to Legolas!), the strange visitor flanked by the twin elfs, a bunch of dwarves and men, and the Amazon beside her Gondor warrior all watched her silently. So she went on.
"First of all, you!" she said, pointing to the warrior. "You may be the ruler's son, but you'll never rule. That's *my* inheritance." She did a dramatic 360, her glittering violet eyes piercing everyone's soul. "As for the rest of you, if anyone is thinking about keeping the throne from me, hear this: Don't piss off a Chosen One."
That brought forth a torrent of loud arguing among all the female visitors.
"*I'm* the Chosen One!" the elf princess screamed.
"You're a fake!" the foreign girl said, even if no one else understood.
"Want a taste of my steel?" snarled the Boudicca-wannabe.
"Frodo needs to go on this quest. And so do I!" wailed Willowtitty.
Mergiliandowë stamped her feet. "No no no! I don't want to hear it! If this council is about saving Middle Earth, no one needs to do a THING!" She ran over to the stone table and grabbed the gold ring. "I'll take care of it! If this needs to be thrown in a volcano, FINE. I'LL do it." She turned and ran out the door, leaving chaos in her wake.
* * *
So what happened to our heroine?
Does anyone care?
Well, I'll tell you anyhows. She was never seen again. No one south of Rivendell recalled seeing her when inquirers were made but many theories exist and a booming speculation industry began almost immediately after her disappearance. Everyone had their own ideas about what happened to the fair and fiery maiden of Mirkwood. Likewise legends were woven into the Mergiliandowë story.
Legolas tended a shrine to his love until his broken heart gave out and he died to the strains of poignant Celtic pipes at the foot of a statue of her he carved out of the oldest and richest tree in Mirkwood that he'd cut down with a herring. It became the ruler by which Middle Earth measured true love forevermore.
But the stories didn't end there. . .
Some believe she was killed accidentally or had an accident and the ring went into another period of hiding. Whether she drowned or died on land, there are whispers that an Anduin Walking Catfish of Fate or a Dunland Groundhog of Doom will resurrect the menace.
Other believe she was captured by the evil Sauron and they use as evidence that not long after her disappearance Sauron immediately renounced his evil ways, sought therapy, and became the most famous motivational speaker in Middle Earth. However she has never been seen since, leading others to say it's just a coincidence.
Yet another school holds that the highest levels of government in Gondor, fearful of this beloved figure, removed her from the scene by foul means. Today, Gondor's rulers, King Aragorn and his high councilors Boromir and Denethor, are viewed with suspicion by a populace who wonder if murder was not above them. The whisperings grow louder each year. Lately it has been put forth that a complex gay Hobbit conspiracy was in collusion with Gondor to terminate the maiden, their communal way of life raising eyebrows and raising doubt among the god-fearing folk of Middle Earth.
A mystery indeed. But honestly, isn't it better to keep some unsolved? Why delve into the past and stir up painful memories?
RIP Mergiliandowë. . . and may your composted matter make the land bountiful.
Hey, just what *was* in that dirt Galadriel gave Sam? Never trust an elf, indeed!
END!!!!!
A/N: I hope you liked reading it. I enjoyed writing it. Although I felt Mergiliandowë had to come to a sticky end quickly. When you want to b*tch- slap someone, it's best to walk away. Or kill 'em. ;-) Let your friends know about this story and if you want to link to it or archive it somewhere, go ahead on. Just let me know you have so I can say to myself, "Go me!"
A/N: Some other (i.e., SERIOUS) plot bunnies attacked my rear (yeeee- OWWWWCH!) so I'm going to wind this up in this chapter. I'm beginning to hate Mergiliandowë with a passion reserved only for the worst Sue authors and she needs a comeuppance. Psycho Goddess: Rifendelle???? Sounds pretty German. Elrond lives in the Schwarzwald? Erm, I think I may have to change my vacation plans. . . ;-) I'll crash the Council! I'll be the dreaded "No. 10"!!!!!! Spelling errors galore here. . . I'm highly caffeinated right now and my fingers have a will of there own. (See????)
