New Horizons: Chapter Five
By Annie
04-27-2002
It hardly took a second before Spike was at the woman's side, lifting her in his arms with his eyes darting around at the rest of them.
Buffy had the name of the young lady ringing in her head out of tune with the silent repeating of the vampire's human one, the way the woman had spoken it, under her breath and close to a whisper, before collapsing in a heap on the floor.
Sarah.? William. Sarah.? William.
It went on and on and she didn't notice that the others were moving around her, more or less making way for Spike as he swiftly carried the unconscious stranger to the couch, carefully setting her down and then kneeling beside her, his eyes on her face and the look of shock and confusion that had hit Buffy like a sledgehammer only a few minutes earlier still clear on his features.
"Buffy," Dawn said, worry in her voice and Buffy turned to her slowly, trying to make the echoing stop.
Her head was starting to get more and more messed up. Maybe she really WAS crazy to think that this could be real, ANY of it. Maybe all of it was just some bad trip to her subconscious, a place she had made up one day just so the darker part of her could somehow play a cruel and twisted joke on that part of her that needed the light. And now she had spent years and years trying to fight her way back to where she had been before Sunnydale, before the all too extraordinary everyday of her Slayer life began, back to reality and her family. Back home.
Then she felt Dawn tug at the arm of her shirt and she lifted her gaze to look at her sister.
Her sister, her blood, the Key.
She almost wanted to turn and run, run away as fast as she could and never look back. But then she met Dawn's eyes, the look in them frightened and questioning as they cautiously held hers. And something clicked inside of Buffy, something she hadn't felt in a long time started creeping slowly in her chest. She recognized it straight away. It was that pure intuition that she had been born with but hadn't discovered until she fully embraced the Slayer side in her.
The intuition told her simply that she was who she chose, and she had made her choice looking into her mother's eyes that day at the Asylum, her mother's voice had been the one to guide her back to who she couldn't deny being. And as this became clear to Buffy she knew something even more important, she knew she was done wishing she was someone else.
Looking into Dawn's eyes the revelation of not only knowing, but also feeling where she belonged crept side by side with that familiar intuition and she couldn't hold back a faint smile.
She had been dreaming nightmares for a week. About her parents huddled by the side of her at the Asylum, her eyes staring straight ahead and the doctor regretfully announcing that she once more was lost to them; her parents sobbing and then the scenario repeating, over and over like a broken record. Waking her up in a cold sweat and the overwhelming feeling of wanting to do anything but sleep.
But something had seemed so wrong with the picture of the Asylum. It had been so drained of color, black and white almost. Sculpted. And she had felt more at a loss the brief moments her brain had entered that realm, seeing and speaking to her since long lost mother and watching her parents actually together, than she had ever felt since she came back from the grave.
The wish of an easier life had gotten the better of her, and she had let it. All that was past now, all of it.
She straightened her back without thinking as she pulled herself out of her thoughts, the worry and fright in Dawn's eyes now having given way for that of watchful concern.
"Are you all right?" Dawn asked in a low voice and Buffy drew a breath, looking around her a little at the familiar things of her home as if seeing them in a new light and then she smiled, nodded and embraced her sister.
"Thanks to you," she said and Dawn looked a little confused but relieved none the less as she hugged her sister back.
"Me? What'd I do?" she asked and Buffy shook her head a little.
"Nothing. I just. I love you, Dawnie," she said in a heartfelt tone and Dawn stared at her for a brief second before answering:
"I love you too, Buffy."
"Bloody hell, what's the matter with her?" Spike's voice interrupted their little moment and the two turned to the assembly by the couch, Spike now at his feet looking frustrated at Willow as she bent down to examine the woman, still immobile on the couch.
Buffy looked at the lady, Sarah, and then at Spike who was restlessly combing his short blonde strands with one hand, scratching the back of his head before repeating the movement.
She looked away and directed her gaze at Willow, who straightened her back turning to Spike.
"I don't know." Willow said slowly. "Honestly she just seems exhausted, her heart beat is steady and she's breathing fine. Not that I'm an EXPERT but I would say that with some sleep she'll wake up to be her .old.self again."
