CHAPTER 2: SPECULATION
"What is that noise, Lex?"
Lex ground his teeth together in annoyance. It seemed to be his father's hobby to pester him, and when he was in the bathroom, no less. He didn't answer, but backed away in desperation from the door when the dog's nose nudged it open and entered, (a sneeze complementing Lex's backward movement,) followed by her master. This time a harness was attached to Missy, and was followed by Lionel, who had forsaken his cane.
"Lex, I thought I heard an electric razor."
"Really," Lex replied sarcastically. "And I heard Santa's reindeer on the roof last night, but when I went to investigate, I found nothing."
Taking him literally, Lionel shook his head. "It's the anchovies."
"What do you want?"
"The sound was coming from in here. Are you shaving?" A lop-sided grin was painted on Lionel's face.
Lex examined his once-more bald head and smooth face, and breathed a sigh. "What have I to shave?"
Absorbed in his own reflection, he neglected to notice the nosy Missy sniffing the floor, which was carpeted with a thin layer of red. She grasped a fragment of such in her jaw and fed it into her master's out- stretched hand. Lionel played it through his fingers and knew immediately the contents of his palm.
"Have you been using Rogaine?"
"No, Dad, Just-for-Men Gel." Lex rolled his eyes, but quickly realizing the seriousness of the situation, winced.
"This is hair. And you're alone in here. What else could you have been doing?"
Lionel removed his glasses and appeared to peer out at his son. Overtaken by the eerie nature of this action, Lex surrendered. He would simply be unable to allow himself to become a naïve player in this game as he had in his younger years.
"All right," he confessed. "This morning I woke up with hair. I've never been more frightened in my life." Cringing, he watched his father carefully.
After a moment of silence, Lionel burst into a fit of chuckles. "Oh, good one, Lex. See, and now we have father-son jokes. I believe our relationship is coming along quite well."
"What 'joke'?" Lex demanded. "I was speaking the truth."
"I'm sure you were, Lex. All right, Missy, let's go."
"Wait, where are you going?"
Lionel turned back toward Lex. "We're going to look for our spaceship."
"There is no spaceship!" Lex declared stubbornly. "Can't you get that through your skull? Or is it too numb with formality? And I do have hair."
"All right, Lex, you keep your hair and I'll keep my spaceship. Is that a fair deal?" Lionel chortled to himself as he followed Missy from the room.
"Hey Chloe, what are you up to?" Pete loped into The Torch office non- chalantly, and sidled up next to her desk.
Without even an upward glance, Chloe continued to tap away furiously at the keyboard. She spoke but a few words. "Throwing myself into my work. Getting my mind off of things."
"Now there's nothing so special about you throwing yourself into your work, Chloe, but what's to get your mind off of?"
Chloe paused and swung her eyes towards Pete without moving her head. "Did you not hear the vicious rumours about Lana that have been circulating around school all day?"
Pete cringed. "Yeah, poor girl. It's just so unlike Lana Lang to be in a state of.of pregnancy!"
"I love how you put it so delicately, Pete," Chloe replied, typing once more.
"But what does that have to do with you? You're not pregnant, too, are you?" Feigning concern, Pete grabbed Chloe's shoulders and shook her mockingly. "Didn't your father ever teach you that abstinence is the best policy?!"
"'Abstinence is the Best Policy and Experience is the Best Teacher'," Chloe quoted, pausing once more. "No, it doesn't have anything to do with me. It has to do with Clark."
"Well what's the problem? Do you honestly think Clark is going to be attracted to a pregnant girl? He has enough worries without a little baby on his hands."
Chloe sighed. "Are you dense? He's going to have to take responsibility for his consequential actions, Pete."
Staring in disbelief, Pete shook his head. "Clark? You've really lost it this time, Chloe. If Clark were the father, I would grant you the right to stick the story up on your Wall of Weird. That's crazy."
"Who else would it be, Pete? Especially since Whitney left, Lana has spent more time with Clark than with anyone."
"No, I won't believe it," Pete insisted. "Clark is so.perfect, Chloe." Slightly bitter, he furrowed his brow and muttered something to himself. Then he continued. "Clark can control himself, Chloe. If he couldn't, he'd be locked up in some federal hospital undergoing all sorts of phenomenal tests." He trailed off. He knew his ramblings would make no sense to Chloe, so his speech was safe from questioning.
"You're quite the humorist today," Chloe observed in annoyance, turning back to her work.
She was not to be focused for long, however, as a self-invitational knock at the door revealed none other than Lex Luthor.
"Hi Chloe, hello Pete," he greeted them slightly; he seemed quite preoccupied.
Chloe rose. "Mr. Luthor. What brings you to our humble abode?"
Displeased at the entrance of his family's sworn enemy, Pete rolled his eyes and turned away. He noticed, with annoyance, that Lex received quite a friendlier welcome than he had upon his arrival.
"Well, I came to see you, Chloe. I've heard so much about your investigative abilities from Clark, that it seems to me you are the person to come to in the time of mystery."
