New Horizons: Chapter Twenty-Five
By Annie
05-12-2002
The next morning went by quickly, packing everything up and eating the breakfast that had been promised the night before. Soon enough the carriages we're getting ready and then, party after party left the estate.
"It was so nice to have you here," the lord said as he bid them farewell at the front door, taking Buffy's hand in a firm grip and bending down to kiss it.
Spike stared at the man with such unmasked hatred that Jacob hurried them all on and out into the carriage. When safely in it he turned to the vampire with a questioning look and asked:
"Any REASON for you to show your regard or lack there of so openly, William?"
Spike looked at Buffy who shook her head slightly and he shrugged.
"Just the general: I don't like him at all," he then said and Jacob sighed at that. "Plus, he didn't bloody well die in his sleep, now did he?" Spike added mumbling and felt a small satisfaction in his chest as Buffy let hear a laugh.
She stopped, clearing her throat and waved it off when Sarah asked her what was so funny.
"I just.can't wait to get away from this place," she answered her, leaning back and looking at Spike who nodded.
"Me too, Slayer," he said and she wished he would have smiled, or looked at her without that businesslike expression.
Darn it, Buffy, she thought to herself. If this means that he is moving on then be happy about that. Then you finally got your wish and he's feelings will be one less responsibility to carry.
She lingered at the thought for a moment, not able to escape the loneliness sweeping over her.
Yes, she wanted him to let go of her, she guessed she needed him to, but.there was something missing in the equation and she couldn't place it!
Once the carriage got moving they started planning how to best use the day ahead of them.
They all agreed that it was better for them to have four brains working the books than two or three and so they decided to postpone anything that needed them to leave the house and concentrate on building up a somewhat understandable map of what the Birth of Fire was.
"We need to figure out the last four offerings," Buffy said and Sarah nodded.
"Yes," Jacob said, "but more importantly we need to find out WHAT the Birth is, and if it really has anything to do with fire or not, it might just be metaphorical."
"True," Buffy said. "But I think the name of a prophecy usually hints at the function of it, at least that's what I THINK."
She could feel Spike's eyes on her and she turned to him. He didn't react, but his gaze was incredibly intense and she looked away again, saying:
"So, we'll work the books. We need to see if they say ANYthing about this Sunday."
"And we have to check for any hint at where this is supposed to take place, too," Sarah said and Buffy nodded.
"We'll have to check for everything," she said, feeling more than a little stupid at the obviousness of this statement but his eyes on her made her nerves crawl on the outside of her skin and she thought that qualified as a good enough reason for her to make brainless comments.
Why can't I just get beyond this? she thought desperately.
Spike observed her silently, wanting to take everything that was she in, even though he knew he had her every movement printed in his thoughts, every curve of her body was there to bring out if he wanted.
Still, how he was going to miss her.
***
"Okay, hold on, hold on!" Buffy exclaimed, getting to her feet with a heavy book in her arms she turned to the assembled three spread out in the library of the first floor of Sarah and Jacob's house. "I think I've just found a part describing the offering and it MIGHT be something that hints at WHY there are offerings which might lead us to WHAT this whole thing is," she finished.
Jacob looked at her from behind his desk, Sarah from the low table they had brought in, which was absolutely covered with papers and open books, Spike from the floor, where he was sitting leaning against the front of the desk.
"Wonderful," Sarah said, exasperated. "Write it down and we'll go over it."
Buffy raised her eyebrows.
"Guys!" she exclaimed. "This is huge!"
"Yeah, the Slayer actually making a discovery on the scanning-the-books department, I'd say that's a first," Spike said sarcastically and she gave him a non-appreciative look before turning to the other two.
"I'm sorry, dear," Jacob said, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes before continuing. "We're all a little tired after the five previous out bursts which proved to be nothing of true importance," he added with a meaningful glance at her.
She sighed.
"Yeah, sorry about that.I'll just write this down," she said and sunk down on the floor again.
Sarah looked up at her and then smiled a little.
"We're doing good so far," she said and Buffy looked up at her. "We're ahead of schedule actually."
Buffy smiled faintly, nodding before looking back down at her book, grabbing a notepad and starting to write what she had discovered down.
It was close to eleven thirty and after almost two hours in a carriage and having spent almost seven hours in the library she was close to throwing in the towel.
Towel, oh, a bath would be heaven!
She sighed, throwing her PEN down and getting to her feet.
"If we're ahead of schedule, is it all right if I just call it a night?" she asked and Sarah looked up, then nodded.
"Yes, I think we'll all be retiring pretty soon," she said and Buffy nodded, gratefully.
