***The title has been changed! It is now Balance and Control***
. A-Chan Yuy is co-writing this fic with me so don't forget to give her the credit she deserves in your reviews! Here's the part where I reply to feedback: I have a couple reviews! Still not quite enough though. Thank you samuraiheart and Gabriel Yaslana for reviewing. A-chan you've been great, except an email soon, I think I'm about to write myself into a corner. Xelyna, I would be delighted if you archived my fic when I finish it. Remind me when I do; I've got a horrible short-term memory. I'm going to let the lack of feedback slide this once because ff.net went down shortly after I posted the last chapter. I will put this story on hold unless I get more feedback! I need to know that people are still reading and if there's something in particular that needs work. I need you guys to tell me what I'm doing wrong, don't be afraid to nitpick a little. I'm going to try to cut the repetitive stuff with Kenshin's past, I reread my fic and it gets a bit annoying. I'm going to try and avoid excessive angst and such. I promise all the little things that I mention now are important to the ending. I actually have an idea of how I want this to end. Chapter six is having difficulties so don't expect it out for a week or so.
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin; it belongs to its respective companies. I am a high school student; you sue me you'll get squat and a bill for legal fees.
Warnings for this Chapter: This will be yaoi/shonen ai, which means male/male relationships, GAY! I will not tolerate flames from people about Kenshin's sexuality, it's my fic and he'll be what I damn well please. I've screwed around with ages and such so just ignore any age changes or original story changes; trust me there's a reason I did it.
If you're still with me enjoy, and please comment because I need encouragement to write. I mean that seriously too, any delays are because of lack of motivation; I do have these parts written out within two days of each posting. Do let me know if I go overboard I can get a little lost in my writing at times. Beware the POV changes often and without much warning! As usual story picks up right where it left off unless otherwise noted.
Italics indicate thought when in 3rd person POV
/…. / Indicate thoughts in 1st person POV
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Balance and Control: Part 5~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was surprised to see Himura here; I haven't seen him since he asked to leave the Ishin Shishi. Physically he hasn't changed a bit, I can hardly tell he's 28, if I didn't know better I'd still think he was 18. I cannot say much for his emotional state though, he's never been able to hide that from me, he still feels guilty, but has found some measure of inner peace. He's become more approachable, he doesn't have the same aura he did ten years ago. Now he seems like a slightly silly but easygoing man. I noticed that he had a companion; he never was very social when he was with the Ishin. I hope he's found someone to take Tomoe's place in his life though; he deserves at least a little happiness. Curious to learn more I asked Yamagata about Himura; Yamagata was eager to tell me about Himura's activities this past year and his refusal to join the army. Yamagata hasn't given up yet though, he's very determined to have Himura at his side. I wonder who will lose this battle of wills, Himura or Yamagata? As I expected Yamagata asked me to help him try and win Himura's favor; he must still believe I have some sort of power over Himura. After all, who would willingly want to go through the hell Himura did? I told Yamagata that I would help him, Himura's already suspicious of my presence, I think I'll leave him a gift. I'm looking forward to having a long talk with him about his activities these past eleven years.
~~~~Next Morning~~~~~~~
Making their way to the Akai-ya, Kenshin and Sano silently contemplated what possible jobs they could have. Entering the suspiciously quiet restaurant, Kenshin and Sano looked around warily not want Sorata to take them by surprise. Despite their caution, the sound of a crazy laugh that could have belonged to Jiya sent them reeling in surprise. Regaining their footing, Kenshin and Sano turned around and looked at Sorata in disbelief. How did he sneak up on them like that? Grinning at the pair, Sorata led them back into the kitchen where the cook was organizing the food.
"What skills do you have? Can either of you cook?"
"Kenshin can cook"
"Sano!"
"It's true!"
"Well then, Kenshin you help the cook. Sano, you're going to be a waiter, and if we are extremely busy then you'll also have to wait on people Kenshin."
"Oro!"
"Waiter!?!"
"Yes" replied Sorata as he cackled again.
After some prodding by Kenshin, Sano finally emerged from behind the screen dressed in his new, completely red, slightly feminine uniform. With a small laugh Kenshin shooed Sano away to do his duties so he could chop the vegetables in peace. Indignantly Sano trudged out into the main part of the restaurant to serve the first lunch customers.
