A/N: Thanks to scream-trilogy.com for um 'letting' me steal some of the script so I knew the lines. And actions. Mwa ha. I think you already know who dies and how, huh?
A/N: In light of recent events, including a good friend's excellent fic being deleted when it shouldn't have... okay, I won't give you mystery, you all know it - Just Ask Phoebe by Kit-The-Cat, admit it was supreme. It was. Anyway, a petition has been made to just complain in general and it'd be appreciated by loads of fanfic people if you'd take a look and sign. Just copy and paste this URL and do your dirty work!
http://www.petitiononline.com/33073410/petition.html
Thanks guys!
A/N: To Trixie: Link link link link!
A/N: To 'Anonymous' if you come here: Screw. You. Buddy.
A/N: To JadeDragon (not the original bwa ha!) You're a fool! FOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!! A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Anyways. You can't vote for the Source so um I decided you voted for Paige. Same goes for Steph and Scotlum Nikki - you two didn't vote properly or vote at all *glares at Steph* so you both picked Paige, natch!
A/N: Write the story, bizatch!
A/N: Okay!
A/N: One more thing: that random lesbium who keeps reviewing stories with my name is... oh so bent! So kiddies from now on I'll only be doing signed reviews of your stories and you'll know it's a regular kt original! Lucky you!
A/N: NOW onto the story!
A/N: No, wait... now.
A/N: Aw I remember the good old days when I didn't know what A/N meant. How I cherish thee, days of old!
A/N: Okay, NOW let's go!
CHARMEDED BIG BROTHER TA DA DEE DAH LA LA LA... AND LA!
KT: Last week it was Paige and Phoebe who were up for the chop, you were given not a very long time to vote on account of my own reasons, and now you'll find out who you voted out! Well lah dee dah!
BOYS' BEDROOM. THE SOURCE, ANDY AND LEO ARE SITTING AROUND TALKING.
LEO: Well quite frankly I don't know who I want out more. I mean, Phoebe has that whole... I-hate-her thing going on, but Paige has been a right bitchass this week!
SOURCE: I should smite her and smite her good.
PAIGE ENTERS.
PAIGE: Smite who?
ANDY: Uh...
LEO: SP, of course!
EVERYBODY STARES AT HIM.
ANDY: It'd be better if you'd just told the truth, bastard!
SOURCE: Yeah, deserve a slap much?
THE SOURCE TUGS UP HIS HOOD AND SLAPS PAIGE.
PAIGE: Hey!
SOURCE: Woohps! My uh hood got in my eyes.
HE SLAPS PAIGE AGAIN.
SOURCE: Deary me!
AND AGAIN.
SOURCE: Oh I am ever so sorry!
AND AGAIN.
SOURCE: I can't see straight to hit Leo!
AND AGAIN... THIS GOES ON. BY THE TIME THE SOURCE MISSES PAIGE, LEO HAS LEFT THE ROOM. PAIGE'S FACE IS RED (WOW - COLOUR!) AND SHE IS CRYING.
ANDY: Shee, Paige, you coulda just moved out of the way.
PAUSE.
PAIGE: Shut up!
BB: Will all housemates please gather in the living area.
STARING AT EACH OTHER, ANDY AND PAIGE LEAVE. THE SOURCE SIGHS.
SOURCE: Why does nobody stare at me in fear and apprehension? I am The Source! I deserve that! You're all going to pay for your insolence!
CUT TO: LIVING AREA. THE HOUSEMATES ALL JOIN EACH OTHER IN THE SOFA CORNER MA-THINGIE.
PHOEBE: Please not me please not me please not me please not me.
PAIGE: Please not me please not me please not me please not me.
PIPER: Please just take them both just take them both just take them both.
BB: The... fifth? person to be evicted from the Big Brother house is...
PAUSE. YOU REMEMBER THAT SCROLLING GIG FROM LAST TIME? IMAGINE IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN.
DARRYL: I can't stand this anymore!
DARRYL JUMPS UP AND STARTS RUNNING AROUND SCREAMING. EVERYBODY STARES AT HIM, NOT IMPRESSED IN THIS TIME OF CRISIS.
PRUE: Sit down you... galoot!
DARRYL SLAPS PRUE. PRUE SLAPS DARRYL. EVERYBODY STARTS TO SLAP EACH OTHER. IT'S ACTUALLY QUITE BRUTAL! AFTER A FEW MINUTES, THE FIRE SPRINKLERS ARE TURNED ON TO COOL THE 'PHOOLISH' 'PHOOLS' OFF. I'M TRYING TO ANNOUNCE HERE!
