A/N: These are long... okay guys, an update of KT's stuff woohp! Charmeded Series Four is nearly finished! As is the... Secret Weapon... okay, no it's not, but it's coming along nicely. Both will be coming to a screen near you once this bitch Big Brother is finished! The only problem is I can't seem to motivate myself to write this but... well, I'll try.

Thanks for all the votes you guys have been casting! This week was a landslide eviction! I think you all know who it is!




CHARMEDED BIG BROTHER


INT. THE LIVING ROOM. ABBEY, ANDY AND PHOEBE ARE SITTING IN THE SOFAS.

KT: 3:44am. The three nominees are the only ones up and discuss eviction day tomorrow.
ABBEY: Being completely honest, I don't think it's gonna be me.
PHOEBE: I don't think it'll be me.
ANDY: Oh it so will. I don't know if it'll be me... I'm scared though. I don't wanna die!
ABBEY: Well it sure as Prue won't be me.

A CRACK OF LIGHTNING IS HEARD FROM ABOVE.

ABBEY: Um... anyways. Let's get drunk!

THE OTHERS AGREE AND START DRINKING.

BB: Will all the housemates please enter the living room and seat themselves in the sofas.
PIPER(OS): You didn't say please!
BB: Piper has been evicted from the Big Brother house for-

PIPER ENTERS, RUNNING.

PIPER: Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry!

SHE SITS DOWN, TREMBLING. THE OTHER HOUSEMATES ENTER AND SIT DOWN.

ANDY: Wonder who it is this time. I'm scared, Prue.
PRUE: Don't worry Andy, I like you, and that's got the viewers' votes cos my opinions are so important.

ALL STARE AT PRUE.

PRUE: I'm directly connected to AP!

ALL GROVEL.

BB: The nominations are in. The second person to be evicted from the Big Brother house is...

SILENCE.

DARRYL: Dammit, I can't stand these silences!
PHOEBE: Shh.
PIPER: Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god-
PAIGE: Shut UP!

PIPER GLARES AT PAIGE.

BB: ... Abbey.
ABBEY: What? That's... that's impossible! The viewers love me! I... I love Prue! I AM Prue!

ABBEY PRODUCES A BLACK WIG, PUTS IT ON, AND PROCEEDS TO SMOOSH PRUE'S FACE INTO SOME PHOTOGRAPH DEVELOPING FLUID STUFF.

PRUE: Aii I'm blind!
ABBEY: No - I'M blind! I'm Prue!

A LARGE TUBE APPEARS FROM THE CEILING.

ABBEY: You can't take me! You can't!

IT HOVERS ABOVE HER AND BAM! SUCKS HER UP. SCREAMING, ABBEY IS TAKEN AWAY AND THE TUBE RECEDES BACK INTO THE CEILING. SILENCE.

PIPER: She's gonna die she's gonna die she's gonna die she's gonna die she's gonna die she's gonna die!

PAIGE SLAPS PIPER.

PAIGE: Will you quit repeating yourself like some sort of white trash working class chump?
PIPER: *whimpers* Sorry.
PRUE: I can't see!

PRUE STUMBLES AROUND, KNOCKING THINGS OVER. SOMEHOW (NOBODY QUITE KNOWS HOW) SHE MANAGES TO SET FIRE TO THE PLACE.

LEO: Oh, GREAT!
BB: Will all housemates please evacuate the Big Brother house and go into the garden.
PHOEBE: But it's raining! And it took me ages to get my hair this way!

EVERYBODY TAKES THE TIME TO LOOK AT PHOEBE'S HAIR-

PRUE: Except me.

I WAS GETTING TO THAT! SHUT UP! *SIGHS* I'LL RESTART: EVERYBODY TAKES THE TIME TO LOOK AT PHOEBE'S HAIR - EXCEPT PRUE -

PRUE: Damn right. COS I'M BLIIIIIIIIIND!!!

JEBUS PRUE! I'M TRYING TO... OKAY YOU'RE GETTING IT.