Since when did those bums I call friends get the money to eat at a nice restaurant! Every single one of them has made some smart-ass remark about my uniform. Katsu's having way too much fun with this, if he wasn't my best friend I'd kill him. He insists on calling me over every chance he gets to tease me about my uniform. Kenshin's not really helping either; he's just having a wonderful time cooking, how come he doesn't have to wear this stupid uniform? Returning from the kitchen with my friends' lunch, I smile as I here Sorata calling Kenshin to come out and help wait on tables. Misery loves company. By the time I greet the next customer Kenshin is already good-naturedly trying to placate a group of drunks. Passing by the grouped I winked at Kenshin, his only response was a sigh as he tried to convince the drunks that they didn't need any more sake. At least he doesn't have to wear this dumb uniform, Katsu's calling me again. When I go to where he was sitting I "accidentally" spilled his tea all over him that should shut him up for a while.
Why am I helping Yamagata? I gave Himura permission to leave the Ishin Shishi; he deserves to live out the rest of his life free from the clutches of politics.
/ Because you want him back /
No, I don't want him to be forced into a position he doesn't want to be in. I want him to have the peace he deserves.
/ Don't lie to yourself /
I'm not lying! Why am I arguing with myself? This is crazy. I need to get more sleep; talking to yourself is surely not a sign of health. I'm going to tell Yamagata that I will not have any part in this.
/ No you won't /
Yes, I will.
/ You won't, stop lying /
You're right, I won't; I do want him back. I've already ruined his life once for my dream and I'm prepared to do it again. I need someone I can trust to make sure this era becomes what I dreamed it would be. So many have already been corrupted by money and power, I know Himura never would be. Perhaps I just miss the days when we fought for our dreams on the battlefield where Himura became a legend. Maybe I just want to be the one that lays claim to Himura's strength. The feeling of power it gave me, in those days I was a god by my own right, I could decide who lived and died. Himura's sworn never to kill again though. When I had him kill the guilt nearly drove him mad. Do the faces of those he has slain still haunt him now like they did then? Before he left I remember him having nightmares about Tomoe. Would I really ruin his life a second time? I need him though; the era I dreamed about has not come to pass. I'm already feeling guilty, I still feel guilty for ruining his youth. I'm adding even more guilt now, is this how Himura feels? Himura is like a son to me, will I really ruin his happiness now that he's found it?
~~~~~~~~~ Kyoto, 1864 ~~~~~~~~~~~
I smiled as I watched Himura practice; this time was special for Himura and I. I was the only one Himura still allowed to watch him practice, he had stopped practicing in front of others when he noticed some of his fellow Ishin Shishi try and copy his stance. He's very protective of his style for some reason; he would have many people asking for his instruction if it wasn't for his reputation. I loved to watch him practice though; when he practiced I did not see the cold gaze of the Battousai, but the warm gaze of the teenager he is. How old was he now? Sixteen? Seventeen? Whatever his age was he was still so young for a Hitokiri as accomplished as he was. How can the feared manslayer be so pure? I always feel guilty when I see him return from an assignment, he tries to hide it but I know that the guilt is eating him alive. In my own mind he is my son, but I do not know how to lighten the burden he carries. If I look harder I can see that he is still a child, he carries a top with him everywhere; perhaps the only piece of childhood he has left. From what he has told me I've concluded that he is an orphan who was raised by a powerful swordsman who lacked parenting skills. As he finishes he looks into the bushes I've crouched behind, for some reason I feel the need to hide when I watch him. It doesn't matter though, he can always tell exactly where I am. Rising I look him in the eye, for a moment I could swear I saw a look of affection in his eyes before it disappeared. Turning so my back is to him, an unconscious gesture of trust I lead him back to the inn where we are staying.
Katsura sighed as the memory finished playing in his head, how could so much time pass without him noticing? Himura may still look the same but his eyes have more depth now. Shifting slightly Katsura continued to think about Himura, for some reason the redheaded Hitokiri was never far from his thoughts. Katsura wondered why Yamagata wanted Himura in the army, there was no real threat to Japan at the moment; Himura would be more useful in a more powerful position. Glancing at the pocket watch on the floor bedside him Katsura decided to see Himura in the morning. Blowing out the candle, Katsura hoped the suffering of his adopted son would not trouble his dreams.