BB: Shut up and sit down you rejected coins! The housemate to be evicted this week is *excited, joyous* Paige!
PAIGE: Nooooooooooooooooooooo!
PIPER: Meh, she had a good run.
THE TUBE COMES FROM THE CEILING AND SUCKS PRUE UP. THEN IT SPITS HER OUT, AND SUCKS PAIGE UP.
PRUE: You'd think it was trying to tell me something.
SILENCE.
ANDY: Wonder how she'll go.
DARRYL: Who cares? I CAN'T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE!
HE STARTS RUNNING AROUND LIKE A LUNATIC... AGAIN.
PRUE: Here we go again.
PHOEBE: I don't know about you guys, but he's turning me on!
SOURCE: What doesn't turn you on, o sweet incestuous lesbium child?
PHOEBE: You don't, actually.
THE SOURCE GROWLS AND STALKS OFF.
KT(VO): Day AP only knows what day. The housemates, knowing that they'll have to witness Paige's death at some point, have already arranged themselves in front of the television screen.
THE HOUSEMATES, ARE INDEED, STARING AT THE TELEVISION.
BB: Will all housemates please... oh... never mind.
* * *
BLACK SCREEN. THE TITLE FADES IN: "HISTORY REPEATS"
FADE IN: AN OLD PRESUMABLY HAUNTED HOUSE. WE CUT TO THE INTERIOR. PAIGE IS WANDERING ABOUT THE OLD COBWEBBED HALLWAYS.
PAIGE: I'm not scared, oh no.
SHE WHIMPERS AND CONTINUES TO WALK ABOUT. SUDDENLY UM STU FROM SCREAM APPEARS.
STU: Hey Tate, grab another beer will ya? There's beer in the garage.
PAIGE: What am I, the beer wench?
THEY STARE AT EACH OTHER.
PAIGE: Déja voo-doo. And my name's Paige.
STU WALKS AWAY AND PAIGE MOSIES ALONG TO THE GARAGE TO GET HIS BEER.
CUT TO: INT. GARAGE
PAIGE ENTERS AND FLICKS A SWITCH. BAM! THE GARAGE DOOR STARTS TO RISE. WRONG SWITCH. SHE LOWERS IT AGAIN THE TURNS THE LIGHT ON. SHE SPOTS THE REFRIGERATOR AND HEADS FOR IT, NOT SEEING THE DOOR SILENTLY CLOSE BEHIND HER. BAM! THERE'S A NOISE! TATU- I MEAN PAIGE WHIRLS ROUND TO SEE A CAT ESCAPE THROUGH THE CAT FLAP. SHE SMILES AT HER JUMPINESS.
PHOEBE(OS): Hey I think I've seen this movie - she's about to get naked and do it with the man in the ghost costume!
PAIGE GRABS AS MANY BEERS AS POSSIBLE AND HEADS BACK UPSTAIRS, BUT THE DOOR IS LOCKED.
PAIGE: Sh*t!
SHE KICKS IT.
PAIGE: Hey sh*theads! Oh sh*t!
SHE LEANS OVER AND PRESSES THE GARAGE DOOR BUTTON, THE DOOR STARTS TO OPEN. SHE STARTS WALKING TOWARDS IT BUT SUDDENLY BAM! THE DOOR STARTS CLOSING AGAIN.
PAIGE: What the...
PAIGE TURNS AROUND TO SEE A GHOST MASKED FIGURE AKA GHOSTFACE FROM SCREAM! WOOHP! HE IS SILHOUETTED IN THE DARK, NEXT TO THE KITCHEN DOOR, HIS HAND ON THE SWITCH. PAIGE GASPS, THEN RELAXES.
PAIGE: Is that you, Randy? Cute.
PIPER(OS): Who's Randy?
PHOEBE(OS): I am! I am!
PAIGE: And what movie is this from? I Spit On Your Garage? Lose the mask. If Sidney sees it, she'll flip.
PIPER(OS): Who's Sidney?
ANDY: Can that be me?
GHOSTFACE SLOWLY SHAKES HIS HEAD.
PAIGE: Oh, you wanna play psycho killer?
GHOSTFACE NODS.
PAIGE: Can I be the helpless victim?
