5/12/02: Happy Mothers Day everyone. The interlude will make an appearance sometime in the near future. An entire mini chapter devoted to Katsu and Megumi. For now though all I have for you is part 7.
***The title has been changed! It is now Balance and Control***
A-Chan Yuy is co-writing this fic with me so don't forget to give her the credit she deserves in your reviews! *Giggles* I have feedback! Raven_Shay and Ryoko Tokimi are the only people who left me a nice review, thank you! Hey Ryoko, I'd love to read some of your stuff, would you please send it to crazy_miko@gundamwing.net I had another review but I'll mess with that at the end since its negative. Not quite a flame, maybe a spark, but negative none the less. I was about to put this fic on hold until after finals if Raven_Shay and Ryoko Tokimi hadn't reviewed, contrary to popular belief I do have an outside life and fanfiction just eats up my time.
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin; it belongs to its respective companies. I am a high school student; you sue me you'll get squat and a bill for your lawyer's time.
Warnings for this Chapter: This will be yaoi/shonen ai, which means male/male relationships, GAY! I will not tolerate flames from people about Kenshin's or Sanosuke's or whoever's sexual orientation, it's my fic and he'll be what I damn well please. I've screwed around with ages and such so just ignore any age changes or original story changes; trust me there's a reason I did it. And yes, I know Tomoe's thing is a scarf/shawl now, but it stays a ribbon for the sake of consistency.
Archive: If you want it take it, just send me the site addy.
Do let me know if I go overboard I can get a little lost in my writing at times. Beware the POV changes often and without much warning! As usual story picks up right where it left off unless otherwise noted.
Italics indicate thought when in 3rd person POV
/…. / Indicate thoughts in 1st person POV or in Kenshin's POV Battousai
//…. // (Kenshin POV only) Rurouni
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Balance and Control: Part 7~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~Next Morning~~~~
Ara, it has only been a week since I started living here. Seems like I've lived here forever, it also seems like I've known everyone that long. I suppose a week is long enough for life to change for anyone, from what I understand, Himura-kun's decision to live with Sanosuke-kun turned everyone else's lives upside down. He hardly ever has time to visit, I only see him after work on occasion or when Kaoru-chan brings him back to do chores. It must be hard for Kaoru-chan to try and run a dojo by herself, now that Himura-kun's gone she also has to take care of the housework. Perhaps I should start helping out more, I am staying here for free after all. Kaoru-chan is very kind to let someone who once tried to kill her stay in her home. She's very trusting; my guess is that she believes in giving people second chances. So far she's collected the Hitokiri Battousai, a fighter for hire, a pickpocket, and an opium manufacturer. Wait, I forgot about myself, she now has a Juppon Gatana under her roof, lucky her. When those jerks at the station decide to pay me I'll have to take them all to dinner, then I can start to pay Kaoru-chan back for all her kindness.
Kaoru's taking us shopping! I'm glad Himura and Aoshi-sama are getting along now. I bet Aoshi-sama is really thankful that Kaoru made Himura come, I know Aoshi-sama's been talking to him when he thought I wasn't looking. He'll have to thank Tae-san for that; it was her idea to bring Himura along with us. Just you wait Aoshi-sama, I'll get you to smile yet! Megumi's advice really did work; I've grown in the past year, now maybe Aoshi-sama will think that I'm not a child anymore. Megumi's acting kind of strange today, she hasn't been flirting with Himura that much. I wonder if she's planning something. According to Yahiko, Megumi flirts with Himura shamelessly; he also mentioned that Himura was acting strange too. Could they be doing something together? No! Himura wouldn't do that to Kaoru, would he? Time to put the Tokyo branch of the Oniwa Banshu's skills to the test. Hopefully they'll have some information on Himura's activities. I have to find out for Kaoru!
Aoshi is not enjoying his trip; Misao-dono hasn't once let him out of her sight and insisted that he accompany us to the market. Aoshi has changed greatly of the past year; the Aoshi I knew would have never let Misao-dono talk him into doing anything he didn't want to do. If I remember correctly, Jiya could barely get Aoshi to pick Misao-dono up in Tokyo last year. Maybe I was correct assuming that Aoshi has feelings for Misao-dono, even if he doesn't realize it. Its none of my business though, I'm not any good with matchmaking. Besides, if it's meant to be, it will happen.