"Thanks. Well, good night then," she said and they all said good night as well.
She wished she was home, then she could have just walked into her bathroom, drawn a bath and soaked! But no, this had to be the nineteenth century, where it takes half an hour just to boil enough frigging water!
Ah well, she thought as she reached her door. At least I have a bed to.soak in.
Sighing she opened the door and stepped inside, walking up to her bedside table to turn on the light.
She couldn't get her mind around Spike, either. So much strange things had happened since they got here. She couldn't believe that he had almost made her stake him.
'Kill me.'
"I think I already have," she mumbled, feeling the guilt wrap itself in a tight lump in her throat and she closed her eyes.
After what he had done last night, stopping the lord like that, she had thought that maybe he had breached that obstacle that was in his way, figured out whatever it was he needed to figure out. That maybe he was willing to.start over?
God, who am I kidding? she thought. What did I think was gonna happen? That he'd just be all, oh, you finally see that I'm not all monster and that I'm capable of love but yeah, I understand that you just don't love me and so.let's be partners! Like we have been.like we were for a little while.
She sighed again, shaking her head at herself.
That breach she had thought that he might have been able to reach, she realized now what it was.
His love for her.
And he had stated quite plainly that he had been fighting it for a long time and that he KNEW that he couldn't win.
And he shouldn't try to beat it down, should he? she now asked herself. He shouldn't have to fight love. And here I am, and what have I done but MADE him fight it. God, what do you do when all love does is break your heart? You try to get rid of it, you do anything that's possible to get it away from you, right?
There was a knock on the door and she looked up, a little surprised. She had been deep down in her own thoughts.
"Yes?" she said and the door slid open, Spike taking a step inside.
"Can I talk to you for a moment?" he asked and she nodded.
Finally, she thought, finally he's going to tell me what this is all about and what is going on.
He closed the door and came to stand in front of her, his eyes now reflecting so many emotions that it almost knocked her over when she met them.
He smiled a little and she suddenly felt a fear rise in her chest.
Something was wrong.
"Slayer," he said silently and she felt the fear tremble at the softness in his voice.
He hadn't called her anything but that since yesterday, except once.and he had used the name in such a hard fashion seemingly trying to strip it from any personality what so ever. And here he was, taking it once more in his mouth the way he always had before, and making it sound like he loved her.
He loved her.
"Yes?" she asked, not wanting to know what he was going to say.
He eyed her closely and she couldn't stand it, couldn't bear it, and she turned from him, walking over to the bed to sit down on it; she did and then once more looked at him.
He was still smiling faintly.
Oh God, oh God, oh God.
"A while back.almost when we first got here.Sarah asked me to stay here," he said and she looked at him, not grasping what he was saying but feeling like her lips were suddenly glued together. "When you go back to Sunnydale she offered me to stay here, with her, and Jacob." he elaborated and she was still just staring at him, uncomprehendingly.
He took a step forward, then stopped.
"I'm staying," he then said. "I'm not coming back with you."
She stared at him for nearly a minute of complete silence, his eyes resting firmly in hers, and then something drained her of every emotion she had ever had as those words slowly started to obtain even the slightest kind of meaning in her head. Her thoughts went with her emotions, and all she was, all she felt was a big empty hole and she recognized it, he had put it there before with truths he had spoken and lights that he had shone on things that she didn't want to face.
Her eyes were glassy as she turned them to him.
Then she blinked, and said:
"If that's what you want."
Her voice was close to a whisper and she cleared her throat silently.
He nodded.
"Yeah," he said, as if it was the simplest thing in the world to see that of course, this was what he wanted, it was where he belonged.
She nodded as well, and then forced something that she hoped looked like a smile.
He tilted his head a little to one side before smiling a little back.
"Good night, Slayer," he said, turned from her and left the room.
She stared at the still open door.
"Yes," she mumbled. "Good night, Spike."
***
She knocked on Sarah's door and there was a wondering:
"Come in?"
She opened it, stepped inside and closed it before turning to her friend.
Sarah put the book she was reading in down on her lap, she was sitting in her bed, and she looked at the Slayer questioningly.
"Buffy, is everything all right?" she asked and Buffy didn't exactly know what to say to that.
"Why did you ask him to stay?" she then hesitantly asked and Sarah smiled a little.
"Why do you think I asked him?"
"Because.you love him," Buffy said and Sarah nodded slightly.
"Yes."
"But, you don't. LOVE-love him, do you?" Buffy asked and Sarah kept the small smile on her lips as she said:
"What do you think?"
