CHAPTER 4

EIGHT YEARS LATER

Kathryn stirred awake. She felt a weight against her body as she tried to move and opened her eyes. She found Alex sleeping soundly beside her. He had nestled as close to her as he could and his little arm was wrapped around her. He was a small, slight, boy, smaller than most boys his age as his body matured more slowly. But he was a bright child. Very observant and analytical. Kathryn kissed his mop of curly red hair and stroked his back. She was worried about him. This was the third morning in a row now she had woken to find him beside her. He was quieter than usual too, keeping very much to himself.

"Alex, honey, time to wake up," she said firmly, but gently. "Wake up, honey."

Alex stirred and sat up, rubbing his eyes. "What time is it?"

Kathryn kissed his cheek. "Time for breakfast."

Alex put his hand to his stomach. "I don't want any."

"You can't go to school on an empty stomach."

He looked up at her with sad gray eyes. "I don't feel well, Mommy. Can I stay home today?"

"What's the matter, sweetheart?"

"I have a tummy ache."

Kathryn put her hand to his brow. "You don't have a temperature."

"My tummy hurts real bad, Mommy. Real bad."

The bedroom door opened and Chakotay came in. He carried two glasses of apple juice.

"Good morning, sleepy heads."

He put the drinks down on the bedside table. "I'm making us some pancakes."

"I don't want any," Alex said. "My tummy hurts."

Kathryn pulled back the bedcovers. "Show me where it hurts."

He put his hand on his stomach.

Chakotay sat on the edge of the bed. "Do you feel sick?"

"Yes," Alex replied. "Very sick."

Kathryn and Chakotay shared a concerned glance.

"Does your head hurt?"

"Yes," he replied. "All over."

"I'll call the Doctor," Chakotay said, already getting off the bed.

"No!" Alex shouted. "It's not that bad, Daddy. It's bad, but not doctor bad."

Chakotay took a deep breath and turned again to Kathryn. They both knew their son well enough to know he was trying to get out of something. That something had to be school. He sat down again. "Are you really sick, Alex, or is there something happening today at school that makes you want to be sick?"

He lowered his eyes and began to play with the bedcovers uncomfortably. "I'm really sick."

Kathryn stroked his brow. "Tell us the truth, honey. If you're sick, we'll call the Doctor to make you better. If there's something else troubling you, we'll help put it right."

No answer.

Chakotay tried again. "Are you sick, son?"

Alex looked up at Chakotay and tears streaked his face now. "I'm not your son," he cried, his face reddening with painful anger. "You're not my father! You're no one's father!"

Painful silence filled the room as the words hung in the air. Alex scrambled off the bed and hurried towards the door.

"Alex," Kathryn cried as she found her voice. "Come back here..."

But he was gone.

Kathryn turned to Chakotay. He was staring at the bedcovers, tears in his eyes. A tear ran down her cheek. She knew how much Chakotay loved Alex. And he was his father in every way that mattered. No father could love a son more. And Alex loved Chakotay. Of that she was certain. She had told him all about Jaffen as soon as he was old enough to understand, but he had never really been interested. As far as he was concerned, Chakotay was his father. He idolized Chakotay and would try and join in everything he did.

"He didn't mean it," she said softly. "My suspicion is he is that he wants you to be his natural father so much that he is angry because you're not." She put her hand on his shoulder. "You're an incredible father to him and he loves you very much. Never doubt that."

Chakotay turned to her slowly. "And I love him." A tear ran down his cheek. "I don't want to lose him."

Kathryn drew him close. "You never will, Chakotay. Never."

Kathryn approached her son's bedroom. She tried to open the door, but he had locked it. She could easily override the lockout, but she wanted him to let her in of his own free will.

"Alex, sweetheart, open the door."

Silence.

"Please, honey. I just want to talk to you."

She heard footsteps scamper across the bedroom floor, the lock disengage, and then footsteps scamper back across the floor. When all was silent, she entered.

Alex had buried himself under the covers of his bed. Kathryn went over to him and sat on the bed. She then pulled back the covers. Alex was lying on the bed, his face wet with tears.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I'm sorry for what I said."

Kathryn reached out and stroked his hair. "Trying not to say hurtful things in the first place is much better than saying sorry afterwards," she said gently. "But sometimes we say hurtful things because someone or something is hurting us. Is someone being nasty to you, sweetheart? Someone at school, perhaps?"

A tear ran down his cheek. "I don't want to be me."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a freak."

"Oh Alex, honey, that's not true. That's so not true. Who said you are?"

"James."

"James Horlton?"

He nodded.

"Why in the world would he say something like that?"