With that statement Spike felt everybody's eyes being turned to him. He didn't look up, he didn't know exactly what to say to them. It wasn't like he had gone around expecting his past to come knocking on the door one day. Or, in this case, come stepping out of a bloody mirror.
"Bollocks," he mumbled as he looked down at her. "What are you doing here.?"
"I think we all would like to know that," he suddenly heard Buffy's voice behind him and he rolled his eyes before raising his head to meet her gaze. "Who IS she?" Buffy asked.
"What if I say it's nothing to you?" he asked nonchalantly and she crossed her arms over her chest, starting to look angry.
"Because by some fluke of good luck that mirror she just happened to step through was sent and ADDRESSED to me," Buffy replied pointing a finger at herself. "And since this whole thing took place in MY living room I think I have a right to know what the hell is going on!" she finished, her voice slightly raised and with a look at him bearing a challenge to try to persuade her otherwise.
He wondered if she realized she was looking at him like that. She should know he never could resist a challenge.
"Well, MAYBE I could just say to hell with all that and then LEAVE with my lady here?" he suggested with a nod towards the woman, him trying to stay calm but his voice sounding louder than he had planned.
"You bloody hell WON'T, William!" she almost yelled at him and when the short echo of her words died out silence spread among the people in the room.
Buffy's heart was beating hard in her chest even before she uttered that sentence, but now it slowed down until she thought it would stop. She swallowed; her eyes still in Spike's and his blue showing surprise with a hint of growing mockery. She didn't want to look around at the others. Not only had she adopted his damn expression, but she had also used that NAME!
She shook her head a little.
"I mean: Spike," she said and he couldn't help but smile a little. "And. Oh, don't look so God damn smug!" she exclaimed, turning around and walking out of the room into the kitchen.
Tara's eyes followed the Slayer as the latter quickly disappeared from view, she held back a smile, not wanting to take sides but feeling it difficult not to see the forest for all the trees. She knew that the reason Buffy all of a sudden was Ms. Self-Conscious had really nothing to do with the fact that her friends had heard her use the well known swearing as well as the vamp's human name, it was because HE had. And the sentence with which her friend had exited just made that so much clearer to her.
She was sure the Slayer did not see it that way, though. She didn't realize that her friends would probably just shake the swearing thing off as her having spent too much time patrolling and whatnot with the vamp, his language sticking to some part of her brain being inevitable. And the use of his name, well, hadn't the mysterious girl just uttered it?
Tara still had it lingering in her head, that was for sure. The way the girl had said it, so softly and as though she had used it so many times before on him had left quite an in pact on Tara and now she turned her eyes to Spike, who was looking down on the lady once more.
"Spike." Dawn said ever so carefully. "I really hate it when you fight. Couldn't you.? I'll- .we'll stay with your.friend. Please," she pleaded and he smiled a little.
"Okay," he nodded. "I'll talk to her, but I won't apologize for saying that this is none of your business, 'cause it's not," he added looking around at the person's in the room as if to underline that last statement so that they'd all keep away from asking.
Then he walked around the coffee table in two big steps and went to the kitchen.
Buffy pushed the drawer containing silver wear shut with her hip and turned around with a bunch of spoons in her hand just as Spike entered the kitchen.
She froze for a moment, looking at him; he could see she didn't seem angry anymore, only annoyed. Then she put the spoons down on the counter and with one look that told him to get out she turned to the cabinet behind her, in the corner of the kitchen by the refrigerator, and opened it with a hard tug at the handle.
He studied her back, memories of all the things he had done with her over the stretch of a few months flowing into his brain, filling it, filling him.
"Buffy." he said and she spun around, her eyes once more signaling him to leave her alone.
But he couldn't, and he knew she knew that.
"I'm .sorry," he suddenly found himself saying. "I'm not saying that you don't have a right to know. It's just. It's personal."
The look in her eyes shifted to disbelieving as she finally opened her mouth and spoke.