"I think that you.don't," Buffy answered and Sarah nodded.
"I always knew you were a smart lady," she said with a wink and Buffy smiled a little.
"Has he talked to you?" Buffy asked and Sarah nodded again. "So, you know what he wants to do?"
"Yes," Sarah said.
"Okay, but one thing that I don't understand is that isn't there another Spike out there? I mean, the undead Spike who's running around slaughtering half of Europe right about now?" Buffy asked, quietly wincing at that choice of words.
"Yes," Sarah answered.
"Yeah, so if there already IS one of him here then how can he STAY? There can't be TWO of the same in the same century, can there? He can't just stay, can he? Won't it create some cosmic tare or maybe it will alter the future forever and you don't wanna do that, do you?"
Sarah smiled a little.
"All I really know is that history, no matter what some say, seldom repeats itself. If there is supposed to be no impact on the world from William staying here then there won't be, and I believe the only thing that will change is that he will slowly, but surely, grow out of your timeframe."
Buffy's eyes widened a little.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked and Sarah explained:
"I think that this trip back in time isn't supposed to happen again, which would happen if he was to live and meet you in Sunnydale. I believe Spike will be killed, one way or another, before he has a chance to meet you. Don't worry, Buffy, all that will happen is that the Powers That Be chooses some other force to take Williams place in time, and at your side."
Buffy stared at her in disbelief.
"So, what you're saying is that when I step through that mirror I won't remember him anymore," she said, voice trembling.
"No, you'll remember him forever, you will just forget to remember him as time goes by, and the day history kills both Spike and William, because of course they will die in the same moment regardless where they are, the memory of him will be more dim than.that of the moment you were born."
Buffy shook her head a little.
"It seems so.unreal," she mumbled. "The thought of him not being there anymore is just."
She looked up, Sarah clearly waiting for her to finish her sentence. But Buffy didn't.
"It's what he wants," she said firmly. "Then it's for the best."
She left the room; closing the door behind her and walking silently back to her own.
She threw herself on her bed and felt the emptiness inside slowly start to eat away at her.
It's for the best, she thought as she slowly fell asleep, the restrained tears being let free by the hands of her dreams and they stained the sheets as she dreamed of him, cried for him, needed him and woke up in a cold sweat, alone and remembering nothing but his blue eyes and the softness with which he whispered her name, over and over.
By Annie
05-12-2002
The next morning went by quickly, packing everything up and eating the breakfast that had been promised the night before. Soon enough the carriages we're getting ready and then, party after party left the estate.
"It was so nice to have you here," the lord said as he bid them farewell at the front door, taking Buffy's hand in a firm grip and bending down to kiss it.
Spike stared at the man with such unmasked hatred that Jacob hurried them all on and out into the carriage. When safely in it he turned to the vampire with a questioning look and asked:
"Any REASON for you to show your regard or lack there of so openly, William?"
Spike looked at Buffy who shook her head slightly and he shrugged.
"Just the general: I don't like him at all," he then said and Jacob sighed at that. "Plus, he didn't bloody well die in his sleep, now did he?" Spike added mumbling and felt a small satisfaction in his chest as Buffy let hear a laugh.
She stopped, clearing her throat and waved it off when Sarah asked her what was so funny.
"I just.can't wait to get away from this place," she answered her, leaning back and looking at Spike who nodded.
"Me too, Slayer," he said and she wished he would have smiled, or looked at her without that businesslike expression.
Darn it, Buffy, she thought to herself. If this means that he is moving on then be happy about that. Then you finally got your wish and he's feelings will be one less responsibility to carry.
She lingered at the thought for a moment, not able to escape the loneliness sweeping over her.
Yes, she wanted him to let go of her, she guessed she needed him to, but.there was something missing in the equation and she couldn't place it!
Once the carriage got moving they started planning how to best use the day ahead of them.
They all agreed that it was better for them to have four brains working the books than two or three and so they decided to postpone anything that needed them to leave the house and concentrate on building up a somewhat understandable map of what the Birth of Fire was.
"We need to figure out the last four offerings," Buffy said and Sarah nodded.
"Yes," Jacob said, "but more importantly we need to find out WHAT the Birth is, and if it really has anything to do with fire or not, it might just be metaphorical."
"True," Buffy said. "But I think the name of a prophecy usually hints at the function of it, at least that's what I THINK."
She could feel Spike's eyes on her and she turned to him. He didn't react, but his gaze was incredibly intense and she looked away again, saying:
"So, we'll work the books. We need to see if they say ANYthing about this Sunday."
"And we have to check for any hint at where this is supposed to take place, too," Sarah said and Buffy nodded.