"Because he said there's no one else in the universe like me, no one of the same mixed species. He said that makes me a freak."

Kathryn opened her arms to him. "Come here, sweetheart."

Alex climbed into her arms and Kathryn held him close. "It doesn't make you a freak, Alex. It makes you unique. And every one is unique. Every human, every Klingon, every Vulcan, even identical twins. There is only one of all of us. You're a precious, special, little boy, and you are loved very much."

"But you would love me more if I was human," he wept. "You would love me more if I was Daddy's son. He would love me more."

"No, darling," Kathryn said tearfully. "I could never love you more and neither could Daddy. We love you more than anything. Humans are only one species. The universe is filled with thousands and thousands of wonderful species. You should be just as proud of being Norvalen as human."

"I don't want to be Norvalen. I want to be human. I want to be Daddy's real son."

"You are his son in every way that matters. No father could love a son more than Daddy loves you."

"Only because he loves you. If he leaves you, he won't love me any more."

Kathryn stroked Alex's hair and felt a knot of anger deep within. Someone had been putting ideas in his little head. He would never think of these things himself and had never before been ashamed of his heritage.

"Who told you that, sweetheart?"

"James."

"What else does he say?"

"Lots of things."

"Like what?"

"That I'm no good to anyone. He makes fun of me for being so small. The others do too."

"The others?"

"His friends. They get me in trouble at school. They told the teacher I was cheating on my math assignment just because I had all the answers right. I wasn't. I just knew them. James said no one so small could be so smart." Another tear ran down his cheek. "I don't like that school, Mommy. I want to go to Woodville. Miral likes it. She says there are lots of races there. She says no one gets made fun of."

Kathryn kissed Alex's hair. "Alright, sweetheart. I'll arrange for you to go there. You don't have to go to Penshurste anymore."

Alex drew away from her, a light shining in his eyes. "Really?"

Kathryn nodded. "I promise." She brushed his hair away from his face. "You must forget all that James and his friends have told you. There is no truth to any of it. Daddy and I love each other very much and we have no intention of leaving each other. But if we ever did, it wouldn't change how Daddy feels about you. He loves you more than anything and will always be your Dad no matter what. He's taken care of you for over eight years. He bathed you, clothed you, fed you as a baby. He's taken care of you when you've been sick and when you've fallen over. He's put you to bed, told you stories, and taken you on vacations, just the two of you. He's told you secrets about his tribe that an Indian man only tells his first born. You are his son, Alex, and you always will be." She kissed his forehead. "Now, go and wash your face and then come down stairs for some breakfast."

Alex smiled. "Yes, Mommy."

He climbed off the bed and Kathryn watched him go towards the door that led from his bedroom to the bathroom. Just as he reached it, he turned around. "Mommy?"

"Yes, honey?"

"If it's easier for you than changing schools, I'll just have corrective surgery."

Kathryn almost choked on the words. "Corrective surgery?"

"To make me look human. James said it isn't hard."

Kathryn had to bite her lip hard to stifle her rage. She then held out her hand to Alex. "Come here, sweetheart."

Alex went over to her and Kathryn lay her hands on his thin shoulders. "Now you listen to me and you listen good. There is nothing wrong with the way you look, nothing at all. You're a very handsome young man and have the sweetest dimples when you smile." She playfully squeezed his cheek. "I wouldn't change anything about you, understand? I love you just the way you are. Just the way you are."

Alex smiled through tears. "I love you too, Mommy."

Kathryn drew him close and they held each other tight.

Kathryn entered the kitchen. Chakotay had cooked a pile of pancakes and was putting them in the oven to keep them warm. He turned around when Kathryn entered.

"Did he tell you anything?"

Kathryn nodded. Her face was pale and there were tears in her eyes. "He's being teased at school for being half Norvalen." She paused angrily. "Why Chakotay? Why do children have to be so cruel?"

"I don't know," he said sadly. "Perhaps we should put him in another school. Penshurste is eighty percent human. Perhaps if we put him in a more cosmopolitan school..."

"That's what he wants. He wants to go to Woodville. I told him we'd arrange it." A tear escaped her eye. "I should never have sent him to Penshurste. I just didn't have too great a time of it at Woodville and didn't want him to suffer the way I did."

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "We did what we thought was best." He paused. "I'll go and see the principal this afternoon. The last lecture I'm giving is at noon so I'll be free for the rest of the day."

Kathryn smiled softly. "Thank you." She then drew Chakotay close and they held each other tight. They drew apart when the door opened and Alex came in. He stood in the doorway and gazed up at Chakotay with sorrowful gray eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I'm sorry for what I said.