CHAPTER FIVE
After a suitable length of time in front of her mirror where she noticed with satisfaction that elfin shags were doing wonders for her complexion, Mergiliandowë reapplied her pearly lip gloss made from stardust the wood fairys has given her on her birthday and announced that it was time to be moving on.
"Your not upset are you Strider?" she trilled her commas and grammar dropping out of sight as was the plot. "After gathering all that wood?"
"Nay, not upset at all," he said, sinscere. "It's just like you to always be thinking of my health. The exercise did me good."
"Don't mention it," she chirped.
Legolas had mounted his horse and was wandering down the path in a daze. Mergiliandowë called out, "Don't get lost, my sweeting! I might not be able to save you next time!"
[Who is SHE kidding?]
* * *
When they reached Rivendell, Mergiliandowë squealed in delight when Arwen rushed down the front steps and over to her horse. "Mergiliandowë, I'm so glad you're here! We need some cheer in this dull place. Daddy is all gloom and doom and I can't get a single smile out of him." She pouted and looked over at Strider. "Oh, hello. Wanna neck later when Daddy's asleep?" Flashing him a smile, she took Mergiliandowë by the arm and headed towards the main palace, an elaborate building carved with great skill, and disappeared through the doors with a giggle.
"What's going on here?" Mergiliandowë asked, her expression puzzled and innocent, her finely arched brows raised ever so slightly to denote interest of the aloof, royal sort.
"Like I said, Daddy's on some kick right now about a Ring that has the power to destroy us all or something. I think his crowns a little too tight."
The silver bells rang again from inside Mergiliandowë's silken throat. "This Ring, is it really so important?"
"Daddy says so. One of thos little hobbits has it."
"Does he now?" Mergiliandowë mused. "He won't have it for long. Where is he?"
"Asleep. Some wandering elf princess came across him and his companions in the woods where he was dying from a poisonous wound. She risked her life bringing him here. Chased by a swarm of bad guys and single-handedly healing him while on horseback at breakneck speeds and bringing a river down on her pursuers. She is fascinating to talk to!"
"Really?" Mergiliandowë asked.
"Oh yes! Her parents are long-lost kin of Daddy's and they were captured by orcs. She came here to get Daddy's help to rescue them. Because Mommy suffered the same once, he naturally has a connection with her and has vowed to do all he can. The odd thing is that her name is the same as my mother's. Arignoramusien." Arwen's eyes continued to glow in excitement. "Oh, and we have another visitor! The hobbits were met here by a lovely creature of their own kind, Vapidia Willowtit, who has within her lost memory some information she says will help Frodo, the one with the Ring, on his quest. She knows she has it, but she doesn't know what it is. She says holding hands with Frodo in the garden will help her remember. It seems to be working so far."
"Anyone else?" Mergiliandowë sniffed.
"yes! Its funny, isn't it? Its like this council of Daddy's has come irresistible attraction! Everyone wants to be there!" She took a deep breath. "There's a girl, Ima Soue, who arrived yesterday in strange clothes and speaking some foreign language but she seemed to be so honest and nice we opened our arms to her and she is now one of the jewels of the court, her beauty and peerless singing voice overcoming the language barrier. She looks divine in my clothes. I've given her a dozen of my robes already because I never made them look good. But she does! My brothers have noticed, too, and they are now in a contest to see who will win her. They are acting silly indeed, but everyone is having great fun watching her dangle each on a string. Ooooh, and she is such a good mimic and we have read in her gestures that she can see the future. Daddy is using her advice all the time now."
"Is that so?" Mergiliandowë asked, getting testy.
[If I were smart, I'd stop here. But let me wring one more gasp out of this running gag, por favor!]
"And this warrior maiden from the South!" Arwen went on. "Morgiana Hacknslash! She is magnificent! She has been a skilled mercenary since the age of 2 and there is no man alive who can defeat her in battle! She has such tales to tell! Killing orcs by the dozen before breakfast, but so in tune with animals that you wouldn't believe it unless you saw it. They just gather around her feet. The man she traveled her with is the song of the ruler of Gondor and he is so in love with her. He says she has saved his life countless times already. She says she is descended from the Dark Lord Sauron and she wants revenge on him for killing her mother. Her knowledge of Morodor will be so important. . ."