GHOSTIE NODS AGAIN.
PAIGE: Okay, let's see. "No, please don't kill me, Mr. Ghostface. I want to be in the sequel."
PAIGE TRIES TO WALK PAST HIM BUT HE BLOCKS HER.
PAIGE: Cut it, Casper. That's a wrap.
SHE TRIED TO GET PAST AGAIN BUT HE'S FASTER, CUTTING HER OFF. JUGGLING THE BEER WITH ONE HAND, PAIGE PUSHES HIM WITH THE OTHER.
PAIGE: Randy - will you stop?
PHOEBE(OS): I'll never stop being randy!
GHOSTFACE INTERCEPTS, LUNGING FOR HER AND GRABBING HER WRIST. BEER FLIES.
PAIGE: You little sh*t!
PAIGE YANKS AWAY HARD, RELEASING HIS HOLD WHEN A FLASH OF SILVER CATCHES HER EYE. SHE LOOKS DOWN, GLIMPSING A LONG, SHARP BLADE AS IT DARTS FORWARD, DRAWING A THIN LONG LINE OF RED ALONG HER FOREARM. MAN I REALLY WANT TO WATCH THIS MOVIE RIGHT NOW. I ADORE THIS SCENE. THREE GUESSES WHY. PAIGE PULLS BACK, HORRIFIED AS THE MOMENT TURNS DEADLY SERIOUS. GHOSTFACE ADVANCES, KNIFE OUT AND READY. SHE STAGGERS BACKWARDS HOLDING HER BLOODIED ARM AND BACKS IN TO REFRIGERATOR.
PAIGE: Who are you?
GHOSTFACE LASHES OUT, PAIGE DODGES IT. AS GHOSTFACE ATTACKS, SHE RIPS THE FREEZER DOOR OPEN, SMASHING HIM IN THE FACE AND SENDING HIM BACKWARDS. SHE THROWS BEER BOTTLES... NOBODY KNOWS WHY... PAIGE DARTS TO THE GARAGE DOOR AND TRIES TO PULL IT UP. NOT... STONG... ENOUGH... BAM! A LIGHTBULB APPEARS OVER HER HEAD.
LEO(OS): New power?
SHE GOES FOR THE PET DOOR, DROPPING TO THE DOOR AND DIVING FOR IT. SHE WEDGES HER UPPER BODY THROUGH, HEAD, SHOULDERS, TORSO, JUST AS NOOOOOO GHOSTFACE POUNCES, GRABBING HER FEET. PAIGE GOES CRAZY, SCREAMING AND KICKING AS SHE TRIES TO GET THROUGH.
CUT TO: EXT GARAGE DOOR.
PAIGE IS HALF IN/HALF OUT OF THE PET DOOR. SHE BEATS AND JERKS WILDLY, UNABLE TO SEE GHOSTFACE ON THE OTHER SIDE.
CUT BACK TO:
INT. GARAGE. PAIGE KICKS, HER AIM IS TRUE, AND BAM! SMACKS GHOSTFACE IN THE... GHOSTIES. SHE TRIES TO PULL HERSELF THROUGH FURTHER BUT LO! SHE'S STUCK! SHE PULLS AND TUGS BUT DEAR O DEAR SHE CAN'T MOVE. SHE LISTENS. NOTHING. WHERE DID HE GO? AN AGONISING SILENCE... AND THEN...
BAM!
THE GARAGE DOOR BEGINS TO RISE, TAKING PAIGE WITH IT. SHE SCREAMS MADLY.
PAIGE: Noooooooooo!
HER ARMS AND LEGS FLAIL VIOLENTLY AS SHE TRIES TO FREE HERSELF, BUT SHE'S MOVING TOO FAST, CARRYING HER UP. PETRIFIED, SHE LOOKS UPWARDS TO SEE WHERE THE DOOR ROLLS BACK INTO THE GARAGE RAFTERS JUST AS:
CUT TO:
PAIGE'S FACE.
SPLAT!
ALL(OS): Oh you f*cker!
CUT TO:
EXT. GARAGE. THE DOOR IS OPEN, NOBODY IS INSIDE. BUT PAIGE'S BODY SWINGS SLOWLY FROM THE CEILING. SLOWLY AND ALMOST GUILTILY, THE CAMERA PACES BACK, SLOWLY LEAVING THE MURDER SCENE.