"Personal?" she asked, starting to walk towards him. "Personal?! Well, isn't that something we all wish we could use as an excuse? It just so happens that I don't believe you. I don't think that's the whole reason behind this whole avoiding-the-subject thing you've got going here, Spike. So, why don't you just tell me and get it over with?"
She finished with a defiant gleam in her eyes, standing right in front of him now and looking like she wouldn't move one inch even if the house came crashing down around her.
How he loved her at that moment, how clear his feelings were, and how it hurt that she just didn't believe him, that she couldn't see.
He hid these thoughts behind the mask he had become so accustomed to around her, smiled arrogantly at her and then shrugged a little.
"Oh, so now we're back to Spike?" She only furrowed her brow slightly and he tilted his head a little before continuing: "And you've suddenly decided you know me, love?" he asked this slowly and her eyes grew into slits as she refrained from asking what he meant. "This whole I-can-read-you-like-an- open-book thing," he began explaining, mimicking her choice of words before, "isn't really working its magic on me, pet. Doesn't make me wanna succumb and open up, or whatever. All I'm saying is that you'd just do best in keeping your pretty little nose outta this one, Slayer. Whatever she's doing here has got to do with me, I'm more than sure of that, so you just."
She moved before he had finished, her face suddenly so close to his that he could feel her body heat reach out its fingers and gently caress his cool skin, her eyes looking directly into his and her hands planted firmly on either side of his face, her fingers practically digging into his neck and her thumbs at either of his temples.
"Now you listen to me, Mr. Big-Bad Ass-Living Dead," she said in a lowered but determined voice. "We are all in on this, whether you like it or not, and whether you want it or not the fact is that the first step in contacting us was made to ME which makes this Slayer brain of mine think that, gee, that's probably not a coincidence. So, cliff notes version, you can tell me who this Sarah is or SHE can do it once she wakes up. It's your choice."
All his senses were on the brim of melt down, it felt like he hadn't had her this close for a hundred years and his hands had automatically placed themselves on respective hip, holding her gently to him as she spoke.
Buffy had no idea what the hell was the matter with her. WHY was she all of a sudden practically in his arms? And WHY was her face so close to his that their noses were practically scraping against each other?
For a moment he thought she was going to kiss him. It would fit the profile of their previous make-out sessions perfectly. Fighting seemed to be their best foreplay.
But then in one fluid motion she pulled away and took a step back, her eyes still in his though. He hated the guilty look on her face, hated that she felt like she had just led him on.
Then he heard something thump-thump-thumping in his ears and he realized what it was.
With a little smile he said:
"Your heart is racing, love."
Buffy cursed the traitor in her chest before shrugging and turning around, walking back to the counter where she had left the spoons. She had thought she'd make some soup or something but now the idea seemed far away and unimportant as she began fidgeting with the silverware.
She sighed a little, figuring she did owe him a little more than that and turned back around.
But he had already gone back into the living room, the kitchen was empty, and she was alone.
***
She abandoned the idea of food, even though her stomach was grumbling, and just poured some water into a pitcher, getting out some glasses and putting it all on a tray. Just as she was about finished Willow came hurrying into the kitchen, the excited look on her face spoke to Buffy before she uttered the words:
"She's waking up."
Buffy nodded, picking up the tray as Willow swung around and went back into the living room. Buffy's arms felt shaky and for a moment she thought she was going to drop the tray, but then she drew a deep breath and fixed her thoughts on simply walking the few steps from where she was now and into the other room.
It's nothing, she thought. It's nothing for a slayer. What's up with me now, got a serious touch of the super guilty conscience all of a sudden?
She walked swiftly into the living room, putting the tray down on the white painted desk opposite the fireplace before turning to walk slowly towards the couch and her friends gathered around the person on it.
She stopped beside Dawn, who had a big smile on her lips when she turned to Buffy.
"Isn't it just great?" Dawn asked her and Buffy nodded a little as she watched Spike sit down by the woman's. Sarah's side.
Sarah's eyes were only partially opened but as Spike hesitantly reached out a hand and placed it on hers, just to gently take a hold of it, they opened up and she fixed her gaze in his.