A HUGE HAND DESCENDS FROM THE CEILING AND SLAPS PRUE BACK TO UNDER WHATEVER ROCK SHE CRAWLED OUT FROM THE DIRTY DEPTHS OF.

PRUE: Point taken.

RIGHT. EVERYBODY LOOKS AT PHOEBE'S HAIR, EXCEPT PRUE BECAUSE SHE IS CURRENTLY BLIND. IT IS OBVIOUS PHOEBE HASN'T EVEN TAKEN A BRUSH TO HER HAIR TODAY, IT IS IN A TANGLED STATE. SHE LOOKS LIKE A RIGHT MANKY DOG.

ANDY: Ew.
COLE: I think it's cute!
SOURCE: Well, it's better from last week when she was bald.
LEO: How did her hair grow back so fast anyway?

PAUSE. EVERYBODY GOES OUTSIDE, SINCE THE HOUSE IS STILL ON FIRE AND ALL. FIREFIGHTERS RUN IN AND START TO PUT OUT THE FIRE. OUTSIDE IN THE RAIN, THE HOUSEMATES STARE IN THE WINDOW.

COLE: Hey look! It's people!
PIPER: No kidding, dipsh*t.

LEO STARES AT PIPER LONGINGLY.

LEO: She's so angelic.
PIPER: That one's so fat! *laughs* Oh I crack myself up.
PHOEBE: I wanna do that one!

PHOEBE POINTS AT THE FAT FIREMAN WHO OVERHEARS AND FLUSHES A DEEP PINK IN PLEASURE AND EMBARRASSMENT.

PHOEBE: Aww I made him blush!
FIREMAN: That was YOU who said that? I thought it was Paige!

HE IS PROMPTLY SICK.

PHOEBE: What the paige! Who would want that skank Paige more than my breasts- I mean, me?
COLE: I want you, Phoebe.

PHOEBE AND COLE SCAMPER OFF THE THE CHICKEN COOP TO... YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW. REALLY, YOU DON'T. OH, FINE, YOU CONVINCED ME.

CUT TO: CHICKEN COOP. COLE AND PHOEBE LET THEMSELVES IN. THE CHICKENS CRY AND TRY TO ESCAPE.

PHOEBE: *to SP (Scarecrow Proo, remember?) the chicken* I don't wanna do it with you, silly! Well, not yet anyway.
COLE: I have something to show you.
PHOEBE: WOAH! That is a HUGE COCK!
COLE: Aww you know just what to say!
PHOEBE: Look at it!

PHOEBE CHASES THE ROOSTER - OR COCK AS SHE CALLED IT - AROUND THE PEN. COLE LOOKS SUITABLY UPSET, DISAPPOINTED AND/OR REJECTED.

COLE: This joke's getting old.
BB: The fire is out, housemates can now return to the house.
ALL: Woohp!
BB: And seat themselves in front of the television.
ALL: Nooooooo!
PIPER: No! We have to watch that Abbey girl die!
PRUE: I don't! I'm still blind!
BB: After Prue has come to the diary room to collect her vision-repairing eye drops.
PRUE: Bugger.

PRUE STUMBLES INTO THE DIARY ROOM, MANAGING TO SET THE HOUSE ON FIRE A GOOD THREE MORE TIMES BUT LET'S NOT GET INTO THAT, AND SOON EMERGES WITH HER VISION BACK.

PRUE: I can see again!

SHE LOOKS AT PAIGE.

PRUE: I'm bliiiiiiinnnnnnd!
PAIGE: Oh ha ha.

THE HOUSEMATES SIT IN FRONT OF THE TELEVISION SCREEN WHICH AS A RESULT FLICKERS ON. LET'S WATCH!

* * *

BLACK.

THE TITLE COMES UP: "BEGINNER'S LUCK"

WE OPEN ON A CAR LOT. THERE IS ONE OF THOSE... YOU KNOW, GUYS ON STREET CORNERS THAT HAVE THE THREE PLAYING CARDS AND MIX THEM ABOUT AND YOU HAVE TO PICK OUT THE QUEEN CARD TO WIN. YEP. ABBEY ENTERS, LOOKING TERRIFIED.