FADE TO:
BLACK. THE TITLE RETURNS: "HISTORY REPEATS" AND THERE IS SILENCE, OTHER THAN THE SOUND OF THE GARAGE DOOR CREAKING AND THE WIND SHUFFLING SOME LEAVES.
* * *
PRUE: Has that not been in some movie?
ANDY: Yeah, and the main character really resembled Piper a lot.
PRUE: Oh yeah! That's where I've seen you before!
PHOEBE: Hello? One of our friends just died!
PIPER: What, Phoebe's showing compassion? Never thought I'd see the day.
PHEOBE: Compa-what? I'm just bummed I lost my lesbium lover!
ALL: Ewww...
KT(OS): Day... a few days later. Since I can't be bothered telling you guys about the japes that happened, let's just skip to nominations, huh? I've still got The Plague and people are being mean to me.
DIARY ROOM: THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS ANDY.
ANDY: Um let's see... it's hard to remember who's still here and who's not.
ANDY GETS SLAPPED.
ANDY: All right! Sheesh, I think I get slapped every single time I'm in here! Okay I'm picking uh Leo because I think he's trying to move in on my Prue. And I can't have that. And also The Source because I'm starting to take all that talk about smiting quite personally!
TIME LAPSE: THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS DARRYL.
DARRYL: Hey Big Brother.
BB: Just nominate.
DARRYL: Okay dokey! Well, I'm picking Prue because she's not very receptive and comforting when I have a moment that I CAN'T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE!
DARRYL STARTS RUNNING AROUND IN THE TINY DIARY ROOM. HE IS THE SLAPPED. SEVERAL TIMES.
DARRYL: And Phoebe cos argh! She never seems to get evicted!
TIME LAPSE: THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS LEO.
LEO: Uh I'm picking Darryl cos he's a crazed psychopath! And also Prue because she's too cynical for my liking.
TIME LAPSE: THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS PHOEBE.
PHOEBE: I'm nominating Prue because I hate her and also Piper because I hate her too. What I hate most about Prue is the way she always looks down on me when I'm talking. I mean, I'm trying to say something perfectly intelligent and she's just watching me with that "I'm better than you" smirk on her face and it really just bites at me all the time and...
TIME LAPSE.
PHOEBE: And the way she always talks about herself. I. Never. Talk about myself! Never! But she makes out like I do and-
PHOEBE IS SLAPPED BACK TO HELL. I'M NOT LISTENING TO ANOTHER RANT. SHE RUNS OUT CRYING AND BLOWING HER NOSE ON HER WPH.
TIME LAPSE: THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS PIPER.
PIPER: Darryl cos he's really pissing me off lately, and Leo cos he totally perves over me! I mean, if it was someone hot like the Source, then that's all well and good, but come on - appleface?!?
TIME LAPSE: THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS PRUE.
PRUE: Uh let's see. I'm going with Leo because of ugh just him in general, and also Phoebe because... well, do I even have to give a reason?
TIME LAPSE: THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS THE SOURCE.
SOURCE: Hmm, the two people who are pissing me off them most are... Darryl and... heck, I'll go with Prue just because she was in here before me and I can't remember anybody else who's in the house!
BB: Thank you, The Source.
SOURCE: I don't like your attitude!
BB: I don't like your robes.
SOURCE: *gasp*
CUT TO: LIVING AREA.
PHOEBE: I voted for-
PIPER: Me and Prue.
PHOEBE: How did you guess?
PRUE: You told us before you went in.
KT(VO): *sigh* PLLLLAAAAGGGGUUUUUUEEEEE!!!!
BB: Well after months of counting, the nominations are as follows: the housemates up for eviction this weeks are...
SCROLL GAME, REMEMBER?
BB: Darryl.
DARRYL: I CAN'T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE!!
BB: And.
DARRLY RUNS AROUND SCREAMING.
BB: Leo.
LEO: Piper! Save me!
PIPER: Hap!
BB: And.
PHOEBE: Aw man! It's gonna be me again!
BB: Prue.
ALL GASP.
PRUE: Pah, what're you guys so shocked about? Half of you must've voted for me.
PHOEBE: I did, I did! And I'm not up for eviction! Let's get naked!
PHOEBE STICKS BY HER PROMISE AND AS EVERYBODY IS SHYING AWAY AND BEING SICK, WE:
ROLL CREDITS.
KT: Oooooo Prue! We barely knew ya! Well kids, who's it gonna be?