Seeking refuge in Sanosuke's arms Kenshin tried to figure out why Katsura was in Tokyo. Part of him was glad to see the man he saw as his father, but part of him was afraid of Katsura's presence. Katsura would not have shown himself if it wasn't important. Deep down Kenshin knew that if Katsura truly needed his help he could not refuse him anything. Leaning against Sanosuke, Kenshin lost himself in his memories of Katsura. For some reason one memory stood out more than the rest.
~~~~~~~Kyoto, 1864 ~~~~~~~~~
As I walked to the secluded grove where I practiced I could sense Katsura following me, halfheartedly trying to stay hidden. I wasn't exactly sure why I let him watch me practice, I drove away anyone else who tried to follow. Stretching and preparing to run through a few katas I went over everything I knew about Katsura. His ideas for the new era were wonderful and his intentions pure. In my opinion he was a very kind man who tried not to ask too much of me though some might say otherwise. He seemed to have a sixth sense about my feelings though, on the rare occasion I felt the need to talk to someone he was always around when I needed him. He treated me like I was his son. Going through a few practice strokes I noticed he chose to hide behind a clump of bushes today. I started to think along a different train of thought, my feelings towards him. I cared for him as a son would for a father. He became my father after I left Shishou. Finishing I looked into the bushes where he was hiding, causing him to reveal himself. For a brief moment I let my mask fall, if he was very observant he might have noticed the change. As he turned his back on me I learned that he truly trusted me with his life. Not many would turn their back on a Hitokiri. Following him back to the inn I looked forward to a more peaceful night.
At his desk Yamagata began to reflect on the events that had occurred recently. Katsura had suddenly reappeared as an important officer in the army and Kamatari had arrived in Tokyo. Katsura's appearance may have given him the necessary leverage against Himura. Fortunately for Yamagata, Himura had given up wandering so the danger of him disappearing again was minimal. Between the new arguments he had constructed and Katsura's support Himura would have accept the position. Himura could hardly deny Katsura anything and Yamagata planned to capitalize on that, the trick was timing it so Himura would listen. Yamagata wondered why Katsura agreed to his idea so easily though. Katsura had to have an agenda of his own; he wouldn't show himself without good reason. There were still many who would like to kill the leader of the Ishin Shishi. How had Katsura managed to move to Tokyo without him noticing though? The ex-leader of the Ishin Shishi had many tricks up his sleeve it seemed. Himura also had a few surprises; he seemed to have found his life mate in a man. To those who do not know Himura well, it would seem that he was having lunch with a good friend. To those who knew him well though Himura was showing a level of familiarity that one would for a life mate. Katsura must have noticed he had a small smile whenever he looked at Himura and Sano. Sano's name has come up in numerous reports of Himura's activities; Yamagata wondered why he didn't notice it sooner. Turning back towards his paperwork, Yamagata found a letter from a "Fujita Goro". Curious, he opened the letter to find a short paragraph requesting a meeting as soon as possible to discuss his assignment. Puzzled as to who this "Fujita Goro" was he examined the letter till he found Saitoh's signature in the bottom right corner. Smirking Yamagata realized that Saitoh must have figured out what his assignment really was. Yamagata frowned a little when he realized that Saitoh would be really angry about the assignment and redirected a large case in an attempt to appease Mibu's wild wolf. If Saitoh could carry out his motto of 'Aku, Soku, Zan' Yamagata would be free from his sharp eyes. Writing a quick message to Saitoh, Yamagata left to meet with Katsura.
I hate washing dishes! Kenshin being the domestic he is seems perfectly content to clean up after everyone. Even when they're drunk and incoherent they drive me crazy! If Kenshin wasn't here I would have knocked them into next week already. Kenshin's been acting kind of weird since Yamagata and Katsura showed up though. According to what he's told be they were big shot Ishin Shishi or something like that, so why were they here? Well Yamagata lived in Tokyo, but Katsura hadn't been seen for years. Drying the last dish I went to collect Kenshin from Sorata's clutches before we were stuck here all night. Leaving the restaurant I prayed that no one I knew would see me in this outfit. The fact that Kenshin keeps snickering whenever he looks at me is not reassuring. He never laughs at anyone's expense. We almost made it to the dojo when no other than Saitoh appeared. Kami has an interesting sense of humor it seems. Now Saitoh's probably going to have a new name for me.