"We'll have to check for everything," she said, feeling more than a little stupid at the obviousness of this statement but his eyes on her made her nerves crawl on the outside of her skin and she thought that qualified as a good enough reason for her to make brainless comments.
Why can't I just get beyond this? she thought desperately.
Spike observed her silently, wanting to take everything that was she in, even though he knew he had her every movement printed in his thoughts, every curve of her body was there to bring out if he wanted.
Still, how he was going to miss her.
***
"Okay, hold on, hold on!" Buffy exclaimed, getting to her feet with a heavy book in her arms she turned to the assembled three spread out in the library of the first floor of Sarah and Jacob's house. "I think I've just found a part describing the offering and it MIGHT be something that hints at WHY there are offerings which might lead us to WHAT this whole thing is," she finished.
Jacob looked at her from behind his desk, Sarah from the low table they had brought in, which was absolutely covered with papers and open books, Spike from the floor, where he was sitting leaning against the front of the desk.
"Wonderful," Sarah said, exasperated. "Write it down and we'll go over it."
Buffy raised her eyebrows.
"Guys!" she exclaimed. "This is huge!"
"Yeah, the Slayer actually making a discovery on the scanning-the-books department, I'd say that's a first," Spike said sarcastically and she gave him a non-appreciative look before turning to the other two.
"I'm sorry, dear," Jacob said, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes before continuing. "We're all a little tired after the five previous out bursts which proved to be nothing of true importance," he added with a meaningful glance at her.
She sighed.
"Yeah, sorry about that.I'll just write this down," she said and sunk down on the floor again.
Sarah looked up at her and then smiled a little.
"We're doing good so far," she said and Buffy looked up at her. "We're ahead of schedule actually."
Buffy smiled faintly, nodding before looking back down at her book, grabbing a notepad and starting to write what she had discovered down.
It was close to eleven thirty and after almost two hours in a carriage and having spent almost seven hours in the library she was close to throwing in the towel.
Towel, oh, a bath would be heaven!
She sighed, throwing her PEN down and getting to her feet.
"If we're ahead of schedule, is it all right if I just call it a night?" she asked and Sarah looked up, then nodded.
"Yes, I think we'll all be retiring pretty soon," she said and Buffy nodded, gratefully.
"Thanks. Well, good night then," she said and they all said good night as well.
She wished she was home, then she could have just walked into her bathroom, drawn a bath and soaked! But no, this had to be the nineteenth century, where it takes half an hour just to boil enough frigging water!
Ah well, she thought as she reached her door. At least I have a bed to.soak in.
Sighing she opened the door and stepped inside, walking up to her bedside table to turn on the light.
She couldn't get her mind around Spike, either. So much strange things had happened since they got here. She couldn't believe that he had almost made her stake him.
'Kill me.'
"I think I already have," she mumbled, feeling the guilt wrap itself in a tight lump in her throat and she closed her eyes.
After what he had done last night, stopping the lord like that, she had thought that maybe he had breached that obstacle that was in his way, figured out whatever it was he needed to figure out. That maybe he was willing to.start over?
God, who am I kidding? she thought. What did I think was gonna happen? That he'd just be all, oh, you finally see that I'm not all monster and that I'm capable of love but yeah, I understand that you just don't love me and so.let's be partners! Like we have been.like we were for a little while.
She sighed again, shaking her head at herself.
That breach she had thought that he might have been able to reach, she realized now what it was.
His love for her.
And he had stated quite plainly that he had been fighting it for a long time and that he KNEW that he couldn't win.
And he shouldn't try to beat it down, should he? she now asked herself. He shouldn't have to fight love. And here I am, and what have I done but MADE him fight it. God, what do you do when all love does is break your heart? You try to get rid of it, you do anything that's possible to get it away from you, right?
There was a knock on the door and she looked up, a little surprised. She had been deep down in her own thoughts.
"Yes?" she said and the door slid open, Spike taking a step inside.
"Can I talk to you for a moment?" he asked and she nodded.
Finally, she thought, finally he's going to tell me what this is all about and what is going on.
He closed the door and came to stand in front of her, his eyes now reflecting so many emotions that it almost knocked her over when she met them.
He smiled a little and she suddenly felt a fear rise in her chest.
Something was wrong.
"Slayer," he said silently and she felt the fear tremble at the softness in his voice.
He hadn't called her anything but that since yesterday, except once.and he had used the name in such a hard fashion seemingly trying to strip it from any personality what so ever. And here he was, taking it once more in his mouth the way he always had before, and making it sound like he loved her.