I wish Sano and Kamatari-dono weren't working today, I feel guilty being off while they have to work. Maybe Kaoru-dono will let me go back to work early if Kamatari-dono and Misao-dono help out at the dojo. While I'm here I should at least find something nice for Sano, a present would help lift his spirits. I have the money but the hard part is getting away from Kaoru-dono and Misao-dono, they wouldn't approve of me buying more sake. A glance to my side tells me that Aoshi has guessed what I'm planning; I shouldn't leave him behind with the girls. I give him the smallest nod when Kaoru-dono and Misao-dono turn away from us, I do feel guilty leaving them like this, but it is necessary.
Himura is going out of his way for me. I am grateful that he understands that I would prefer to be somewhere quiet. He is very observant, a requirement for his previous employment, I have no doubt that he knows why I allowed Misao to bring me to Tokyo. I am glad I came now, Himura is very easy to talk to and I have some issues I would like to discuss with him away from Misao and the others. I should be able to coax Misao into leaving me alone for at least half a day. I will have to ask Himura to take care of Kaoru though, I am fairly certain she would not listen to my request. Sake? Why would Himura be buying sake? I remember him telling me once that he didn't particularly care for it. For someone who dislikes it he is buying a fair amount. Perhaps he is hosting a small party, I do not remember Misao or Kaoru mentioning one though.
"Himura"
"Aa?"
"Why are you buying sake?"
"It's for Sano"
Sanosuke. He's the one with the chicken hair and loud manner. Why would Himura be buying sake for him? Misao described him as a loud; good for nothing free loader who drinks far too much. I am not completely sure of the truth in her words; I did not see him much after he brought Himura back to the Aoi-ya.
"Achoo!"
Someone must be talking about me; I hope it's not that asshole Saitoh. I can't believe Jou-chan got Kenshin the rest of the week off so he could play maid for her. Poor Kenshin, he must be knee deep in Jou-chan's dirty laundry by now. I'll be glad when he's back, the customers are asking for him and I have to do his jobs as well. Well, I don't have to cook; I've been banned from the kitchen area. It's not like it was a big fire or anything. I wish those groups from Kyoto and Hokkaido would find somewhere else to eat, with them around it's always busy during lunch and dinner. As if that isn't bad enough the ladies in the groups keep teasing me about this stupid uniform, I am getting a different job as soon as possible. The only good thing about today is that Saitoh and Kama-chan are keeping their mouths shut. I never ever want to be referred to as the "cross dressing aho" again, never. Doesn't Saitoh have anything better to do with his time besides pissing me off? What happened to all that "Aku, Soku, Zan" crap?
I hope I bought enough sake; I only was able to get four jugs. I should have tried to get six; Sano will want to have another drinking contest. It's probably for the best though, he needs to work in the morning and a hangover would not help his job performance. One weekend I'll buy enough sake for a real drinking contest, Sano would like that. It would have to be after Katsura's party though; I need to be on my guard until then. Those groups at the Akai-ya have done something to assuage my fears about Katsura's safety. There are still too many in power that look unfavorably upon the Meiji government and would benefit from Katsura's death. What really worries me is their knowledge of my recent meeting with Katsura; they must have someone watching him. This peaceful living has caused me to grow soft; I did not sense anyone else's presence but the chief's. There are few people who have been able to hide from me: Saitoh, Okita, and Shishou are the only three. Okita has been dead for many years, Saitoh is busy with his own personal mission, and Shishou is still on his mountain near Kyoto. That means there is another very skilled fighter alive and in Tokyo. I can't remember anyone who survived the Bakumatsu with such skill. It could be a member of the Shinsen-gumi or a fighter from the Satsuma. I know of all the fighters affiliated with Choshu and none alive would be able to reach that level. The Bakumatsu is still too recent for me not to know of a newer fighter with that much skill, they would have to be extremely talented to reach this level in less than ten years. My instincts say Shinsen-gumi, one of the captains most likely; the second division captain did have the potential. If their aim is to dispose of Katsura then they will do so at the party since they haven't attacked yet. Are they waiting for something or someone?