The love that immediately showed in this stranger's eyes as she looked at the vampire shook the assembled group and everybody stirred a little, all taken in their own way.
Willow was amazed; she had a ton of questions in her head. The primal one being if this lady even KNEW Spike wasn't human. Having used the name he had held as a mortal she doubted the woman knowing.
Xander had a hard time grasping anyone looking at Spike with that kind of emotion in their eyes. He figured, just as Willow had, that the woman couldn't possibly know what Spike was, having called him William. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling of honest affection in the air between the bleached vamp and the stranger and it arose his curiosity. Who was she?
Dawn was happy for Spike, happy that she could see someone other than herself showing him affection. She knew he craved it, despite his rough exterior, and he sure wasn't receiving it from the one of whom he needed it the most.
Tara looked at the scene before her, how Spike slowly but surely seemed to relax as the woman held his hand back, a smile growing on the lady's face. How the loving gaze she was giving him soon started reflecting in his eyes. She casually turned her head to the Slayer, but she hadn't expected to see the sudden amount of pain rising in her friend's face, or the shock that the pain brought with it.
Buffy stared in awe at the scenario taking place before her eyes. Spike looked happy, he looked truly happy to see this lady of his. whoever she was.
Buffy wasn't very surprised when the small gnawing of jealousy started somewhere near her heart. After all, this wasn't the first time it appeared when she saw Spike with another woman. Or "skank" was really a better word to use for the half dead looking girl he had dragged to Xander's not-quite- so-happening wedding. But when the gnawing suddenly grew into an out right tugging as she saw how Spike's posture changed when Sarah took a reassuring hold of his hand, and how the look in his eyes grew into one Buffy recognized so well and still it was somehow different, she felt a sharp pain where the jealousy was and the pang of it was what brought the shock that Tara observed into Buffy's features.
Why is this any different? she thought to herself, almost panicking over the overwhelming feeling burying itself in her chest. It isn't!
But turning her eyes on the two again she knew it was, because this time it wasn't a scheme to make HER jealous, and it wasn't someone random in any way. The sudden warmth and love in Spike's eyes as he looked down at the woman, slightly smiling at her, was everything that was needed to make it more than obvious that this was anything but that.
And she knew that this time it had nothing to do with her, thus summing everything quickly up in her head that this must be why she was feeling the almost nauseating grabbing at her heart.
What kind of a monster am I, then? she thought, turning away from the others and walking up to where she had left the water and glasses. I feel like this simply because I'm not in his head twenty-four seven, when I know what it's doing to him to have me there? I'm a terrible, awful person!
She grabbed a glass, filling it with water and then put the pitcher down, hands suddenly sweaty and her head slowly starting to spin she turned back to the others.
She swallowed, her throat dry, but wanting to show her support, wanting to show Spike that she wanted him to. To what? She didn't know, just to let him know that she. That she, what? Didn't feel a thing looking at him looking at Sarah like that? She held the glass in a firm grip walking up to the group again, shrugging the mind-war in her head off and once more stopping beside Dawn.
"I thought." she started and Spike turned his eyes to her, waiting for her to continue.
She swallowed again.
"For Sarah," she said, reaching the hand with the glass towards him and feeling it slip out of her grip before she had a chance to react.
He caught it, of course, before it hit the floor and straightened his back with a little smile.
No mockery in his eyes now, she noticed.
"Thank you," he said before turning back to Sarah, leaning down slightly and putting a hand behind her neck before bringing the edge of the glass to her lips.
She drank almost half the glass and then brought her mouth away, turning her head to the Slayer with a grateful smile.
Buffy pressed one onto her own lips, hoping it didn't look as stale as it felt. The room was seriously spinning by now and she tried to keep her gaze fixed to see if she could make it go away, it usually worked if she got a really hard blow to the head while fighting.
This time, however, it didn't and she heard Tara's voice from a far asking her if she was all right just before her knees buckled under her.
Then she felt Spike's strong arms catching her before she hit the floor and with them still around her, her sight abandoned her eyes, giving way for the thick blanket of darkness.
