Sifl: So I was talking to the carrot and I was like, "Dude, just buy the
clogs."
Olly: What did he do?
Sifl: He just bought these stupid sandals.
Olly: That's why I don't hang out with carrots.
Sifl: Yeah. Who do you hang out with?
Olly: Rutebegas. They're a lot calmer.
Sifl: Yeah. Oh, wait. It's time for Precious Roy.
Precious Roy, Precious Roy. Makin' lots of suckers out of girls and boys.
Olly: Hi folks, and welcome to the Precious Roy Home Shopping Network.
Today we have a special item for you. The 20 Gig Moose Hard Drive. In this
high tech age, we all have problems finding storage for all the porn we
download from the internet.
Sifl: Oh you know about all the problems I've had storing my porn.
Olly: You have some serious ass, porn-storing problems!
Just attach the hard drive onto your average moose, and turn your wildlife friend into a porn storing warehouse! Let's take some calls!
Caller 1: Uh, yeah. I'm having some problems with my Moose Hard Drive.
Sifl: What's the problem?
Caller 1: Yeah, uh, how do I hook it onto the moose?
Olly: Do you have a hammer?
Sifl: Uh, yeah.
Olly: Well just take a hammer and some nails, and it'll be a perfect fit.
Caller 1: Cool. Thanks.
Sifl: Dude, what the hell...
Olly: Folks, this is the CUTTING EDGE of technology. Moose + hard drive = Quality. Let's take some more calls!
Caller 2: Hello?
Olly: Sir, what do you think about the Moose Hard Drive?
Caller 2: This thing is cruel.
Sifl: How's that?
Caller 2: You really have to ask that?
Olly: Sir, to make an omlette, you have to break a few eggs. And to save all of that porn on the net you HAVE TO HURT A FEW MOOSES!!!
Sifl: Dude, it's moose.
Olly: Excuse me if I don't get all the words right, Sifl. I just don't know how I can stress the IMPORTANCE OF THESE HARD DRIVES.
Sifl: Dude, you need to chill. This is, forget it. I'm not even gonna try. I'm outta here.
Olly: Folks, Moose Hard Drives are the wave of the future. Let's talk to Precious Roy.
Precious Roy: This is Precious Roy, and your porn bites my hairy BLEEP
Olly: No, Precious Roy. What about these Moose Hard Drives?
Precious Roy: Buy my nipple clips! You guys are suckers!
Precious Roy, Precious Roy. Makin' lots of suckers out of girls and boys.
Sifl: No, dude. I said "MEDIUM rare".
Olly: I thought you just said "rare".
Sifl: Dude, why would I want to eat a turtle sandwhich that's "rare"? I swear, you never listen to anything I say.
Olly: That's not true. I...oh wait. It's time for Calls From The Public.
*Calls calls calls, calls from the public. Calls calls calls, calls.*
Sifl: Hey, this Calls From The Public. Caller, go ahead.
(A green sock appears with red dots on his face.)
Caller One: Uh, hey.
Olly: Hey man. What's up?
Caller One: I still have this rash.
Sifl: Did you try the cream?
Caller One: Yeah. It didn't work.
Olly: Did you put it on the rash.
(Long silence.)
Caller One: No.
Sifl: Next caller.
(A red sock with shades appears.)
Caller Two: S'up?
Sifl: What's your question?
Caller Two: S'up?
Olly: No, caller, what's your question?
(Caller Two gets very agitated, scowls.)
Caller Two: S'UP? S'UP? S'UP?
Olly: Oh, dude. I get it. Uh, nothin' much, man. We're cool.
(Caller Two calms down, nods his head.)
Caller Two: Cool.
Sifl: Right. Whatever. Uh, caller go ahead.
(Olly's mom appears)
Olly's mom: Hello, Sifl.
Sifl: Hey. I got those Playboy's you sent me. Thanks.
Olly's mom: You're welcome, Sifl, dear. I found them under Olly's bed.
I'm sorry if some of the pages are stuck together. Olly, we need to have a talk when you come home.
(Olly hangs his head.)
Sifl: BUSTED.
Olly: Mom! I'm doing a show right now! Why do you always have to do this?
Olly's mom: Don't take that tone with me, young man. Just wait 'till your father gets home. (Olly walks off stage.)
Olly: (From off-stage.) I can't take this anymore! I'm outta here!
Olly's mom: Now what's his problem? Oh well. Goodbye, Sifl.