DARRYL
LEO
OR
PRUE?
Dun dun dunnnnn you decide!
A/N: In light of recent events, including a good friend's excellent fic being deleted when it shouldn't have... okay, I won't give you mystery, you all know it - Just Ask Phoebe by Kit-The-Cat, admit it was supreme. It was. Anyway, a petition has been made to just complain in general and it'd be appreciated by loads of fanfic people if you'd take a look and sign. Just copy and paste this URL and do your dirty work!
http://www.petitiononline.com/33073410/petition.html
Thanks guys!
A/N: To Trixie: Link link link link!
A/N: To 'Anonymous' if you come here: Screw. You. Buddy.
A/N: To JadeDragon (not the original bwa ha!) You're a fool! FOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!! A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Anyways. You can't vote for the Source so um I decided you voted for Paige. Same goes for Steph and Scotlum Nikki - you two didn't vote properly or vote at all *glares at Steph* so you both picked Paige, natch!
A/N: Write the story, bizatch!
A/N: Okay!
A/N: One more thing: that random lesbium who keeps reviewing stories with my name is... oh so bent! So kiddies from now on I'll only be doing signed reviews of your stories and you'll know it's a regular kt original! Lucky you!
A/N: NOW onto the story!
A/N: No, wait... now.
A/N: Aw I remember the good old days when I didn't know what A/N meant. How I cherish thee, days of old!
A/N: Okay, NOW let's go!
CHARMEDED BIG BROTHER TA DA DEE DAH LA LA LA... AND LA!
KT: Last week it was Paige and Phoebe who were up for the chop, you were given not a very long time to vote on account of my own reasons, and now you'll find out who you voted out! Well lah dee dah!
BOYS' BEDROOM. THE SOURCE, ANDY AND LEO ARE SITTING AROUND TALKING.
LEO: Well quite frankly I don't know who I want out more. I mean, Phoebe has that whole... I-hate-her thing going on, but Paige has been a right bitchass this week!
SOURCE: I should smite her and smite her good.
PAIGE ENTERS.
PAIGE: Smite who?
ANDY: Uh...
LEO: SP, of course!
EVERYBODY STARES AT HIM.
ANDY: It'd be better if you'd just told the truth, bastard!
SOURCE: Yeah, deserve a slap much?
THE SOURCE TUGS UP HIS HOOD AND SLAPS PAIGE.
PAIGE: Hey!
SOURCE: Woohps! My uh hood got in my eyes.
HE SLAPS PAIGE AGAIN.
SOURCE: Deary me!
AND AGAIN.
SOURCE: Oh I am ever so sorry!
AND AGAIN.
SOURCE: I can't see straight to hit Leo!
AND AGAIN... THIS GOES ON. BY THE TIME THE SOURCE MISSES PAIGE, LEO HAS LEFT THE ROOM. PAIGE'S FACE IS RED (WOW - COLOUR!) AND SHE IS CRYING.
ANDY: Shee, Paige, you coulda just moved out of the way.
PAUSE.
PAIGE: Shut up!
BB: Will all housemates please gather in the living area.
STARING AT EACH OTHER, ANDY AND PAIGE LEAVE. THE SOURCE SIGHS.
SOURCE: Why does nobody stare at me in fear and apprehension? I am The Source! I deserve that! You're all going to pay for your insolence!
CUT TO: LIVING AREA. THE HOUSEMATES ALL JOIN EACH OTHER IN THE SOFA CORNER MA-THINGIE.
PHOEBE: Please not me please not me please not me please not me.
PAIGE: Please not me please not me please not me please not me.
PIPER: Please just take them both just take them both just take them both.
BB: The... fifth? person to be evicted from the Big Brother house is...
PAUSE. YOU REMEMBER THAT SCROLLING GIG FROM LAST TIME? IMAGINE IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN.
DARRYL: I can't stand this anymore!
DARRYL JUMPS UP AND STARTS RUNNING AROUND SCREAMING. EVERYBODY STARES AT HIM, NOT IMPRESSED IN THIS TIME OF CRISIS.
PRUE: Sit down you... galoot!
DARRYL SLAPS PRUE. PRUE SLAPS DARRYL. EVERYBODY STARTS TO SLAP EACH OTHER. IT'S ACTUALLY QUITE BRUTAL! AFTER A FEW MINUTES, THE FIRE SPRINKLERS ARE TURNED ON TO COOL THE 'PHOOLISH' 'PHOOLS' OFF. I'M TRYING TO ANNOUNCE HERE!