By Annie
04-27-2002
It hardly took a second before Spike was at the woman's side, lifting her in his arms with his eyes darting around at the rest of them.
Buffy had the name of the young lady ringing in her head out of tune with the silent repeating of the vampire's human one, the way the woman had spoken it, under her breath and close to a whisper, before collapsing in a heap on the floor.
Sarah.? William. Sarah.? William.
It went on and on and she didn't notice that the others were moving around her, more or less making way for Spike as he swiftly carried the unconscious stranger to the couch, carefully setting her down and then kneeling beside her, his eyes on her face and the look of shock and confusion that had hit Buffy like a sledgehammer only a few minutes earlier still clear on his features.
"Buffy," Dawn said, worry in her voice and Buffy turned to her slowly, trying to make the echoing stop.
Her head was starting to get more and more messed up. Maybe she really WAS crazy to think that this could be real, ANY of it. Maybe all of it was just some bad trip to her subconscious, a place she had made up one day just so the darker part of her could somehow play a cruel and twisted joke on that part of her that needed the light. And now she had spent years and years trying to fight her way back to where she had been before Sunnydale, before the all too extraordinary everyday of her Slayer life began, back to reality and her family. Back home.
Then she felt Dawn tug at the arm of her shirt and she lifted her gaze to look at her sister.
Her sister, her blood, the Key.
She almost wanted to turn and run, run away as fast as she could and never look back. But then she met Dawn's eyes, the look in them frightened and questioning as they cautiously held hers. And something clicked inside of Buffy, something she hadn't felt in a long time started creeping slowly in her chest. She recognized it straight away. It was that pure intuition that she had been born with but hadn't discovered until she fully embraced the Slayer side in her.
The intuition told her simply that she was who she chose, and she had made her choice looking into her mother's eyes that day at the Asylum, her mother's voice had been the one to guide her back to who she couldn't deny being. And as this became clear to Buffy she knew something even more important, she knew she was done wishing she was someone else.
Looking into Dawn's eyes the revelation of not only knowing, but also feeling where she belonged crept side by side with that familiar intuition and she couldn't hold back a faint smile.
She had been dreaming nightmares for a week. About her parents huddled by the side of her at the Asylum, her eyes staring straight ahead and the doctor regretfully announcing that she once more was lost to them; her parents sobbing and then the scenario repeating, over and over like a broken record. Waking her up in a cold sweat and the overwhelming feeling of wanting to do anything but sleep.
But something had seemed so wrong with the picture of the Asylum. It had been so drained of color, black and white almost. Sculpted. And she had felt more at a loss the brief moments her brain had entered that realm, seeing and speaking to her since long lost mother and watching her parents actually together, than she had ever felt since she came back from the grave.
The wish of an easier life had gotten the better of her, and she had let it. All that was past now, all of it.
She straightened her back without thinking as she pulled herself out of her thoughts, the worry and fright in Dawn's eyes now having given way for that of watchful concern.
"Are you all right?" Dawn asked in a low voice and Buffy drew a breath, looking around her a little at the familiar things of her home as if seeing them in a new light and then she smiled, nodded and embraced her sister.
"Thanks to you," she said and Dawn looked a little confused but relieved none the less as she hugged her sister back.
"Me? What'd I do?" she asked and Buffy shook her head a little.
"Nothing. I just. I love you, Dawnie," she said in a heartfelt tone and Dawn stared at her for a brief second before answering:
"I love you too, Buffy."
"Bloody hell, what's the matter with her?" Spike's voice interrupted their little moment and the two turned to the assembly by the couch, Spike now at his feet looking frustrated at Willow as she bent down to examine the woman, still immobile on the couch.
Buffy looked at the lady, Sarah, and then at Spike who was restlessly combing his short blonde strands with one hand, scratching the back of his head before repeating the movement.
She looked away and directed her gaze at Willow, who straightened her back turning to Spike.
"I don't know." Willow said slowly. "Honestly she just seems exhausted, her heart beat is steady and she's breathing fine. Not that I'm an EXPERT but I would say that with some sleep she'll wake up to be her .old.self again."