"I'm on the case." Chloe grinned for the first time all day.
"Great. And by the way, as I've told you before, the name's 'Lex'." Lex inhaled deeply and glanced around the room conspicuously. As he began his explanation, he dropped his voice considerably. "It's quite embarrassing, actually. You see, this morning I woke up with hair."
From his place by Chloe's desk, Pete burst into laughter. Simultaneously, each of Chloe and Lex shot him a withering glance. "What?" he protested. "It just sounds funny!"
"Go on. This sounds Wall of Weird-worthy considering you haven't had hair for - what - twelve years or so?"
"That sounds about right," Lex agreed. "There isn't much more to tell. I felt it, I saw it, and I screamed."
At this, Pete laughed louder, clutching at his abdomen. "Oh, that is fun-nee." Calming slightly, he directed a question at Lex. "So where is this phantom hair? I don't see anything."
"I shaved it off," Lex explained. As if divulging a great and terrible secret, he spoke ominously. "Hair doesn't become me."
Chloe glared at Pete from across the room. "Please ignore Chuckles the Clown here, er, Lex. Are you sure you look so bad with hair? Maybe its regrowth is just a miracle in the making, and you should be pleased."
"Oh, no. You'd feel the same way if you had intense red follicles breeding thick curls. He," Lex said, nodding toward the laugh-sick Pete, "may be Chuckles the Clown, but with my hair I look like Bobo the Clown. It's not much better. Chloe, hair makes me feel vulnerable, especially toward my father. I simply do not want it, and if it comes back, I need a way to be able to get rid of it."
"Well, I'll see what I can do for you. This is quite the puzzle," Chloe observed. She was satisfied at this; having a project would certainly help her remove undesired thoughts from her dwelling mind.
As Lex turned to go with a suave bestowment of thanks, Chloe spoke after him. "By the way, how is your father doing, Lex?"
"Oh, he's doing quite nicely," Lex answered distantly, suddenly returned to the awful memories of his erring. "He has gotten himself a seeing-eye dog, much to my disgust. On top of the difficulties I have with that man, I now I have a dog to deal with. I've always thought perhaps I am somewhat allergic to my father, but I'm physically allergic to dogs."
"Oh, I'm sorry," Chloe called, as she and Pete bade their farewells to Lex. As the door swung shut behind him, she turned to her friend. "Now isn't that strange."
Pete laughed once more. "Sure is," he concurred heartily. "And to think most men worry about waking up one day with no hair at all."
"What is that noise, Lex?"
Lex ground his teeth together in annoyance. It seemed to be his father's hobby to pester him, and when he was in the bathroom, no less. He didn't answer, but backed away in desperation from the door when the dog's nose nudged it open and entered, (a sneeze complementing Lex's backward movement,) followed by her master. This time a harness was attached to Missy, and was followed by Lionel, who had forsaken his cane.
"Lex, I thought I heard an electric razor."
"Really," Lex replied sarcastically. "And I heard Santa's reindeer on the roof last night, but when I went to investigate, I found nothing."
Taking him literally, Lionel shook his head. "It's the anchovies."
"What do you want?"
"The sound was coming from in here. Are you shaving?" A lop-sided grin was painted on Lionel's face.
Lex examined his once-more bald head and smooth face, and breathed a sigh. "What have I to shave?"
Absorbed in his own reflection, he neglected to notice the nosy Missy sniffing the floor, which was carpeted with a thin layer of red. She grasped a fragment of such in her jaw and fed it into her master's out- stretched hand. Lionel played it through his fingers and knew immediately the contents of his palm.
"Have you been using Rogaine?"
"No, Dad, Just-for-Men Gel." Lex rolled his eyes, but quickly realizing the seriousness of the situation, winced.
"This is hair. And you're alone in here. What else could you have been doing?"
Lionel removed his glasses and appeared to peer out at his son. Overtaken by the eerie nature of this action, Lex surrendered. He would simply be unable to allow himself to become a naïve player in this game as he had in his younger years.
"All right," he confessed. "This morning I woke up with hair. I've never been more frightened in my life." Cringing, he watched his father carefully.
After a moment of silence, Lionel burst into a fit of chuckles. "Oh, good one, Lex. See, and now we have father-son jokes. I believe our relationship is coming along quite well."
"What 'joke'?" Lex demanded. "I was speaking the truth."
"I'm sure you were, Lex. All right, Missy, let's go."
"Wait, where are you going?"
Lionel turned back toward Lex. "We're going to look for our spaceship."
"There is no spaceship!" Lex declared stubbornly. "Can't you get that through your skull? Or is it too numb with formality? And I do have hair."
"All right, Lex, you keep your hair and I'll keep my spaceship. Is that a fair deal?" Lionel chortled to himself as he followed Missy from the room.
"Hey Chloe, what are you up to?" Pete loped into The Torch office non- chalantly, and sidled up next to her desk.