BB: Shut up and sit down you rejected coins! The housemate to be evicted this week is *excited, joyous* Paige!
PAIGE: Nooooooooooooooooooooo!
PIPER: Meh, she had a good run.
THE TUBE COMES FROM THE CEILING AND SUCKS PRUE UP. THEN IT SPITS HER OUT, AND SUCKS PAIGE UP.
PRUE: You'd think it was trying to tell me something.
SILENCE.
ANDY: Wonder how she'll go.
DARRYL: Who cares? I CAN'T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE!
HE STARTS RUNNING AROUND LIKE A LUNATIC... AGAIN.
PRUE: Here we go again.
PHOEBE: I don't know about you guys, but he's turning me on!
SOURCE: What doesn't turn you on, o sweet incestuous lesbium child?
PHOEBE: You don't, actually.
THE SOURCE GROWLS AND STALKS OFF.
KT(VO): Day AP only knows what day. The housemates, knowing that they'll have to witness Paige's death at some point, have already arranged themselves in front of the television screen.
THE HOUSEMATES, ARE INDEED, STARING AT THE TELEVISION.
BB: Will all housemates please... oh... never mind.
* * *
BLACK SCREEN. THE TITLE FADES IN: "HISTORY REPEATS"
FADE IN: AN OLD PRESUMABLY HAUNTED HOUSE. WE CUT TO THE INTERIOR. PAIGE IS WANDERING ABOUT THE OLD COBWEBBED HALLWAYS.
PAIGE: I'm not scared, oh no.
SHE WHIMPERS AND CONTINUES TO WALK ABOUT. SUDDENLY UM STU FROM SCREAM APPEARS.
STU: Hey Tate, grab another beer will ya? There's beer in the garage.
PAIGE: What am I, the beer wench?
THEY STARE AT EACH OTHER.
PAIGE: Déja voo-doo. And my name's Paige.
STU WALKS AWAY AND PAIGE MOSIES ALONG TO THE GARAGE TO GET HIS BEER.
CUT TO: INT. GARAGE
PAIGE ENTERS AND FLICKS A SWITCH. BAM! THE GARAGE DOOR STARTS TO RISE. WRONG SWITCH. SHE LOWERS IT AGAIN THE TURNS THE LIGHT ON. SHE SPOTS THE REFRIGERATOR AND HEADS FOR IT, NOT SEEING THE DOOR SILENTLY CLOSE BEHIND HER. BAM! THERE'S A NOISE! TATU- I MEAN PAIGE WHIRLS ROUND TO SEE A CAT ESCAPE THROUGH THE CAT FLAP. SHE SMILES AT HER JUMPINESS.
PHOEBE(OS): Hey I think I've seen this movie - she's about to get naked and do it with the man in the ghost costume!
PAIGE GRABS AS MANY BEERS AS POSSIBLE AND HEADS BACK UPSTAIRS, BUT THE DOOR IS LOCKED.
PAIGE: Sh*t!
SHE KICKS IT.
PAIGE: Hey sh*theads! Oh sh*t!
SHE LEANS OVER AND PRESSES THE GARAGE DOOR BUTTON, THE DOOR STARTS TO OPEN. SHE STARTS WALKING TOWARDS IT BUT SUDDENLY BAM! THE DOOR STARTS CLOSING AGAIN.
PAIGE: What the...
PAIGE TURNS AROUND TO SEE A GHOST MASKED FIGURE AKA GHOSTFACE FROM SCREAM! WOOHP! HE IS SILHOUETTED IN THE DARK, NEXT TO THE KITCHEN DOOR, HIS HAND ON THE SWITCH. PAIGE GASPS, THEN RELAXES.
PAIGE: Is that you, Randy? Cute.
PIPER(OS): Who's Randy?
PHOEBE(OS): I am! I am!
PAIGE: And what movie is this from? I Spit On Your Garage? Lose the mask. If Sidney sees it, she'll flip.
PIPER(OS): Who's Sidney?
ANDY: Can that be me?
GHOSTFACE SLOWLY SHAKES HIS HEAD.
PAIGE: Oh, you wanna play psycho killer?
GHOSTFACE NODS.
PAIGE: Can I be the helpless victim?
GHOSTIE NODS AGAIN.
PAIGE: Okay, let's see. "No, please don't kill me, Mr. Ghostface. I want to be in the sequel."