With that statement Spike felt everybody's eyes being turned to him. He didn't look up, he didn't know exactly what to say to them. It wasn't like he had gone around expecting his past to come knocking on the door one day. Or, in this case, come stepping out of a bloody mirror.
"Bollocks," he mumbled as he looked down at her. "What are you doing here.?"
"I think we all would like to know that," he suddenly heard Buffy's voice behind him and he rolled his eyes before raising his head to meet her gaze. "Who IS she?" Buffy asked.
"What if I say it's nothing to you?" he asked nonchalantly and she crossed her arms over her chest, starting to look angry.
"Because by some fluke of good luck that mirror she just happened to step through was sent and ADDRESSED to me," Buffy replied pointing a finger at herself. "And since this whole thing took place in MY living room I think I have a right to know what the hell is going on!" she finished, her voice slightly raised and with a look at him bearing a challenge to try to persuade her otherwise.
He wondered if she realized she was looking at him like that. She should know he never could resist a challenge.
"Well, MAYBE I could just say to hell with all that and then LEAVE with my lady here?" he suggested with a nod towards the woman, him trying to stay calm but his voice sounding louder than he had planned.
"You bloody hell WON'T, William!" she almost yelled at him and when the short echo of her words died out silence spread among the people in the room.
Buffy's heart was beating hard in her chest even before she uttered that sentence, but now it slowed down until she thought it would stop. She swallowed; her eyes still in Spike's and his blue showing surprise with a hint of growing mockery. She didn't want to look around at the others. Not only had she adopted his damn expression, but she had also used that NAME!
She shook her head a little.
"I mean: Spike," she said and he couldn't help but smile a little. "And. Oh, don't look so God damn smug!" she exclaimed, turning around and walking out of the room into the kitchen.
Tara's eyes followed the Slayer as the latter quickly disappeared from view, she held back a smile, not wanting to take sides but feeling it difficult not to see the forest for all the trees. She knew that the reason Buffy all of a sudden was Ms. Self-Conscious had really nothing to do with the fact that her friends had heard her use the well known swearing as well as the vamp's human name, it was because HE had. And the sentence with which her friend had exited just made that so much clearer to her.
She was sure the Slayer did not see it that way, though. She didn't realize that her friends would probably just shake the swearing thing off as her having spent too much time patrolling and whatnot with the vamp, his language sticking to some part of her brain being inevitable. And the use of his name, well, hadn't the mysterious girl just uttered it?
Tara still had it lingering in her head, that was for sure. The way the girl had said it, so softly and as though she had used it so many times before on him had left quite an in pact on Tara and now she turned her eyes to Spike, who was looking down on the lady once more.
"Spike." Dawn said ever so carefully. "I really hate it when you fight. Couldn't you.? I'll- .we'll stay with your.friend. Please," she pleaded and he smiled a little.
"Okay," he nodded. "I'll talk to her, but I won't apologize for saying that this is none of your business, 'cause it's not," he added looking around at the person's in the room as if to underline that last statement so that they'd all keep away from asking.
Then he walked around the coffee table in two big steps and went to the kitchen.
Buffy pushed the drawer containing silver wear shut with her hip and turned around with a bunch of spoons in her hand just as Spike entered the kitchen.
She froze for a moment, looking at him; he could see she didn't seem angry anymore, only annoyed. Then she put the spoons down on the counter and with one look that told him to get out she turned to the cabinet behind her, in the corner of the kitchen by the refrigerator, and opened it with a hard tug at the handle.
He studied her back, memories of all the things he had done with her over the stretch of a few months flowing into his brain, filling it, filling him.
"Buffy." he said and she spun around, her eyes once more signaling him to leave her alone.
But he couldn't, and he knew she knew that.
"I'm .sorry," he suddenly found himself saying. "I'm not saying that you don't have a right to know. It's just. It's personal."
The look in her eyes shifted to disbelieving as she finally opened her mouth and spoke.