"Battousai, why is this aho wearing a kimono?"
"Asshole! It's a uniform! I have a job!"
"Don't pick on Sano like that Saitoh"
"Yare, Yare another cross dresser to baby-sit"
"Another?"
"The wonderful government you've created has put me in charge of babysitting cross dressers"
"Oh you mean Kamatari-dono."
"That's the one"
Saitoh must be angry, I've never heard him use sarcasm like that; no wait, never mind I have. Of course, both of them just ignored me as they talked. Saitoh now is calling me a cross dressing aho, that bastard. One of these days I'm going to kick his ass then we'll see who's the aho. It makes me feel better to know that Saitoh's stuck keeping Kama-chan outta trouble though. I'm going to have to ask Kama-chan to be as obnoxious as he can when Saitoh's watching him. Jou-chan about knocked Kenshin over when we went through the gate; at least it's dark so the can't see what I'm wearing. She worries too much; Kenshin can take care of himself. Megumi's got that damn smirk on her face again, I wonder what she did this time. Kama-chan keeps glaring at the street, I guess Saitoh must have stopped by to tell him to behave. Sighing I pull Jou-chan off Kenshin, any longer and she'll knock him unconscious like last time. I distract jou-chan as Kenshin nurses the now multiple bumps on his head, I wince when I think about the beating I'm in for. She seems pretty mad about us being out this late. Surprisingly Megumi dragging Kenshin and I in for some sake saves my head from some serious abuse. Taking advantage of the momentary confusion I drat into Kenshin's room and take off this uniform before joining the others in the practice room for an impromptu party of sorts.
The others were shocked that Kenshin and I had jobs. How lazy did they think I was? They were even more shocked that Kenshin was going to move in with me. Katsu must have told Megumi about it earlier, he's been hanging around her lately. She's already packed Kenshin's belongings and set them outside his room; that must have been what that damn fox was smirking about. Yahiko seems disappointed about Kenshin moving out but like always he tries to hide it and just makes some comments about jou-chan's cooking. Jou-chan's trying to convince Kenshin to stay but she's not having any luck, Kenshin can be really hardheaded sometimes. Kama-chan keeps winking at me and dropping a few innuendos about my relationship with Kenshin. Dr. Hans and Yutaro have said much but Yutaro looks a little put out. Ayame-chan and Suzame-chan are crying and asking "Ken-nii" not to leave, they must think he's going back to Kyoto or something. Gensai-sensei is trying to convince them otherwise but I think only Kenshin will be able to calm them down. Kenshin comforts them as they ask to go see his new home. I didn't think everyone would make such a fuss about Kenshin moving a few blocks. Jou-chan seems to have this crazy idea that if Kenshin leaves her newly acquired students will leave too. Kenshin has attracted quite a few students who wish to be instructed by a legendary swordsman even if it is in a different style. Kenshin promised to help around the dojo on his day off, but Jou-chan's still beating up on him. She's so overdramatic at times, worst-case scenario all the students will only come when Kenshin's off. Kama-chan's not helping the situation either, he keeps asking questions about our relationship. He's too damn observant! At least no one else can hear him, one big shock at a time. At least the others can't here him over Jou-chan's screeching. Damn I knew this was going to happen sooner or later, Jou-chan's gone and knocked Kenshin unconscious. I'm tempted to tell her that shouting at an unconscious person is useless but I would like to live long enough to see tomorrow.
"Sano-nii, why did Kaoru-neesan hurt Ken-nii?"
"Um, well…"
"The rooster head can't even come up with an answer!"
"Shut up fox-lady!"
"Ohohohoho"
I hate it when she laughs like that, now I know she's up to something. I'm going to have to watch my step from now on; she has a demented idea of what is a "joke". Last time she dyed my jacket pink, Yahiko's still laughing about that. Ayame-chan is still waiting for an answer, why'd she have to ask me? If I don't say the right thing Jou-chan'll kill me. Thinking for a moment I try and phrase my answer as inoffensively as I can.