ABBEY: Where am I?
CARD DEALER: *as he shuffles the three cards* Three card draw, find the card that chooses your fate! Will you get the 'walk free' card, the 'get out of jail free' card from Monopoly, or the legendary 'swinging blade of death' card? One game, one gamble, your life. Your death. Your escape from jail. What'll it be?

HE IS STILL MIXING THEM ABOUT, THE MOMENTARILY SHOWS HER THE SWINGING BLADE OF DEATH CARD.

DEALER: All you gotta do is avoid this one and you're free to go!

HE PUTS IT DOWN AND MIXES THEM AGAIN.

ABBEY: Oh AP... I can't do this! STOP MIXING THEM! I CAN'T FIND IT ANYMORE!
DEALER: You don't want to find it. One in three chance you'll find it, thirty three and a third percent chance of death. Not bad odds for such a gamble.

HE FINISHES.

DEALER: Avoid the blade and you win back your life.
ABBEY: Aw man...

SHE STARES AT THE THREE CARDS.

PIPER(OS): It's the middle one! The middle oe!
ABBEY: Well... I think it's that one... so... I won't pick it. But what if it's not and I'm just ruling half of my chances of freedom? The odds are better than fifty/fifty I guess... okay, that one.

SHE POINTS AT THE MIDDLE ONE.

HOUSEMATES(OS): Yes! YES!

DEALER TURNS IT OVER. NO! IT'S THE SWINGING BLADES OF DEATH ONE!

PIPER(OS): What the f*ck!
ANDY(OS): It was the middle one!
PHOEBE(OS): What's this movie called? I haven't seen it before...
ABBEY: But... but that's impossible!
PHOEBE(OS): It's kinda turning me on.

ABBEY TURNS THE OTHER TWO CARDS OVER AND THEY'RE BOTH THE SWINGING BLADES OF DEATH CARDS TOO!

ABBEY: You conned me!

BUT DEALER HAS DISAPPEARED.

ABBEY: Come back! You conned me! It was a trick! You conne-

ABBEY CAN'T COMPLETE THAT SENTENCE, BECAUSE AT THAT MOMENT, A HUGE BLADE SWINGS FROM THE ROOF AND SLICES HER IN HALF. BAM!

HOUSEMATES(OS): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

ONE HALF OF ABBEY SLIDES DOWN THE THE GROUND, AND THE OTHER HALF STAYS STANDING, BEFORE FLOPPING OVER DOUBLE ON ITSELF. GRAPHIC, HUH?

FADE TO:

BLACK.

THE TITLE, "BEGINNERS LUCK" APPEARS AGAIN BEFORE FADING BLACK AGAIN AND THE SCREEN TURNS OFF.

* * *

CUT TO:

THE HOUSEMATES ARE SITTING RIGID AND STARING AT THE SCREEN, HORRIFIED AND PETRIFIED.

PIPER: I can't do this. I want out.
PRUE: If you leave, you die.

SILENCE.

PHOEBE: Well, it's about time for nominations, don't you think?

EVERYBODY SLAPS PHOEBE FOR HER INSENSITIVITY.

PHOEBE: What?
PRUE: Doofus.

CUT TO: EXT. BIG BROTHER HOUSE. IT'S A LOVELY SUNNY DAY AND THE HOUSEMATES ARE SUNBATHING.

KT: Nomination day for the housemates.
BB: Will Andy please enter the diary room.
ANDY: Sh*t.

CUT TO: INT. DIARY ROOM. ANDY ENTERS AND SITS DOWN.

ANDY: Yes, Big Brother?
BB: Andy, please state who you would like to nominate this week and why.
ANDY: I don't want to nominate anyone, actually.

ANDY GETS SLAPPED.

ANDY: Fine. I nominate The Source because he's really quiet and hard to get along with, and also Piper because she's gotten really snappy lately.

TIME LAPSE: DIARY ROOM. THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS COLE.

COLE: Piper cos she's a bitch to my Phoebe, and Prue cos she's an even bigger bitch to my Phoebe.