[*snort* OK, I'm done now.]
"Oh yeah?" Mergiliandowë snapped. "When's that council happening because *I* have news for everyone!"
* * *
"Listen up, because I'm only gonna say it once: TO HELL WITH ALL OF YOU!"
The wizard, the elf-king, five hobbits, that Ranger (clean for once!), that elf-princess (standing unnaturally close to Legolas!), the strange visitor flanked by the twin elfs, a bunch of dwarves and men, and the Amazon beside her Gondor warrior all watched her silently. So she went on.
"First of all, you!" she said, pointing to the warrior. "You may be the ruler's son, but you'll never rule. That's *my* inheritance." She did a dramatic 360, her glittering violet eyes piercing everyone's soul. "As for the rest of you, if anyone is thinking about keeping the throne from me, hear this: Don't piss off a Chosen One."
That brought forth a torrent of loud arguing among all the female visitors.
"*I'm* the Chosen One!" the elf princess screamed.
"You're a fake!" the foreign girl said, even if no one else understood.
"Want a taste of my steel?" snarled the Boudicca-wannabe.
"Frodo needs to go on this quest. And so do I!" wailed Willowtitty.
Mergiliandowë stamped her feet. "No no no! I don't want to hear it! If this council is about saving Middle Earth, no one needs to do a THING!" She ran over to the stone table and grabbed the gold ring. "I'll take care of it! If this needs to be thrown in a volcano, FINE. I'LL do it." She turned and ran out the door, leaving chaos in her wake.
* * *
So what happened to our heroine?
Does anyone care?
Well, I'll tell you anyhows. She was never seen again. No one south of Rivendell recalled seeing her when inquirers were made but many theories exist and a booming speculation industry began almost immediately after her disappearance. Everyone had their own ideas about what happened to the fair and fiery maiden of Mirkwood. Likewise legends were woven into the Mergiliandowë story.
Legolas tended a shrine to his love until his broken heart gave out and he died to the strains of poignant Celtic pipes at the foot of a statue of her he carved out of the oldest and richest tree in Mirkwood that he'd cut down with a herring. It became the ruler by which Middle Earth measured true love forevermore.
But the stories didn't end there. . .
Some believe she was killed accidentally or had an accident and the ring went into another period of hiding. Whether she drowned or died on land, there are whispers that an Anduin Walking Catfish of Fate or a Dunland Groundhog of Doom will resurrect the menace.
Other believe she was captured by the evil Sauron and they use as evidence that not long after her disappearance Sauron immediately renounced his evil ways, sought therapy, and became the most famous motivational speaker in Middle Earth. However she has never been seen since, leading others to say it's just a coincidence.
Yet another school holds that the highest levels of government in Gondor, fearful of this beloved figure, removed her from the scene by foul means. Today, Gondor's rulers, King Aragorn and his high councilors Boromir and Denethor, are viewed with suspicion by a populace who wonder if murder was not above them. The whisperings grow louder each year. Lately it has been put forth that a complex gay Hobbit conspiracy was in collusion with Gondor to terminate the maiden, their communal way of life raising eyebrows and raising doubt among the god-fearing folk of Middle Earth.
A mystery indeed. But honestly, isn't it better to keep some unsolved? Why delve into the past and stir up painful memories?
RIP Mergiliandowë. . . and may your composted matter make the land bountiful.
Hey, just what *was* in that dirt Galadriel gave Sam? Never trust an elf, indeed!
END!!!!!
A/N: I hope you liked reading it. I enjoyed writing it. Although I felt Mergiliandowë had to come to a sticky end quickly. When you want to b*tch- slap someone, it's best to walk away. Or kill 'em. ;-) Let your friends know about this story and if you want to link to it or archive it somewhere, go ahead on. Just let me know you have so I can say to myself, "Go me!"