"Jou-chan just got over excited about Kenshin moving"
"Oh, she should say gomen nasai then"
"She will when he wakes up"
"Okay"
I'm glad Ayame-chan is happy with that answer, I don't think I could think of anything better than that. I noticed that Suzame-chan was being unusually quiet; bending down so I was on her level I asked her a question.
"Is something wrong Suzame-chan?"
"Ken-nii's leaving"
"Yes, he is"
"But..."
"Don't worry Suzame-chan, he'll still see you almost everyday"
"Really? Promise?"
"Promise"
I love how Suzame-chan's face lights up, it's so cute. Kenshin's starting to stir a little; I guess Jou-chan didn't hit him too hard this time. Like always Ayame-chan and Suzame-chan pounced on him as soon as he sat up; they really do love him. Then again, how could anyone not love Kenshin? I hope Tomoe realized that she was the luckiest girl in the world when she married Kenshin. I think she did, Kenshin's kept on of her kimonos in his room. It's a really nice kimono too, it's a shame it's stuck in a box like that. I don't really know that much about Tomoe though, I guess I'll just have to wait for him to tell me more about her. Actually come to think of it, that box wasn't there until after we came back from work. Did Saitoh leave it here when he came to talk to Kama-chan? Now I really wish I had read the note with it, but it is Kenshin's note and he's touchy about his past; it's probably best I didn't Whatever that note says it must be important, it's even sealed in one of those Western style envelopes. I'll tell him about the note later, he never told Karou or the others about Tomoe and I don't think he wants to. The box must not have been there when the fox-lady packed up Kenshin's stuff otherwise she'd be teasing him about a secret lover or something. I wonder if that was Tomoe's journal on top of the kimono, I was too busy with the note to pay it much mind. As soon as Ayame-chan and Suzame-chan finish climbing on Kenshin he quietly goes to collect his luggage. He doesn't really have much, his small sack slung over one shoulder and the box tucked under one arm. I slip the note into the box as soon as Jou-chan distracts him, I don't want him to know that I've seen what's in the box. Folding my uniform over my arm, I lead Kenshin out of the dojo yelling our good-byes. Jou-chan's just standing there watch Kenshin go, after all the fuss she made earlier I didn't think she would let him go so easily. Then again, it's not like Kenshin's going back to Kyoto again.
I didn't know Katsura kept one of Tomoe's kimonos; he must have had Saitoh drop it off when he spoke with Kamatari-dono. Katsura has kept this a long time, was he that sure he'd see me again? I'm glad to have it back though; Tomoe's ribbon has just about become a rag. Sano must have seen what's in the box, he's trying to hide it but his curiosity always gets the better of him. Did Megumi-dono see the box? It doesn't matter though, Megumi-dono knows more about my past then Sano does. I do hope Kaoru-dono's okay, she was very depressed the last time I left the dojo. I'll have to make sure to visit her everyday after work so she realizes I haven't just picked up and left her life. Hopefully this well help her overcome her dependency on me, she needs to find her special person. Its too bad Soujiro went off wandering, he'd be a good person for her to have around. When we reach Sano's, I mean our apartment I set the box down in a corner where it won't be disturbed, I have to Katsura in the morning before work. Crawling into the bedroll beside Sano I lean into his embrace, so much as happened recently, I need some time to think.
~Owari~
Ack, that was a little longer than I expected. I hope that all the Kenshin and Sano goodness makes everyone happy. I'm dead serious about putting this fic on hold if I don't get any feedback, and when I put something on hold you will not see anything on it for months. About Katsura, don't you just love creative liberty? We'll be seeing a lot more of him so you might as well get used to it. He kinda came off a bit of a bastard with the inner monologue. I would also like to make clear that any affection shown by Kenshin to Katsura and visa-versa is like father-son type affection. Please leave any nice/nasty comments in review form and please direct your flames to crazy_miko@gundamwing.net where they will be properly read and replied to. They will later be laughed at then placed at the end of the next chapter with the email address so everyone can have a good hearty belly laugh at your expense. Like the new teaser? Title? Please let me know. Once again I thank A-chan for all her help so give her the credit she deserves. Please leave a review. Ja ne minna!