/You've grown soft/
//We haven't spoken recently//
/Your carelessness has not endangered us recently, I am fairly certain those groups wish to dispose of us as well/
//I'm not careless. You might be right about the groups though. What would you suggest? Kill them? //
/Wait and see, and do not get distracted or lose your temper/
He does have a point; it's probably the best thing to do at the moment. He has never given me bad advice before.
/You are too trusting/
//What? //
/I could be leading you into a situation where I would gain control/
//I won't lose control though/
He still doesn't understand; even if my life were threatened I will not kill. The Battousai never did understand me. I sometimes wonder how I am keeping him under control; perhaps he is just letting me have control. He did invent me, the Rurouni, as a way to atone for his crimes. Do I really have control? Is he just using me as a front, hoping his enemies will lower their guard against me? Two people are not meant to share the same body, when it comes to the time when only one of us can exist will he win?
"Himura, are you alright?"
"Huh? Oh, I'm fine Aoshi"
I had forgotten where I was; Aoshi seems unsettled by my distraction. Battousai is reprimanding me for potentially giving an enemy an opening to attack. It's a little disconcerting how he just appears without warning to give advice. We are two extremes, we need to find some type of middle ground, Aoshi is trying to bring me back to reality again, and I give him one of my usual smiles to reassure him that nothing is wrong. From the way he is looking at me he can see that it is forced, I didn't really expect him to fall for it. He is much more observant than Kaoru-dono in that way.
He helps me carry my purchase back to the dojo, as we passed Yahiko on the way out of the market I asked him to tell Kaoru-dono that we would be at the dojo. I hope Yahiko remembers to tell her. It doesn't surprise me that he leaves the sake in a corner and goes to the kitchen area to find the tea. I discovered on his last visit that he prefers to be drinking tea when having a serious conversation, perhaps one of the reasons Misao-dono has not had much luck talking to Aoshi is that she doesn't know this. Something must be on his mind this time; it is rare for him to initiate a conversation. I could be jumping to conclusions; he hasn't brought his tea back here.
Kenshin's guess was accurate; it wasn't long before Aoshi returned from the kitchen with two cups of tea and a troubled expression on his face. They sat in a companionable silence as Kenshin tried to guess what was bothering Aoshi, his actions seemed very out of character. Sipping his tea patiently Kenshin waited for Aoshi to speak, he did not have long to wait.
"What do you think of Misao?"
"She is a very nice girl, you know she is very fond of you"
"…"
"Aoshi, she is a woman now"
"I know"
"You should tell her how you feel"
"…"
"Even if you don't love her"
"…Thank you Himura"
Kenshin waved a hand dismissively, content to drink his tea and wait for Aoshi to sort out his thoughts. After setting his cup down Kenshin pondered his own advice, Kaoru was still infatuated with him. Picking at one of his gi's sleeves Kenshin thought about when they would tell the others about his and Sanosuke's relationship, they deserved to know.
Aoshi must be genuinely confused about his feelings for Misao-dono; I suspect that he is torn between loving her as a little sister and loving her as a woman. For him to ask me my advice speaks greatly about the depth of his feelings, whatever they might be. I do hope that he finds the courage to tell Misao-dono how he feels before another man steals her away; she would be a good match for him. Time passes all to quickly, the sun has already begun to set, Sano should be getting off work soon and I need to start dinner. Aoshi seems to notice this too, he silently picks up the cups and teapot and leaves. Tonight I will make something special for everyone; it has been a hectic day. I believe Kaoru-dono had the ingredients for Shrimp Tempura in the kitchen.
Man, Jou-chan and the others sure are loud; I can hear them from a block away. Judging by their conversation they just got back. Looks like it'll be a full house for dinner tonight.
"Kenshin! We're back!"
"Aoshi-sama! Where are you?"