"Personal?" she asked, starting to walk towards him. "Personal?! Well, isn't that something we all wish we could use as an excuse? It just so happens that I don't believe you. I don't think that's the whole reason behind this whole avoiding-the-subject thing you've got going here, Spike. So, why don't you just tell me and get it over with?"
She finished with a defiant gleam in her eyes, standing right in front of him now and looking like she wouldn't move one inch even if the house came crashing down around her.
How he loved her at that moment, how clear his feelings were, and how it hurt that she just didn't believe him, that she couldn't see.
He hid these thoughts behind the mask he had become so accustomed to around her, smiled arrogantly at her and then shrugged a little.
"Oh, so now we're back to Spike?" She only furrowed her brow slightly and he tilted his head a little before continuing: "And you've suddenly decided you know me, love?" he asked this slowly and her eyes grew into slits as she refrained from asking what he meant. "This whole I-can-read-you-like-an- open-book thing," he began explaining, mimicking her choice of words before, "isn't really working its magic on me, pet. Doesn't make me wanna succumb and open up, or whatever. All I'm saying is that you'd just do best in keeping your pretty little nose outta this one, Slayer. Whatever she's doing here has got to do with me, I'm more than sure of that, so you just."
She moved before he had finished, her face suddenly so close to his that he could feel her body heat reach out its fingers and gently caress his cool skin, her eyes looking directly into his and her hands planted firmly on either side of his face, her fingers practically digging into his neck and her thumbs at either of his temples.
"Now you listen to me, Mr. Big-Bad Ass-Living Dead," she said in a lowered but determined voice. "We are all in on this, whether you like it or not, and whether you want it or not the fact is that the first step in contacting us was made to ME which makes this Slayer brain of mine think that, gee, that's probably not a coincidence. So, cliff notes version, you can tell me who this Sarah is or SHE can do it once she wakes up. It's your choice."
All his senses were on the brim of melt down, it felt like he hadn't had her this close for a hundred years and his hands had automatically placed themselves on respective hip, holding her gently to him as she spoke.
Buffy had no idea what the hell was the matter with her. WHY was she all of a sudden practically in his arms? And WHY was her face so close to his that their noses were practically scraping against each other?
For a moment he thought she was going to kiss him. It would fit the profile of their previous make-out sessions perfectly. Fighting seemed to be their best foreplay.
But then in one fluid motion she pulled away and took a step back, her eyes still in his though. He hated the guilty look on her face, hated that she felt like she had just led him on.
Then he heard something thump-thump-thumping in his ears and he realized what it was.
With a little smile he said:
"Your heart is racing, love."
Buffy cursed the traitor in her chest before shrugging and turning around, walking back to the counter where she had left the spoons. She had thought she'd make some soup or something but now the idea seemed far away and unimportant as she began fidgeting with the silverware.
She sighed a little, figuring she did owe him a little more than that and turned back around.
But he had already gone back into the living room, the kitchen was empty, and she was alone.
***
She abandoned the idea of food, even though her stomach was grumbling, and just poured some water into a pitcher, getting out some glasses and putting it all on a tray. Just as she was about finished Willow came hurrying into the kitchen, the excited look on her face spoke to Buffy before she uttered the words:
"She's waking up."
Buffy nodded, picking up the tray as Willow swung around and went back into the living room. Buffy's arms felt shaky and for a moment she thought she was going to drop the tray, but then she drew a deep breath and fixed her thoughts on simply walking the few steps from where she was now and into the other room.
It's nothing, she thought. It's nothing for a slayer. What's up with me now, got a serious touch of the super guilty conscience all of a sudden?
She walked swiftly into the living room, putting the tray down on the white painted desk opposite the fireplace before turning to walk slowly towards the couch and her friends gathered around the person on it.
She stopped beside Dawn, who had a big smile on her lips when she turned to Buffy.
"Isn't it just great?" Dawn asked her and Buffy nodded a little as she watched Spike sit down by the woman's. Sarah's side.
Sarah's eyes were only partially opened but as Spike hesitantly reached out a hand and placed it on hers, just to gently take a hold of it, they opened up and she fixed her gaze in his.