TIME LAPSE: DIARY ROOM. THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS DARRYL.

DARRYL: Um, The Source because all he talks about is smiting people and it's getting a bit too much for me, and also Bucklands Guy, beca-

DARRYL IS SLAPPED.

BB: Bucklands Guy has already been evicted from the Big Brother house. Two weeks ago, idium!
DARRYL: Oh yeah! Okay, in that case make it Cole cos man, is he whiny!

TIME LAPSE: DIARY ROOM. THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS LEO.

LEO: Cole cos he's just plain evil and ew, seeing him with Phoebe makes me feel really uncomfortable. Like I'm jealous, but also kinda disgusted. It's like I feel Cole shouldn't be with her. That he shouldn't be with women. That he should be with other men. With short, handsome men with blonde hair and whose faces resemble apples. Just an idea! Anyway, him, and also... um... Darryl, cos I just don't get along with him.

TIME LAPSE: DIARY ROOM. THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS HO-FACE. I MEAN PAIGE. EW.

PAIGE: Phoebe. I loathe her. Oh god, I hate, hate, HATE HER! And also Prue, because I get this weird feeling when I'm around her, like... like this house wasn't made for the both of us, you know? She seems like such a rival, and if we ever had to fight it out, I don't know how I'd cope.

TIME LAPSE: DIARY ROOM. THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS PIPER.

PIPER: Phoebe and Cole, don't wanna repeat myself why.

TIME LAPSE: DIARY ROOM. THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS PHOEBE.

PHOEBE: Piper! Piper's such a bitch to me! And she doesn't like my woolly pink hates which are like my life! And also Paige, because that fat fireman liked her more than my breasts- I mean, me.

PHOEBE IS SLAPPED.

TIME LAPSE: DIARY ROOM. THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS PRUE.

PRUE: Uh... Phoebe, cos I hate her and her little phoebutt too. And Paige, because I get these vibes off her that she doesn't want me here. So this is my response.

TIME LAPSE: DIARY ROOM. THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS THE SOURCE.

SOURCE: Paige, because looking at her is making me feel sick, and also Piper because she's bitching all the time nowadays.

CUT TO: THE MAIN LIVING AREA. THE HOUSEMATES ARE CHATTING.

PHOEBE: I nominated Piper and Paige!

ALL GLARE AT PHOEBE.

KT(VO): Okay, the nominations are in. Now the results will be announced to the housemates.
BB: Big Brother house, the votes are in and the nominations are as follows: the housemates up for eviction in week two of Big Brother are...

PAUSE.

HELLA PAUSE.

BB: Cole.
COLE: NO!
BB: And.
PHOEBE: Cole but I lubb you!
BB: Paige.
PAIGE: What the paige!
BB: And.
PRUE: There's more? AP!
BB: Piper.
ALL: Whatttttt?
PIPER: Oh thanks a lot guys. F*cknuts.
BB: And.
ALL: Whatttttt?
PIPER: Oh for paige's sake!
BB: Phoebe.
PHOEBE: Aiiii not again! Don't you guys love me?
ALL: No!
COLE: Phoebe, my sweet, think of the romance in this!
PHOEBE: Yeah, until one of us dies. Screw you Cole! I'm off to get the viewers' votes!

PHOEBE RUNS OFF.

PRUE: Wouldn't that mean people would vote *for* her to get killed?
PIPER: We can only hope.

THEY ALL CRY ABOUT PIPER, EVEN THOUGH HALF OF THEM VOTED FOR HER.

KT(VO): It's true! Piper was voted by most with an almighty 4 nominations on her head! The other three up for eviction, Cole, Paige and Phoebe have 3 votes each, followed by Prue and The Source with two, Darryl with only one, and finally Andy and Leo with no votes! But who goes? you decide.


LET'S REVIEW: (TWO MEANINGS TO THAT STATEMENT?)

COLE
PAIGE
PIPER
PHOEBE

PUT IN YOUR REVIEW WHO YOU WANT OUT!