He loved her.
"Yes?" she asked, not wanting to know what he was going to say.
He eyed her closely and she couldn't stand it, couldn't bear it, and she turned from him, walking over to the bed to sit down on it; she did and then once more looked at him.
He was still smiling faintly.
Oh God, oh God, oh God.
"A while back.almost when we first got here.Sarah asked me to stay here," he said and she looked at him, not grasping what he was saying but feeling like her lips were suddenly glued together. "When you go back to Sunnydale she offered me to stay here, with her, and Jacob." he elaborated and she was still just staring at him, uncomprehendingly.
He took a step forward, then stopped.
"I'm staying," he then said. "I'm not coming back with you."
She stared at him for nearly a minute of complete silence, his eyes resting firmly in hers, and then something drained her of every emotion she had ever had as those words slowly started to obtain even the slightest kind of meaning in her head. Her thoughts went with her emotions, and all she was, all she felt was a big empty hole and she recognized it, he had put it there before with truths he had spoken and lights that he had shone on things that she didn't want to face.
Her eyes were glassy as she turned them to him.
Then she blinked, and said:
"If that's what you want."
Her voice was close to a whisper and she cleared her throat silently.
He nodded.
"Yeah," he said, as if it was the simplest thing in the world to see that of course, this was what he wanted, it was where he belonged.
She nodded as well, and then forced something that she hoped looked like a smile.
He tilted his head a little to one side before smiling a little back.
"Good night, Slayer," he said, turned from her and left the room.
She stared at the still open door.
"Yes," she mumbled. "Good night, Spike."
***
She knocked on Sarah's door and there was a wondering:
"Come in?"
She opened it, stepped inside and closed it before turning to her friend.
Sarah put the book she was reading in down on her lap, she was sitting in her bed, and she looked at the Slayer questioningly.
"Buffy, is everything all right?" she asked and Buffy didn't exactly know what to say to that.
"Why did you ask him to stay?" she then hesitantly asked and Sarah smiled a little.
"Why do you think I asked him?"
"Because.you love him," Buffy said and Sarah nodded slightly.
"Yes."
"But, you don't. LOVE-love him, do you?" Buffy asked and Sarah kept the small smile on her lips as she said:
"What do you think?"
"I think that you.don't," Buffy answered and Sarah nodded.
"I always knew you were a smart lady," she said with a wink and Buffy smiled a little.
"Has he talked to you?" Buffy asked and Sarah nodded again. "So, you know what he wants to do?"
"Yes," Sarah said.
"Okay, but one thing that I don't understand is that isn't there another Spike out there? I mean, the undead Spike who's running around slaughtering half of Europe right about now?" Buffy asked, quietly wincing at that choice of words.
"Yes," Sarah answered.
"Yeah, so if there already IS one of him here then how can he STAY? There can't be TWO of the same in the same century, can there? He can't just stay, can he? Won't it create some cosmic tare or maybe it will alter the future forever and you don't wanna do that, do you?"
Sarah smiled a little.
"All I really know is that history, no matter what some say, seldom repeats itself. If there is supposed to be no impact on the world from William staying here then there won't be, and I believe the only thing that will change is that he will slowly, but surely, grow out of your timeframe."
Buffy's eyes widened a little.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked and Sarah explained:
"I think that this trip back in time isn't supposed to happen again, which would happen if he was to live and meet you in Sunnydale. I believe Spike will be killed, one way or another, before he has a chance to meet you. Don't worry, Buffy, all that will happen is that the Powers That Be chooses some other force to take Williams place in time, and at your side."
Buffy stared at her in disbelief.
"So, what you're saying is that when I step through that mirror I won't remember him anymore," she said, voice trembling.
"No, you'll remember him forever, you will just forget to remember him as time goes by, and the day history kills both Spike and William, because of course they will die in the same moment regardless where they are, the memory of him will be more dim than.that of the moment you were born."
Buffy shook her head a little.
"It seems so.unreal," she mumbled. "The thought of him not being there anymore is just."
She looked up, Sarah clearly waiting for her to finish her sentence. But Buffy didn't.
"It's what he wants," she said firmly. "Then it's for the best."
She left the room; closing the door behind her and walking silently back to her own.
She threw herself on her bed and felt the emptiness inside slowly start to eat away at her.
It's for the best, she thought as she slowly fell asleep, the restrained tears being let free by the hands of her dreams and they stained the sheets as she dreamed of him, cried for him, needed him and woke up in a cold sweat, alone and remembering nothing but his blue eyes and the softness with which he whispered her name, over and over.