"Aoshi is in the garden Misao-dono"
"So Himura-kun, what's for dinner?"
"Kamatari-dono? I'm sorry I didn't see you there, was work okay?"
"You're cooking, right? I don't wanna eat any more of busu's cooking"
"Watch your moth brat! My cooking isn't that bad!"
"Please calm down Kaoru-dono, I making Shrimp Tempura"
"Your specialty, huh?"
"Sano? When did you get here?"
"Just now"
Kenshin's really outdone himself this time. That tempura smells wonderful! I'm about to die of hunger no thanks to that crazy old lecher. Jou-chan'll never be able to cook as well as Kenshin does; it's like his swordsmanship in a sense, in a class of its own. Only bad part about tonight is we have to eat with everyone else, I want to have Kenshin all to myself for a while. Kenshin told me that he picked up some sake at the market though; we can still have a nice night of drinking by ourselves. Guess everyone's not here tonight, Dr. Hans and Yutaro went out earlier today to go and see to some things at Yutaro's place. They're probably missing their one and only chance to try some of Kenshin's specialty before they head back to Izu for good. He only makes
Shrimp Tempura once every six months or so if we're lucky or he's feeling particularly happy. There's got to be some kind of reason for it, all of Kenshin's little quirks have some kind of back-story. Until recently I didn't know why he always used to wear his hair in a low ponytail instead of a high one. He's been putting his hair up both ways though recently, for some reason it makes me a bit uneasy. When his hair is up in a high ponytail he just looks more dangerous I guess. It's just a ponytail though, it doesn't mean anything. There are more pressing things to attend to like seeing if Aoshi is hiding in the garden again, the lech is looking for him and the weasel girl for some reason or another. Some sort of Oniwa Banshu thing I guess, now that I think of it I wonder why I didn't realize that Sorata was Oniwa Banshu earlier. Just proves that they're everywhere, surprisingly though they didn't really establish themselves in Tokyo until after the Shishio incident, seeing that their home base had been moved to Kyoto earlier. That's not really important either; I'm just supposed to tell Aoshi that Sorata wants to talk to him.
~~~~~~~~~~2 Hours Later~~~~~~~~~
The sake is very heavy; Sano is carrying his jugs as if they weighed hardly anything at all. Judging by the expression on his face he is planning to have a drinking contest with me tonight. After living with Shishou for so long I'm nearly immune to the effects of sake, but even without Shishou's influence Sano can drink as much if not more than me before he becomes truly drunk.
"Hey Kenshin, wanna see who can drink the most?"
"We only have four jugs Sano"
"So we might as well drink them all"
Sighing I pick up my first jug and start to empty it. I knew that even without enough jugs for a true contest he'd want to try anyway. As I finish my first jug Sano takes a few gulps of his, he's planning something.
"Hey Kenshin, I was just wondering about something earlier. Where'd you learn to cook?"
"I just picked it up while wandering"
That lie sounded terrible even to me. He's giving me a look that tells me he's not even the slightest bit satisfied with my evasive lie. I could just tell him the truth; it is a fairly innocent question. There wouldn't be much to explain since he already knows about Tomoe.
"Did Tomoe teach you?"
"How did you know that?"
Sano is very intelligent; sometimes his carefree attitude and lack of formal education lead even me to think that he is not as observant as he is. Tonight would be a good night for a story, every time I tell Sano about Tomoe it hurts less to remember her.
"She did teach me, while we were in Otsu"
"Why?"
"I wanted to learn something besides killing"
"But cooking?"
"I wanted to make people happy instead of sad"
"Makes sense, another question, how come you never make the others the same tempura you make me?"
"That's a special recipe"
"Special?"