The love that immediately showed in this stranger's eyes as she looked at the vampire shook the assembled group and everybody stirred a little, all taken in their own way.
Willow was amazed; she had a ton of questions in her head. The primal one being if this lady even KNEW Spike wasn't human. Having used the name he had held as a mortal she doubted the woman knowing.
Xander had a hard time grasping anyone looking at Spike with that kind of emotion in their eyes. He figured, just as Willow had, that the woman couldn't possibly know what Spike was, having called him William. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling of honest affection in the air between the bleached vamp and the stranger and it arose his curiosity. Who was she?
Dawn was happy for Spike, happy that she could see someone other than herself showing him affection. She knew he craved it, despite his rough exterior, and he sure wasn't receiving it from the one of whom he needed it the most.
Tara looked at the scene before her, how Spike slowly but surely seemed to relax as the woman held his hand back, a smile growing on the lady's face. How the loving gaze she was giving him soon started reflecting in his eyes. She casually turned her head to the Slayer, but she hadn't expected to see the sudden amount of pain rising in her friend's face, or the shock that the pain brought with it.
Buffy stared in awe at the scenario taking place before her eyes. Spike looked happy, he looked truly happy to see this lady of his. whoever she was.
Buffy wasn't very surprised when the small gnawing of jealousy started somewhere near her heart. After all, this wasn't the first time it appeared when she saw Spike with another woman. Or "skank" was really a better word to use for the half dead looking girl he had dragged to Xander's not-quite- so-happening wedding. But when the gnawing suddenly grew into an out right tugging as she saw how Spike's posture changed when Sarah took a reassuring hold of his hand, and how the look in his eyes grew into one Buffy recognized so well and still it was somehow different, she felt a sharp pain where the jealousy was and the pang of it was what brought the shock that Tara observed into Buffy's features.
Why is this any different? she thought to herself, almost panicking over the overwhelming feeling burying itself in her chest. It isn't!
But turning her eyes on the two again she knew it was, because this time it wasn't a scheme to make HER jealous, and it wasn't someone random in any way. The sudden warmth and love in Spike's eyes as he looked down at the woman, slightly smiling at her, was everything that was needed to make it more than obvious that this was anything but that.
And she knew that this time it had nothing to do with her, thus summing everything quickly up in her head that this must be why she was feeling the almost nauseating grabbing at her heart.
What kind of a monster am I, then? she thought, turning away from the others and walking up to where she had left the water and glasses. I feel like this simply because I'm not in his head twenty-four seven, when I know what it's doing to him to have me there? I'm a terrible, awful person!
She grabbed a glass, filling it with water and then put the pitcher down, hands suddenly sweaty and her head slowly starting to spin she turned back to the others.
She swallowed, her throat dry, but wanting to show her support, wanting to show Spike that she wanted him to. To what? She didn't know, just to let him know that she. That she, what? Didn't feel a thing looking at him looking at Sarah like that? She held the glass in a firm grip walking up to the group again, shrugging the mind-war in her head off and once more stopping beside Dawn.
"I thought." she started and Spike turned his eyes to her, waiting for her to continue.
She swallowed again.
"For Sarah," she said, reaching the hand with the glass towards him and feeling it slip out of her grip before she had a chance to react.
He caught it, of course, before it hit the floor and straightened his back with a little smile.
No mockery in his eyes now, she noticed.
"Thank you," he said before turning back to Sarah, leaning down slightly and putting a hand behind her neck before bringing the edge of the glass to her lips.
She drank almost half the glass and then brought her mouth away, turning her head to the Slayer with a grateful smile.
Buffy pressed one onto her own lips, hoping it didn't look as stale as it felt. The room was seriously spinning by now and she tried to keep her gaze fixed to see if she could make it go away, it usually worked if she got a really hard blow to the head while fighting.
This time, however, it didn't and she heard Tara's voice from a far asking her if she was all right just before her knees buckled under her.
Then she felt Spike's strong arms catching her before she hit the floor and with them still around her, her sight abandoned her eyes, giving way for the thick blanket of darkness.