PAIGE TRIES TO WALK PAST HIM BUT HE BLOCKS HER.
PAIGE: Cut it, Casper. That's a wrap.
SHE TRIED TO GET PAST AGAIN BUT HE'S FASTER, CUTTING HER OFF. JUGGLING THE BEER WITH ONE HAND, PAIGE PUSHES HIM WITH THE OTHER.
PAIGE: Randy - will you stop?
PHOEBE(OS): I'll never stop being randy!
GHOSTFACE INTERCEPTS, LUNGING FOR HER AND GRABBING HER WRIST. BEER FLIES.
PAIGE: You little sh*t!
PAIGE YANKS AWAY HARD, RELEASING HIS HOLD WHEN A FLASH OF SILVER CATCHES HER EYE. SHE LOOKS DOWN, GLIMPSING A LONG, SHARP BLADE AS IT DARTS FORWARD, DRAWING A THIN LONG LINE OF RED ALONG HER FOREARM. MAN I REALLY WANT TO WATCH THIS MOVIE RIGHT NOW. I ADORE THIS SCENE. THREE GUESSES WHY. PAIGE PULLS BACK, HORRIFIED AS THE MOMENT TURNS DEADLY SERIOUS. GHOSTFACE ADVANCES, KNIFE OUT AND READY. SHE STAGGERS BACKWARDS HOLDING HER BLOODIED ARM AND BACKS IN TO REFRIGERATOR.
PAIGE: Who are you?
GHOSTFACE LASHES OUT, PAIGE DODGES IT. AS GHOSTFACE ATTACKS, SHE RIPS THE FREEZER DOOR OPEN, SMASHING HIM IN THE FACE AND SENDING HIM BACKWARDS. SHE THROWS BEER BOTTLES... NOBODY KNOWS WHY... PAIGE DARTS TO THE GARAGE DOOR AND TRIES TO PULL IT UP. NOT... STONG... ENOUGH... BAM! A LIGHTBULB APPEARS OVER HER HEAD.
LEO(OS): New power?
SHE GOES FOR THE PET DOOR, DROPPING TO THE DOOR AND DIVING FOR IT. SHE WEDGES HER UPPER BODY THROUGH, HEAD, SHOULDERS, TORSO, JUST AS NOOOOOO GHOSTFACE POUNCES, GRABBING HER FEET. PAIGE GOES CRAZY, SCREAMING AND KICKING AS SHE TRIES TO GET THROUGH.
CUT TO: EXT GARAGE DOOR.
PAIGE IS HALF IN/HALF OUT OF THE PET DOOR. SHE BEATS AND JERKS WILDLY, UNABLE TO SEE GHOSTFACE ON THE OTHER SIDE.
CUT BACK TO:
INT. GARAGE. PAIGE KICKS, HER AIM IS TRUE, AND BAM! SMACKS GHOSTFACE IN THE... GHOSTIES. SHE TRIES TO PULL HERSELF THROUGH FURTHER BUT LO! SHE'S STUCK! SHE PULLS AND TUGS BUT DEAR O DEAR SHE CAN'T MOVE. SHE LISTENS. NOTHING. WHERE DID HE GO? AN AGONISING SILENCE... AND THEN...
BAM!
THE GARAGE DOOR BEGINS TO RISE, TAKING PAIGE WITH IT. SHE SCREAMS MADLY.
PAIGE: Noooooooooo!
HER ARMS AND LEGS FLAIL VIOLENTLY AS SHE TRIES TO FREE HERSELF, BUT SHE'S MOVING TOO FAST, CARRYING HER UP. PETRIFIED, SHE LOOKS UPWARDS TO SEE WHERE THE DOOR ROLLS BACK INTO THE GARAGE RAFTERS JUST AS:
CUT TO:
PAIGE'S FACE.
SPLAT!
ALL(OS): Oh you f*cker!
CUT TO:
EXT. GARAGE. THE DOOR IS OPEN, NOBODY IS INSIDE. BUT PAIGE'S BODY SWINGS SLOWLY FROM THE CEILING. SLOWLY AND ALMOST GUILTILY, THE CAMERA PACES BACK, SLOWLY LEAVING THE MURDER SCENE.
FADE TO:
BLACK. THE TITLE RETURNS: "HISTORY REPEATS" AND THERE IS SILENCE, OTHER THAN THE SOUND OF THE GARAGE DOOR CREAKING AND THE WIND SHUFFLING SOME LEAVES.