"It was the last one Tomoe taught me"
~~~~~~Otsu, 1865~~~~~~~
"Anata, this is the last dish I know"
Tomoe must think it is strange that I want her to teach me how to cook. She never asked why though, she just began to quietly murmur instructions into my ear and silently guide my hands as I prepared the ingredients. She has taught me how to do many things while we are here; how to cook, clean, and sew. She knows why I want to learn how to perform daily tasks that are considered a woman's job, she knows that I want to pretend to normal for just a little while. She knows that I want to be someone completely opposite from the Battousai for as long as I can. Tomoe brushes past me as she helps me prepare the shrimp; tonight is the night that she will teach me her family's special dish. I wonder if all the women in every family have a special dish that is passed down from daughter to daughter. I feel a twinge of regret as I realize that Tomoe's special dish will be passed on to me instead of her daughter. Tomoe tells me that this is a dish to be made only for the ones I truly love. I still can't see how it is different from regular tempura. She takes great care in making sure I learn the recipe completely and shows me where they are in a small book that she carries with her so I can see them when she's gone. Does this means she plans to leave as soon as out period of hiding is over? When I ask her all she does is smile cryptically. The tempura's finished already; my cooking education from Tomoe is complete now. She has nothing more to teach me.
"…It took me a long time to figure out what made it so different. No matter how many reasons I came up with it never explained why it tasted better or why the breading always seemed a little bit thicker even if the same amount as in regular tempura was used. After my first year of wandering it finally came to me, it was better because Tomoe made it for me and me only then. Because I knew that unconsciously it tasted better and I noticed all the little differences in it, like the extra bit of rice wine in the sauce, things like that. It's special because it's only made for the ones you truly love as Tomoe told me it should. That's why I only make it for you. I love the others but that's a different kind of love. Does this make any sense to you?"
I never expected Kenshin to tell me that much about it. Tomoe really was an amazing woman, I'm sure if she had lived her and Kenshin would be happily married with a lot kids. It explains some of Kenshin's more domestic skills, another thing that I'd been wondering about but didn't want to ask. I just wish I didn't have to prompt him from him tell me anything, I told him everything about Sagara-taichou and the Sekihou Tai but I still don't know a lot about his past. I think we've done enough drinking for tonight; we can save the last jug for another occasion. Every time Kenshin tells one of his stories about the past he's exhausted afterwards, it really hurts him to remember it. Jou-chan and the others have no idea how much they mean to Kenshin for him to make them even the regular tempura. The fact that he makes them any type of tempura at all shows that they are very special to him. Kenshin's eyes are already fluttering open and shut, that was a particularly long story that centered solely on Tomoe. I can barely get Kenshin to undress for bed and climb into our futon before he falls asleep. Brushing the bangs from his eyes I lay down beside him, everyday I learn more about him.
Something is bothering Aoshi-sama, he's been acting strangely since Himura left with Sanosuke. He seems restless for some reason, at least restless by his standards. He's changed positions three times since dinner, usually once he sits down to meditate he doesn't move at all until someone makes him. He's also tensed up a little every time I walk by, he doesn't usually react to my presence unless he's trying to hide something from me. Himura must have told him something unsettling during their talk, and I know Aoshi won't tell me unless it's really really important and I absolutely have to know and then he won't even tell me everything. Only problem is Himura is about as stubborn as Aoshi-sama is at times and it would take months to annoy Aoshi-sama enough so he'd tell me anything. Himura's probably my best bet for getting an explanation. Aoshi-sama is already so unhappy looking; he hasn't even smiled once since he came back. It's been a whole year! If Himura doesn't tell me what's bothering Aoshi-sama, I'll…I'll…I'll do something!