Sifl: Bye.
Olly: What did he do?
Sifl: He just bought these stupid sandals.
Olly: That's why I don't hang out with carrots.
Sifl: Yeah. Who do you hang out with?
Olly: Rutebegas. They're a lot calmer.
Sifl: Yeah. Oh, wait. It's time for Precious Roy.
Precious Roy, Precious Roy. Makin' lots of suckers out of girls and boys.
Olly: Hi folks, and welcome to the Precious Roy Home Shopping Network.
Today we have a special item for you. The 20 Gig Moose Hard Drive. In this
high tech age, we all have problems finding storage for all the porn we
download from the internet.
Sifl: Oh you know about all the problems I've had storing my porn.
Olly: You have some serious ass, porn-storing problems!
Just attach the hard drive onto your average moose, and turn your wildlife friend into a porn storing warehouse! Let's take some calls!
Caller 1: Uh, yeah. I'm having some problems with my Moose Hard Drive.
Sifl: What's the problem?
Caller 1: Yeah, uh, how do I hook it onto the moose?
Olly: Do you have a hammer?
Sifl: Uh, yeah.
Olly: Well just take a hammer and some nails, and it'll be a perfect fit.
Caller 1: Cool. Thanks.
Sifl: Dude, what the hell...
Olly: Folks, this is the CUTTING EDGE of technology. Moose + hard drive = Quality. Let's take some more calls!
Caller 2: Hello?
Olly: Sir, what do you think about the Moose Hard Drive?
Caller 2: This thing is cruel.
Sifl: How's that?
Caller 2: You really have to ask that?
Olly: Sir, to make an omlette, you have to break a few eggs. And to save all of that porn on the net you HAVE TO HURT A FEW MOOSES!!!
Sifl: Dude, it's moose.
Olly: Excuse me if I don't get all the words right, Sifl. I just don't know how I can stress the IMPORTANCE OF THESE HARD DRIVES.
Sifl: Dude, you need to chill. This is, forget it. I'm not even gonna try. I'm outta here.
Olly: Folks, Moose Hard Drives are the wave of the future. Let's talk to Precious Roy.
Precious Roy: This is Precious Roy, and your porn bites my hairy BLEEP
Olly: No, Precious Roy. What about these Moose Hard Drives?
Precious Roy: Buy my nipple clips! You guys are suckers!
Precious Roy, Precious Roy. Makin' lots of suckers out of girls and boys.
Sifl: No, dude. I said "MEDIUM rare".
Olly: I thought you just said "rare".
Sifl: Dude, why would I want to eat a turtle sandwhich that's "rare"? I swear, you never listen to anything I say.
Olly: That's not true. I...oh wait. It's time for Calls From The Public.
*Calls calls calls, calls from the public. Calls calls calls, calls.*
Sifl: Hey, this Calls From The Public. Caller, go ahead.
(A green sock appears with red dots on his face.)
Caller One: Uh, hey.
Olly: Hey man. What's up?
Caller One: I still have this rash.
Sifl: Did you try the cream?
Caller One: Yeah. It didn't work.
Olly: Did you put it on the rash.
(Long silence.)
Caller One: No.
Sifl: Next caller.
(A red sock with shades appears.)
Caller Two: S'up?
Sifl: What's your question?
Caller Two: S'up?
Olly: No, caller, what's your question?
(Caller Two gets very agitated, scowls.)
Caller Two: S'UP? S'UP? S'UP?
Olly: Oh, dude. I get it. Uh, nothin' much, man. We're cool.
(Caller Two calms down, nods his head.)
Caller Two: Cool.
Sifl: Right. Whatever. Uh, caller go ahead.
(Olly's mom appears)
Olly's mom: Hello, Sifl.
Sifl: Hey. I got those Playboy's you sent me. Thanks.
Olly's mom: You're welcome, Sifl, dear. I found them under Olly's bed.
I'm sorry if some of the pages are stuck together. Olly, we need to have a talk when you come home.
(Olly hangs his head.)
Sifl: BUSTED.
Olly: Mom! I'm doing a show right now! Why do you always have to do this?
Olly's mom: Don't take that tone with me, young man. Just wait 'till your father gets home. (Olly walks off stage.)
Olly: (From off-stage.) I can't take this anymore! I'm outta here!
Olly's mom: Now what's his problem? Oh well. Goodbye, Sifl.
Sifl: Bye.