Chakotay smiled softly. "It's alright, Alex." He opened his arms to him and Alex hurried into them. Chakotay lifted him up and Alex held him tight around the neck.

"I didn't mean it. I love you, Daddy."

"I know you do. And I love you too, very, very, much."

Alex held him tighter and his tears fell onto Chakotay's sweater. "I just wish you and Mommy had made me and not Mommy and Jaffen."

Chakotay glanced at Kathryn and saw tears well in her eyes. She turned away from them and walked over to the window.

"I understand," Chakotay whispered. "But then you wouldn't be you."

"You and Mommy would have made me instead," he said quietly.

"It doesn't always work that way. It gets harder for a woman to have a baby as she gets older. If Mommy and Jaffen hadn't made you, there would be no Alex." He kissed his mop of red hair and then drew the child away from him. "And we couldn't have that, could we?"

Alex shook his head with a smile. Then he fell serious again. "Are you still going to take me to the mountains next weekend?"

"Of course I am," Chakotay smiled. "Wild horses couldn't stop me." Tears welled in his eyes as he gazed at the precious child in his arms. "Never be ashamed of who you are, Alex, and never let anyone make you feel ashamed. It doesn't matter what race we are, what species. All that matters is what we are in our heart. Understand?"

Alex nodded.

Chakotay squeezed him gently and then lowered him to the floor.

"Now, sit at the table and we'll all have some breakfast."

Alex made his way to the table and Chakotay turned to Kathryn. She was still looking out of the window. He went over to her and caressed her arm softly. "Joining us for breakfast?"

Kathryn turned to him, nodded, and wiped away her tears.

Chakotay kissed her forehead softly, holding the kiss a long moment.

Alex watched his mother make her way over to the table as his father went to the oven to get out the pancakes.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, honey?"

"Did you mean what you said about me not having to go to Penshurste anymore?"

Kathryn fixed her eyes on his and smiled kindly. "Don't I always mean what I say?"

He nodded.

"Daddy's going to go and see the principal at Woodville this afternoon and hopefully you can start there next week."

"Where will I go today?"

"To Grandma's of course." She smiled. "Perhaps if we ask her kindly she'll make you some gingerbread men."

"With chocolate boots?"

"With chocolate boots."

Chakotay brought the pancakes to the table. "How many would you like, Alex?"

"Two," he replied.

"Just two? I've made banana topping."

"Alright, three," Alex smiled.

"That's more like it." Chakotay put three pancakes on his plate and then handed him the jug of topping. Alex carefully poured it over the pancakes and Chakotay split the remaining pancakes between himself and Kathryn. Kathryn watched Alex carefully. She knew that she and Chakotay sometimes indulged him far too much, but he was a miracle in their lives. She wished she could wrap him up in cotton wool and spare him from ever knowing pain or suffering, but that was impossible. All she could do was be there for him when life wasn't so kind and it wasn't being too kind now. He needed to feel special, needed to be reassured just how much he was loved. Alex put down the jug now and looked up at his mother with a brightness in his eyes that she always wanted to see there. Chakotay finished administering the pancakes and then sat down. He too studied Alex.

"I have a day off tomorrow. What would you say, Alex, to you and I going to Treasure Island Fun Park?"

Alex beamed a smile. "Yes, please, Daddy, yes please, please."

Kathryn stifled a laugh. The last time Chakotay had taken Alex there it had taken him a week to recover. Bless him for the thought, but she couldn't let him venture there alone again.

"I'm sure I can take a day off tomorrow," she said. "How about I come too?"

The happiness on Alex's face was overflowing now. "Yes, Mommy, yes, yes. We can go on the Dangers of the Deep ride. Miral's been on it and she says you really go under water and there's monsters and caves and sharks and you get swallowed by a whale like Pinocchio did and get swirled around in his stomach."

"Sounds ... charming," Kathryn said, casting a "not so sure" look at Chakotay. There was a glint in his eye and she knew that he was just as amused at the thought of her partaking in this venture as she was of him.

"There's also the Tower of Terrors, The Forest of Fire, The Dungeon of Doom, and we'll have to go on the Sinking Pirate Ship."

Kathryn took a deep breath, not even wanting to think about what these adventures might entail. "You think of all the things you would like to do, sweetheart, and then we'll do as many as we can." She then turned again to Chakotay. "I could do with a coffee."

He smiled. "I thought you were trying to give up."

"I know," she replied. "But right now I need my fix."

Chakotay laughed. Kathryn went over to the replicator and said the words he had so often heard her say in the past.

"Coffee, black."

END OF CHAPTER 4