I can't stop thinking about what Kenshin said this morning, that domestic tasks make him happy because it's something that Tomoe taught him to do to help people. Why didn't he take Tomoe's diary when he left the Ishin Shishi? He thought it was a recipe book until Izuka told him it was also a diary. It has a lot of sentimental value though, he took it with him when he left for Jou-chan's place this morning, probably to look over it and re-memorize recipes long forgotten and revisit older memories from Tomoe's point of view. He's being very quiet about it though, it must still hurt a lot to remember her. It doesn't really hurt when I remember Sagara-taichou but I also wasn't the one who killed him, Kenshin still beats himself up over whether or not he could have possibly saved Tomoe. He doesn't know that I sometimes catch him murmuring ways he could have prevented her death under his breath when he is lost in thought. He should get back to normal soon; he's only got two more days off until he can go back to distracting himself with work. The lech tricked Jou-chan this time by only giving him until Friday off, jou-chan can be so dense when it comes to Kenshin. It's been really quiet here today, the groups went off to go sightseeing and Saitoh's mysteriously disappeared, not that I'm complaining or anything. The only person to talk to today is Kama-chan; even the lech is off doing something today. It wouldn't be so bad if Kamatari would rant about something other than paperwork. I'm not about to complain though, that scythe thing he has looks pretty nasty from here, makes me miss my zanbatou a little. I wonder why the police are letting him keep that thing; they're probably too lazy to do anything about it. None of the officers around here really bother to give Kenshin any grief about his sword; I heard that on the way to Kyoto Kenshin got chased through a rice paddy because of his sword. I can't imagine any of the officers around here even bothering to walk after him. Hey that reminds me, the jerk left me behind to find my way trough the woods that time. I'll show him next time he tries to leave me behind.
"Himura! Tell me now!"
"Oro?"
Misao-dono has been following me since dawn, how come she isn't staying with Aoshi today? What does she want me to tell her about? The only thing that I could possibly have to tell her is about Katsura's party. Misao-dono wasn't paying any attention when I received the letter from Murakai-dono and no one else has mentioned it after I told them it wasn't important and that I wasn't going. I hate lying like that, perhaps Yahiko told her about it.
"Keicho Geri!"
"Oro, Misao-dono please!"
"Tobu Kunai!"
Kaoru-dono is going to be very angry with me now; her favorite orange and yellow kimono is all torn up. I wasn't thinking about what I was holding when I used it to deflect Misao-dono's knives. Hopefully I'll be able to fix it before I return to the dojo to cook dinner, now I'm glad I decided to do the laundry by the river even if it is much colder here. Where did my sewing needles go? Left sleeve, now I remember. Why is Misao-dono being so quiet all of a sudden? It's very un-nerving when she does that. I hope Sano's day is going better, it would be nice if he could find out more about those groups and why Saitoh's been snooping around today. He passed by about an hour ago; I know he usually works on Wednesdays.
Himura's such a stubborn jerk! He hasn't told me anything yet! All he's done is washed clothes and now he's fixed Karou's kimono. What could he have told Aoshi-sama that would make him act so weird? Aoshi-sama's been avoiding me more than usual so Himura must have been talking about me. Maybe he was telling Aoshi-sama to think about me, which would be nice. Himura's not a meddler like Jiya and Sorata though so it has to be something else. They better not be hiding anything from me! I can take care of myself if there's a fight, Karou and I did take down Kamatari at the Aoi-ya. I wouldn't be a burden at all; it must be one of Aoshi-sama or Himura's enemies from the past. I'll show them that I can handle it, I'll find out about it all by myself! By the time I'm through they'll be begging me to help them!
~End Part 7~
Please leave any nice/nasty comments in review form and please direct your flames to crazy_miko@gundamwing.net where they will be properly read and replied to. They will later be laughed at then placed at the end of the next chapter with the email address so everyone can have a good hearty belly laugh at your expense. Like the new teaser? Title? Please let me know. Once again I thank A-chan for all her help so give her the credit she deserves. Please leave a review. Ja ne minna!
And now, my negative feedback! The review from H.E.R. reads as follows: "sorry to say this but that was rather disgusting. i think i'm gonna hurl!" Who sees something wrong with this review? First off if your sorry to say it chances are you shouldn't say it. Anyone agree? My question for our reviewer is: What was disgusting? Was it my grammar? If it's my grammar then just say so. I digress; I don't think that's what they're referring to. My (slightly) educated guess is that it's that yaoi that's got their panties in a twist. I'd like to think I made it very clear in the teaser and in the beginning of every chapter that this story contains yaoi content, I even told everyone what it was. Oh well, what can I do? They weren't very specific. As for the last sentence, that was really uncalled for. When telling someone their story sucks be a little bit more diplomatic about it! All I ask is that when leaving negative feedback please think your review through first and be specific!