* * *
PRUE: Has that not been in some movie?
ANDY: Yeah, and the main character really resembled Piper a lot.
PRUE: Oh yeah! That's where I've seen you before!
PHOEBE: Hello? One of our friends just died!
PIPER: What, Phoebe's showing compassion? Never thought I'd see the day.
PHEOBE: Compa-what? I'm just bummed I lost my lesbium lover!
ALL: Ewww...
KT(OS): Day... a few days later. Since I can't be bothered telling you guys about the japes that happened, let's just skip to nominations, huh? I've still got The Plague and people are being mean to me.
DIARY ROOM: THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS ANDY.
ANDY: Um let's see... it's hard to remember who's still here and who's not.
ANDY GETS SLAPPED.
ANDY: All right! Sheesh, I think I get slapped every single time I'm in here! Okay I'm picking uh Leo because I think he's trying to move in on my Prue. And I can't have that. And also The Source because I'm starting to take all that talk about smiting quite personally!
TIME LAPSE: THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS DARRYL.
DARRYL: Hey Big Brother.
BB: Just nominate.
DARRYL: Okay dokey! Well, I'm picking Prue because she's not very receptive and comforting when I have a moment that I CAN'T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE!
DARRYL STARTS RUNNING AROUND IN THE TINY DIARY ROOM. HE IS THE SLAPPED. SEVERAL TIMES.
DARRYL: And Phoebe cos argh! She never seems to get evicted!
TIME LAPSE: THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS LEO.
LEO: Uh I'm picking Darryl cos he's a crazed psychopath! And also Prue because she's too cynical for my liking.
TIME LAPSE: THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS PHOEBE.
PHOEBE: I'm nominating Prue because I hate her and also Piper because I hate her too. What I hate most about Prue is the way she always looks down on me when I'm talking. I mean, I'm trying to say something perfectly intelligent and she's just watching me with that "I'm better than you" smirk on her face and it really just bites at me all the time and...
TIME LAPSE.
PHOEBE: And the way she always talks about herself. I. Never. Talk about myself! Never! But she makes out like I do and-
PHOEBE IS SLAPPED BACK TO HELL. I'M NOT LISTENING TO ANOTHER RANT. SHE RUNS OUT CRYING AND BLOWING HER NOSE ON HER WPH.
TIME LAPSE: THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS PIPER.
PIPER: Darryl cos he's really pissing me off lately, and Leo cos he totally perves over me! I mean, if it was someone hot like the Source, then that's all well and good, but come on - appleface?!?
TIME LAPSE: THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS PRUE.
PRUE: Uh let's see. I'm going with Leo because of ugh just him in general, and also Phoebe because... well, do I even have to give a reason?
TIME LAPSE: THE CURRENT NOMINATOR IS THE SOURCE.
SOURCE: Hmm, the two people who are pissing me off them most are... Darryl and... heck, I'll go with Prue just because she was in here before me and I can't remember anybody else who's in the house!
BB: Thank you, The Source.
SOURCE: I don't like your attitude!
BB: I don't like your robes.
SOURCE: *gasp*
CUT TO: LIVING AREA.
PHOEBE: I voted for-
PIPER: Me and Prue.
PHOEBE: How did you guess?
PRUE: You told us before you went in.
KT(VO): *sigh* PLLLLAAAAGGGGUUUUUUEEEEE!!!!
BB: Well after months of counting, the nominations are as follows: the housemates up for eviction this weeks are...
SCROLL GAME, REMEMBER?
BB: Darryl.
DARRYL: I CAN'T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE!!
BB: And.
DARRLY RUNS AROUND SCREAMING.
BB: Leo.
LEO: Piper! Save me!
PIPER: Hap!
BB: And.
PHOEBE: Aw man! It's gonna be me again!
BB: Prue.
ALL GASP.
PRUE: Pah, what're you guys so shocked about? Half of you must've voted for me.
PHOEBE: I did, I did! And I'm not up for eviction! Let's get naked!
PHOEBE STICKS BY HER PROMISE AND AS EVERYBODY IS SHYING AWAY AND BEING SICK, WE:
ROLL CREDITS.
KT: Oooooo Prue! We barely knew ya! Well kids, who's it gonna be?
DARRYL
LEO
OR
PRUE?
Dun dun dunnnnn you decide!