Without even an upward glance, Chloe continued to tap away furiously at the keyboard. She spoke but a few words. "Throwing myself into my work. Getting my mind off of things."
"Now there's nothing so special about you throwing yourself into your work, Chloe, but what's to get your mind off of?"
Chloe paused and swung her eyes towards Pete without moving her head. "Did you not hear the vicious rumours about Lana that have been circulating around school all day?"
Pete cringed. "Yeah, poor girl. It's just so unlike Lana Lang to be in a state of.of pregnancy!"
"I love how you put it so delicately, Pete," Chloe replied, typing once more.
"But what does that have to do with you? You're not pregnant, too, are you?" Feigning concern, Pete grabbed Chloe's shoulders and shook her mockingly. "Didn't your father ever teach you that abstinence is the best policy?!"
"'Abstinence is the Best Policy and Experience is the Best Teacher'," Chloe quoted, pausing once more. "No, it doesn't have anything to do with me. It has to do with Clark."
"Well what's the problem? Do you honestly think Clark is going to be attracted to a pregnant girl? He has enough worries without a little baby on his hands."
Chloe sighed. "Are you dense? He's going to have to take responsibility for his consequential actions, Pete."
Staring in disbelief, Pete shook his head. "Clark? You've really lost it this time, Chloe. If Clark were the father, I would grant you the right to stick the story up on your Wall of Weird. That's crazy."
"Who else would it be, Pete? Especially since Whitney left, Lana has spent more time with Clark than with anyone."
"No, I won't believe it," Pete insisted. "Clark is so.perfect, Chloe." Slightly bitter, he furrowed his brow and muttered something to himself. Then he continued. "Clark can control himself, Chloe. If he couldn't, he'd be locked up in some federal hospital undergoing all sorts of phenomenal tests." He trailed off. He knew his ramblings would make no sense to Chloe, so his speech was safe from questioning.
"You're quite the humorist today," Chloe observed in annoyance, turning back to her work.
She was not to be focused for long, however, as a self-invitational knock at the door revealed none other than Lex Luthor.
"Hi Chloe, hello Pete," he greeted them slightly; he seemed quite preoccupied.
Chloe rose. "Mr. Luthor. What brings you to our humble abode?"
Displeased at the entrance of his family's sworn enemy, Pete rolled his eyes and turned away. He noticed, with annoyance, that Lex received quite a friendlier welcome than he had upon his arrival.
"Well, I came to see you, Chloe. I've heard so much about your investigative abilities from Clark, that it seems to me you are the person to come to in the time of mystery."
"I'm on the case." Chloe grinned for the first time all day.
"Great. And by the way, as I've told you before, the name's 'Lex'." Lex inhaled deeply and glanced around the room conspicuously. As he began his explanation, he dropped his voice considerably. "It's quite embarrassing, actually. You see, this morning I woke up with hair."
From his place by Chloe's desk, Pete burst into laughter. Simultaneously, each of Chloe and Lex shot him a withering glance. "What?" he protested. "It just sounds funny!"
"Go on. This sounds Wall of Weird-worthy considering you haven't had hair for - what - twelve years or so?"
"That sounds about right," Lex agreed. "There isn't much more to tell. I felt it, I saw it, and I screamed."
At this, Pete laughed louder, clutching at his abdomen. "Oh, that is fun-nee." Calming slightly, he directed a question at Lex. "So where is this phantom hair? I don't see anything."
"I shaved it off," Lex explained. As if divulging a great and terrible secret, he spoke ominously. "Hair doesn't become me."
Chloe glared at Pete from across the room. "Please ignore Chuckles the Clown here, er, Lex. Are you sure you look so bad with hair? Maybe its regrowth is just a miracle in the making, and you should be pleased."
"Oh, no. You'd feel the same way if you had intense red follicles breeding thick curls. He," Lex said, nodding toward the laugh-sick Pete, "may be Chuckles the Clown, but with my hair I look like Bobo the Clown. It's not much better. Chloe, hair makes me feel vulnerable, especially toward my father. I simply do not want it, and if it comes back, I need a way to be able to get rid of it."
"Well, I'll see what I can do for you. This is quite the puzzle," Chloe observed. She was satisfied at this; having a project would certainly help her remove undesired thoughts from her dwelling mind.
As Lex turned to go with a suave bestowment of thanks, Chloe spoke after him. "By the way, how is your father doing, Lex?"
"Oh, he's doing quite nicely," Lex answered distantly, suddenly returned to the awful memories of his erring. "He has gotten himself a seeing-eye dog, much to my disgust. On top of the difficulties I have with that man, I now I have a dog to deal with. I've always thought perhaps I am somewhat allergic to my father, but I'm physically allergic to dogs."
"Oh, I'm sorry," Chloe called, as she and Pete bade their farewells to Lex. As the door swung shut behind him, she turned to her friend. "Now isn't that strange."
Pete laughed once more. "Sure is," he concurred heartily. "And to think most men worry about waking up one day with no hair at all."